


Shadow and Rose

by LadyNorbert



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Action/Adventure, Adventure, Alternate Canon, Diary/Journal, Eventual Romance, F/M, Gen, Multi, Other, POV First Person, POV Male Character, Romance, Team Dynamics, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-05
Updated: 2015-07-18
Packaged: 2018-02-07 13:11:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 40
Words: 117,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1900185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyNorbert/pseuds/LadyNorbert
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Well, on the off chance that this does somehow become a useful document to somebody - whoever you are, hello - I guess I should start by explaining who I am that's doing the writing." Entries in the personal journal of Alistair, Grey Warden of Ferelden, starting from just before his Joining. [Human Female Noble origin, Alistair/Warden pairing.]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Warden Recruit Shield

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Having completed Dragon Age: Origins, and having become 1) unfairly addicted and 2) besotted with the character of Alistair, I found myself wanting to explore his backstory more in depth. I have remained as true to the game as I can, but you'll find bits of my headcanon in here too, so please forgive me for having taken liberties at certain points.
> 
> My initial and favorite playthrough of the game was with the female human noble, and so that's what the Warden is in this story. Rather than try to come up with a new name for her, I went with the default name of Elissa.
> 
> I'm really unsure of how dates work in the DA universe, to be perfectly honest, so I'm not using any. Many thanks to everyone who helps to maintain the official Dragon Age wiki, which was of infinite use to me in settling many details, and also to my friends Naomi and Darby, who helped me select the title. The chapter titles are all the names of items acquired in the course of the game, with their official descriptions as shown on the wiki, because I have a thing about titling chapters based on a theme.
> 
> This is dedicated with mingled affection and annoyance (mostly affection) to all of the people who at any time guilted, bribed, coerced, and/or cajoled me into first playing the game and then writing fic about it. You know who you are and this is all your fault.

 

**Warden Recruit Shield**

_This was made from wood hewn in the Anderfels near Weisshaupt._

* * *

It's been some time since I was forced or, indeed,  _able_  to keep any sort of journal. At the Chantry, I was ordered to do something of the sort as a handwriting exercise, though in truth I suspect it was more to provide a written record of my activities so that the Grand Cleric might criticize anything she considered inappropriate. Considering how much I hated doing it back then, I'm really quite surprised at how much I've missed it in the past...I'm not even sure how long it's been.

A great deal has happened, of course, which probably deserves to be written down, and maybe that's the reason I want to write about it. Not that I'm a great scholar or anything. It's unlikely that anyone's ever going to use this journal as any sort of historical record. But still, it's my own book, and these are my own thoughts, and I like the idea of having someplace to put them. I'm hoping that if somebody ever does read it, it's not until after I'm dead. It's not as if they'll have to wait an eternity for that.

Let's see, where to begin...

Well, on the off chance that this does somehow become a useful document to somebody - whoever you are, hello - I guess I should start by explaining who I am that's doing the writing. My name is Alistair, and I'm... hm. Suppose I should just go for the jugular straight away, and tell you honestly that I'm the bastard half-brother of Cailan, King of Ferelden.

I don't remember how old I was when I first found this out. I was raised by Arl Eamon Guerrin, who is a good man for the most part. Considering that his sister was Queen Rowan, Cailan's mother and the wife of my father King Maric, he was a lot kinder to me than he really had to be. I grew up in his household, and a lot of people thought - probably still think - that I'm  _his_  bastard, not the great Maric's. The Arl and his brother, Bann Teagan, are my sort-of-uncles. I mean, Cailan's my brother and they really are his uncles, but they're not really mine. They're the closest things I've got to uncles, though, so we'll leave it at that.

Anyway, for the first few years the question of my parentage was steadfastly avoided. Somewhere along the way I became aware that my mother was a servant girl who died giving birth to me, and it was hinted that my father belonged to the nobility but nobody ever said straight out, "Alistair, you're a bastard, but at least you're a  _royal_ bastard."

I think it was around Maric's death that I finally figured it out. By that point I was already in the Chantry - when I was ten, Arl Eamon got married to an Orlesian woman. Arlessa Isolde arrived in Redcliffe determined about a number of things, one of which was that she didn't like me. Most likely she was familiar with the rumors that I was her husband's get, and I don't know if she believed them but in her position, I probably wouldn't have been comfortable either. They were married scarcely a month before he gave her what she wanted and packed me off to the Chantry.

How I found out, I'm not sure. Someone must have said something, let something slip. Arl Eamon kept trying to visit me and I wouldn't talk to him, so it can't have been him, but I must have overheard just enough to put two and two together. I do know that at some point, Arl Eamon gave up trying to visit, but he did send Bann Teagan once, and he was the one I confronted with the truth. I do give him a lot of credit for not lying to me. He saw that I knew, and he didn't deny it.

It explained a lot, anyway. I mean, why would an Arl just take a servant girl's orphan? Sure, he didn't exactly treat me like a son, unless one makes one's son sleep in the stables as a way of toughening him up or something, but he was good to me in a way. But a bastard prince - yes, I guess those have to be kept safe. You never know when some dastardly plague might wipe out the royal family. And then they sent me to the Chantry to learn to be a Templar, because hunting down apostate mages is a good honest profession for the king's bastard brother.

Only that's not what happened, after all.

I studied to be a Templar, for several years, but I never ended up taking my vows. What happened was that some of the Grey Wardens came to the Chantry. Grey Wardens are... I'm not sure how you describe them. They're an order of knights, but it might be better to say that they're  _the_  order of knights. They fight the darkspawn, the scourge of the earth, and their allegiance is sought by kings and princes across Thedas because, so it's said, they have powers that no one can truly understand. In generations past, they flew into battle on the backs of giant griffons, which I wish could still happen but the griffons are extinct now.

Anyway, they came. Somebody got the bright idea to stage a tournament in their honor, and have a bunch of us Templars and future Templars fight each other for the Wardens' entertainment. I have to admit that by the time of this tournament, I was miserable, and everyone knew it. I'm not cut out for a religious life. I want to do more in this world than finding runaway magisters and dragging them back to the Circle of Magi by their heels. But even though I'll never be king, I still wasn't given any sort of choice about my own destiny. At least the tournament would give me some relief.

I didn't do very well. I tried, Andraste knows, but Ser Eryhn had me flat on my back in under five minutes, and Ser Kalvin managed to strip me of my weapon by the time our match was over. Thank the Maker the tourney was only to first blood.

But even though I did so badly, it turned out to be the best thing I could have imagined.

One of the people - maybe even the most important person - attending the tourney was Duncan, the Commander of the Grey. Talk about impressive titles. It's even fun to say, really. 'Commander of the Grey.' And Duncan, for some reason, saw something in my performance. Even though I lost every match, he seemed to think that... I don't know exactly what he thought. Just that there was something there that he wanted to encourage. So after the tournament, he came to talk to me alone. I'll never forget that conversation.

"Have you taken your vows as a Templar yet, Ser Alistair?"

"No, ser, I haven't."

"Good. That makes this easier. I would like to invite you to join the ranks of the Grey Wardens."

"Me? Me, a Grey Warden?!"

I'd grown up hearing about the Grey Wardens, of course, and not just for the reasons I listed above. A couple hundred years ago, the Wardens were exiled from Ferelden by my ancestor King Arland. Arland was a tyrant, and he hated the Wardens because their leader, who was a cousin of some sort and a rival for his throne, whipped up her forces against him. He starved them out at Soldier's Peak, the old fortress which belonged to the Wardens back then, and the survivors were forced to leave and seek refuge abroad. My father finally welcomed them back into the country a little while before Cailan was born. Most of them are quartered at the main Grey Warden stronghold in Weisshaupt. There are only a couple dozen here in Ferelden even now, so it didn't surprise me that Duncan would be scouting for recruits.

That he would be scouting  _me_ , however? Now that was a great surprise.

"Why me?"

"What I saw in the tournament left a strong impression on me," he said. "You're very brave, and you have a good heart. There were a few times, particularly when you were facing off with Ser Talrew, when you had the opportunity for victory - but you didn't take them. And I don't believe it was because you failed to see them for yourself."

"His shield wasn't buckled quite right," I mumbled. "It wouldn't have been fair."

"That's just it. You have a strong sense of justice. You're exactly the sort of warrior we need in the Grey Wardens."

"Well...what would I have to do?"

We talked for a long time, Duncan and I. I felt like he really wanted to know me. He asked me about my childhood in Redcliffe, although he already seemed to know quite a bit about it - he's apparently acquainted with both Arl Eamon and Bann Teagan.

He was very honest with me about the down sides to being a Grey Warden, and there are quite a few. My lifespan would be reduced to only about thirty years, because in order to join the order I would have to drink darkspawn blood. The process is called the Joining, and he was pretty blunt in telling me that not everyone survives the ceremony. This is how Wardens submit themselves to the taint, which allows them to sense the presence of darkspawn, but after a few decades it also tries to turn them  _into_ darkspawn. At that point, if a Warden lives that long, he or she (mostly he - there are no female Wardens in Ferelden just now, Duncan says) usually goes to the Deep Roads. It's known as the Calling; the Warden goes out fighting and takes as many darkspawn with him as possible.

It's pretty complex, on the whole. And scary, I'll admit. The blood thing is a little creepy too. But then Duncan asked me the one thing no one else in my entire life has ever asked me.

"What do you  _want_  to do?"

And I thought about it. I know what I  _don't_  want to do, at least. I don't want to be a Templar. I think mages are fascinating, and when they use their powers for good they're worthy of admiration - I'm not really crazy about the idea of locking them up. And I don't want to be... well, whatever living at Arl Eamon's estate would make me. I don't even know what that is, to be honest. Backup prince? Spare to the throne? I'm really not sure. And that's if Arlessa Isolde would ever allow me to come back, which I don't think is likely.

Then I thought about what I do want. I want to make a difference for Ferelden. I want to protect the innocent, and help people in need, and be a real hero. And maybe being a Grey Warden will let me do that. So I looked at Duncan and I nodded, and said, "If you can get the Grand Cleric to release me, I'll go with you. I think being a Grey Warden... I think it could be the best choice."

"Before you make that choice, there is one more thing I should tell you," Duncan said gravely. "The darkspawn are massing. It seems almost certain that we are in the earliest stages of a Blight - one which, if our conjectures are correct, will endanger the whole of Ferelden. The southern lands are already beginning to feel the threat."

I felt my flesh crawl. A Blight... the uniting of darkspawn under the control of an Old God whose essence has bound itself into the body of a dragon. They call such a creature an Archdemon. When a Blight sweeps over the land, all living things in its path - people, animals, even plants - are devastated beyond recovery. "There aren't nearly enough Grey Wardens to turn back a full Blight," I said.

"No. Orlais has pledged to send a contingent of Wardens to join with us, should we send for them," he replied, "but it would take them time to cross the mountains and march to our side. It might be more time than we have to prepare. The Blight is still young, but the Archdemon is awake. It's hard to say how much time we really have."

* * *

I had to stop writing for a while because of a hand cramp. Really, with how the words are pouring from my quill, I'm lucky to have so much free time at this moment. I have to enjoy it while it lasts.

Anyway, after my conversation with Duncan, he went to have an audience with the Grand Cleric. I wasn't allowed to come along, but from what he told me afterward, she was  _not_  pleased. His initial request to have me leave the Chantry with him was denied, and after they argued for some time, he finally had to invoke the Right of Conscription. That's a special privilege of the Grey Wardens which allows them to force any person, regardless of their race or background or position, to join the order. Even the Grand Cleric can't supercede the Right of Conscription, and so she had no choice but to let me go. Her farewell to me was rather on the chilly side. Maybe she thinks I'm ungrateful - after all, the Chantry did feed and educate me for the last ten years.

It's not that I don't appreciate what they did give me; it's just that I need to be free to be whoever it is the Maker wants me to become. I'm pretty sure He has other ideas than Chantry service.

As I was packing, I realized that while I was  _going_  with Duncan, I didn't actually know  _where_  we were going. Soldier's Peak has long since fallen into disuse, and it's rumored to be haunted besides. (I don't know if I believe that, but I've heard stranger things so it's certainly possible.) Once I had all my things together, and had written a short letter to Arl Eamon informing him of the change, I decided to ask Duncan about our destination.

"We head for Ostagar," he replied. "It's presently serving as the home of the Grey Wardens."

Ostagar is, or rather was, a fortress erected by the Tevinter Imperium back when they ruled over Ferelden. There are many such ruins scattered across the country, relics of a day from centuries past when our lands were not our own. In the case of Ostagar, it's a particularly impressive example - the fortress straddles a narrow and extremely deep chasm, and provided an excellent defense of the Imperium from the Chasind Wilders who still live in the lands south of Ferelden. Ostagar marks the southernmost point to which the Imperium extended its conquest. After the First Blight, which broke the Imperium's control of the country that eventually became Ferelden, Ostagar was abandoned; the Chasinds ransacked it, but they also abandoned it in time.

According to Duncan, when the Grey Wardens first returned to Ferelden during Maric's kingship, they were so few in number that a base of operations was practically unnecessary. They settled in Denerim, operating out of a hidden warehouse which still belongs to the order, and began to restock their numbers. With the threat of the new Blight coming from the south, it was decided to relocate the order to Ostagar. The position of the ruins is, like I said, very defensible, and it gives a good vantage point to watch for the approach of darkspawn.

I'm bringing this journal up to date from my quarters here in Ostagar, which we reached just yesterday to a late dinner. I've spent a lot of time exploring the old ruins, which are honestly quite beautiful; those Tevinters know (knew?) a thing or two about architecture. It's a very appealing mixture of stone structure and natural forestation, and there really isn't much of a point where one ends and the other begins. It all sort of weaves into each other. Most of the roofing has deteriorated, so what used to be inside is largely outside, but the Tower of Ishal is almost completely intact and that's where the majority of us sleep. Various groups go patrolling out into the Korcari Wilds, finding and destroying darkspawn and trying to avoid the notice of some creature they call the Witch of the Wilds. I don't know if she really exists and I think I'd just as soon not find out.

Duncan, and a few others, don't stay in the tower. They've erected tents in the central exterior, and spend their nights keeping watch for the rest of us. My turn will come, he says, and in fact tomorrow I'm to join one of the parties exploring the Wilds. There are four of us who will undergo the Joining tomorrow evening, so as our first task, we are to enter the Wilds and kill the darkspawn we find in order to obtain phials of their blood. Until then, he's permitted us to do as we please, and shortly before dinner this evening I found this leather-bound book of blank pages among the offerings of our excellent quartermaster. He gave me a very good price on it.

I am suddenly  _very_  tired, and I don't think I can hold this pen up any longer. But I think I've done a pretty good job of laying the groundwork for my journal, and now I can record things as they happen.


	2. Splintmail

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to my dear friend Emma, who helped me name the three Wardens who go through the Joining with Alistair.

 

**Splintmail**

_The metal is spotted in places with rust, but the leather is well-oiled and has obviously been cared for._

* * *

It's been a busy few days, but I finally have some time to tell this journal that I am, formally and forever, a Grey Warden.

There were four of us scheduled for the most recent Joining. I met the other three recruits as we made ready to go into the Wilds to hunt darkspawn - Ser Cedric, Ser William, and Graham. All very friendly, all at least a few years older than me. Cedric in fact is quite a bit older than me; he served under Teyrn Loghain in the rebellion against Orlais, and has lots of grand battle stories to tell. Loghain is a hero, of course, born a farmer and raised to the rank of teyrn out of gratitude for helping Maric to regain his rightful throne. (Until that happened, there was only one teyrn in the whole country. We have several banns and a few arls, but a teyrn is second only to the royal family in precedence. We've got just the two - Teyrn Loghain Mac Tir, and Teyrn Bryce Cousland. The Couslands go back a  _long_  way; they were given their title by the great Calenhad himself, or so I'm told.) Loghain's daughter Anora is Cailan's queen, one more reward for his services.

Anyway, what was I saying? Right. Graham is a blacksmith, or was at some point, but he's had plenty of fighting practice too. Duncan says he became a sort of vigilante soldier in the Southron region when the attacks by highwaymen started making life too difficult for his neighbors. Ser William is - well, was - formerly a personal guard to Arl Wulf.

The four of us went out into the Wilds in the company of Ser Alec, who explained that he was the most junior member of the order. Because I'm the youngest of those who have most recently joined, that 'honor' now falls to me. It's tradition that the most junior Grey Warden escorts the new recruits on their quest to acquire darkspawn blood. We found our quarry, right enough, and plenty of it - more than what we actually needed for the ceremony. I was surprised to find that the others hadn't been made aware of the details of the Joining; Duncan, for reasons of his own, had told me the basics of what would happen, but normally it's kept a great secret. I'd ask him why he told me but I have a feeling he wouldn't give me a straight answer.

The hunt for the darkspawn blood was creepy in its own right. Every time we defeated another group of them, Ser Alec made us strip them of their possessions. Some of them carry money, which I thought was kind of strange - what does a darkspawn need with money? - but even those who don't carry weapons of all kinds. He insisted we bring them back to camp, where the quartermaster gave us good coin in exchange. "It helps us to keep up our own supplies," he explained, "and it also allows us the chance to study what kinds of weapons our enemy is using. We can get an idea of how advanced the Blight is becoming by how sophisticated the weaponry is. It's not an exact science, but every possible advantage has to be exploited in a time like this." I understand the logic, and it's sort of nice to have some money in my pouch, but all the same... I can't say I'm a fan of looting corpses.

So once we had the blood and we returned to camp and dispensed with our, uh, spoils of victory, Duncan said we should go ahead and hold the ceremony. Some of the other, older Wardens came to watch, which made me kind of nervous. Ser Alec repeated a little litany that Duncan said has been spoken at every Joining since the first - "Join us, brothers and sisters..." Someday I have to try to get Duncan to explain to me who came up with all the stuff for the Joining. I mean, who got it into their head that drinking darkspawn blood was a smart idea?

Ser Cedric, being the oldest of us, went first. It was awful to watch; his eyes turned all gray, and he clutched his stomach and let out a terrible howl of pain before collapsing to the ground. But all the Wardens were so calm about it that I figured this had to be normal. Duncan checked him and nodded. "He'll recover soon." Ser William was next, and... Maker's breath. He  _died_. Right there on the floor of the old Tevinter chapel, the darkspawn blood killed him. He wasn't strong enough to endure the taint. Well, neither Graham nor I were too keen to go through with it after that, but we didn't have much of a choice, and luckily, we both got through it.

It was horrible. Pain beyond anything I'd ever imagined, and dreadful visions - a screeching dragon, which Duncan said is the Archdemon, and loads more darkspawn than I ever hope to see. I don't know how long I was out, but when I came to, Duncan and Ser Alec were peering down at me.

"Welcome to the Grey Wardens, Alistair."

* * *

Today we gave Ser William a proper send-off. It took them a little time to set it up, and to make the arrangements; he leaves behind a sister, but she's quite some distance away - up near Amaranthine. Rather than invite her to be part of the proceedings, Duncan wrote her a letter, which will accompany William's possessions. It suggests that he died in battle rather than in the Joining, on account of the secrecy of the ritual. Better that way, I guess.

At least he left behind someone who will care that he's gone. If I'd died in the ceremony, what difference would it have made to much of anyone?

* * *

I don't update this journal as much as I'd intended. Not that I don't have things to say; we're quite busy here in Ostagar. But that's just it. We're  _really_  busy.

There are scouting patrols into the Wilds, to pick off random straggling groups of darkspawn who venture too near the camp. They're not the only things to be found out there, either, of course; there are wolves, and the occasional Chasind barbarian. I haven't stumbled across a werewolf yet, just the regular sort, but they say those live around here too.

Sometimes I try to give the quartermaster a hand. I don't know anything about  _making_  weapons, but I can help him count his inventory and sort the items looted from darkspawn corpses. He does have an assistant, a nervous-looking elf called Pick, but he's not overly happy with the quality of work. I'd like to help the kennel master, but the dogs don't seem like they like me much.

Of course, it's not all work. The other Wardens are actually a lot of fun. We drink and eat - oh, Maker, do we eat. It seems to be a normal thing for a new Warden to be hungry all the time, and they laugh at me plenty, but it's  _nice_. It's a friendly kind of laughing. For the first time in my life, I feel like I'm where I really belong.

I don't see as much of Duncan as I could wish, although he's always very warm to me when we do meet. He spends a lot of time planning excursions to different parts of the country where he thinks he might find more recruits, or writing long letters to Loghain and Cailan. The Blight's becoming more of a sure thing as the weeks pass, and Cailan has decided to start rallying troops. He thinks Ostagar's the perfect place to make a stand against the approach of the darkspawn, so he's going to be sending messages to the various noble households to urge them to join the cause.

From what Duncan has allowed me to know, Loghain doesn't entirely agree with this whole plan. He seems to think that the bigger threat to our national security is Orlais, that there's reason to believe that they might try to invade us again. Cailan seems very confident that this won't happen, or at least that it won't happen anytime soon. He might have a point; I can't see why the Empress of Orlais would be interested in invading Ferelden if it's about to get swallowed up by a Blight. It'd be like purchasing a house while its roof is on fire.

He's the king and he's my brother, halfway at least, but I think everyone knows that it's going to be Loghain who once again sees peace restored to this country.

* * *

We're starting to see some responses to Cailan's request for assistance. A small contingent of mages arrived yesterday. I guess I've still got some pre-Templar instincts of some kind, because their being here makes me sort of twitchy. There are also some Chantry sisters who have come and set up a medic station and a pulpit where they can deliver the word of Andraste to the faithful.

Duncan has been away for the past several days, as he's been in Denerim consulting with Cailan personally, but he returned this morning with a new recruit. He apparently conscripted this man - Daveth is his name - after he caught the rogue trying to cut his purse. He's not a very good thief and the alternative was that he would die by hanging. I guess Duncan figures he deserves one last chance to redeem himself by becoming a Warden, but all the same, I think I'll avoid him if I can.

* * *

Duncan's preparing to leave us again. He's making the long journey to Highever, which he says is where he was born. He's planning a quick visit to the village where he grew up - something about dropping in on a random cousin to say hello - and then he's going to Castle Cousland, the teyrn's residence.

"By the time I get there," he told me, "I expect the teyrn will have received the king's summons and will be mustering his troops to march. I'll stay with his family for a few days and then accompany him and his men back here."

"Are you hoping to recruit one of Teyrn Cousland's soldiers for the Wardens?"

"Possibly. There are two candidates in the castle that I would like to review," he replied. "One is the teyrn's man-at-arms, Ser Gilmore. I'm told he's an excellent knight with a fine history of service. But it's the other possibility that interests me more."

"Who is he?"

"She," he corrected. "Lady Elissa - the teyrn's daughter. She has an extraordinary reputation across Ferelden, being the only daughter of a noble house who excels in the art of war. More than that, she is regarded as a just and fair individual with a remarkably good heart, and very sound judgment for one so young. She's about a year younger than you."

So we might get a lady Warden after all. That would be interesting. I wonder if she's pretty.

I probably shouldn't be wondering that.

* * *

More soldiers are arriving, sent by this arl or that bann. Ostagar is becoming crowded.

* * *

Cailan and Loghain arrived today, amid much fussing and pomp.

Cailan actually spoke to me. He saw me bowing and said, "Alistair, is that you? Good to see you." That was it. We've met in the past, of course, but I have no idea if he knows we're related. (I'm pretty sure Loghain does, though - he  _was_  Maric's closest friend, after all.) Still, it was sort of nice to have my 'big brother' acknowledge me, if just for a moment.

We're now all sleeping outside in tents. Loghain ordered that the Tower of Ishal no longer be a residence building; instead, it's being used to store weapons and house some of the mabari in cages. The novelty of camping is going to wear off fast, I expect.

* * *

Duncan still hasn't returned, but Fergus Cousland - the teyrn's son and heir - came today with the bulk of their warriors. I think I might have met him once, when we were boys; there's something vaguely familiar about him. He seems very popular with his soldiers.

Accompanying them was a Ser Jory, who presented himself to me in a sort of uncomfortable way. "Are you Alistair? I have a letter for you from Duncan."

It was really just a short note, reminding me that he'd be coming back to Ostagar with the teyrn and noting that so far, Teyrn Cousland is not very receptive to the idea of his daughter turning Grey Warden. The note also mentioned that Ser Jory was a recruit for the order and that I should make him feel at home. Duncan happened to see him competing in a tournament while he was traveling through Highever, and was impressed by his performance. Jory had jumped at the chance to be a Grey Warden, but now that he's actually here, he seems impatient and really kind of unhappy. This makes more sense to me since he mentioned that he left a pregnant wife back in Highever, but I get the feeling he's kind of annoyed that he has to wait for Duncan's return before he can undergo the Joining. Well, he's not the only one who wishes Duncan would hurry back.


	3. Family Sword

**Family Sword**

_This lightly enchanted blade is as sharp as the day it was first wielded in the service of King Calenhad, the Silver Knight, who united all of Ferelden almost four centuries ago._

* * *

Duncan returned to camp today. He looked exhausted, and strangely... I almost want to say heartsick. Also, he had a mabari with him. I watched him approach his fire, and the dog lay down and made himself at home.

When he told me what happened in Highever, I could understand why he looked so worn down. The very night that Fergus Cousland left with the family's forces to join us here at Ostagar, Castle Cousland was invaded! Arl Howe, who for years was Teyrn Cousland's closest friend, sent his men into the castle to slaughter every last inhabitant, and has apparently declared himself lord over the Cousland lands. He murdered his  _best friend_. What kind of man can do something like that?!

The Teyrn and Teyrna both fought bravely, he said, but it was the daughter - Lady Elissa, the one he mentioned - who fought hardest. She protected her mother and probably would have died defending both of her parents. Instead, they sent her off with Duncan and their blessing to become a Grey Warden. So she's here in the camp, exploring he said; the dog, Toby, belongs to her. Duncan said he's the only thing, besides the armor on her back and an ancestral sword and shield, that she was able to bring away from the castle. I-

Oh, spare me. What does the Revered Mother want now?

* * *

I only have a short time to write this, so I'll try to be brief. Revered Mother wanted me to take a message to one of the mages - I'm not sure why being an ex-Templar requires me to be her personal errand boy, but so be it. The mage gave me a hard time, and I admit to giving him a hard time right back.

And then she showed up.

Just as the mage was agreeing to go see what the Revered Mother wanted, a woman walked up to where we were standing. She looked completely confused when he told her to get out of his way, and I couldn't really blame her. I made a crack about how the Blight really brings people together, which made her smile the littlest bit. "You are a strange man."

"You're not the first woman to tell me that!"

After a few minutes of banter, I worked out that my memory wasn't faulty; she really was a stranger to my eyes, and was in fact the Lady Elissa Cousland. I know I shouldn't have been wondering about it, much less observing it, but she  _is_  pretty. She has a lean, elegant figure, even in armor, with a queenly sort of walk. Her hair is a rich brown, and she wears it in two braids coiled at the nape of her neck; it's a very popular style among the higher-ranking ladies in the kingdom. She strikes me as intelligent, and alert.

She's also kind-hearted. We were making our way back to Duncan's campsite when her attention was caught by the sight of a man in a cage. I did remember hearing that someone was arrested for trying to desert, but I hadn't gotten any details on the matter. The man in the cage protested his innocence, and maybe he really is innocent and maybe he isn't, but one thing he definitely was? Hungry. He told Elissa that he hadn't had any food or water since he was locked up, and begged her to do something about it. Well, she marched right over to the guard and turned on the charm; when that didn't quite work, she sweetened the bargain with ten silvers. For that, he surrendered what was left of his own dinner, and she went straight back to the prisoner and gave it to him.

I like her.

After that we reported to Duncan, who was waiting with Daveth and Ser Jory. It's time for them to go into the Wilds, to collect the darkspawn blood for their Joining, and I'm to accompany them. But Duncan gave us a second task too. It seems that out in the Wilds somewhere, there had been a Grey Warden outpost where some important documents were accidentally abandoned, and we're to retrieve them. They're treaties signed by the leaders of certain factions throughout Ferelden, pledging their support of the Wardens in the event of another Blight, and he thinks it might be time to call in those favors.

Ah, Duncan says they're ready. More this evening.

* * *

That was... I'm not sure I have a word for what that was.

We had barely gotten into the Wilds when we found the lone survivor of one of our scouting parties. They'd been attacked by darkspawn, he said, and he was the only one who hadn't died. Maker's breath, why are they sending out these scouting parties without a Grey Warden to guide them and warn them of the darkspawn's approach? It's not fair that these people are dying because they can't sense the enemy. We bandaged him up and sent him back to camp.

After that it was, for a while, a lot like my own first time in the Wilds. All three of the recruits were more than a match for any darkspawn we encountered; I was pleased and I knew Duncan would be too. We collected the phials of blood without much difficulty. But then we got to the ruins of the old Warden outpost, and the chest that had held the treaties was broken. Duncan had said there were magical wards protecting the documents, but they were gone.

And then this woman showed up.

She had very black hair, but shiny golden eyes that made me uneasy. Daveth and Ser Jory didn't like her any better than I did. She seemed to be mocking us, asking whether we were scavengers or merely intruders. She referred to the Wilds as being her own, so I guessed that she was Chasind, and I cautioned the recruits not to answer her questions. She laughed at me.

"So, you fear barbarians will come swooping down?"

"Yes. Swooping is bad."

It was Daveth, however, who put forth the idea that she was a Witch of the Wilds, and likely to turn us all into toads. The woman didn't even laugh at that one, just dismissed it as an idle fancy and asked if we had no minds of our own. Then she turned on Elissa, wanting to speak as one woman to another. "Give me your name and I will give you mine."

I had the strangest urge to push Elissa behind me, to protect her if I could. Don't know where that came from. She seemed entirely unafraid, however. "I am Elissa. Pleased to meet you."

"Now that is a proper civil greeting, even here in the Wilds! You may call me Morrigan." She went on to say that she knew what we were looking for, and that we wouldn't find them because they were long gone. I called her a sneaky witch thief - well, I never claimed to be a great orator, and words eluded me a bit. She asked me how one steals from dead men. I didn't know how to answer that, so I ignored the question and demanded the return of the documents, but she said she wasn't the one who took them. Elissa asked who did.

"T'was my mother, in fact." This Morrigan had an odd way of speaking, like she was born a hundred years ago or so. Then again, if she really is a Witch of the Wilds, maybe she was.

"Can you take us to her?" Elissa inquired, and I can't help wondering if maybe I shouldn't just have Elissa do most of the talking in situations like this; her noble upbringing seems to have prepared her for more than I would have expected. Morrigan looked pleased.

"There is a  _sensible_  request," she said, and chuckled. "I like you." I'm not sure that's necessarily a good thing. Neither of the other men seemed happy about following Morrigan, and frankly I wasn't either, but Elissa went after her without hesitation and we didn't really have much choice but to stay with her. Daveth certainly seems to like walking behind Elissa, come to think of it.

No, on second thought, I don't want to think of it.

In any case, Morrigan was as good as her word, to my surprise. She took us farther into the Wilds and introduced us to her mother. When Morrigan tried to tell her who we were and what we wanted, the crone cut her off, saying we were just as she expected. I found it hard to believe she was expecting us, to which she replied that "you are required to do nothing, least of all believe." Daveth and Jory started bickering a little over whether she really was a witch (and if she was, if it was wise to make her angry), and I saw Elissa shaking her head. This drew the older woman's attention.

"And what of you?" she asked. "Does your woman's mind have a different view than these men?"

"I'm not sure what I believe."

Like Morrigan, the mother seemed pleased by Elissa's sense. "A statement that possesses more wisdom than it implies," she said. "So much about you is uncertain. And yet I believe...do I? Why, it seems I do."

She then talked of Morrigan, of her enjoyment of idle fancies such as being called a Witch of the Wilds and dancing under the moon, and Morrigan looked embarrassed. "They did not come to listen to your wild tales, Mother."

"True. They came for their treaties." The mother retrieved them, adding as she did that the magic seal wore off a long time ago and that she had protected the treaties since that time. I felt a little stupid for thinking they stole the documents, but really, it seemed like a logical suspicion. "Take them to your Grey Wardens," she said, handing them to me, "and tell them that this Blight's threat is greater than they realize."

I didn't know quite what to say to that, but Elissa did. "Thank you for returning them."

"Such manners." The mother looked amused. "And always in the last place you look. Like stockings." Even Elissa looked confused by that comment, but we took our leave, with Morrigan escorting us back to the entrance of the camp.

Duncan was very pleased with our success. He told me to conceal the treaties among my gear for safekeeping, and to carry them with me at all times. With the darkspawn blood acquired, he saw no reason not to prepare for the Joining at once, so I've got to go and join him and the recruits in the old chapel. With any luck, we'll now have three more Grey Wardens to bolster our strength.

* * *

I'm eating some dinner by Duncan's fire, now, and waiting for his return from a meeting with Cailan. The Joining is over, but it didn't go as well as I'd hoped.

At first all seemed well. Duncan explained that the ceremony is dangerous, that they had to drink the darkspawn blood and that there was a chance they might not survive it. Jory looked appalled, so I tried to put him at ease by explaining the importance of the blood. I don't think it helped much. I spoke the traditional litany, and Daveth went first. He... well, it was like Ser William. His eyes clouded, and he clutched his head and cried out in pain, and collapsed to the ground. Jory and Elissa looked fairly horrified, and I could understand that.

What I didn't expect was what happened next. Duncan tried to give the chalice to Jory, and Jory responded by pulling his  _sword_. He seemed half-mad with terror, shouting that there was no glory to be had in such a ceremony, that he didn't know, that he had a family and needed to go home. And then he tried to attack Duncan - who set down the chalice, drew his dagger, and killed Jory.

I know it was self-defense, I know he would never have done it if Jory hadn't attacked. But it was still awful to watch. Elissa was shaking.

She didn't shy away when Duncan gave her the chalice, but her hands trembled as she accepted it. I couldn't really blame her. Her face contorted in pain, and she stumbled backwards. There was a broken column lying behind her and I was afraid she'd hurt herself on it, so I grabbed her as she started to fall and lowered her to the ground.

"She will live," said Duncan after a moment. Her face was still twitching a bit, but she was breathing. "I knew she would do well."

"I'm not surprised either," I admitted. While she remained unconscious, I told him about our time in the Wilds - our surprise encounter with the two women who returned the treaties, and Elissa's diplomacy. "She seems like she was born to lead."

"Very possibly. But she is very much alone right now, Alistair. The loss of her family weighs heavily on her mind, and now the loss of her brother recruits will likely add to that," he noted. "I will be counting on you to help her adjust to the life of a Grey Warden."

"I'll do my best."

Elissa started to wake, then, blinking at Duncan. "It is finished," he said. "Welcome."

We helped her to stand; she still seemed a little unsteady on her feet. I admitted that her Joining took me somewhat by surprise, since only one had died during mine. "But it was horrible," I told her. "I'm glad at least one of you survived."

"How do you feel?" Duncan asked.

"Nothing you said prepared me for that," she mumbled. We spoke of the nightmares, and I presented her with the Warden's Oath - the special pendant containing darkspawn blood that all new initiates receive as a token of their Joining. Duncan promised that in the months to come, he'll explain the dreams and answer all of her questions as they arise. For the moment, though, he had to go meet with Cailan - and for some reason, which even Duncan didn't understand, Cailan wanted Elissa to attend the meeting as well. Not me, just her.

So I'm at the fire, waiting for them to come back. Ah - here they come now. She looks tired, I don't want to pester her. Oh, that's kind of sweet; she dropped to her knees and held out her arms, and her mabari went straight into them. She's had a rough time of it so far, and now we're on the eve of battle. It's not going to get any easier for her just yet.

It's not going to get any easier for any of us.


	4. Wildstone Clasp

**Wildstone Clasp**

_A roughhewn gem in a deceptively simple setting. Great skill was required to fashion this to look primitive and yet still elegant. Morrigan has an eye for quality that defies her wild nature._

* * *

Andraste have mercy... well, I guess She did or I wouldn't be writing this. My thoughts are all over the place so I don't even know if what I'm writing is going to be intelligible later. I'll try starting where I left off last night.

The evening passed off decently, and the morning came quickly enough. The battle was near at hand. Duncan took Elissa and myself aside, and I finally got to hear about what was decided at the meeting with Cailan. I was really disappointed, to be honest, but by Cailan's own request, I was  _not_  to enter the battle! He chose Elissa and myself to climb to the top of the Tower of Ishal and light the signal beacon, which would tell Teyrn Loghain to bring his men to Cailan's aid. After that, we thought we might have a chance to help with the fighting, but Duncan didn't seem to entirely think so.

I had the treaties among my gear, as Duncan had requested, and for some reason I had also thrown this journal in with them. I don't know why. It was a good idea in the end, because I would have lost it otherwise, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

Duncan bade us farewell, reminding us that we were now on our own and that he expected us to live up to our roles as Grey Wardens. I felt a little sorry for Elissa, having this much responsibility thrust on her after being a Grey Warden for less than a day, but she seemed to take it in stride. Her mabari - Toby, I had to go back and look in this journal for his name - followed us as we started for the bridge to cross the gorge and enter the tower. We were both knocked to our knees as a projectile slammed into the side of the bridge. Some of the soldiers on the bridge went down and didn't get up again. In the distance the trees seemed to be burning, despite the rain that was falling steadily.

We reached the far side, where a guard stopped us. The Tower was lost, he said. Darkspawn had found a way up from underneath, come in through some forgotten tunnel or something like that. We would have to fight our way to the top floor, but we had no choice. There was a mage nearby who attached himself to our party as Elissa, the dog and I rushed into the fray.

There didn't seem to be a particularly  _right_  way to do the thing, really, so we just took the enemy as they came. With the mage casting protection spells at us, and healing spells when they were needed, it actually wasn't too hard. We cleared the first floor of darkspawn and headed upstairs to do the same to the second floor. Part of the tower was already destroyed, which limited the amount of space we had to clear. Elissa was unstoppable, running around throwing open doors and taking the darkspawn hiding in different rooms by surprise.

On the third floor we encountered a bunch of darkspawn amid a group of cages holding mabari. I don't know why they weren't out fighting with the other dogs, but they sure looked eager enough for battle. Elissa's a quick one, I have to say - she hatched a plan almost immediately. She rushed at a nearby darkspawn and bashed it to the ground with her shield, and while it was disoriented she ran to a lever stuck in the floor and threw all her weight against it. This opened all of the mabari cages at once, and the dogs made quick work of the darkspawn that we didn't kill ourselves. Once the enemies were all dead, the dogs (I mean, other than Toby) ran out of the room.

"At least now they have a chance to escape with their lives," Elissa said.

Up we went, and up, and finally we were on the roof of the tower. While Toby and I killed the darkspawn we found up there, Elissa ran for the signal fire and wrestled to ignite the wet wood. The mage helped her, using his magic to dry out the kindling, and as the last darkspawn body hit the floor the flames burst forth. The signal was lit. We did it.

Maybe it was silly of me, but I felt kind of proud - of both of us - and I couldn't help saying it. "You know, I think we work well together!" She looked at me, kind of surprised, and then she smiled. It was the first time I've seen her really smile since we met; well, it's not as though she's had a wealth of reasons to smile. I wouldn't mind seeing her smile more often... but I'm getting ahead of myself again.

What happened next... I still can't believe I'm even writing this. I can't believe I'm alive to write it.

We had just relaxed the smallest bit when the door burst open. Suddenly the whole roof of the tower was swarming with darkspawn. We barely had time to react - the mage (I feel  _so_  bad that we never even got to know his name) went down almost immediately, and Elissa took three arrows to the throat. The last thing I remember was trying to get to her, trying to help her, and then blackness. I think I got brained from behind.

The next thing I knew, I was waking up in an unfamiliar bed, wearing only my smallclothes, and a familiar voice was sort of chuckling. "Awake, are you?"

* * *

I had to take a break from writing, there, to eat a little something. My hostesses, for lack of a better word, have been civil and reasonably kind.

Anyway, I woke up in this unfamiliar bed. Standing over me was - and I couldn't make this up if I tried - Morrigan's mother. I tried to sit up, and she made this gesture that clearly indicated that I was supposed to stay put. "You took quite a blow to the head. I wouldn't be in a rush to be on your feet if I were you."

"What happened?"

"You were in the tower. I turned into a giant bird and plucked you off the roof."

"...is that a joke?"

"It might be. Make up a better story yourself if you don't like mine. The point is, you're alive, which makes you a bit different from the rest of your order."

I froze. "What... what do you mean?"

She sighed. "There's really no good way to explain this. The battle is over, and the darkspawn won. Ostagar has fallen."

"The Wardens? Duncan? The  _king_?"

She shook her head slowly. "All lost, I'm afraid."

"But we lit the signal fire! Teyrn Loghain was supposed to bring his reinforcements!"

"Is that his name? My daughter saw him and his warriors fleeing. Apparently he felt that retreat was the more prudent option."

"...no."

"Oh, yes, I'm afraid so."

Loghain betrayed us. He betrayed Cailan - betrayed Duncan - betrayed us all. I still can't believe it. I don't  _want_  to believe it.

"Maker have mercy." I was sitting up now, and holding my head. "Wait - Elissa! Where is Elissa? She was on the roof with me!"

"That would be the young lady Warden with a polite tongue in her head, yes? She's in the other room. I rescued her at the same time I rescued you."

"She's alive?"

"I believe that's what I just said, but you're not the brightest specimen I've come across, so I'll repeat myself. She's alive. Still unconscious, my daughter says, but alive. Her injuries were more severe than yours."

"You saved us both?"

She clucked her tongue at me. "Maybe they hit your head harder than I realized. Your memory seems to be vastly addled."

"Can I see her?"

"Considering she's not wearing much more than you are just now, I don't think she'd appreciate you walking in there while she's asleep. I'm sure she'll be up and around in a day or so. Be patient."

I'm trying, but it's not easy. Elissa is the only other Grey Warden left in all of Ferelden, if Morrigan's mother is to be believed, and I just want to see with my own eyes that she really is here.

As soon as I was allowed to get up, I went through my gear. Everything seems to be there, and so I sat down and started bringing this journal up to date. I still can't believe...

* * *

Elissa still sleeps, but we did have a development of a different sort this morning. I heard barking outside and went to investigate.

I can't begin to figure out how he did it, but somehow, Toby  _survived_  the sacking of Ostagar. He got himself down from the tower and out of the encampment, and managed to track his mistress all the way here. I know they say that the loyalty of a mabari is beyond human comprehension, and that only death itself can separate a mabari from the master it chooses for itself, but I was still stunned.

I had to explain his presence to Morrigan and her mother, but they took it fairly well in stride. He seems to have accepted the explanation that he can't go into Elissa's room, at least as much as a dog can seem to accept anything. Maybe he's just relieved to find himself someplace safe.

* * *

She's awake.

Maker's breath, I don't think I've ever been so glad to see someone in my life.

I wasn't quite sure how to greet her - I almost hugged her, I was so relieved, but we don't know each other very well and that seemed rather awkward. I think she was glad to see me too, though, and she was certainly glad to see her dog. I can't blame her; she probably figured he died at Ostagar.

We learned that Morrigan's mother's name is Flemeth, the same one in the old Chasind legends, and therefore really  _is_  the Witch of the Wilds. So she says, anyway. We had to have a long talk about what to do next, but we've decided to take the treaties that Flemeth had stored for us and go to the mages, the elves, and the dwarves to talk to them about the Blight and ask for their aid. I've also recommended that we go to Redcliffe, to bring matters to the attention of Arl Eamon. I would like to think he's forgiven me for my childish anger, and I know he'll do anything he can to help us fight off the darkspawn. With any luck, he can persuade the other nobles to do the same. We have to try.

It's still hard to accept that we're the  _last two_  Grey Wardens in the whole of Ferelden, but there it is, and that means it's up to us. I had a frightening moment where I thought Elissa was going to back out, but she promised that she'll stay with me. And then she had the presence of mind to thank Flemeth for saving us, something I had utterly failed to do. She really is a very good diplomat. I think if she doesn't mind, I'll let her do most of the talking.

To be honest, it's probably best if she just steers the whole mission. My mind is so clouded with grief over the loss of the other Wardens - the loss of Duncan - that I have a hard time thinking straight. If I didn't have Elissa to follow, I wouldn't even know in which direction I was walking.

Walking we are, though, on our way to the village of Lothering - all four of us. Oh, yeah, Morrigan has joined our party. Not my idea, nor Elissa's, nor even Morrigan's for that matter. Flemeth insisted that her daughter accompany us. We've stopped for a breather, so I've scribbled all this down while the ladies are otherwise occupied. Morrigan knows about which berries and whatnot are safe, so she's collecting us something to eat, and Elissa is examining a map of Ferelden. Not sure where she picked that up, but it's bound to come in handy.

* * *

Lothering is... depressing.

Many of the people who have fled the southern areas that are being invaded by darkspawn have ended up here, either on their way to somewhere else or simply because they haven't got any idea where else to go. So there are a lot of refugee tents. We encountered trouble just by walking into the village when we found ourselves confronted by bandits. They've been milking ten silvers out of every group that comes here, claiming it's for the upkeep of the imperial highway. I think even Elissa's dog could see through that story. Once they got a taste of what we could do with our blades, and Morrigan's staff, they were only too happy to clear off. We were disgusted to find that they'd apparently killed a Templar, whose body lay nearby, and we reluctantly took the locket from around his neck before disposing of it properly. I'm hoping we can turn it over to the Chantry and they can return it to the slain knight's next of kin. The name inside the locket indicates that its owner was called Ser Henric.

Morrigan and I are not getting along. She doesn't like me, I don't trust her. I feel a bit guilty that Elissa's stuck in the middle but I don't know what to do about it. She's doing her best to keep the peace.

The people here need a lot of help, and while Morrigan disdains Elissa's tendency to try to "solve every problem we come across," she doesn't try to prevent it. So far she's given money to a child whose mother was most likely killed by darkspawn, gathered herbs for medicinal poultices for the local Chantry, and led us on a small chase around the village to dispatch three more groups of bandits who have been preying on the refugees. I'd like to know where she gets all her energy.

* * *

So now we've added to our numbers. Two more, in fact, and I'm not sure which one is the odder.

First, we stumbled across a Qunari soldier being held in a cage. He's confessed to the murder of a farming family, which naturally does deserve punishment of some sort, but for the first time since we met, Morrigan and I agreed about something. Keeping him in a cage and leaving him to be destroyed by darkspawn is  _not_  a fair sentence. Elissa introduced herself, which drew some confusion from him about the fact that she was polite to him. (I'm noticing a theme among the people we meet. Elissa's good manners are a recurring cause for surprise. Have we really fallen so far as a society?) Anyway, she promised to try to have the Chantry turn him over to her custody, since we need all the warriors we can get.

Before we could go to speak to the local Revered Mother about the situation, we decided to give some custom to the little public house. A hot meal at a real table sounded like a good idea to me, but inside we found trouble. Some of Loghain's men were there, and one announced that they'd been looking for a woman matching Elissa's description. Somehow, Loghain's aware that she and I survived Ostagar; at the very least he suspects as much, probably because he knew we were the ones who lit the signal fire and had some small chance of escape. That's bad enough, but what's worse is that he's spreading the tale that Cailan fell at Ostagar because the Grey Wardens betrayed him - and he's put a bounty on the head of any surviving members of the order.

A sister of the Chantry was also present, a red-headed girl with an Orlesian accent, and she tried to intervene on our behalf. Loghain's men weren't having any of that, of course, so we had to fight them. To our surprise, the sister actually  _joined_  the fight, and had her share of blood spatter by the time Loghain's men yielded. Elissa spared the leader and told him to give Loghain the message that the Grey Wardens know what really happened at Ostagar, and he and his surviving cronies fled the scene at once. The sister, who introduced herself as Leliana, expressed her relief that Elissa had demonstrated mercy. She looks to be about Elissa's age, while Morrigan I think is a bit older even than I am, though not much.

Leliana then explained that she wanted to join our party. Seems she's had a vision, or so she claims, directing her to do more or less exactly that. The vision was corroborated, in her mind, by the sudden blooming of a dead rose plant on the Chantry grounds. It's a bit too weird for my tastes, but Elissa... well, she's leading the group, she has the right to decide who comes or doesn't. And as she put it, it's probably foolish to turn away help when it's offered freely.

We ate quickly and headed back to the Chantry. There was a man ranting outside about the approach of the darkspawn. He spotted Elissa and shouted that she was the first, that he could see the darkness about her - could he possibly sense the taint? But why about her and not me as well? No, he must have been simply mad. Elissa spoke to him calmly, soothing him and getting him to share his story. Somehow she was able to bring some kind of ease to his troubled mind.

Inside the Chantry we encountered a figure I recognized from Redcliffe - Ser Donall, one of Arl Eamon's knights. He had some disturbing news for us. It seems Eamon is gravely ill, and no one can figure out what's wrong with him or how to cure it. Desperate, the arlessa has charged several knights to seek out the Urn of Sacred Ashes - the last mortal remains of the prophetess Andraste - in the hopes that a pinch of the ashes could restore him. Ser Donall is on the trail of a Brother Genitivi, in Denerim, who has been researching the matter. He also said that he was looking for Ser Henric, a traveling companion from whom he'd been separated.

How she remembered it, I'm not sure, but Elissa recalled that this was the name inscribed inside the locket of the knight whose body we encountered. She gave it to Ser Donall, who confirmed the identification. He was, naturally, saddened to learn of his friend's death, but grateful to at least know what had become of him, and promised to take care of returning the locket to Henric's relations. One less thing for us to worry about, I suppose.

We found the Mother, who was alarmed to learn of Grey Wardens in her village. She promised to keep our presence a secret, but couldn't offer any other assistance. Elissa inquired about the Qunari, and with Leliana supporting the request, the Revered Mother consented to turn over the key to his cage. She gave us all a blessing before we left, and I was surprised when even Morrigan bent her knee to receive it.

We returned to the cage and released the Qunari, who identifies himself as Sten. This isn't his name, though, it's apparently his rank in the Beresaad. That's the name of the Qunari vanguard. He doesn't talk much, and definitely doesn't like being asked questions. He tolerates them from Elissa, I guess because she's the one who arranged his release, but it's clear he doesn't appreciate inquiries.

There's a windmill on a tall hill in the middle of the village's meadow, not far from a stream, and we've made camp between the two landmarks for the night. We probably could have tried to sleep in the Chantry, but they're pretty much stuffed with refugees and I think we're better off where we are. Nobody's likely to bother us here. I'm keeping the watch right now.

Hang on.

* * *

Elissa was having a nightmare, I could tell by the way she was thrashing. So I moved over to sit near her until she woke. They're pretty normal for a new Grey Warden; I still get them from time to time myself. The taint connects us to the Archdemon, and we can hear it and see some of what it's doing. Eventually, Duncan said, we learn to block it out. He probably never had the chance to explain that to Elissa - I'm thinking there are a lot of things he never had the chance to explain to her. Never will. Guess it's up to me.

As if I can take Duncan's place, in any sense. I'm just a bastard who had enough dumb luck to escape the fate of my brothers.


	5. Archivist's Sash

**Archivist's Sash**

_Cut from some satiny cloth, the entire surface of this belt is covered with embroidered text in the Tevinter language._

* * *

Morrigan enjoys accusing me of contemplating my navel. She said it when we first arrived in Lothering; she said it again this morning when I was quiet at breakfast. I'm sorry if I'm just not comfortable being all sorts of chatty quite yet. I know I'm normally friendlier than this, but I'm reeling from the biggest loss of my whole life and it's still weighing heavily upon me.

Sten and Leliana haven't said much about it, probably because they don't know me well. I'm sure I'll warm up to them in time, or at least I think I will. Thank the Maker for Elissa, though, she's the only one who seems to understand. When Morrigan gets on my case she changes the subject as quickly as she can - she doesn't outright tell Morrigan to stop bothering me, but it's pretty clear that this is what she wants. Fortunately, Morrigan has just enough regard for Elissa that she yields.

I don't mind talking to  _her_  about what's on my mind, and she encourages me to tell her what I'm thinking whenever I feel like doing so. She's a very good listener.

We'll most likely be moving on from Lothering by the close of today. There are a few things Elissa wants to do while we're still here; the owner of the public house has offered some really good coin in exchange for some toxins that he can use to poison traps in his fields, and she's also accepted the request of a local Chanter to find the body of a boy's missing mother. It might be the boy to whom she gave a silver yesterday for food, but we don't really know for sure. We're trying to encourage everyone we meet to also move on, since it's only a matter of time before this place is overrun by darkspawn.

* * *

Eeeeugh. Giant poisonous spiders. I can't really blame Leliana for shrieking when she saw them. Well, the poisons for the pub owner have been acquired, and he paid us generously just as he promised. We came across the body of the poor dead woman on our way back, too, so that took care of the Chanter's request.

Happily, many of the refugees are taking our advice. I saw quite a few tents coming down as people prepared to make their way north. I wonder how long they have to evacuate. Ser Bryant, who commands the Templars assigned to the Lothering Chantry, assures us that he will make sure everyone is out of the village before many more days have passed. He's grateful for what assistance we've been able to provide.

While we were at the Chantry, I wandered around to the back of the building. I think I found the rose bush that Leliana mentioned. It sure looked dead enough, all right, and yet there was one single bloom clinging to life. It was so vibrant and lush that it must only have blossomed in the last few days. So this had to be the one that made Leliana think her dream was true. And I don't know why, exactly, but... I picked it. I cut the stem, stripped off the thorns, and hid it among my gear. All I could think was that the darkspawn would arrive soon, and it would be yet another victim of the Blight, and it hurt somehow to think that something so beautiful and fragile would be lost forever. I've gone soft in the head maybe, but there it is.

* * *

We've left Lothering and established a small camp for ourselves just off the imperial highway heading north. Elissa is studying her map, trying to determine whether it would be best to try calling in one of the treaties or journeying to Redcliffe to meet with Arl Eamon. It occurs to me that whenever we do go to Redcliffe, I'm going to have to admit the truth - to her if no one else - about my parentage, since there's a good chance of her finding out about it accidentally while we're there.

We've got some unexpected additions to our camp, in the form of a dwarven merchant and his lyrium-addled son. Bodahn Feddic and his boy Sandal were being beset by darkspawn as we left the village of Lothering, but we outnumbered them and it wasn't really a challenge to take them all down. In gratitude, he's decided to more or less...follow us around. I'm not sure how that's an appropriate token of thanks, except that he  _is_  a merchant and he's promised us a sizeable discount on his wares. Since we've kept up the habit from Ostagar of taking the weapons and other valuables of our slain opponents, this also means we always have a ready place where we can sell them.

Ostagar. There I go again.

Ah, Leliana's timing is good. She says supper is ready. She, Sten, Elissa and I have set up tents around a central fire. Morrigan, for whatever reason, has established her own separate camp with her own fire. I don't know why she insists on isolating herself. It looks like Elissa is taking her a portion of the stew, though.

* * *

She's funny. Elissa, I mean.

She ate her supper with Morrigan, although whether Morrigan appreciated that I can't say. Then she came back to the main camp and sat talking with Leliana for a while. They actually seemed to make each other smile a bit. Leliana was a bard when she lived in Orlais, so Elissa encouraged her to sing something for us. After that she went and talked to Sten. And then she came and sat by me.

"If you don't mind my asking, what is it you're you doing?" I asked her. "Going around to everyone like this, I mean."

"My father used to do the same sort of thing with his men," she explained. "He'd talk to them, get to know them, share in their concerns. Those who followed him into battle were always convinced of his genuine regard for them, so they were never afraid to go to him with any difficulty, and their loyalty was above reproach because he won their hearts. I always thought that if I ever found myself in a leadership position like that, I would want to do the same sort of thing. I want those who follow me to look up to me, but I also want them to see me as their friend."

She told me a little of what she's learned about Sten and Leliana. It seems that the reason Sten killed the farming family was in a blind panic - he hadn't  _meant_  to do it, but his sword was stolen from him while he was unconscious and it's simply not possible for a warrior of the Beresaad to return to the Qunari homeland without his sword. So he sort of temporarily lost his mind from the sheer terror, and when he came to his senses, he realized what he'd done and surrendered himself. That's how he ended up in that cage. She has promised him that we will find it, sweet girl that she is. She said he's not entirely sure he believes we can, but he seemed to appreciate the thought.

As for Leliana, she definitely is from Orlais and she definitely was a bard, but she hasn't been too forthcoming about anything else. They talked a bit more about her vision, too, and when Elissa told me that I almost mentioned the rose I had picked. I'm not sure what stopped me, any more than I'm sure why I picked it in the first place. I'll tell her sometime.

* * *

Oh. We're going to Redcliffe.

I need to find a way to tell Elissa the truth.

* * *

Leliana seems to be coming out of her shell a bit more. I'm not one for trusting blindly, especially an Orlesian, but for the most part she comes across as relatively harmless in her way. She chatters on about things like clothing and music and shoes, which I find rather mindless but it does amuse me the way it irritates Morrigan. She finally told Leliana quite bluntly to "stop talking about my breasts!" after Leliana was again going on about some dress style. It was all I could do not to snicker. Sten is considerably less entertained by the whole thing; then again, he disapproves of anything that doesn't directly impact our ultimate mission of stopping the Blight.

I think when we stop for lunch, I'm going to have a private conversation with Elissa and see what she thinks of these companions we've acquired. Sten is rigid, but reasonable; Leliana is flighty and possibly a bit unhinged; and I think Morrigan's a raging bitch and we're just lucky she seems to trust Elissa. I have to admit that they're all good fighters, though. Those are my opinions, anyway, and I wonder to what extent she shares them.

* * *

We've made camp again, and should reach Redcliffe by early afternoon tomorrow. Elissa is once again going around, now that we've all eaten, and conversing with each of us in turn. I get the impression she's saving me for last again. I think because we've known each other the longest, we trust each other more than the others, so we can converse more freely.

She's left Leliana and moved on to Sten, so the bard pulled out her dagger and started examining it to see if it needs sharpening. I guess she saw me watching, because she moved a bit closer to my side of the fire. "Elissa tells me," she said, "that Bodahn Feddic's son has a gift for putting enchanted runes into weapons. Do you think it's a good idea?"

"Well, sure. The runes come from the Circle of Magi themselves, and they can really enhance the damage your weapon can do," I replied. "I wouldn't mind picking up a few silverite runes myself - the darkspawn are very vulnerable to silverite for some reason, so it makes them easier to kill."

"I had never heard of such a thing before I came to your Ferelden. It would be nice to increase my usefulness in battle."

"You should probably get some better armor before we have to do much fighting," I advised her. She's still wearing her dress from the Chantry, and it's not the most appropriate combat gear. "I'm sure Elissa can help you find something, maybe when we get to Redcliffe."

"That seems wise. I'm surprised Morrigan is comfortable wearing so little."

"Well, she's a mage. She does most of her fighting at a distance from the enemy. She probably should wear a  _little_  more at least, though."

She nodded. "Elissa says you were training to be a Templar before you became a Grey Warden. Do you like being a Warden better?"

I was surprised that she would ask, but maybe I shouldn't have been. "Yes, very much so. I feel like this is more in line with what I'm meant to do."

"Is it hard to become a Grey Warden?"

"Well, it's not easy...though to be honest, I'm not sure how we could go about making anyone else a Grey Warden even if we had the time to be recruiting," I admitted. "A lot of knowledge was lost with the sacking at Ostagar."

"Oh, yes, she told me about that too. I'm very sorry about your friends."

"Thank you."

I think she saw that I was in pain, because she excused herself rather prettily, saying she was going to go see whether Bodahn has any runes available just now. Anyway, Elissa's making her way over to me so I should stop writing.

* * *

I'm fairly sure Elissa thinks I'm some sort of an idiot.

I haven't said much about it in this journal, but the truth is that she's been very thoughtful of me while I'm dealing with my grief. She encourages me to talk about Duncan and even smiles at my stories of the other Grey Wardens. We sit side by side, when time permits, and she just listens. It helps, probably more than she even realizes. When I think of how she's treated me, and how she treats our other companions, and how generally polite she is to everyone we meet... I really don't think I've ever known anyone kinder or more compassionate.

Well, Leliana's offer of sympathy got me kind of down again, and so when Elissa came to join me I started talking about Duncan. I guess I got a little too emotional, because I asked her the dumbest question in the world. I asked her if she knew how I felt, if she'd ever lost someone dear.

I can't forget how she looked at me - not angry, not resentful, but with an absolute ocean of sadness in her eyes. "My entire family was murdered recently."

How could I be so  _stupid_?! The whole reason she came to Ostagar with Duncan in the first place was because he helped her escape from the massacre at Castle Cousland! Here she's been consideration itself, trying to help me through my pain, and I never once returned the favor. Maybe she thought I didn't know - or worse, maybe she thought I didn't care. It's just that I'm so used to thinking of her as Elissa the Grey Warden, I keep forgetting that she's  _also_ Lady Cousland, daughter of the murdered Teyrn. She spends so much time taking care of everyone else, and all the while she's suffering in silence, grieving for her parents and whoever else died that night. Not to mention she's also sharing in  _my_  grief, since she too lost all of the Grey Wardens. Sure, she never got to know them as I did - but that was hardly her fault, was it? She never had the chance.

I stammered out an apology and she she assured me that it was fine, but after that she left me and went to lavish attention on her dog. Maker only knows where her brother is, or if he lives; that mabari is all she has now.

No. Not true. She has me. She has me and I have her, and it's time I made sure she knows it. Andraste help me, I will do whatever it takes to make sure she never feels alone again.


	6. Helm of the Red

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because jealous!Alistair amuses me so, I'm delaying the rose presentation for a bit. Also, I'm short-cutting the quest to recover Sten's sword in this chapter, mostly because to do so much backtracking in writing would annoy me to no end. (I really did recover his sword this early in my playthrough, though, because I wanted Sten to like me.) 
> 
> Alistair's mother's name is taken from the DA novels, where it's heavily implied that his mother wasn't a serving girl at all (which has been since confirmed by the developers), but he has no reason to think she wasn't. One may presume that the records he speaks of reading were doctored, either by the arl himself or by someone paid to do the doctoring.

 

**Helm of the Red**

_Most notably worn by Ser Ferris the Red, born of dwarven enchantment and Fereldan materials. Or so it is said. Ser Ferris was a trickster of many means, and his walk through fire took more than one road._

* * *

To be perfectly honest, I don't really sleep well unless it's Elissa's turn at watch. I would trust  _her_  with my life and no questions asked, but I'm not as convinced of the reliability of the others. So I was in only a light doze between concluding that last journal entry and the time when Leliana woke her for her turn. She always wakes with a bit of a start; maybe the nightmares are still bothering her.

I waited until Leliana had gone into her tent and Elissa was sitting by the fire, then I got up. I was determined to make it up to her for how stupid I was earlier. Once I was decent, I moved over to where she was sitting. "Can't sleep... may I join you?"

"Of course."

I sat down at just a little distance from her, not wanting to get too close (and make her uncomfortable) but also not wanting to be too far (and force her to speak loudly and maybe disturb the others). "I really am sorry about what happened earlier."

"Oh - it's all right, Alistair, really. Don't worry about it. Did you want to talk about Duncan some more?"

I shook my head. "You've been listening to me a lot, and I can't tell you how I appreciate it. But I think it's time I returned the favor. If - if you want to talk - about, you know, your family - I'm here to listen."

"You don't have to do that."

"I want to."

"Well..." She looked at the fire. "I was a daddy's girl, if you want to know the truth. I adored my father. He realized early in my life that I had an aptitude for swordplay, so he insisted that I be trained right alongside my brother. I also spent a lot of time with him in my grandfather's library, reading about history and learning anything that he seemed to find interesting. He always seemed to want me to make my own choices; he was even willing to discuss the possibility of my becoming a Grey Warden, once he got back from Ostagar, though of course that all went a bit differently than we thought it would."

"Yes."

"My mother was... very beautiful. Very kind. Also a great warrior, in her day - even on that last night, she was felling the enemy left and right with her bow and arrows." She closed her eyes. "Duncan was going to bring her to Ostagar too, you know, but she wouldn't leave my father and he was too badly wounded to make the journey. So she told him to just take me - and Toby," she added, opening her eyes and extending a hand to the dog lying nearby, "and she would hold them off as long as she could to keep them from finding the secret passage out of the castle. Mother never... understood me, not the way Father did, but she loved me and she made sure I always knew it."

"They both sound like... you," I admitted with a chuckle. "No, I mean, they sound like they were really good people. I'm sure I would have liked them."

"I never knew many people who didn't. I know Duncan had a lot of respect for them. He tried very hard to protect Father, and I was always grateful to him for that. Fergus - my brother - I don't know if he's still out there or not. When I got to Ostagar, King Cailan said that he was on patrol in the Wilds and he wasn't expected back anytime soon." Her eyes were dark with sorrow. "I keep thinking of that soldier we found when we went to get the darkspawn blood, the one who said he was the only one of his patrol who survived... and I wonder if he was with Fergus. In a way it's almost better if he didn't make it; I love my brother, and I don't want to have to give him this news."

"About your parents?"

"About our parents, and his wife, and their son." She looked away. "Oriana was from Antiva - the only sister I ever had. Their boy Oren, my nephew, was a bright little rascal who wanted to learn to be a soldier like his papa. They were among the first that Howe's men killed. Mother and I found them... that's when we realized that Howe wasn't taking prisoners, that he wanted us all dead."

"I'm so sorry." Maker preserve her, this woman has been through too much.

She nodded, looking at the ground. "It's painful, but... it was good to talk about them. Thank you, Alistair."

"Least I can do. I mean... we're sort of in the same boat, you and I," I mused. "We each lost our families in the course of one night. The only difference is that your family was the one you were born to, and mine was the Grey Wardens. Being with them... it was really the first time in my whole life I ever felt like I was home. You know? Do you have a place like that, a place you call home?"

Elissa looked thoughtful, gazing at the fire. "Well, until recently, I would have said Highever, of course," she mused. "But I can't go there now - Arl Howe probably gave a standing order to kill me on sight, once he realized I escaped. I guess... I guess my home, now, is with the Grey Wardens." She lifted her head to look at me. "With you."

"I didn't realize you felt that way." That made me blush a little, though hopefully the fire concealed it. And she's right, too. If our home is with the Wardens, and we're the only ones left, then in a way, Elissa  _is_  my home, and I am hers. It's a strange idea. I've never thought of any one person as being home. But there she is.

She tilted her head back to look at the stars for a bit, then glanced at me again. "I have something for you," she said. Her voice almost sounded shy, which is not something I've ever thought of Elissa as being.

"For me?"

"Bodahn had it, and I just - I thought of you, right away, but I wasn't sure when to give it to you. Now seems like a good time, though." She passed me a small bundle of cloth. I pulled back the wrappings to reveal a puppet, and after a moment I realized it was a puppet dressed to look like a Grey Warden.

"For me?" I repeated. "Really? This is - wow! I mean -  _wow_!"

"Do you like it?"

"Yes!" I must have looked like a buffoon, but I couldn't stop smiling. "Thank you!"

"You're very welcome." She looked happy, and relieved. I wonder if she was afraid I would think her gift was stupid. But I don't. I really do like it. Her.

I really do like her.

Oh, help.

* * *

Well, now this is going to be all sorts of awkward. I'm not good at talking to women in general. And I've never been drawn to any woman the way I'm drawn to this one, so that's just going to make it worse.

We're on our way to Redcliffe, shouldn't be much longer. We've stopped for a breather and I'm trying to scribble down these thoughts that are running like scared rabbits through my mind. Oh, Maker, I'm going to have to tell Elissa the truth. I mean, the truth about Maric, not the truth about - this. I'd almost forgotten.

Why did she have to be so pretty? And nice? This would be so much easier if she was a plain-looking girl, or had a bad temper, or something. But no, she's just about perfect, and I'm... me. Great. I don't have a prayer.

* * *

Another day of utter madness, and a night of it expected before much longer.

Well, first, I had to get my personal issue out of the way. Just before we got to the border of Redcliffe village, I asked Elissa if I could speak to her alone. Morrigan made some sort of derisive noise but I just ignored her and acted like it was Grey Warden business. Once we'd stepped away from the others, I laid it out plain. I had told her that I was a bastard already, so it was really just a matter of amending my previous story to admit that my missing father was the king, but I was afraid of her reaction. I had lied, and I hoped she could forgive me.

That she was  _surprised_  by the news that I'm actually a royal bastard was obvious enough. "Can I ask... why you didn't tell me?"

"To be honest, I don't usually talk about it with people who don't already know," I admitted. "Out of all the Grey Wardens, only Duncan ever knew. There wasn't a good time before the battle, it's not the sort of thing you just bring up with someone you just met. And afterward - well, I should have told you, but... I guess I just wanted you to like me for who I am."

She softened a bit at that. "I  _do_  like you for who you are."

Well, that was good to hear. "Can you forgive me for keeping the truth from you?"

"I think I understand why you did. It's all right, Alistair, of course I forgive you."

"Good. Now you can go back to just thinking I'm some nobody who was lucky enough not to die at Ostagar with the rest of the Grey Wardens."

Her lips twitched like she was going to laugh, but then she paused, her expression suddenly serious. "What does that make  _me_ , then?"

Oops. Time for a flattering truth to smooth over that little error. I gave her a quick smile. "You're the reason I think we have a chance."

With this behind us, we rejoined the others and started to enter the village only to be intercepted on the bridge by a farmer named Tomas. He escorted us to the Redcliffe Chantry, where I was surprised to see none other than Bann Teagan himself. Of course, he was just as surprised to see me, and chuckled when I reminded him that I'd been covered in mud on our last meeting. He seemed a bit...  _enchanted_  by Elissa, to be perfectly honest, and asked whether they'd ever met before since she struck him as very familiar.

"You might have known my father, Teyrn Bryce Cousland?"

"Of course, that would be it." He offered his condolences for the loss of her family, but then began to explain what was going on. Things are even worse in Redcliffe than I could have guessed. Not only is Arl Eamon just as sick as Ser Donall had told us in Lothering, but for the last few nights, the  _undead_  have come wandering down from the castle to attack the village! It seems too horrible to be real, but if Bann Teagan tells us so, then it must be true.

Well, of course, Elissa insisted that we stay and help. Teagan directed her to speak with Murdock, the village mayor, to find out what needed to be done. Sten objected, pointing out that this isn't directly related to our defeating the Archdemon, but Elissa was firm. "I will not forsake these people."

So off we went to see the mayor. He said that the blacksmith was holed up in his smithy and refusing to provide the weapons repairs that were so desperately needed, and meanwhile a dwarf warrior by the name of Dwyn was holed up in his house and refusing to help defend the village. If we could just deal with those two issues, it would be a huge help.

Right, because they sounded totally easy to handle. Honestly, sometimes even  _I_  don't know what to make of Elissa, but she just squared her shoulders and headed to the smithy. The door was locked, so first she had to charm her way inside. The smith, Owen, was drunk, but intelligible. She had to question him for a while to get him to start wailing about his missing daughter Valena. Seems that Valena is a lady-in-waiting to Arlessa Isolde, she who had me packed off to the Chantry, and hasn't been seen since the whole undead thing started happening.

"So if I find your daughter," Elissa said thoughtfully, "you'll fire up your smithy?"

"If she's alive - promise me," he begged her. "Give me your word that you'll find out what's happened to her."

She nodded. "I promise. If your daughter is alive in that castle, I will find her."

Sten spoke low in my ear. "How can she make such promises that she might not be able to keep? It seems unworthy of her."

"Oh, believe me," I replied quietly, "she'll do everything in her power to keep it."

With the smithy up and running again (to Murdock's profound astonishment, judging by the look on his face as we passed), we headed over to the house he had identified as Dwyn's. There was no charming her way in this time, though, so Elissa calmly kicked open the door. Dwyn was less than delighted by the entrance, and our reason for inviting ourselves in didn't go over well either. "I'll tell you what I told Murdock. I'm not risking my neck for this town."

Elissa quickly figured out that appealing to Dwyn's better nature was a lost cause, so she went for a completely different tactic. "Suppose I pay you."

"What?"

"If I pay you to defend the village, will you do it?"

She handed over fifty silvers, to which he grunted. "All right. I'll throw in with the militia - for now. You'd better be out there too, when the sun goes down."

"We will, don't worry."

Dwyn and his men headed out to join those gathering in front of the Chantry, and we started to follow them, but Elissa paused. Something in the corner of the room had caught her eye, and she moved over for a closer look. "Sten," she said, "what exactly does a Qunari blade look like?"

"My sword, Asala, has a long gold hilt," he replied. "The blade is forged of blue steel, and has jagged teeth on one side. It is an intricate work of art."

"It doesn't happen to look like... this, does it?" She turned, and we saw what had caught her attention - a very odd-looking sword.

It was the closest I've ever seen Sten to looking  _shocked_. "Asala."

"Take it, my friend. I told you we'd get it back and we have." She passed it to him carefully, and we headed outside.

"Are you sure you're a woman?" I heard him ask, and she laughed, asking why he would ask such a thing. Sten explained that in Qunari culture, women are not warriors, and there is no question that Elissa is a warrior so he wondered if perhaps she isn't really a woman. (She is.) "I think," he went on, "you must be an  _ashkari_  to find a single lost blade in a country at war. I would thank you for this, if I knew how." And he actually smiled at her. "I think I could give a much more satisfying answer to the Arishok's question if the Blight were ended, don't you agree?"

"Absolutely." Her turn to smile.

As we walked back to the Chantry, I asked her what that meant. She explained that the whole reason Sten's in Ferelden at all is because the Arishok - I think that's the leader of his people - wants to know the answer to one question: "What is a Blight?" What Sten had said to her meant that he's decided to stay with us until the Archdemon is defeated.

We spoke to Murdock, and then entered the Chantry to speak with Bann Teagan, who was rather amazed at the amount of work we - well, Elissa - had been able to accomplish in so short a time.

I'm not best pleased by what came next. Not sure why she wanted to know more about Teagan  _personally_ , but she asked if he had any family. Okay, maybe she just wanted to know if he'd brought any sons to fight alongside us, or... or something. I don't know. He said he's never had the  _pleasure_  of being married, and that he'd think himself very lucky to find a woman like  _her_.

You know, I've always liked Teagan, but I found myself wanting to sort of casually hit him over the head to make him stop talking.

Luckily she brought the conversation back to the matter at hand. He suggested we go up to the windmill and speak with Ser Perth, to see if his men need anything for tonight. So we trudged up the hill, and traded pleasantries with the knight, and Andraste's garters I swear every man in this country has a thing for Elissa because he seemed like he was flirting too. Okay, maybe I'm imagining it. Anyway, he wanted some sort of blessing from Mother Hannah in the Chantry for his men, something to give them hope while they fight. So it was back  _down_ the hill to the Chantry and speaking to her and then back  _up_  the hill to deliver some charms that he could dole out to his soldiers and it was getting a bit tiresome.

We went up to the little tavern for something to eat, to get us through the next several hours of fighting. Elissa left us here, however, and the rest of us are sitting around sort of looking at each other. Seems like we don't really know how to talk to one another when she's not around. She's gone back down to the village, something about speaking with the people in the Chantry. I wonder if she means Teagan.

I'm going to try not to think about it.

* * *

Only an hour or so now until sundown, when the undead will presumably make their march on the village once again. The women, children, and elderly are shut up in the Chantry along with Teagan - he's willing enough to be part of the battle but it's generally been agreed that, as the arl's brother, we need him to remain safe so he can lead the region during the arl's illness.

Turns out he wasn't who Elissa meant. She wanted to talk to the people taking refuge in the Chantry, find out if they needed anything before the doors were sealed for the night. She did meet one girl, Kaitlyn, whose brother had gone missing, and Elissa tracked down the child for her so he'd be safe during the battle. Their parents have already been killed during the previous nights' raids.

She's taken each of us aside, in turn, and questioned whether we're really willing to fight this battle. She said she won't force it on any of us, and that if we want to wait in camp beyond the village limits, she'll understand. But she can't in good conscience leave these people to their fate. I'm sure Morrigan rolled her eyes, and I have my doubts about whether Sten agreed with the philosophy either, but neither one left. Leliana insisted on remaining to help, and naturally, so did I. My place is beside my fellow Grey Warden, to whatever end. As for Toby, well, she didn't even bother asking.

Partly to pass the time, mostly out of real curiosity, I've been poking through a number of archive books in the Chantry - well, I was until they barred the doors with me on the outside. I wanted to find out if there was any record of my mother. And it turns out that there is! Her name was Fiona. Not only that, but she had another child, a few years before I came along. There's a mention of her daughter, who was more or less left to her own devices after our mother died. I have a sister. I can't understand why the arl didn't take her in too - no, wait, yes I can. She wasn't Maric's. Anyway, there's a record of her birth, and it says eventually she went off in a wagon caravan to Denerim. Her name was Goldanna -  _is_  Goldanna, I should say. And you know, I was in Denerim with the Templars a few years back, and there was a laundress named Goldanna living in the market district. It's not exactly a common name. That must be my sister!

So when it was my turn to speak with Elissa about things, I decided to bring it up. First, I told her that I will fight at her side against  _any_  enemy, and she doesn't ever even need to ask me. She looked really grateful for that. Maker's breath, her eyes are  _blue_. Almost like lyrium.

Er, I'm getting sidetracked. That out of the way, I told her what I'd learned about my sister. I asked if, should Denerim happen to be in our way at any point, we could stop by. At least I could warn Goldanna about the Blight, if nothing else, and maybe... just maybe... I could have a relationship with her like I never could with Cailan. Elissa was very understanding (then again, when is she not?) and promised that if we find ourselves in the vicinity, of course we'll pay a call.

All the family research made me think, again, about my mother's amulet. When I was told I was being sent away to the care of the Chantry, I threw it at the wall and it smashed. I've missed it many times over the years, it was all I had of hers. Stupid boy I was. I told Elissa about it, when I confessed the secret about my parentage.

The sun gets low in the sky. Let's hope we see it return again in the morning.


	7. Genitivi's Research

**Genitivi's Research**

_Amidst ramblings about local legends and ancient trade routes, one passage stands out. "The village of Haven in the Frostbacks seems a good place to start. Pity it's not on any maps."_

* * *

Andraste be praised, we survived the night.

In a way, after fighting so many darkspawn, this didn't really seem all that difficult. Maybe I'm getting complacent. The night started out pretty creepy, though. A cloud of what looked like smoke crawled along the path from the castle and slowly cascaded down the hills into the village, and the undead were on us. It took all of our combined strength, but when the sun came up over Lake Calenhad, we had  _all_  survived! Not a single villager was lost!

Bann Teagan came out and made a great speech about how valorous we all were, and then he turned to give most of the credit to Elissa. That's fair enough, really - it's because of her that we stayed to fight, it's because of her that the smithy opened and Dwyn joined the battle. She deserved to be recognized. "I bow to you, dear lady," he said. (Not sure I like that, but on the other hand I don't really get a say about it.) He said that the Maker was generous in sending her to him (I think I like that even less, I don't think Elissa was sent to  _him_  but what do I know) and then he gave her the Helm of the Red, a Guerrin family heirloom that was worn in battle by some uncle of his. And she blushed prettily and accepted the gift, but she insisted on giving credit to the courage of the men of the village and us, her companions.

There was a brief prayer vigil in which everyone gave thanks to the Maker, and then Bella - the nice serving girl from up at the tavern - came out and called for everyone to come up and have breakfast on the house. Very considerate. That's where we are right now as I update this. We can't stay long, because Bann Teagan asked us - well, asked Elissa, but she's not going without us - to meet him up at the windmill to talk about the situation in the castle. We need to get in there and figure out what's causing the undead attacks. Right now she's talking with the girl Kaitlyn, the one whose brother she found yesterday. The two are orphans now, and their only hope of staying together is to travel to Denerim in a caravan to stay with relatives, but it costs money they don't have. I'd wager anything I own that I know what Elissa will - yes, there she goes, she just handed over a sovereign.

I didn't realize it, but Sten's watching her too. "An honorable gesture," he said.

I think Sten's actually grown fond of Elissa. That's interesting. It doesn't seem to be romantic, or at least not in a way that we'd recognize as romantic here in Ferelden; mostly he just seems to have stopped challenging a lot of her decisions.

Ah, she's ready. To the windmill, then.

* * *

Back in camp, and things are just getting progressively stranger.

We met Bann Teagan at the mill, as he requested, but before we could work out any sort of plan, Lady Isolde came running up to beg him to return with her. She said she thinks Connor might be going mad. Connor, of course, is her and Arl Eamon's son; I've only seen him once or twice, I barely know him. But I know enough  _of_  him to know that he's pretty much the center of his parents' lives.

She wasn't thrilled to see me. She also refused our offers to come back to the castle with them.

Teagan was smart enough to know something wasn't right. He gave Elissa his signet ring and told her to use it to enter the hidden passage inside the mill, a secret known only to the Guerrin family. All noble households have secret escape passages, of course; Elissa knows that well enough, after her own escape from Castle Cousland. Oh, I hope this wasn't a painful reminder. Anyway, he told us that once we were inside, we should open the gate to let Ser Perth and his men inside to assist with whatever the situation turned out to be.

It wasn't too hard for us to get in, although we did encounter some more undead on the way. We also encountered a blood mage locked in a prison cell. He gave up quite a bit of information - it turns out that Connor is a mage! Lady Isolde's family has a fair few mages, and I guess he inherited the skill, but she didn't want him taken away by the Circle so she recruited this apostate Jowan to tutor him so he could learn to hide it. This turned out to be a really bad idea, because not only is Jowan wanted by the Circle, but he was hired by  _Loghain_ to poison Eamon! That's why he's so sick! Worse, Connor doesn't have a good grasp of his powers, and he accidentally pulled something through the Veil. It's taken control of his body.

Elissa let Jowan go, which I kind of questioned (since he is a wanted man) but she said she couldn't bring herself to kill him, nor leave him to be killed by any wandering undead. I guess I understand that. He ran off, and who knows where he is now.

We continued through the castle. In another room we found Velanna, or whatever her name was - the smith's daughter that Elissa promised to find. Well, she kept her promise. The girl's run back to the village to let her father know she's okay. We got to the courtyard and opened the gate for Ser Perth and his soldiers, and they joined our exploring party. Finally we got to the great hall, and... Maker, that was bizarre. The demon that's possessing Connor had turned Teagan into some kind of mad jester, and he was cavorting all over the place doing wild tumbles and tricks. It was unsettling, actually. And then we entered, and the demon fixated on Elissa at once. (Maybe I should stop letting her walk in front.) "So... these are our visitors. The ones you told me about, Mother. And this is the one who defeated my soldiers? The ones I sent to reclaim my village?"

"Y-yes."

"Now it's staring at me! What is it, Mother? I can't see it well enough," he demanded.

"This is a woman, Connor. Just as I am." I felt sorry for Lady Isolde, she sounded so tired and afraid.

"You lie! This woman is nothing at all like you!" I tried to move to shield Elissa, but she put a hand on my arm to keep me from doing so. "Why, just look at her!" continued the demon. "Half your age, and pretty too. I'm surprised you don't order her executed in a fit of jealousy!"

That was unduly harsh, I thought. Lady Isolde is not my favorite person by a long shot, but she's not  _that_  unreasonable. At least, I don't think she is... anyway, she begged him not to hurt anyone. And suddenly he put a hand to his eyes, and started asking her what was happening. His voice changed; when the demon had spoken, the voice had an echo-y sort of sound to it, but now he sounded like a normal boy. I guess Connor has moments where the demon's grip loosens. Poor Isolde thought that maybe he'd broken through for good, but a moment later the demon was back and all but threatening her.

"Maker's breath, what's happening here?" Ser Perth asked.

For the first time, Lady Isolde looked at us, and addressed herself to Elissa. "Grey Warden... please, don't hurt my son! He's not responsible for what he does!"

Apparently, at least according to Isolde, the mage Jowan summoned a demon. Connor wanted to help his father, so he somehow ended up agreeing to be possessed in exchange for Eamon's life. The demon protested that it was a fair deal, since Eamon still lives, and meanwhile it's Connor's turn "to sit on the throne and send my armies to conquer the world! Nobody tells me what to do anymore!"

Teagan parroted this, and  _cackled_. That man should not cackle. Funny thing, the demon seemed to agree with me, because he told Teagan to be quiet. Then he said he'd give Elissa the audience she wanted, and asked why she had come.

"I came to help, if I can."

"To help me? To help Father? To help yourself? Which?"

"To help the arl, of course."

"So you're a concerned well-wisher." I can't decide even now if the demon was being serious or sarcastic, honestly. "Why didn't you say that in the first place? All this sneaking around and killing is so unnecessary! But Father is so very ill, we really shouldn't disturb him. Isn't that right, Mother?"

"I... I don't think..."

"Of course you don't! Ever since you sent the knights away, you do nothing but deprive me of my fun. Frankly, it's getting dull." He - it - looked at us again. "I crave excitement and action! This woman spoiled my sport by saving that stupid village, and now she'll repay me!"

And with that, the great hall turned into a free-for-all. Teagan and several of Eamon's soldiers, clearly still under the demon's control, attacked us. It wasn't too hard for us to dispatch them, but I had to hit Teagan pretty hard and I felt guilty. The weird part is that even though the demon wanted the fight to happen, Connor hates violence and ran out of the room to hide in his own chambers. So he didn't even stay to watch.

That was a good thing in its way, though, because it released Teagan and the soldiers from the demon's grip. Poor Bann Teagan apologized profusely, even though it wasn't his fault, and then he and we and Lady Isolde had a discussion about what to do. In essence, there were three options before us - kill Connor, or track down that mage Jowan and try to make him undo what he'd done, or go to the Circle of Magi for help. None of us were very enthusiastic about killing a child, and Jowan's probably a lost cause, and we need to go to the Circle anyway because of the treaty so that makes the most sense.

Elissa talked to Isolde a little bit about the quest on which she sent the knights. She agreed that reviving Arl Eamon does have to be made a priority, and that we would do what we could to assist. When we met with Ser Donall in Lothering, he mentioned a Brother Genitivi in Denerim, whose research was important to the search for Andraste's ashes. So we're on our way there first, rather than directly to the Circle of Magi. It's a little bit out of the way, to be honest, and if I didn't know better I'd almost think Elissa was doing this just so I could meet with Goldanna at the first possible opportunity.

She wouldn't do that, right? I mean, that can't be the reason, can it?

* * *

Maybe it was. I don't know.

What I do know is that upon our arrival in Denerim, the first order of business was to find the home of this Brother Genitivi. We almost didn't get there, because one of Loghain's soldiers - I forget the name, Ser Something or Other - ambushed us and tried to challenge Elissa to honorable duel. He claimed that he was a friend of some of those who died at Ostagar and blamed the Grey Wardens, specifically her, for their deaths. (You know, I can't decide if I'm insulted or relieved by all these people who either don't know or forget or just plain ignore the fact that  _I'm_  a Grey Warden too.) Anyway, she refused to have a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent, and chased him off. He said it won't be the last we see of him.

Well, with that done, we found Brother Genitivi's place just off the market district. He wasn't there, but his assistant Waylon was. Nervous-looking fellow. The way he kept glancing around while he talked made me wonder if he wasn't keeping something from us. He said we should go to Lake Calenhad, because his master was heading there and planning to stay at some inn. That's kind of convenient, in its way, since we have to go to Lake Calenhad to get to the mages' tower anyway.

We passed through the marketplace, picked up a few odds and ends - food, mostly - and then I saw the laundress's shop. "Elissa? Can I have a word?"

"What's on your mind, Alistair?"

"That's my sister's house." I pointed. "I'm almost sure of it. This is the right address. She could be inside... could we go and see?"

"Wouldn't you rather meet her on your own?"

I started babbling, because that's just what I do. I admitted I was nervous. Sister is a funny word. Oh, Maker, I don't know half of what I said, but I do know that I all but begged her to go with me. I didn't really want the whole group to go, but having Elissa at my side just always seems to bolster my courage. So she asked the others to wait in the market, and she and I went into the house.

Goldanna's a pretty woman - not as pretty as Elissa, being older and kind of careworn, but still pretty. There's a hint of something elvish in her features. She thought we were there to have laundry done, and I apologized for the mistake. "My name's Alistair. I'm - well, this may sound sort of strange, but - are you Goldanna? If so, I suppose, well, I'm your brother."

At first she seemed mostly confused. Then suspicious. And then, when I mentioned our mother serving at Redcliffe Castle, she got this terrible look on her face. " _You_!" she cried. "They told me you were dead! They told me the babe was dead along with Mother, but I knew they was lying!"

"They told you I was dead?! Who told you that?"

"Them at the castle! I told them the babe was the king's, and they said it was dead! Gave me a coin to shut my mouth and sent me on my way!" I couldn't tell if she was angry or trying not to cry. Maybe both. "I knew it!"

"I'm sorry, I didn't know that. The babe didn't die... I'm him. Your brother."

I don't know what I expected, really. I guess I expected her to hug me, tell me she was glad I was alive, tell me about our mother. None of that happened. She started ranting about how hard her life has been since then, how she has children to support (though I didn't see any evidence of children in the room) and that I killed our mother.

It was that last bit that hurt, and maybe it showed on my face, because that's when Elissa decided to speak. "That's hardly Alistair's fault."

"And who in the Maker's name are you?" Goldanna asked her. "Some tart following after his riches, I expect?"

Up to that moment I'd really started to feel sorry for her, but she ruined all my sympathy with that comment. No one had ever dared to be so rude to Elissa in front of me before, and I have to admit I'm actually a little surprised by just  _how_  angry it made me. "Don't speak to her that way! She's my friend, and a Grey Warden just like me!"

Goldanna was not impressed. "Oh, I see. A prince and a Grey Warden too - well, who am I to think poorly of someone so high and mighty compared to me? I don't know you,  _boy_. Your royal father forced himself on my mother and took her away from me." I somehow doubt that's how it really went down, but she was only a child at the time and I can't blame her for being angry about that. She went on, "And what do I have to show for it? Nothing! They tricked me good, I should have told everyone! I've got five mouths to feed, and unless you can help with that, I've got less than no use for you."

It amazes me that I can write down everything she said. It's still ringing in my mind with crystal clarity. I stammered out an apology, but I couldn't very well give her the companions' communal money. Then she demanded that I go to "whatever high and mighty folk you run with" and tell them that my nieces and nephews aren't living like they deserve.

"It looks like all she wants is your money," said Elissa quietly. "Well, maybe we can do something for them somewhere along the way."

It did look like that and I couldn't help agreeing. "I'm starting to wonder why I came."

"I don't know why you came either," Goldanna snapped, "or what you expected to find, but it isn't here. Now get out of my house, the both of you."

We left. Maybe I'm just not meant to have a real family; my brother barely knew me and my sister doesn't  _want_  to know me. "That shrew is my sister?" I asked Elissa as we walked back toward the market. I wasn't quite ready to face the others just yet, and I slowed my steps so she would slow likewise. "I guess I expected her to accept me without question - isn't that what families do? I feel like a complete idiot."

"You're not an idiot. I'm sorry it happened that way," she said gently. "But the reality is that most everyone is really out for themselves. You're going to have to learn that - you need to put yourself first a bit more often."

"Yes... I suppose you're right. Let's just go; I don't want to talk about this anymore."

* * *

We collected the others and returned to camp, and I kept quiet. I wanted to think about what Elissa had said.

She makes a good point. I mean, it's been my own experience that people really do often put themselves first. Arl Eamon raised me, and I won't say he wasn't kind to me, but why did he do it? Because I was the king's son. He probably wanted to have influence at court in the event that I ever had to take the throne, not that this is going to happen. Duncan was good to me too, and probably the only real father figure I ever properly had, but he took me from the Chantry for his own purposes. Flemeth saved my life - who knows why? She's got some plot in mind, I'm sure of it, and that's the real reason she sent Morrigan with us. Sten joined us because he would have died otherwise. Leliana - well, I'm still not convinced of her sanity. Even Bodahn Feddic is only helping us because he profits from our business, really.

And I'm thinking of other examples now too, examples that don't affect me directly. Ser Jory, for instance. He agreed to join the Grey Wardens because he wanted glory and prestige. When it came to making actual sacrifice, he panicked and tried to withdraw.

Truth is, this is a selfish, selfish world. And I guess if I want to survive in it, I've got to be a little more selfish too.

After dinner, once Elissa had made her usual rounds (and, I suspect, fended off a few questions about what had happened in Denerim), she came and sat by me. "How are you feeling?"

"I've been thinking," I told her. "Back when we left Goldanna's, you told me I need to look out for myself more. I'm beginning to think you're right."

"Oh yes?"

"I need to stop letting everyone else make my decisions for me." In a way, that's all I've done through my whole life. "I need to take a stand and think about myself, or I'm never going to be happy."

"As long as you continue to listen to me, you'll be fine," she said teasingly. More seriously she added, "That's a wise decision, Alistair. I want you to be happy."

I looked at her for a moment. "You were wrong about something, though."

"About what?"

"You said that everyone is out for themselves."

"Yes, pretty nearly everyone."

"Not everyone is like that. You're not like that."

"Oh, well..." She looked a bit flustered. "There are things I want too, you know."

I hope she tells me what they are sometime. "Well, I just wanted to thank you. Being with you is the one bright spot out of everything that's happened."

She bit her lip. I never saw her do that before, and I couldn't stop staring at her mouth. "I feel the same way."


	8. Senior Enchanter's Robes

**Senior Enchanter's Robes**

_Robes such as these are worn by the senior enchanters of the Circle of Magi._

* * *

We haven't revisited the subject of Goldanna, Elissa and I, nor do I plan to bring it up. I'll make my peace with it in time. So what if I'm not meant to have a traditional family? I had one for a short time, in the Grey Wardens, and that's something. And there's at least one person in the world who cares about me. Not just that, but she cares about me for  _me_ , for who I am myself.

She might be the first person who ever has.

* * *

Well, that was dark and disturbing.

We reached the shores of Lake Calenhad and found the inn without difficulty. The Spoiled Princess, it's called; made us all chuckle a little. But when we got inside, the innkeeper acted very strange when Elissa started asking about Brother Genitivi. He said he'd never heard of such a person, he didn't know anything about any knights from Redcliffe, and we really should be on our way.

She moved in closer and started using her persuasive skills to get him to open up. The rest of us tried to form sort of a loose protective wall around her, to shield the conversation from prying eyes, so I couldn't really listen too well. She told us later that a group of people - the innkeeper had no idea who they were - had threatened to kill his wife and son if he gave out any information concerning the search for Andraste's ashes. She promised to take care of it, and then we all went outside to discuss the matter a bit privately.

Only that didn't quite happen, since the second we left the inn we were  _ambushed_. This group of crazed-looking people attacked our party. We outnumbered them just barely, so it wasn't very hard to defeat them, but usually I have some idea as to why someone's trying to kill me. Once Elissa told us about her conversation with the innkeeper, it made more sense. Still, it was strange and a little frightening.

Elissa and Leliana looted the bodies of their weapons and money, and then Sten and I tossed them into the shallows of Lake Calenhad. We went back into the Spoiled Princess, where the innkeeper thanked us profusely for dealing with the problem. I can't blame the man for being terrified, considering what they were threatening, but he couldn't offer any information about  _why_  they were acting this way. "Do you know who they were?" he asked Elissa.

"No," she replied shortly, "but I'm going to find out."

Out of gratitude for getting rid of the crazy killers, the innkeeper gave us our suppers for free, though we still had to pay for the rooms we rented for the night. We took up a table in a corner, and while we ate we discussed the situation. Elissa gave us all the particulars of her first conversation with the innkeeper, and we decided that when we had the opportunity, we'd return to Denerim and ask Waylon why he sent us into a death trap. If Waylon's in on it, then where is his master really?

We agreed to see about crossing Lake Calenhad to the mages' tower at first light, since by the time we reached the docks it was already past sundown and it seemed unlikely that the ferry would be operational. Once we finished eating, everyone turned in, but I detained Leliana in the hallway for a few minutes. Elissa gave us a strange look, but didn't question it.

And then I proceeded to act like an idiot again. "Leliana... you're female, right?"

"I am? That's news, when did that happen?"

Okay, so it was a stupid question. "I just wanted some advice. What should I do if I... if I think a woman is... special, and...?"

"And you want to woo her? Well, here's a tip," she said dryly. "Don't question her about her female-ness."

"All right, yes, good point," I grumbled.

"Why do you ask? Are you afraid things will not proceed naturally?"

"Why would they? Especially when I do things like ask women if they're female!"

"It adds to your charm, Alistair. You're a little awkward; it's endearing."

"So I should be... awkward?" I can do that like a champion, but it seemed a bit counter-intuitive. "Didn't you just tell me  _not_  to do things like that?"

"Just be yourself. You do know how to do that, don't you?"

"All right, forget I asked." Be myself. Right.

And then Leliana chuckled. "Just talk to Elissa about it if you're so concerned."

"No, I can't d- wait, I - who said it was -" Blast it, she caught me, and the more I tried to protest the more tongue-tied I became. She laughed. "How did you know?"

"Process of elimination," she replied sweetly. "It can't be Morrigan, because you two can barely stand the sight of one another. And if it were me, or a woman outside of our companions, you would be asking Elissa for the advice because you two are thick as thieves. Besides, I've seen the way you look at her when you think no one is watching."

"Oh."

"And I've seen the way she looks at you."

"...she looks at me? Really?"

She laughed again, and moved to enter the room she was sharing with the other women. "Pleasant dreams, Grey Warden."

So now I can't sleep, because I'm wondering how Elissa looks at me. And when. And why. And whether I'm glad Leliana told me this or if I would have been better off not knowing.

* * *

My rose is dying. The one I picked in Lothering, I mean. I guess I should have known that would happen, but it still makes me sad. Such a beautiful thing in the midst of so much sadness.

* * *

Well, that was an adventure.

We left the Spoiled Princess and went down to the docks of Lake Calenhad, where a very young Templar refused to give us passage to the tower. The Circle Tower, as a point of interest, predates the actual Circle of Mages. It's like Ostagar - a relic of the Tevinter Imperium. The imperial highway used to lead right up to it, in fact, but a massive chunk of that has fallen out and so the only way to access the island is to be rowed across the lake. Which is what we needed this young fellow to do, but he kept saying no. Said that Knight-Commander Greagoir posted him there to prevent people from coming to the tower. Even Elissa's Grey Warden credentials didn't faze him very much.

And then Sten gave him cookies.

I couldn't make this up if I tried. He said that when we were last passing through a village, some pudgy kid was eating more than his fair share of cookies so he relieved the boy of them. Elissa did mention that Sten has a sweet tooth. Even funnier, the bribe actually  _worked._

So then we got to the tower, and - by the Maker, nothing can ever be simple and straightforward, can it? Apparently the tower has been overrun by abominations. Knight-Commander Greagoir had sealed off the majority of the tower so they couldn't escape; they'd already killed several mages and Templars by the time we arrived. He had sent for permission to perform the Rite of Annulment - essentially to destroy the tower, and everyone in it, because he saw no other way to be sure of preventing the abominations from escaping into the kingdom. He was sure no one was still alive.

Unsurprisingly, Elissa volunteered to go into the mouth of the beast, as it were, to see if there was anyone who could still be saved. Greagoir had serious doubts, but said that he supposed she had a better chance than most. But he warned her that once she entered the tower, she would not be permitted to come back out unless she found and brought out First Enchanter Irving. "If I have it from the First Enchanter that it's safe, then I'll open the tower."

"All right. Give me a few minutes."

We convened at one side of the entrance hall to discuss the situation. "I think a smaller party is best, in this situation," she said. "Toby, I want you to wait here." The dog whined but sat down. "Alistair, will you come with me?"

"Of course."

"Leliana, your lock-picking skills are likely to be of use, so if you're willing I'd like you to come as well. Sten, Morrigan, I'd rather you stayed here."

"Why?"

"Because you are a foreign warrior and an apostate mage and I can't guarantee that any Templars left inside there will react well to your presence. Besides, if the worst should happen, Morrigan, I'll be counting on you to find some way to continue leading the quest."

"This is your will,  _kadan_?" asked Sten.

I had to interrupt here. "What's a kadan?"

He gave a huff of annoyance. "It is a Qunari form of address for one who is highly esteemed," he replied. "Translated most directly into your tongue, it means 'close to the heart.'" So I was right, he  _has_  grown fond of Elissa.

It took a little more persuading, but they finally consented to her decision. Before we could part from them, however, Morrigan pulled Elissa aside for a few private words. I didn't know what that was about until later, but even at the time I thought it seemed like she was asking Elissa for a favor of some kind. I saw Elissa nod.

We dealt, briefly, with the quartermaster of the tower, in order to unload the items we'd collected from our attackers by the docks and purchase a few extra healing potions; then, bravely as we dared, we entered the tower proper. The doors shut behind us, heavy with finality. I wondered if we would ever leave again.

The first floor was not too bad, for the most part. This was chiefly a series of dormitories that, in ordinary times, would be occupied by apprentice mages. A few of them had, somehow, managed to survive and remain in hiding in their rooms; they paid us little attention and we didn't try to disturb them. In point of fact, we came across nothing whatever until we had gone almost all the way around the tower. And then we entered a room and found a few mages, including one older woman who was actively involved in driving off an abomination which had broken through a force field covering the door. There was something vaguely familiar about her, but I couldn't figure out what.

Elissa, however, could, and as soon as the fight was over and the mage turned around to see us, she gave a small cry. " _Wynne_?"

"You know her?" asked Leliana.

"She served with us at Ostagar," Elissa explained. Right,  _that's_  why she looked familiar. So Elissa and I aren't the only ones who escaped with our lives; good to know. "I met her the day I became a Grey Warden. It's good to see that you survived, Wynne."

"It's you," said the mage called Wynne. "No - come no farther. Grey Warden or no, I will strike you down where you stand."

I could see by Elissa's face that this startled her deeply. A lengthy discussion followed, in which she had to persuade Wynne that we had come to help save whoever could be saved - not kill them on the order of the Templars. Wynne explained that she had erected the barrier to protect the mage children, but that if we were really there to fight off the abominations, she would lower the barrier and accompany us into the rest of the tower to join our fight. The younger mages who were with her, she said, could guard the children. "Even if we cannot defeat all the demons, at least we can lead the survivors out," she said. "I am sure that once Greagoir sees that we have made the tower safe, he will tell his men to back down. He is not unreasonable."

"He said that he will only halt the Rite of Annulment if we bring First Enchanter Irving to him," Elissa warned.

"Then we must move quickly, and try to find him as fast as possible," said Wynne. She gave instructions to the younger mages about caring for the children in her absence, then - once we indicated that we were ready - she removed the barrier and we entered the tower.

Elissa took a scant few minutes to introduce Leliana and myself to Wynne. She was polite to Leliana, but gave me a funny look, and I realized she was doing the same thing I had, trying to figure out why I looked familiar. "I was at Ostagar too," I said. "Elissa and I are the last of the Grey Wardens."

"Ah, yes. You were sort of an apprentice to Duncan, weren't you? I remember now. I'm sorry for your loss... he was a good man."

"Thank you, yes. He was."

The battles were difficult, but not impossible. Being almost a Templar, I had some experience with facing abominations - well,  _theoretical_  experience, which is really not experience at all come to think of it. I suppose it doesn't matter. To my mind, and maybe to hers but I haven't had the chance to ask her, it was quite a bit like when Elissa and I fought our way through the Tower of Ishal to the signal beacon. We handled it fairly methodically, going through each room and clearing it thoroughly of all the horrors within. A few of the mages (including Tranquil) were still alive, we found, and once it was safe for them to do so we urged them to go downstairs to wait in the room where we'd left the children. One Tranquil, whose name I forget, was the caretaker of some records room and he preferred to stay there. He mentioned a missing friend called Niall, and even at the time I remember thinking that the name was going to be somehow important.

I did notice Elissa acting a little strangely when we entered a room that Wynne identified as the First Enchanter's study. She opened a cabinet, and paused, and glanced around as if to see where we all were. She caught Leliana's eye, and made a subtle gesture which Leliana apparently understood; she approached a statue of some old enchanter or other on the far side of the room and asked Wynne to explain its significance. While the mage was thus occupied, Elissa motioned for me to come join her.

"Put this in your pack, quickly, before Wynne sees." She pushed a book into my hands, a black magic tome embossed with the image of a silver tree.

"Why?"

"I'll explain later, just please trust me." So I did.

In another room we encountered a group of blood mages, who attacked us on sight. They were mixed up in the whole business of having summoned the abominations. One, however, begged us for her life. She said she knew she had no right to ask for mercy, but that they had never intended for such a mess. "We were just trying to free ourselves." This made more sense when she said that Uldred - I didn't know then who that was - had told them that the Circle was going to support  _Loghain_ , and that Loghain would return the favor by freeing them from the Chantry's control. Yet another disaster, another massacre, that he had a hand in!

"And now Uldred's gone mad," she told us, "and we are scattered, doomed to die at the hands of those who seek to right our wrongs."

Elissa stared down at her. Wynne looked angry, and rightly enough, but Elissa... I never saw a look entirely like that in her eyes. It was cold, and penetrating, and... brr. I hope she never looks at me like that. Then she apparently came to her decision, and her jaw tightened a little. "Keep your life," she told the mage. "I will spare you. But I will not help you escape."

"Thank you. The Maker will surely turn His eyes on you for your mercy," she said, getting up. "I will do something good with my life, I swear it."

We watched her amble out of the room. Elissa turned to me, and the usual warmth flooded back into her expression. "What do you think she'll do? Seek refuge with the Chantry?"

"I don't know if they'd take her. They're very picky about who they let in," I said. "Murderers, harlots? Sure. Maleficarum? Ooh, no." She chuckled.

As we climbed higher in the tower, it seemed like the challenge became greater. Or maybe we were just getting tired, I'm not sure. But as we approached one room, I could hear a woman's voice - sweet, and supplicating. We peered inside, and there was a Templar, with a demon hovering in the air before him. He stared straight at her as though lulled into a trance, like he couldn't even see her. He spoke to her as if she were his wife, and their two children, and she changed her voice to answer him.

"It's a desire demon," Wynne told us in a hushed voice. "She's ensorcelled him, trapped him in a fantasy. And meanwhile, she feeds off of his life's essence."

We entered the room, and the demon sensed our approach. She told her 'husband' to go tuck the children into bed while she answered the door, then turned to us. "You are intruding upon a loving, intimate moment, and  _I dislike disruptions._ "

As usual, it was Elissa who engaged her in conversation, trying to talk her into releasing the Templar from his lie. To be honest, though, I don't really remember much about their conversation. I was sort of distracted by watching  _him_. He looked a bit like a Tranquil, except he was the very opposite - he was full of feelings, for a wife and children who didn't actually exist. I do remember the demon saying that she had read his wish for such a thing in his heart, where no one else knew it was there, and I felt sorry for the poor sod. Templars aren't outright forbidden from marrying, any more than Grey Wardens are, but they're by no means encouraged to do it. It was one of the things I had most resented about having that life chosen for me. I wondered what a desire demon would use to capture me.

I would find out soon enough, but I'm getting ahead of myself again.

Elissa looked torn. "We have to put a stop to it," she muttered to us, "but I'm not sure how. If the demon releases him, he'll die, and if we kill the demon, he'll die, and if we let her go on feeding on him this way, he'll die  _and_  she'll move on to find a new target."

"Well, that last one sounds like the worst idea," I pointed out, and she nodded.

"I want nothing from you," the demon told us. "I have what I need. All I ask is that you leave us alone."

"I can't do that," Elissa told her.

"Then you leave me no choice." The demon faced the Templar and reverted again to the sickeningly sweet 'wife' voice. "Help! There are bandits at the door! They're going to murder the children!"

"They will not get past me!" he cried. And of course he attacked us, the poor man, and the demon summoned lesser creatures to assist him in the battle. It was my blade that dealt him the finishing blow, and I could swear that even now I can see his eyes right in front of me - vacant, confused. Wynne and Leliana took on the smaller horrors, while Elissa fought the demon herself.

It happened very quickly. Before the demon fell, she lashed out one last time - striking not Elissa, but me. I was too close, maybe, or maybe it was payback for killing her Templar. All I know is that suddenly my helm came off, and I went to the floor, bleeding from the head. I could feel it trickling down my face. Then the fighting around me ended, sort of a blur from where I was, and I was half-lifted and cradled against something hard. Metal on metal.

"Wynne! Help me, please!" It was Elissa. She was holding me so I was propped up in a half-sitting, half-lying position, with my head near her shoulder. "Stay with me, Alistair, please. Don't leave me." This she said more quietly, for only me to hear. She almost sounded like she was ready to cry.

I think I mumbled something to the effect of never leaving her, and then I was bathed in a soft blue glow. Wynne has healing magic. The wound on my head closed, the bleeding stopped. "There... you're all right. Elissa, don't let him get up just yet. Leliana, come here, let me take a look at your injuries too."

"You're all right," Elissa repeated.

"Yep." I tilted my head back so I could look at her.

She gave this funny little hiccup, and smiled. "Has anybody ever told you that you're rather handsome?" she teased me.

"Mm, not unless they were asking me for a favor. Well, there was that one time in Denerim... but those women were not like you." I must have had the goofiest grin on my face. "Why? Is this your way of telling me  _you_ think I'm handsome?"

"Would that be a bad thing?"

"Oh, no, not at all. I just get to grin and look stupid for a bit."

There was the sound of polite coughing, and we looked up to see that we had an audience. "If you two are finished," said Wynne, and Leliana tried to smother a giggle behind her hands, "I think we're ready to move on."


	9. Litany of Adralla

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea how the darkspawn would really react to winter. But I couldn't figure out a better way to work Soldier's Peak into this story. Soldier's Peak only appears in the game if you have the Warden's Keep DLC, as most of you probably know, and I love it probably more than any other location in the game. So I had to use it, and the winter scenario that gets introduced in this chapter was the best idea I had.

 

**Litany of Adralla**

_The Litany has the power to stun demons and stop mind-controlling blood magic if it is used at the moment the spell is cast._

* * *

Had to take a bit of a break there, rest my cramped wrist and have a drink of water. Our fight through the Circle Tower was long. Also, I haven't mentioned it because I kind of don't want to remember it, but the higher we climbed in the tower, the more and more...  _goop_  was on the walls and the floor. I don't even know how to describe it. It was sort of fleshy-looking, to be honest, and it just made everything that much creepier. As if this part of our quest needed any help in the creepy department.

Anyway, after I'd recovered from the nicest head injury ever, I got off the floor and we went back out into the hallway. The desire demon had pretty much destroyed the helmet I'd been wearing - Elissa said she hit me with her  _tail_  - but the fallen Templar had one so I took that. The room across the corridor was a huge one, and a very, very large demon claimed our attention.

"Oh, look, visitors," it said. "I'd entertain you, but... too much effort involved."

"Who is that man?" Elissa demanded, pointing at the body of the mage which lay on the floor before the demon.

"He's just resting. Poor lad, he was so very very weary. You want to join us, don't you?" The demon had a strange way of talking, like every word was costing it all sorts of energy. That's how we knew it was a sloth demon, which I remember learning are among the strongest. It kept talking about how we deserved a rest, how we should just lie down and forget all of our troubles. I could hear Wynne begging us to resist, and Leliana saying that the demon would not have power over her, but... well...

The next thing I knew, I was in Denerim.

My sister Goldanna was looking at me, and chuckling. "Dear Alistair," she said, "I'm so glad you came back."

"Wait, you're happy to see me?"

"Of course I am! I'm so sorry I was mean to you before. We  _are_  family, and we should stay together. I'm so happy you're here."

Family. Stay together. Right. It made sense at the time, even though I know now that it shouldn't have made any sense at all. I sat down on a chair, and a little girl of maybe six years old ran over and hopped into my lap. "Hello, Uncle Alistair! You will stay and play with us, won't you? Mummy said you would!"

"Oh - of course I will."

"That's wonderful! You entertain the children, and I'll make supper," Goldanna said. "Tell me what your favorite dish is, and that's what we'll have."

"I'll eat most anything," I admitted, laughing. "But I really like roast pheasant, could we have that?"

"Roast pheasant it is!"

She was so pleasant, so kind. Everything I could have wanted my big sister to be. And the children were adorable. The five of them ran in and out, and we played tag and hide-and-seek. Then we had dinner, which was delicious, and I read them stories until they fell asleep, and I was so... so happy. I had a family.

Something was missing, though. It felt like... like something just wasn't quite right. Almost like part of  _myself_  was missing. I tried to ignore it, since I couldn't put a name to it.

I don't know how long I was there. It felt like days, maybe even a week. It was all perfect. Goldanna cooked all my favorite foods, and told me stories about our mother that I can't even remember now (probably none of them were true anyway), and I played with her children and helped her with the household tasks. It just felt right. Well, almost right.

And then, very suddenly, Elissa was there.

That's what was missing. I didn't realize it until she was in front of me, but she was the only thing the whole scenario lacked. With her there, it was exactly what I wanted it to be.

"Hey, it's great to see you again! I was just thinking about you!" I told her, smiling. "Isn't that a marvelous coincidence? You remember Goldanna, of course? These are her children, and there's more about somewhere."

Elissa seemed troubled, like she was deeply afraid and trying not to show it. "Alistair..."

"I'm overjoyed to have my baby brother back," Goldanna gushed. "I'll never let him out of my sight again!"

"May I borrow him for a minute? We have business elsewhere."

But I didn't want to go. I'm ashamed of it now. "I don't think I'll be coming. I don't want to spend my life fighting, only to end up dead in a pit with rotting darkspawn corpses."

"Will your friend be staying for dinner, Alistair?" Goldanna asked.

"You will, won't you? Oh, please say you'll stay! Goldanna's a great cook! Maybe she'll make her mince pie!" Elissa looked so unhappy that I was afraid she would go, and I couldn't bear the idea.

"Alistair, listen to me," she pleaded. "Think about this place and how you came to be here. Think carefully."

I pouted at her, which normally would have made her laugh, but she still looked very serious. "Oh, all right, if it'll make you happy." The thing was, I couldn't remember much of anything from before I'd met up with Goldanna and her children. I hadn't even been able to remember Elissa until she was right in front of me, after all, and she... well, to be blunt, she means more to me than anyone in the world. So if whatever was happening could make me forget  _her_ , then something really wasn't quite right.

I don't know how to describe the process of remembering. It was like my brain was splintering, cracking through the happy shell in which it had been wrapped. I started remembering the tower, and our quest, and Connor back in Redcliffe. I remembered Duncan, and Ostagar. And Goldanna, who had rejected me.

"Alistair, come and have some tea," said Goldanna, who I was beginning to understand was not Goldanna at all.

"No..." The remembering  _hurt_ , but it was there. "I think I have to go."

Elissa looked relieved, and gave me a smile. "Come with me, then."

"No!" Goldanna's voice wasn't at all like Goldanna anymore; it was deep and not human. "He is ours! I would rather see him dead than free!"

"No!" Elissa shouted back, drawing her sword. "He is  _mine_. You will not have him!"

Goldanna dissolved into her true form, which of course was a desire demon. The children were nothing more than shambling corpses. For the first time I realized that I had my own sword with me still, and I rushed to join the battle.

"I feel so stupid," I confessed when it was over, and the demon and her ilk lay dead around us. "How did I not see this earlier?"

"We're in the Fade. It's not like the real world."

"Yes, well... try not to tell everyone how easily fooled I was?" She started to answer, but I couldn't hear her. She seemed to be getting fuzzy around the edges - she was disappearing, or I was, I'm not sure. "Wait, where are you going? What's happening to me? Hey!"

I found myself next in another part of the Fade. Wynne and Leliana were there, too. "I'm relieved to see you both," I said. "What happened to you?"

"Elissa found me trapped in a nightmare," said Wynne. "I was surrounded by former students, all of whom died in the attack. She had a hard time convincing me that it wasn't real."

"Mine wasn't so bad," said Leliana. "I was back in the Chantry, praying with one of the Revered Mothers, trying to find peace. Elissa had to make me see that the 'Mother' was really a demon."

"I had a similar experience." I felt better knowing I wasn't the only one fooled. "Where  _is_  Elissa? She broke my dream only to disappear."

"I'm here," she said, coming up behind us. She looked exhausted; well, if I'd been running around the Fade plucking people out of their nightmares, I probably would too. "Let's finish this." She nodded at the sloth demon, which was approaching us. Sort of funny the way it reproached her - it called her ungrateful for the happy dreams in which it had landed her, and promised to 'do better' the next time. Of course, we weren't going to let it have a next time.

There's no way to know how long we'd been in the Fade. Like I said, I thought I'd been with Goldanna's family for around a week, but I'm pretty sure it was still the same day when we all woke up. The mage who was there when we entered the room, though, he didn't wake. Elissa said she'd met him in the Fade; his name was Niall, and he'd instructed her to take something called the Litany of Adralla from his dead body. Wynne agreed, since this Litany was the only thing that would protect us all from having our bodies seized by powerful blood mages.

And that, of course, was what awaited us on the very top floor of the tower. Wynne said this place is called the Harrowing chamber; the mages go there to undergo a visit to the Fade, where they confront a demon. If they survive the confrontation, they are made full mages. If they don't succeed in their fight, they either die at the demon's hands or they're made Tranquil to prevent them from accidentally bringing the demon across the Veil.

Before we could enter, we had to contend with Cullen. He's a Templar, and he was the last one left alive on that floor. He'd gone half-mad from watching his brethren be tortured and killed, and it took every drop of Elissa's persuasion to get him to believe that we weren't just figments of his imagination. He begged her to kill every last person she found in the Harrowing chamber, convinced that none of them could possibly be saved. She refused, saying she needed to see the situation for herself first.

We entered, and were greeted by a mage Wynne identified as Uldred. I think he was at Ostagar too, actually; he looked very familiar. First Enchanter Irving was there too, along with several other high-ranking mages. Uldred was attempting to infuse them with powerful demons. He had plenty of admiration to offer Elissa, saying that her raw skill backed by the power of a demon would be an unstoppable force. She politely declined, and he told her he wasn't really giving her an option.

The fighting commenced, of course. Wynne was kind of amazing, to be honest; not only was she holding her own in battle, but she would cry out to Elissa to "Use the Litany!" whenever Uldred attempted to force his will on any of us or any of the mages he was holding prisoner. He was very, very hard to kill, but we finally did it.

First Enchanter Irving looked half dead too. But he was alive, and fully in command of his own faculties. "We need to get you downstairs," Elissa told him, helping him to stand. "Knight-Commander Greagoir has sent for permission to perform the Rite of Annulment. He'll only halt the process if I bring you to him."

Irving couldn't walk very well, but with me supporting him he managed to get down the stairs. Cullen followed us too, as well as the other mages, and we were greeted warmly on the first floor by those Wynne had left behind. We were released into the entrance chamber, where Morrigan, Sten, and Toby were all very relieved to see us again. Greagoir was beyond stunned. "Maker's breath... I did not expect to see you alive," he admitted.

"It is over, Greagoir," said Irving. "Uldred is dead."

Cullen interrupted then, explaining that Uldred had tortured the mages in an attempt to turn them into abominations. While that was true, he then said that they had no way of knowing how many of them might have turned. He basically wanted Greagoir to go ahead with the Annulment! But Greagoir was smart enough to listen to Irving, and the tower was declared safe.

Irving then turned to Elissa and me, and promised to fulfill the mages' treaty with the Grey Wardens. Greagoir said that we had proven ourselves friends to both the mages and the Templars, but that his primary duty had to remain with the tower. I didn't really expect otherwise, and I doubt Elissa did either. He said he'd get his Templars to work straightaway searching for survivors. "And Irving... it's good to have you back."

Irving smiled. "I'm sure we'll be at each other's throats again in no time." He turned back to us. "I would hate to survive this only to fall to the Blight. You have my word as First Enchanter - the mages will join the Grey Wardens in this fight."

"Irving," said Wynne, "I have a request. I would like to remain with the Grey Warden."

"Wynne, we need you here. The Circle needs you."

"I appreciate the sentiment, Irving, but the Circle will do fine without me. It has you," she said. "This woman is brave, and good, and capable of great things. If she will accept my help, I will help her accomplish her goals."

"I would be honored to have you with us, Wynne," Elissa replied.

So of course Irving gave his permission, and we added a second mage to our ragtag collective. I definitely like Wynne better than Morrigan, though. Speaking of Morrigan, she and Elissa had a little private chat, after we crossed the lake and made camp not far from the Spoiled Princess. Turns out the book she asked me to carry for her was a grimoire that had been taken from Flemeth by the Templars. Morrigan had asked Elissa to keep an eye out for it, and return it to her if she possibly could, so that she might learn some of her mother's secrets. I wish Elissa wouldn't concede to Morrigan's requests so readily, but she said that Morrigan might learn something that will be of use against the darkspawn, so I guess I can't fault her reasoning.

Oh, and before we left him, Elissa also talked to Irving about Connor. He took the news seriously, but in stride. He promised to assemble some mages and gather together some lyrium, and they will meet us in Redcliffe once they're ready to proceed with whatever ritual they have to do to free the boy.

Maker, I'm tired. At least now I've got less in my head.

* * *

We've agreed to hold camp for a little longer than usual, mostly for Elissa's sake. She's pretty worn down after what happened in the tower, especially in the Fade. Over breakfast, Leliana asked her exactly what did happen. "I mean, if you want to tell us."

"I don't mind telling you," Elissa replied, "but Alistair might not want to hear the first part at least."

"What do you mean?"

"My nightmare." She looked grim. "You three were all trapped in your own personal nightmares, and so was I. But I broke out of my nightmare in order to find all of you. That was how I encountered Niall, actually, poor man."

"What was your nightmare?" I sat down on one side of her, and Leliana took the other side. The others gathered loosely around us; even Morrigan was in the camp proper rather than off in her own little corner.

"I was in Weisshaupt," she began. "But I don't know what Weisshaupt looks like, so in the nightmare it looked pretty much exactly like Ostagar. And there were other Grey Wardens there, greeting me as one of their own and telling me I earned a good rest. And..." She glanced at me, then looked away. "Duncan was there. He said that my memories of Ostagar were faulty, that I'd taken a bad blow to the head and only dreamed that they all died. He said we actually won the battle, and stopped the Blight, and now we could celebrate. And I wanted to believe - Maker preserve me, how I wanted to believe! But I knew it wasn't right. You weren't there, for one thing, Alistair. Nor was Toby." The dog came over and laid his head in her lap. "I kept pressing Duncan, questioning him, and he called me ungrateful and selfish. Finally he... he attacked me." She shook her head; her gauntlets were off and she pressed a hand to her eyes. "I had to kill him."

"Oh, Elissa... I'm so sorry."

She gave herself a shake. "After that, it was like your nightmares - I faded out of Weisshaupt, and into a different part of the Fade. That's where I met Niall. He helped me understand the situation a little better. Basically, that portion of the Fade was a little archipelago, a group of islands, and each island was ruled by a lesser demon. The sloth demon ruled the whole thing. I had to go to each island, and find and destroy the demon who ruled it. I met other lost souls along the way, who lent me special powers." She told us how she was given the ability to transform into a mouse, a rock golem, a man on fire, and a wraith. It was necessary, apparently, in order to make use of the different doors throughout the islands. "There were many, many fights," she added. "So many skeletons and golems and I don't even know what. And I was all alone. I was afraid, I can admit that now. I was afraid I would never see any of you again."

"You are a woman of tremendous courage," Leliana told her. "I don't think I could have endured that as well as you did."

"Well, if nothing else, I'm a woman of tremendous stubbornness," Elissa said with a chuckle. "But thank you, that's good to hear."

"It is strange to think you were trapped in nightmares," Sten noted. "You might all have died without ever knowing that what you saw was not real."

"That's what scared me most of all."

"We're very, very lucky," said Wynne, "that Elissa had the strength of mind to break free of her dreams. You've earned a rest, my dear, and I would say more of one than you're really able to take at this point."

"Speaking of rest," said Morrigan, "winter is coming." We all sort of looked at her; I for one was surprised that she had spoken. "I do not expect we are going to be able to run merrily about the country when the snows fall, will we?"

"I doubt it."

"I suggest, then, that we begin working on a plan for what to do in that eventuality. 'Tis a mercy, at least, that the darkspawn will be unable to trouble us in the interim."

"They won't?" asked Leliana.

"No, she's right," I said. Not that I'm keen on saying Morrigan's right, even when she is, but she was. "Snow is one of the only things that can deter the darkspawn. They can survive in it, but since the Archdemon inhabits the body of a dragon, it can't bear the cold. Dragons are heat-loving creatures. So it will go sort of dormant once snow flies, and the darkspawn will content themselves for the colder months with only occupying whatever areas they've already invaded."

"Should we not then use that time to our advantage?" asked Sten. "Perhaps hunt down the Archdemon where it resides, rather than wait for it to appear after the thaw?"

"You'd think so, but it'd be a suicide run," I replied. "We won't have nearly a big enough army to take on the Archdemon by that time. We've only called in one of the three treaties, and Arl Eamon is still sick and can't send his men to our aid. Our best bet will be to find a safe place to spend the winter, and use that time to research strategies and increase our personal weapon proficiencies."

"And avoid getting captured by Loghain," added Elissa, grimly.

"That too."

* * *

Interestingly, the discussion about sheltering for winter seems to have happened at a very timely, um, time. A little while after all this talk, while we were striking tents and preparing to start for Redcliffe, a man appeared in our camp and asked to speak to the Grey Wardens.

His name, he said, is Levi Dryden, and he was a friend of Duncan's. I recognized the name - the Drydens are the family of a former Commander of the Grey who died in disgrace up at Soldier's Peak, back during King Arland's despotic reign. He said that Duncan had promised to help him look into possibly clearing his ancestress's name, but of course that wasn't going to happen now, so he was hoping we might do it instead.

"It's quite a place, Soldier's Peak," he added. "Massive compound, a virtual palace. And since you two are all that's left of your order here, you need a place to start rebuilding, right? So we all benefit. I hopefully find what I need to prove that my great-great-grandmother wasn't a traitor, and you get Soldier's Peak back into the possession of the Wardens."

"How is it still uninhabited after two centuries?" Elissa asked.

"Well, for one thing, it's rumored to be haunted," Levi explained. "For another, most folks don't know how to get there. You have to travel through a maze of tunnels, because the old roads got blocked off back when Arland was starving out the Wardens and nobody ever bothered to clear them. But old Levi knows the way!"

She looked thoughtful, and excused us for a moment so we could discuss it. "What do you think, Alistair?" she asked me quietly. "This could be exactly what we need for the coming winter, not to mention he's right about us needing a place to rebuild the order."

"I agree. I think we should go with him and see what we find there."

"You're not afraid of ghosts, then?" she asked, with that mischievous little smile.

"Not while you're around to protect me," I teased her, and she laughed.

"All right, then. Let's tell Levi we'll do it. We'll keep the party small - let's send Wynne on ahead to Redcliffe, in case the mages get there before we do, and I think Leliana and Toby should go with her. Morrigan and Sten can come with us."

"Your desire is my command."

She turned an interesting shade of red when I said that. Maybe I'm not completely hopeless at this wooing business after all.


	10. Warden Commander Armor

**Warden Commander Armor**

_An artifact of an earlier age, this suit of armor was worn by one the heroes of the last Blight. Its craftsmanship is superb. When equipped in a set with the Warden-Commander plate boots and gloves, the character gains a bonus to health, and spells or talents cost less to activate._

* * *

I write this from our camp near Soldier's Peak. It's taken a while for us to reach the point where we can actually rest, but it's fairly safe now.

Our companions weren't exactly crazy about the plan to separate, but they admitted that our reasons were pretty sensible for the most part. Sten mostly objected on the grounds that, once again, we were pursuing a course of action that he didn't think was directly relevant to the struggle against the Blight. But he did agree that having a safe place to spend the winter was sound logic, and since Soldier's Peak genuinely does belong to the Grey Wardens, I think he understood our need to reclaim it.

Levi was thrilled when we told him we'd go to the Peak with him. It was a good thing he was with us, too, or we never could have navigated the maze of tunnels leading through the mountain. We didn't start any too soon, either, since by the time we emerged from inside the tunnels, the first snow was starting to fall. Of course, the mountains  _do_  get the snow before the plains, but still. The tunnels open out into the trees along the road leading to the main entrance gate, and we could see in the near distance where the road is still blocked from the days of Arland's siege. My guess is that they were a secret escape route, once upon a time; I know that a few of the Wardens did abandon the keep rather than ride out the siege under Sophia Dryden's command, and the tunnels must have been their way out. Levi says they're abandoned mining tunnels.

Soldier's Peak is... well, Levi was right when he said it's like a palace. It's a breathtaking walled fortress, with great high towers and massive rooms. It was built during the Glory Age under the leadership of a Warden-Commander called Asturian, who wanted the Wardens to have a home of their own. We'll have our work cut out for us to make it a worthy home to the order once again, but there are at least some things in there that have managed to survive the passage of time and may be of value to us. The stone construction is old and impenetrable, and beautiful in its own way. An engineering marvel, to be completely honest.

Oh, and the whole place was populated with the undead. Almost forgot to mention that part.

I can be funny about it now, but it was pretty terrifying at the outset. We were just inside the gate, admiring our surroundings. You can almost feel the history of the place. I felt like I'd come home, and I think Elissa did too. (Morrigan had something cheerful to say about how once the Wardens flourished in this place, and now they're so desperate they even accept people like me, but I ignored her for the most part.) Only then we  _really_  felt the history of the place, because we were all swept into a mass hallucination of the past - warriors of King Arland, falling back and waiting to starve out the Wardens who were sealed up inside the keep. It was unsettling, and we were all a little woozy when it ended.

"What - what was that?" Levi asked, sounding frightened. "I'm not mad, am I? You saw it too?"

"It was like a waking dream," said Elissa.

"Yes," said Sten with a frown. "It was some sort of flash from the past. We tread upon ground steeped in the blood of many warriors."

"This place must truly be haunted." Levi shuddered.

"Be ready, friends," Elissa advised. "Levi, if anything dangerous happens, try to keep at a distance. Morrigan, can you shield our guide?"

"I await your command."

"Good. Weapons at the ready, everyone, just in case."

It turned out to be a good idea, because before we'd advanced many more steps, those undead I mentioned started swarming the place. The bodies had lain there for two hundred years, and largely deteriorated, but something about our arrival awoke them. Maybe it was the taint in my and Elissa's blood, or maybe we were just the first people to enter the compound since that time. But the remains of these fallen soldiers - Grey Wardens and King Arland's men alike - leaped up from where they'd fallen in life and started to attack.

Compared to the abominations in the Circle Tower, they weren't too difficult to handle, but it was still an unpleasant experience. The  _really_  strange thing about them, though, was that Elissa's request - that Morrigan use her magic to shield Levi from any harm - was totally unnecessary. The undead soldiers only attacked the four of us. It was like they didn't even know he was there. I can't explain it, since I don't understand it, but we were glad enough to have one less concern.

Once the inner bailey was cleared, we were able to enter the keep and see the inside. It's  _huge_. It's going to take us some time to explore it all and know it well. Of course, first we had to deal with being attacked by more skeletons, and also with more of those 'waking dreams,' as Elissa called them. In what must have been the great hall of the keep, we had another one. Sophia Dryden, Levi's ancestress who went from noblewoman to Commander of the Grey, was addressing the Grey Wardens who still remained. She urged them to remain strong and defiant in the face of King Arland's efforts to starve them out, to prove that good men had fought and died. I enjoyed her speech, actually, about how darkspawn flee when they hear our horns and Archdemons die when they taste our blades, or something like that.

After the vision faded, I glanced at Elissa. "She reminds me a lot of you."

"Of me? How do you mean?"

"Oh, am I wrong? Courageous, charismatic, a born leader as stubborn as the day is long... yes, I can't imagine where I see a resemblance."

"Flirt later," said Morrigan flatly. "Keep moving."

It was quite a bit like the Circle Tower in the sense that we remained fairly methodical about the whole thing, clearing first one room and then the next. But we had less of a sense of urgency than at the tower, since lives were not hanging in the balance, and we could take a little time and examine our surroundings. This  _is_  the rightful home of the Grey Wardens, after all. We found an armory, and a library, and a number of barracks rooms; there are also several common areas that must have been very comfortable once upon a time. Most of the wall hangings are rotted away, but a few paintings have managed to survive enough that their subjects can be recognized.

Another waking dream alerted us to the existence of a mage called Avernus, and he - with Sophia Dryden's obvious consent - broke the Veil and summoned  _demons_  to aid the Grey Wardens. That went about as well as might be expected. I felt sorry for poor Levi; that particular vision proved that his great-great-grandmother really was guilty, and I think he took it hard.

Actually running into said great-great-grandmother in another room, however, hit him a bit harder.

What seems to have happened is that one of the demons that Avernus summoned (or maybe one that stumbled out of the Fade on its own) took possession of Sophia's dead body. It's been walking around in her skin for who knows how long. It tried to entreat with Elissa - "This one would speak with you, Grey Warden." It wanted to be set free, to explore the world, and offered in exchange to seal the tear in the Veil that still exists within the keep. Elissa, being Elissa, wasn't having any of it, so naturally the thing attacked, along with a handful of 'friends.' I hated that Levi had to watch us kill off the animated corpse of his relation, but I think he kept his face to the wall for the most part so he missed a lot of the action. The body had been so overdue for its final destiny that once the demon was driven out and killed, it simply disintegrated.

I might have thought that our surprises were over at that point, but I've started to realize that they will probably never be over. Across the battlements, inside one of the towers, we found the mage Avernus. No, not his body; not even his animated corpse. He has somehow managed to use magic to extend his lifetime -  _he's still alive_. Even now.

He was actually very open about his activities. Along with demon-summoning, we found some writings that proved he'd used live "volunteers" (the remains of some of whom were still in cages around the tower) to perform experiments in blood magic. He was trying to find a way to reverse the taint, or make a Grey Warden strong enough to resist the Calling, or something. I didn't entirely understand it. He also informed us that he was the reason Levi had managed to find his way to Soldier's Peak - that he had sensed him, when Levi was a boy, exploring the tunnels, and had sent him dreams that told him where to go. Levi seemed rattled by this news. I don't blame him.

Avernus had a more reasonable proposal for Elissa than Sophia's demon did, though; he suggested that we join forces, and he would seal the tear in the Veil if we would fight off whatever came out of it while he did. After that, he said, he would accept whatever sentence she chose to impose on him. She agreed, so we headed for the room where the tear was.

I guess you could say that our experiences at the tower gave Elissa and myself a bit of an advantage in the fight, but it was still rough. Abominations are difficult enough to subdue, but there were actual demons that came through as well. Anyway, we fought them off, and the tear in the Veil was sealed. The dead on the grounds would remain dead. Avernus was as good as his word, too; he submitted to Elissa's mercy. She let him live, of course. He is still a Grey Warden, technically speaking, and he acknowledged her as the new Warden-Commander, so he accepted her decision that he would spend what remains of his life in his sanctum, researching  _ethical_  ways to help the order. I don't know what she thinks he'll come up with in whatever time he has left, but at least it gives him something to do, I suppose.

Levi's pretty upset that he wasn't able to clear his great-great-grandmother's name, but Elissa did manage to cheer him some by pointing out that he, himself, is a good man, and that the Dryden name will be whatever he makes it in the future. He's planning to summon some of his relatives to come and help him clean up Soldier's Peak, so that when we return with the rest of our party, it'll be decent enough to inhabit for the winter months. He promised that they won't disturb Avernus, so long as he doesn't disturb them. He also said that by the time we come back, they'll have cleared that blockage from the main road, so we don't have to worry about trying to navigate the tunnels without him.

* * *

Sometimes I swear I can see the wheels turning in Elissa's mind. She's got something going on upstairs; all through breakfast she's been scribbling notes to herself. She doesn't keep a journal like this one - or does she? I don't think she does. Anyway, I don't know what she's writing, but she looks very thinky, if that's a word, while she's doing it.

* * *

We bade farewell to Levi after breakfast and started to make our way south to Redcliffe. At least it's warmer down here. If we press ourselves a bit, we should be there by late afternoon tomorrow.

We've just stopped for a breather, partly on account of a strange encounter we've just had. We ran into a wandering merchant whose donkey ran off on him, and he made us an odd offer. He'd bought a control rod for a stone golem from another merchant, but the golem itself is in a village southeast of Lake Calenhad and frankly, he doesn't want to be bothered with carrying the rod any longer. He's afraid he'll get robbed. So he offered to give it to us for nothing if we'd only take it off his hands. Maker only knows what we'll  _do_  with it, but we accepted anyway.

* * *

Apart from meeting the suspiciously generous merchant, and an incident in which we had to 'discourage' a group of bandits from preying on some refugees, it's been an uneventful trip. I keep pulling out my rose and looking at it. I don't want to throw it away, but it's really not going to last much longer. Maybe once Wynne's with us again, I could ask her if she knows a spell or something that could restore it.

* * *

Our arrival in Redcliffe village was hailed like the return of conquering heroes, which was a little awkward. The blacksmith did come out to personally thank Elissa for his daughter's safe return, though, that was nice.

Wynne and Leliana met us in the courtyard when we crossed the bridge to the castle. "Your timing is good," said Wynne. "Irving and the other mages arrived earlier today; they were hoping you'd return by the time everything was ready."

"Are we needed for the ritual?" Elissa looked puzzled.

"No, not at all. I will actually be the one to enter the Fade and defeat the demon," said Wynne. "Irving would do it himself, but he's still very weak from his dealings with Uldred, so I volunteered to take his place. But it seemed fitting that you be here to share in Connor's restoration."

We followed them to the main hall, where everyone had assembled. I'm not going to try to write down what happened in the ritual, because I'll be blunt, I don't really know what they were doing. I know that lyrium was involved, and that Wynne basically went into a trance in order to allow her to enter the Fade, and that while she was there she battled and killed the demon that was possessing Connor. Luckily, killing the demon didn't also kill Arl Eamon - he's still alive, though he won't wake.

Connor seems healthy, for the most part, if rather confused by everything that's happened. Lady Isolde is beside herself with joy and gratitude. I'm glad this part of the struggle is over, but I'm worried for Eamon; we all are. Elissa asked some questions about the quest for the Urn of Andraste, but neither Isolde nor Teagan could tell her much. The knights of Redcliffe have had little success, and if that group that attacked us outside the Spoiled Princess is any indication, I think we all have a pretty good idea why.

"Recall your knights as best you can," Elissa told Isolde. She looked a bit grim, and suddenly sort of tired. "We will undertake the mission to find the Urn ourselves."

"We will?" Morrigan asked.

"I do not understand," said Sten. He sounded just a little annoyed. "We are supposed to be stopping the Blight; yet you keep diverting us with additional tasks."

"Arl Eamon's recovery is crucial to our defeat of Loghain," Elissa explained, "and Loghain's defeat is crucial to our victory over the Blight."

"Why?"

She paused, collecting her thoughts on the subject. "So long as Loghain remains in control of the throne - as regent or whatever he's declared himself - we will have no human assistance against the darkspawn," she said. "The nobles of Ferelden are either fighting against his tyranny, so they have no men to spare, or they share with him in his paranoia that Orlais presents a greater threat than the Archdemon, so they won't listen to us. We need to cure Arl Eamon so that he can use his influence to bring them over to our side."

"But you're the daughter of the Teyrn of Highever," said Leliana. "Won't they listen to you?"

"Would that it were so. But my family's lands have been confiscated by the turncoat Howe. Whatever allegiance anyone would have paid to us is lost. I'm the only Cousland definitely still alive, and I'm a Grey Warden. There's a bounty on my head. I don't know who might betray me for the reward." She glanced at me. "I'll put my faith in Arl Eamon because Alistair trusts him, so we need to save him. And from what Bann Teagan and Lady Isolde have said, the ashes of Andraste are probably our only hope."

I knew that saying all of this was hurting her more than any of the others probably recognized. "You haven't led us astray yet," I said. "I agree with your decision."

"Oh, there is a surprise," Morrigan muttered. "Well, so be it. I am conscripted to your aid, and Alistair does make a point - you  _have_  led us effectively thus far. If it pleases you to chase legends, I will follow."

With the rest of the party murmuring their acceptance, Elissa favored us all with a smile, then turned back to the arlessa. "I'm very glad we were able to help," she said, "and I promise we'll do everything we can to find the ashes. For the evening, however, Lady Isolde, may we trespass upon your hospitality? Our battles of late have been very taxing, and the luxury of a bed would really help."

Lady Isolde assured us that we were welcome to spend the night, and gave the order that a hot meal would be made ready for us. Most of our party remained at the castle, but Elissa and I went to the docks with Bann Teagan and Lady Isolde to watch the funeral pyres being lit on the boats for those who didn't survive the attacks by the undead. It was a sad, sobering moment, and I can't help wondering how many more such events will have to take place in the months ahead. I'm sure they're holding a similar ceremony right now at the Circle of Magi for the lost mages and Templars... and I hope there's been one in Highever, for Elissa's family. We've just come back now, to join the others for dinner.

* * *

After everything that's happened in recent weeks, I probably don't have a right to be this happy. But I am.

Wynne, after her battle with the demon, was almost too tired to eat and excused herself early. The rest of us turned in right after the meal, but I couldn't sleep. I kept turning everything over in my mind. Finally, I gave up, threw off the covers, and decided to go for a walk.

I didn't expect to find Elissa in the corridor, but when I turned a corner, there she was, looking at some art on the wall. She looked as surprised to see me as I was to see her. "You couldn't sleep either?"

"Nope. Thought I'd walk out on the battlements, see if some fresh air would help... care to join me?"

"All right."

We stepped out onto the walk, where only a scant few guards paced in the shadows. I kept looking at her out of the corner of my eye, trying to find the courage to say  _something_. Eventually I told her how glad I was that we were able to get through the whole Connor-has-a-demon mess without killing either him or Isolde, and how much I appreciate that she went to so much trouble for these people she doesn't really know. It's true, but it's not what I really wanted to say to her.

Finally we stopped walking, and looked out over Lake Calenhad. By daylight it's a beautiful view, and even with just the moon reflected in the water it's very pretty. I took a deep breath. There's been something on my mind for the last few days, and it was time I brought it up.

"Can I ask you about something that happened back there?"

"Hm? Back where?"

"In the Fade. With Goldanna-who-wasn't."

"You're not still worried about that, are you? It was a demon, Alistair. From something Wynne said, deception is what they do and they're really good at it - anyone would have been fooled."

"Oh. No, not that. Um... when you tried to get me to leave..."

Something flickered in her eyes. "Ye-e-es?" she asked warily, dragging one syllable out into three.

"The demon said they wouldn't let me go, that I belonged to them. And you said..." I felt myself blush. "You said I was yours."

"Oh. Oh, I'm sorry if I made you, um, uncomfortable. I just - I wasn't giving you up without a fight." Maybe it was a trick of the torchlight, but I could have sworn she was blushing too.

"Really, it's okay. It didn't, you know, bother me."

"Oh, good."

Everything felt  _really_  awkward. And then the next bit just came tumbling out. "So all this time we've spent together - you know, the tragedy, the brushes with death, the constant battles with the whole Blight looming over it - will you miss it, once it's over?"

She started to answer, but paused. "Miss all the fighting and death? Or miss you?"

It's unfair, really. The bravest, sweetest, most beautiful woman in Thedas should not also be so observant and intelligent. But she'd seen through the question, so I had to finish the thought.

"I know it might sound strange, considering we haven't known each other for very long," I began, "but I've come to care for you. A great deal. I think it's because we've gone through so much together. I don't know. Maybe I'm imagining it. Maybe I'm fooling myself. Am I? Or do you think you might ever feel the same way about me?"

I couldn't breathe, waiting for her to answer. It was such an oddly worded speech - but however she answered, at least I'd know if I had the smallest chance.

"I have something for you."

"...what?" Whatever answer I'd expected, that wasn't it.

"I took a wrong turn, just before dinner - and I found myself in the arl's study. It was on his desk. I had no right to take it, but I recognized it from your description and I just wanted you to - well, here." I'd never heard her  _babble_  before; it was kind of adorable. She pressed a trinket into my hands, an amulet depicting the flame of Andraste. An amulet which had clearly been broken into many pieces and then glued back together again.

"This is my mother's amulet." All I could do was stare at it. "It has to be! But why isn't it broken? You said the arl's study - he must have found it after I threw it at the wall, and he repaired it and kept it. I don't understand, why would he do that?"

"Maybe you mean more to him than you think."

"I guess you could be right. We never really talked that much, and then the way I left..." I trailed off and shook my head. "Thank you. I mean it - I thought I'd lost this to my own stupidity." Whenever we find the cure for Eamon, I'll need to thank him too.

And then something else clicked in my mind. "You remembered me telling you about this? Wow. I'm more used to people not really listening when I go on about things."

"Of course I remembered. You're special to me, and I care about you, too."

I really, really hadn't planned to kiss her. Not there, not then. But Andraste help me, I couldn't stop myself. And the most amazing part?  _She kissed me back._

"That wasn't too soon, was it?" I asked when we parted. She smiled, and looked away, and shook her head. "Good. Maker's breath, but you're beautiful. I am a lucky man."

Her lips did this amused twitchy thing. "You think I'm beautiful?"

"Yes, you are, and you know it," I teased her. "You're ravishing, resourceful, and a host of other things you'll probably hurt me for not saying."

She laughed. I love it when she laughs. "I would never hurt you."

"Nor I you."


	11. Golem Control Rod

**Golem Control Rod**

_Dwarven runes flicker along this crystalline rod. You've been told that it controls a golem in the village of Honnleath, near the Korcari Wilds._

* * *

We took our leave of Redcliffe just after lunch, to make our way back north to Soldier's Peak. From what Levi Dryden said to us when we left him, he should by now have started summoning a few of his relatives to help him make the place habitable for the next generations of Grey Wardens. Since he's a trader, and we already have Bodahn Feddic trailing after us everywhere we go, that should enable us to start stocking the place with supplies. If nothing else, we're going to need food for the winter.

We also are going to need some people living there in order to fulfill certain needs. Elissa and I had a brief meeting with Bann Teagan this morning about that, actually. I shouldn't be surprised by it, but she's really very smart about such things; in fact, she came to the meeting with a list. That must have been what I saw her writing in camp. The keep will need a cook, with two or three kitchen hands to help out; a few domestic workers to help keep the place clean; and a small platoon of strong men who are handy with maintenance, since after two centuries of rot there's bound to be plenty to do. And that's just where she wants to  _start_.

"Some carpenters would be especially welcome, to work on replacing the worn-out furniture, and a stone mason should almost certainly inspect the walls and foundations to confirm their structural integrity," she said. "Of course, we and our companions will do what we can to help, but I don't think any of us were ever trained in those particular arts. I can't imagine there's much of anything left in the way of a treasury, so we're not going to be able to pay any of these people a salary until the Wardens are redeemed and we can start collecting tithes again, or at least get some assistance from the motherhouse at Weisshaupt. But assuming that we can arrange sufficient food supplies, we can at least repay them with room and board in safety."

Both Teagan and I sort of stared at her for a minute or two. I mean, I know perfectly well that Elissa's intelligent; I've seen it often enough firsthand. So I don't know why I was so surprised that she'd given all this so much thought, but I was. Maybe because I really hadn't thought about it much myself.

"Of course," she added, "once we're able to get a better look at Brother Genitivi's research, we'll resume the search for Arl Eamon's cure. We have to return to Denerim and confront his assistant, who deliberately misdirected us. But in the meantime, I need to know that my companions will have safe harbor for the winter, and that future Grey Wardens will have a place to call home."

"Yes, of course." Teagan recovered his powers of speech. "Well, I will be remaining in Redcliffe to oversee the arling during Eamon's incapacity. But what I can do is send Ser Perth - he can be trusted with the message - back to my own bannorn to recruit such assistance as you require. With all the refugees, I don't know if I can guarantee much in the way of a contribution to your food stores, but I'm sure that there are skilled workers enough who would be glad to shelter in a place where the darkspawn dare not seek them."

"I'll leave the list in your care, then," she said. "But do caution Ser Perth that it's probably not wise to send men and women with large families. Soldier's Peak really isn't an appropriate place for children, much as I think we would all wish to protect them. Tell him that single men and women, or even childless married couples, are preferred if at all possible. I'll appoint someone to act as seneschal when we're not there, probably Levi Dryden himself in the short term, and he'll direct their efforts."

"You've given this a lot of thought," he noted admiringly.

"Well, I am the daughter of a teyrn," she pointed out, smiling. "My father may have raised me to be a warrior, but my  _mother_ insisted I learn the minutiae of overseeing a noble household, since she figured sooner or later I'd be married. I suppose that the resurrection of Soldier's Peak could best be described as a combination of both halves of my education."

She excused herself a few minutes later to finish preparing to leave. I watched her go, deeply impressed by just how many burdens this one woman is able to bear. Teagan cleared his throat.

"Alistair, may I offer a word of advice?"

"Er, sure."

"Don't let that one get away."

Maker willing, I won't.

* * *

I'm trying to forge a better relationship with Toby. I mean, it seems like a good idea; Elissa loves that dog, and he's devoted to her. So it makes sense for me to get into his good graces, right? We didn't start out so well, unfortunately. There was a point in camp, early in our travels, when I thought he'd stolen some food. Apparently the mabari can understand a  _lot_  of what we say to them. There's an old maxim here in Ferelden that mabari are smart enough to speak and wise enough not to. Maybe it's true.

So I'm trying to talk to him, show him that I want to be his friend. We both sort of adore the same woman, after all. (Oh, Maker, I'm not that far gone already, am I?) Problem is, he doesn't seem much more inclined to listen to me than anybody else in our party. When we stopped for a breather, I thought I was making some headway; he let me scratch his ears. I had to wonder whether he really understands what's going on, with the Blight and all, but when I asked him he just wagged his tail.

"We've all got big parts to play," I told him. "Even you. Especially you, in some ways; you're the mabari. You guard one of the most important people..." I didn't get to finish my thought because he barked, and picked up a stick and brought it to me. He wanted to play, not listen.

It doesn't seem to have been entirely a wasted effort, though. Elissa heard what I said. And if you ask me, she's not one of the most important people in this campaign against the Blight - she's  _the_  most important person. I wasn't lying when I told her, however long ago it was, that she's the reason I think we have a chance.

* * *

We're heading north, of course, on our return trip to Soldier's Peak. Generally speaking, our party travels faster than the caravans; we have no horses or other livestock to rest and feed, our tents are small and simple, and we pack relatively light (except for Bodahn Feddic, of course, but he's only with us about half the time). We stop about four or five times in the course of a day, to sit and drink some water or to have a meal. We only do any cooking when we actually make camp for the night, however, so by day we get by on dried meat and increasingly stale bread. In recent weeks we were sometimes lucky enough to come across a bush full of berries or even a stray fruit tree, but with the harvest now over and the frost setting in, that won't be happening again for a while.

Elissa continues to try to devote part of her day to speaking with each of us. As the party gets larger, that becomes more difficult, but she does try. She and Wynne seem to have taken an immediate liking to each other, which is sweet. I think Elissa misses her mother more than she lets on, and having Wynne around maybe makes that less painful. I sort of envy her that, in a way. I don't miss my mother. You can't miss what you never had, can you?

I'd actually venture to say, based on these early observations, that Wynne's probably going to end up the best-liked person in our whole group, after Elissa herself. Morrigan detests her, of course, because Morrigan's a bitch and she detests any Circle mage, but everyone else seems to like her. Well, I'm not sure Sten likes anybody really, except for "the kadan," and even that has its limits. But he seems to tolerate Wynne a bit better than most.

I like her myself, from what I know of her. She seems very kind, very determined to do the right thing, but she's got a wicked little sense of humor too. Truthfully, I was a little worried that she might be put off by my Templar training, so I wanted to set things straight with her early. When we took one of our breaks, I sat down next to her. "So, you... know that I am a Templar, right?"

"I believe what I heard was that you were not, in fact, a Templar. You were trained as one before you became a Grey Warden."

"That's right. But I still have all the abilities of one, of course. That doesn't make you nervous?"

"Should it? I am no apostate. Perhaps you should be directing this question at Morrigan."

That made me laugh, and I explained that Morrigan claims she's not afraid of me. Actually, Morrigan claims she's not afraid of anything. It's probably even true. We talked about it a little more, and Wynne is really perfectly comfortable being around me, if only because - as she pointed out - she reasons that I would warn her before deciding to go ahead and slaughter her. Like I said, wicked little sense of humor.

* * *

In addition to bonding with the dog, I've been trying to get to know Sten a little better. It's not going as well as I might have hoped. Today I asked him how he passed the time while he was locked in that cage in Lothering. He was there for a good three weeks before Elissa got permission to bring him with us; he must have been bored out of his mind, I figured.

I don't think he liked the question much. After some evasion, he finally said, "On good days, I posed riddles to the passersby, offering them treasures for correct answers."

"Really?"

"No."

Too bad, honestly. As I told him, that had serious potential. I didn't get to talk to him about it more, though, because we were interrupted by a small shout. Elissa and Leliana, who had been collecting some of the elfroot and deathroot plants that are still growing in this forest (they're useful in things like herbal poultices), had come across a strange ditch. Lying in its center was an oddly shaped rock, which glowed in an almost magical fashion. Wynne says she's never seen anything like it. I wasn't sure we should disturb it, but Elissa's somehow rather taken with the stuff and insisted on bringing it in her pack. I hope that wasn't a bad idea.

* * *

That was unexpected.

We breakfasted this morning and struck the camp, and continued north, entering the bannorn. As we were passing through one part of the forest, where the snow was just beginning to assert its dominance, we came upon a group of guards menacing a lone man. Unsure of how to proceed, we concealed ourselves in the trees and watched.

"That's the livery of Bann Loren," said Elissa thoughtfully. "And he... he looks sort of familiar..."

"That's one of Cailan's men," I hissed. "One of the king's honor guards - I'm sure of it. I thought they all died at Ostagar."

I'm sorry that we chose to err on the side of caution, and remain concealed in the trees to see what happened. If we'd only known - we could have ambushed them, and perhaps saved his life. Instead, we watched in horror as one of the guards pulled a knife and plunged it into the man's stomach, leaving him for dead. Leliana clapped her hands over her mouth so she wouldn't attract their attention with her gasp of horror. We couldn't risk an altercation - we outnumbered them by one, but Bann Loren is one of the nobles whose support we'll need against Loghain, and as far as we could tell, his men were only following orders.

As soon as they were out of sight, we rushed to the fallen guard. I knew him - Elric Maraigne, honor guard to Cailan just as I'd suspected. He identified Elissa and me as Grey Wardens immediately. She tried to administer a healing poultice, but he waved her off, saying they had given him his death wound. "I've been a wanted man since Ostagar... for desertion," he wheezed, clutching his stomach. "Knew I couldn't escape forever. Listen to me, Wardens." He explained, in an increasingly weaker voice, that Cailan left documents in his personal chest which were to be given to the Grey Wardens in the event of his demise. Elric had the key, but he had buried it at the base of a statue in Ostagar so that if he was captured, it wouldn't be taken from him. He begged us to go there and retrieve this hidden cache. To return to Ostagar.

Elissa looked up at me. "You  _will_  take me with you when you go, won't you?" I asked her. That she would do it, I had absolutely no doubt. She just nodded, and looked back at Elric in time to see him breathe his last. She bought an extra blanket from Bodahn Feddic to shroud his body, and we buried him under a large oak.

* * *

I'm still wondering about what it is Cailan wanted the Wardens to have in the event of his death. What information could those papers hold that's so important, he would only entrust them to our order? Cailan, for reasons of his own, revered the Wardens, so if he was so anxious for us to have the papers, then he must have intended us to do something with whatever they contain.

In the more immediate future, however, we're almost back at Soldier's Peak. I can't help noticing that Elissa seems sort of excited. She's got all those plans, and I think she's anxious to get them started. I wonder how long it will take for Ser Perth to join us with whatever volunteers he's able to recruit from among the refugees in Teagan's bannorn.

We haven't talked about the kiss, she and I. I've  _thought_  about it plenty, but bringing it up is another matter.

* * *

We are come home to Soldier's Peak once again.

Levi was as good as his word; we were able to come up the main road to enter the inner bailey through its main gate. He seemed delighted to see us again. We got to meet his brother Mikhael, who is a blacksmith, and there are a number of other Dryden relations roaming around. There's even another dog, so Toby has a playmate of sorts.

The Drydens have been busy. They've cleared out all of the old bones that cluttered the area, of course, but they've also unclogged both wells, tidied up the keep, and opened up the smaller buildings that line the wall inside the inner bailey. These are apparently residences for the staff of Soldier's Peak, since the soldiers themselves live inside the keep, but from what I could see they're very snug and comfortable. The Drydens are living in a few of them. There are more in the outer bailey, and the Drydens have also opened up the second gate which leads to that area. There we got to see a stable, kennel, a small hospital, and granary. There's also a fair amount of ground that seems to have been reserved for gardening, so I'm sure Elissa's put that on her list of things to have the refugees do after the spring thaw.

She explained their impending arrival to Levi. "Alistair and I have an errand of sorts to perform in the southern country," she said, "so it's likely they'll get here while we're gone. But I'll give you a list of what to have them do. If the stables are cleared out, that should be a good place for the carpenters to start work on repairs and construction of whatever's needed. There are plenty of fallen trees in the forest - we should use those before we start felling any live trees. Bann Teagan said he'll try to send some food supplies with whoever volunteers, but he couldn't promise much."

She introduced Levi to Bodahn Feddic, who was predictably not thrilled that he'll be sharing our business with another merchant, but he didn't have much to say about it. While Bodahn and Sandal set up their wagon in the courtyard near Levi's stall, Elissa went to Mikhael Dryden and showed him the strange metal we'd found on our way. He looked thunderstruck.

"This is  _star metal_ ," he said. "It came from the distant sky. With your permission, I can forge this into a new sword for you, Warden. No, I won't take payment - it would be a privilege to work with something so rare and magnificent."

I could tell she was puzzled, but she gave her consent to have him make her a new longsword. "I'm not giving up the Cousland family blade, though," she told me as we made our way to join the others inside the keep. Levi was anxious to show us the residence barracks, which they'd cleaned up particularly in anticipation of our arrival. All the beds had been aired and were laid out with new sleeping furs, with additional furs on the floors and plenty of wood stacked by the fireplaces, and there are enough rooms that while only our party occupies the keep, we can each have our own.

"And we've a special surprise for you, Warden," he added. "The Warden-Commander gets his, or her, own room, you know, even in ordinary times. So we've made that up nice for you, and my brother Mikhael did something extra. We collected all the pieces of Grandmother Sophia's personal armor, and he cleaned it up and reinforced the old metal, and added a helmet. It's on an armor stand in your room. Why don't you go try it on?"

Several minutes later she returned, wearing the gift. Navy blue, with hints of purple and gold, and the double-headed griffon emblem of the Wardens emblazoned across the breastplate. The new helmet made by Mikhael is of the same purple metal as some of the armor, and has a delicate noseguard that still allows her pale cheeks and huge blue eyes to be seen. The collar of the armor gaps open just slightly, almost like a shirt collar, exposing the Warden's Oath pendant resting in the hollow of her throat. It was like the whole suit had been made just for her. It hugs her body like a second skin.

I'm going to go have a bath. A cold one.


	12. Joining Chalice

**Joining Chalice**

_Darkspawn blood still encrusts this silver chalice. With a shudder, you remember the day you brought it to your lips and drank deeply of all the mysteries that lay within._

* * *

As far as I can tell, Soldier's Peak is meeting with everyone's approval. Even Sten seems to be enjoying the surviving portraits and tapestries on the walls. Apparently he's a great art lover, something about being impressed with the control involved in the use of the paintbrush or needle.

Most of us were in the library this afternoon, except for Elissa and Leliana; they were looking over the small chantry here in the keep. Leliana is still, more or less, a lay sister, and so for the duration of our wintering, she'll be in charge of devotions and such spiritual needs as we might have. I imagine it's more for the comfort of the refugees coming here from the bannorn than anything.

Anyway, the rest of us were going through the bookshelves at her request, seeing which books could be salvaged and which ones are best used as kindling. The old archivist left plenty of notes, some of which have survived two hundred years in better shape than I would have expected. I guess eventually she'll want to appoint someone to that task. So while we were going through the books, I remembered my earlier conversation with Sten.

"You never did tell me how you amused yourself in that cage," I said.

"No, I did not."

I persisted, and he eventually relented. "I would select a letter of the alphabet and try to find as many things as I could that started with that letter."

"...are you joking again?"

"No."

"You're not seriously telling me that you played  _I Spy_  with yourself for three weeks?!"

He closed his book and solemnly declared, "There are a great many things in Lothering that begin with the letter G."

Morrigan rolled her eyes. Wynne was choking; I think she was laughing, but she insisted it was just the dust.

* * *

I had the chance to speak with Wynne privately today. I had just brought in a fresh load of firewood for the great hall when she entered the room, and it seemed like the best opportunity to take care of a little personal problem. "Can I ask you something?"

"What's on your mind, Alistair?"

"Well, it's this... rose."

"Rose?"

I pulled out the drying husk of the rose I picked in Lothering, and explained why I had it. "And maybe it's stupid, but I just don't want to let it die," I said. "I was wondering if you had any ideas."

"Hmm... I think I can help," she said, taking the flower.

I'm not sure exactly what she did. She sent me to get her some water from the well, and a pitcher. She filled the pitcher with the water and did some sort of mage-y stuff to it, then put the flower stem into the water. After a few seconds, it started blooming again - as fresh and red as the day I picked it.

"Wynne, you're fantastic!"

"I have my moments," she replied modestly. She handed it back, and I tucked it out of sight. "It should remain like that now. What are you planning to do with the rose, if I may inquire?"

"I'm not sure yet."

There is something about Elissa, I'm not sure how to explain it, but she has the most peculiar sense of timing. She chose that exact moment to walk into the room. "Oh, there you two are. I'm glad I found you together - I wanted to talk to you. About Ostagar."

"We  _are_  going with you, aren't we?" I asked.

"Yes." She nodded. "I'm thinking it should be just the three of us. The others can stay here; there's plenty for them to do. I had wanted to wait until Teagan's refugees arrived, to welcome them properly, but I'm concerned that the snow will fall too heavily and make travel difficult."

"When do you want to leave?" asked Wynne.

"Can you both be ready to go tomorrow?"

We nodded, and she smiled. "Perfect. Perhaps while we're in the south we could stop at the village of Honnleath, see what that golem control rod is all about. We'll see how the weather holds. Oh, and thank you for bringing in the firewood, Alistair, I'm going to go check on dinner."

I watched her go, and then turned to find Wynne smirking at me. "Why are you smiling like the cat who ate the pigeon?"

"Canary. I look like the cat who ate the canary."

"I once had a very large cat, but that's not my point. Why are you smirking like that?"

She chuckled evilly. "You were watching her. With great interest, I might add. In fact, I believe you were  _enraptured_."

"She's our leader," I protested. "I look to her for guidance."

"Oh, I see. So what guidance did you find in those  _swaying hips_ , hmm?"

I tried to protest that I wasn't looking at Elissa's, um, hindquarters. Wynne didn't seem to believe me. And the harder I protested, the more she continued to smirk.

"I hate you," I grumbled, although I didn't mean it and I'm sure she knows it. "You're a bad person."

"I think I know what you're going to do with your rose."

* * *

At dinner tonight, Elissa laid out her plan of action to the rest of the group.

"If I'm not completely off base in my figuring, we should be back in about three weeks," she said. "Provided the snow doesn't prevent us from traveling at all, that is. Meanwhile, I have some particular tasks I'd like you to handle in my absence."

"What is your wish,  _kadan_?" asked Sten.

"Well, in your case, Sten," she said, "I think it would be beneficial if we had a proper understanding of the layout of the entirety of Soldier's Peak. I want to know how many rooms there are, what sort of supplies remain, the stock of the armory. You have the best-organized mind of us all, so I'd like you to take on this project."

"I suppose there is merit to this."

"Leliana, we already discussed the Chantry. Levi will be acting as seneschal, and will be giving directions to the refugees when they arrive. I'd like you to basically serve as a second to him; help the newcomers feel welcome, find out if they need anything particular, show them where things are."

"I can do that."

"What about me?" asked Morrigan. "I assume you have something for me to do as well."

"You're our best line of defense," Elissa said. "I need you to place protective wards around Soldier's Peak so that no one can get in who doesn't belong here. I sincerely doubt that any of Loghain's men would trouble themselves to come here, even if they do figure out where we are, but we can't be too careful."

"And the darkspawn are down where we're going, so they shouldn't be a problem," I pointed out. "Besides, Avernus has been here all this time and they've never bothered him, right?"

"That's the impression he gives me, yes. And please, no one go near his tower," Elissa added. "I'm sure he'd be reasonably polite, but I don't think he'd appreciate it."

With the assignments (so to speak) distributed, everyone resumed eating, and the conversation lagged a little. So I thought of what Sten told me yesterday, and I decided to try to liven things up. I met his eye across the table, and grinned. "I spy with my little eye... something that starts with G."

He glared. "Is it a Grey Warden? Is it, in fact,  _you_?"

"Ooh! You're good at this!"

Sten groaned. Elissa, beside me, started shaking a little. She covered her face with her napkin and hurried out of the great hall. I was worried at first, but a moment later we could all hear her in the corridor, laughing helplessly. She laughs so rarely that I think we were all taken aback.

"Simply incredible," Morrigan drawled. "'Tis the wonder of our age, Alistair. Of all the women in Thedas, you have somehow managed to light upon the  _one_  who finds you more amusing than annoying."

"What can I say? I'm a lucky man."

* * *

We took our leave of Soldier's Peak this morning. Before we did, however, Mikhael Dryden presented Elissa with the sword he made out of her lump of star metal. "I call it Starfang," he told her. It's a pretty fantastic weapon, really, and certainly qualifies as a longsword - I could swear it's nearly as long as she is tall. The blade is blue-ish and engraved with scrollwork, and he made indentations in the hilt where runes could be added to enchant it. She was delighted with the weapon and immediately had Sandal add a couple of silverite runes. Silverite makes any weapon even more effective against darkspawn. I wonder how she knew that; I don't think I ever told her.

Toby isn't too happy about being left behind again, but I think I understand why she did it. She loves that dog, wants to know he's safe and sound. They had an interesting conversation before we left. I know the mabari are supposed to be really intelligent - smart enough to talk, wise enough not to - but it's like Elissa understands what he means when he barks. I wasn't close enough to hear what she said to him, but by the time they were done he wagged his tail and ran off to play with his friend, that hound the Drydens brought.

When we weren't more than ten paces off, I heard a funny noise, and looked back to see Morrigan's purple ward shimmering at the gate of the Peak. "How are we going to get back in, when we return?" I asked.

"She said she would connect the spell to the Warden's Oath," Elissa explained. "As long as either you or I are the first to touch the barrier, we'll be fine. I presume at least one of us will come back."

Cheerful thought.

* * *

With only three of us, we're making swifter progress than usual. It's been quite some time since our party was so small. Ideally, we could get on the imperial highway and follow it to Lothering (or rather whatever's left of Lothering), then head south from there. But there's too much chance that we'd encounter trouble on that route, either in the form of Loghain's own soldiers or else bandits or other fortune seekers interested in the bounty on Grey Wardens.

So we keep to the woods as much as possible, only fighting what must be fought. We've had little in the way of human contact as a result, though the farther south we go, the more likely we are to encounter darkspawn - and  _those_  we will fight until they're all dead. I always feel a twinge of guilt when killing another person, even if they provoked it; I never feel any about genlocks or hurlocks.

* * *

Elissa shocked us a bit today when we stopped for the midday meal. She was sitting by the fire, bundled in her cloak - it made her look small somehow - and she said, "I have a favor to ask of the two of you."

"What is it?" asked Wynne.

"While we're in the south... Morrigan requested something of me."

"I already don't like the sound of this, but go on," I said.

She explained that Morrigan has learned - I'm guessing from that black grimoire we swiped from the mage tower, but she didn't say as much - that the secret to Flemeth's extended lifetime is to... well, to be honest, this doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Flemeth gives birth to a daughter, raises the daughter until her current body is too old to keep going, and then body-snatches the daughter in order to continue living. She makes sure her daughters are all skilled in magic so the process is easier. Creepy. Anyway, Morrigan's request was nothing less, and nothing more, than that Elissa head back to the swamp and  _kill_  Flemeth.

"I'm not easy in my mind about it," she said. "Flemeth saved our lives at Ostagar. It seems wrong to take hers."

"Then what will you do?"

"I'll go to the swamp, if you're willing to accompany me, after we do what needs to be done at Ostagar. Maybe we can find a peaceful resolution. I want to try that, at any rate."

I looked at Wynne, and she looked at me. "We'll go with you," she told Elissa. "I don't know this mother of Morrigan's, but if nothing else, I'm not comfortable letting you face her on your own."

"Thank you."

* * *

I'm really growing very fond of Wynne. We chat a lot, she and I. We've talked about whether we think the Circle of Magi will ever be back to normal, and if she'll be strong enough to face the memories when she returns there. (She doesn't think she will be; I disagree, she's a pretty strong lady.) I asked if she has any children or grandchildren, and then I may have accidentally sort of insulted her by telling her she struck me as the grandmotherly type. She took it in mostly good humor, though. Then she admitted that sometimes the mages of the Circle would seek each other out for, ahem, company. After that she didn't seem so much like a grandmother anymore.

* * *

Ostagar.

I've waited to update this journal simply because I needed time to process my own feelings about everything we endured there. That the place was crawling with darkspawn came as no surprise, but other things most certainly did. Some of them weren't even bad.

We entered the ruins, and at first, all was quiet except our own boots crunching on the snow. We were on the western side of the gorge, where we used to sleep and live and... well. Elissa kept gazing around in some confusion; I couldn't really blame her. The snow obscured many landmarks, so we were each rather disoriented, and of the three of us she had spent the least amount of time there - she only arrived the day before the battle, after all.

Abruptly, however, she seemed to gain some sort of understanding of where we were. She moved forward slowly, up a ramp (those ancient Tevinters really didn't care much for stairs, come to think of it), paused, and looked around again. And then she smiled.

"Alistair," she said, "this is where we first met."

I studied the area for a moment. "You're right," I agreed. "I was standing just here, and you approached from that direction."

"And you said you love how the Blight brings everyone together."

"And you called me a strange man."

"And I was right."

I had to grin at her. The hood of her cloak was thrown back, and her cheeks were pink from the cold. A few rays of winter sunshine were sneaking down through the cloud cover, one of them finding the back of her head to illuminate. It made her sort of glow for a moment, especially with that impish little smile on her face.

Wynne spared me from possibly saying anything inconvenient by clearing her throat. "That's very sweet, children," she scolded mildly, "but we need to keep moving."

"That we do. Though, if we met here," Elissa said, looking around again, "then the old Tevinter chapel where I took my Joining should be over there, and I just want to see..." She trailed off, heading in that direction, and by the time we caught up to her she was searching through the snow.

"Elissa? What are you -"

She interrupted my question with a little cry of joy, and stood up. "I thought - I hoped - it was still here." Turning around, she lifted her hands, and there in her grip was the Joining Chalice, the silver rim still bearing faint bloodstains from ceremonies past. "Here, Alistair, you take it. Keep it safe. We'll need it if we're going to ever replenish our numbers."

"I can hardly believe you found it," I said, accepting the goblet. "You really are amazing."

The moment was interrupted by an attack by some darkspawn, and once they were all dead, we made the sickening discovery that one of them was wearing Cailan's greaves. His gold armor, with the dragon head on the breastplate, is too distinctive not to recognize; I remember our father wearing it on those rare occasions I saw him when I was younger. I held the greaves in my hands, just staring at them, and the two women watched me.

It was Wynne who chose to speak. "What's the matter, Alistair?"

"I don't know. It just feels wrong to find this here, pawed over by darkspawn and thick with their rot. It was his."

"I know, I feel it too," she said gently. "But he is not the first king to ever fall in battle, or even the first to fall to the darkspawn."

"Yes, but..." I was trying to find words. "This wound cuts deeper." I don't even know why. It's not like Cailan and I had a relationship. But still... he was my king. And my brother. I resolved, in that moment, to find the rest of his armor, and do something with it to honor his memory.

We cleared the western grounds of darkspawn. There were a few items worth reclaiming still on the grounds - some arrows, a stray book, things that I'm sure can be put to use at Soldier's Peak. Elissa found the statue Elric had described and retrieved his key, and with some difficulty we located Cailan's private chest. Inside were documents - correspondence between Cailan and the Empress of Orlais, indicating that they were in peace negotiations. The Empress had agreed to send forces to help us fight the darkspawn and was just waiting for his response - a response that will never come, now, thanks to Loghain's betrayal.

I said as much, and Wynne replied, "Never is a long time, Alistair. Give it time and let cooler heads prevail. There will be peace between us yet."

This object of our mission concluded, I expressed to my companions my desire to reclaim the rest of Cailan's armor, and they agreed. To that end, Elissa began to lead us across the bridge toward the Tower of Ishal, but halfway there we stopped. She made this noise of pure horror and turned away her head.

Cailan's body was there, at the midpoint of the bridge. The darkspawn had strung him up and left him to rot. I'm amazed they spared him the dignity of leaving his smallclothes. He hung on a strange display, his arms outstretched, his neck bent at a sickening angle. "We have to do something," Elissa said miserably. "We can't leave him like this."

"We won't." I looked up at his familiar face. There was more of a resemblance between us than I had ever really noticed when he was alive. "Forgive us, my king. When we have driven the darkspawn from their holes and bought ourselves some time, we shall return to see you to the Maker."

We barely had time to turn away from Cailan to deal with the next group of darkspawn that came charging at us from the far side of the bridge. In the distance we could see a particular darkspawn, a crazed-looking figure who seemed to be directing the others. In fact, it took a few sightings before I understood it, but he was actually using  _magic_. I didn't know darkspawn could be that advanced in their thought processes. Then again, darkspawn are twisted versions of the three main races, and magic is an inborn ability, so... I guess it's possible. I'm trying not to think about it too much, it makes my head hurt.

We cleared off the enemy, not that easily to be honest. The darkspawn mage, or whatever he is, ran into the tower so we had to give chase. A lot of this has blurred in my mind, although we did recover Cailan's gauntlets and breastplate in the process. We had to follow the mage down  _under_  the Tower of Ishal, where there's a series of tunnels and old Tevinter burial sites. "Ugh," I muttered, "down the hole and into the deep. I don't want to even imagine where that leads." But we had no choice, not if we wanted to properly avenge those lost in the battle. And of course, we did.

After a grueling series of fights through the tunnels, we emerged below the ruins. There was a fairly peaceful-looking sort of field there, and we couldn't help thinking that the worst was over. We were wrong. The mage turned out to be - well, Wynne said it's a special kind of mage called a necromancer, able to resurrect the dead, and he... I can hardly believe I'm writing this. He resurrected the ogre that killed Duncan. His sword and dagger were still in the thing's chest, I recognized their hilts.

And we killed it. We avenged Duncan, took back his weapons. And then we killed the necromancer and reclaimed Cailan's helm. "There it is, the last of them," I said with a sigh. Elissa was cleaning Duncan's sword.

"It's been a long day," said Wynne. "By the lines around your eyes, Alistair, I daresay you look as old as I."

"And if I may say so, my lady," I teased her, "you appear to be getting younger by the day."

"Be careful who you flirt with, young man," she said with a chuckle. "When you wake up beside me tomorrow morning, I'll be back to reminding you of your grandmother."

I saw Elissa's eyes go wide, though she was evidently trying not to listen. I glanced at Wynne, who shrugged. "It wouldn't be the first time I woke to find a younger man in my bed."

"Are all women this conniving and evil when they get old?"

"Just me, my dear."


	13. Mixed Metal Rounds

**Mixed Metal Rounds**

_A memento of an early conquest, mercenary or romantic. Incriminating items melted down into nondescript tokens. The contributing parts were likely worth more than the result, but that's not the point._

* * *

I had to leave off writing there, as we are still on the road. Since things don't really stop happening long enough for me to write them down, keeping this journal updated may be a lost cause until we get back to Soldier's Peak. Still, I'll try.

We were all bone-tired after our battles with the ogre and the darkspawn necromancer, but we had a promise to keep to Cailan. So we trudged back up to the Ostagar bridge, satisfied that we had purged the grounds of darkspawn at least for the time being. He was waiting for us, and I looked up at his bloodied body. I'd never felt a pain quite like what I felt in that moment. "Alistair, are you all right?" asked Wynne.

"They left him here to  _rot_ ," I said, repeating my earlier observation. "We need to do something."

"He is of royal blood," said Elissa. "He deserves a pyre."

"He was a good man," I said, "who hoped too much and died too young. He deserves what little honor we can afford to grant him." I looked at the pieces of his armor we had collected, uncertain. "Should we dress him first?"

"I thought you would want to keep the armor," said Wynne. "It belonged to your father. It's rightfully yours."

I turned to her, puzzled. "How did you know? About Maric and me, I mean."

"Little hints, here and there. You and our late lamented king - both of them, I should say - have the same jawline, the same eyes. Things like that. Once I had formed my suspicion, I asked the one person I was fairly sure would be in your confidence." She glanced at Elissa, who looked apologetic. "I haven't told anyone, don't worry." (I was glad to hear that. I don't know what Morrigan might do with that sort of knowledge, but I'm sure it would be unpleasant.)

"It's all right. As for the armor, I'm torn," I admitted. "On the one hand, it  _would_  be nice to have the family armor, but on the other... it's not like I was ever really part of the family, you know? It might be mine by blood-right, but I'd honestly rather wear Duncan's armor. He was more of a father to me."

"Well, you do have his sword, at least," said Elissa encouragingly.

"It's something," I agreed. "But I wish I had something that was more like... something that felt more like his, to remember him by."

"Well, in the meantime, there's the armor. And it really is good armor."

"It is. If you're sure - if you think it's right."

"I do." Her face fell. "Let's attend to our king first, though."

It was no easy feat to get Cailan down from where the darkspawn had hung him, and more than once I had to forcibly  _not_  think about what I was doing. We finally got him unhooked, though, and once the pyre was built we laid him gently on the wood. Elissa did something that I didn't quite understand; she drew a knife and cut off one of his small braids. I supposed she had a reason, although I haven't yet worked out what it might be and I don't entirely feel right asking. Wynne cast a fire spell with her staff, and the blaze was soon crackling away.

We stood and watched it for a long time. I sort of wished Leliana were there, to sing some funeral dirge; she probably knows something that would have suited. Instead we all just kept silent. Beside me, Elissa's head was bent. She took off her gauntlets and raised her hood; perhaps it's a Highever tradition.

I thought about Cailan, about the man he was. He was a good king, or at least he tried to be. He wanted only the best for Ferelden. I know that. And as little as we knew one another, there's a part of me that will always miss him, and regret what never had the chance to be.

Something cold and soft brushed my palm. Glancing down, I saw that Elissa had reached over and folded her hand around mine. Our fingers interlocked. When my eyes found her face, her hood was obscuring one eye; the one that was visible had tears in it. I wasn't sure if she was crying for Cailan, or for me, or maybe both. But she could see that I was in pain, and she was trying to comfort me. She, who has endured more pain and loss in recent months than anyone should ever have to endure in their lifetime, only wanted to ease  _mine_.

And in that instant, I knew.

I guess I can't do anything quite normally. There I was, attending my half-brother's funeral pyre, realizing for the first time that I am completely and hopelessly in love with this woman. Or maybe I've always known it and this was just the first time I let myself admit it. Maybe I've been hers since the moment I first laid eyes on her; isn't that what they say in the ballads and things? I don't know.

* * *

We're still in Ostagar, until morning. After Cailan's pyre burned itself out and the ashes scattered to the winds, we crossed back to the western camp and sheltered in a relatively intact portion of the ruins. Wynne tended our battle wounds, and the two women helped me clean Cailan's armor so that I might wear it. I'll probably need to have Mikhael Dryden replace some of the buckles and padding when we get back to Soldier's Peak, but it's serviceable and fits well enough.

Elissa sleeps. Her cloak is white, which I don't think I mentioned before, and she looks like a snow maiden. I probably shouldn't watch her sleep, it's a little creepy. But she looks peaceful.

When Wynne shook me awake for my turn at watch, she berated me for fussing with one of my bandaged wounds. I complained about the itch, and she said that if it reopens and festers, she won't heal it again. I don't want that to happen, so to distract myself from the wound, I asked for her advice. I admit I'm not sure  _why_  I asked for her advice, except that... well, next to Elissa herself, I probably trust Wynne the most out of all our companions. And she's like the grandmother, or even the mother, that I never really had.

"Wynne... what would you do if someone told you they loved you?"

"Check their eyesight first, perhaps," she said dryly. She gave me a strange look. "Is this someone I should know about?"

"No. I mean, pretend you're a woman."

You know, you'd think I would have learned my lesson after pulling that with Leliana, but nooo. Wynne was less sarcastic about it, at least. "I  _am_ a woman, Alistair. That shouldn't be too hard, but I'll give it a try."

"No, that's not what I meant. Just... pretend you're another woman. And someone told you that they loved you. How would you react?"

She looked very curious now, and I was starting to regret bringing it up. "Does this someone just blurt it out? Do I love them back? I need context."

"I don't know if you love them back." Oh, Maker, please let her love me back, someday. "Maybe you do. You've spent a lot of time with this person."

She suggested that I wait for the right moment - get her alone and maybe give her a gift. I tried to tell her that I wasn't speaking about myself, but Wynne wasn't born yesterday and I could tell she wasn't fooled. She was still chuckling when she went off to her bedroll.

* * *

So we have seen Flemeth.

We broke camp at first light and headed into the Korcari Wilds once again. It was surprisingly easy to locate Flemeth's hut, or at least I was surprised. When we found her waiting for us, though, it made a lot more sense. She knew we were coming, so she made sure we could find our way through the swamp.

Not only did she know we were coming, she knew  _why_  we were coming. Ugh, these Witches of the Wilds make my skin crawl - she and her daughter both. Elissa was her usual gracious self, insisting that she only wanted to talk. Flemeth just laughed about how Morrigan had "at last found someone to dance to her tune." To her credit, she figured out pretty quickly that Elissa didn't want to kill her, and she was willing to avoid the confrontation.

"Morrigan wishes my grimoire." I don't even want to know how she knew. "Take it as a trophy. Tell her I am slain."

"What happens to you?" Elissa looked confused.

"I go. Perhaps someday I surprise Morrigan. Or I may simply watch. It will be interesting to see what she does with her freedom - would you grant an old woman that?"

"Do you think she will believe it?"

"We believe what we want to believe," Flemeth said. That's probably true.

Elissa thought it over. "I could do that," she said at last. "Maker knows I don't want to battle with you, Flemeth. Not after you saved our lives."

"It's far easier this way, don't you think?" The witch smirked. "The lies are always more fun."

"Fun?" I interjected. "Tricking Morrigan? Oh... who am I kidding? That does sound fun! I'm a bad man." Elissa tried not to laugh.

Flemeth directed her to enter the hut, where the grimoire was inside a trunk. Wynne and I waited outside, the two elderly mages eyeing each other. I don't think Wynne entirely approves of Elissa consenting to just take the book and go, but she also knows that Flemeth is the reason there are any Grey Wardens left in Ferelden. So whatever she really thinks, she's holding her tongue.

Elissa emerged, the grimoire in her hands, and looked at Flemeth. "Thank you, once again."

"You and I will not meet again, young Warden. That, I guarantee."

"Farewell, then."

We made our way back through the swamp to Ostagar once more, as it was easier to return to the road from there. Elissa was silent, subdued. I think she's worried that Morrigan will be able to sense the truth, that we didn't really kill her mother. I don't know if Elissa's a good liar or not, since as far as I can tell she's never lied where I could see it. But if Morrigan can honestly be said to like anybody, it's probably Elissa, and she might figure that the only way Elissa could possibly have brought her the grimoire would be to have killed Flemeth. So maybe there won't need to be much lying at all.

* * *

We're on our way to Honnleath, traveling around the southern shore of Lake Calenhad.

I haven't talked to Elissa yet. I mean, we've talked, but not about what's on my mind. I'm thinking maybe Wynne's right, I'll just give her the rose and see what comes of it. I need to wake her in about an hour for her turn at watch, and I wonder if that would be a good time.

* * *

It wasn't, as it turns out. She was having another taint-fueled nightmare and it didn't feel exactly right to follow that up with "Here's a flower, and have I mentioned that I don't think I could ever live without you again?"

I did help her to stand, because she felt a bit shaky after throwing off the dream. Her being shaky was convenient for me, though, as horrible as that sounds. It helped to hide the fact that my hands started shaking when I got close to her. Maker's breath, what is this woman  _doing_  to me?

* * *

I'm still having trouble understanding just what in Andraste's name happened today.

We're just beyond the southernmost point of Lake Calenhad, and we had rounded a bend in the path when a woman ran up to us, breathless and looking terrified. "Thank the Maker!" she cried. "We need help, please, they attacked the wagon! Follow me, I'll take you to them!" Naturally, off we went.

The woman led us to an elf, with odd tattoos on his face. He looked at us, and raised his hand in some sort of gesture, and then abruptly we were surrounded by warriors. They popped up out of the broken wagon, ran along the top of the hill to our left. Elissa had to dive out of the way of the dead tree they nearly pushed onto her.

As I helped her up, the elf shouted, "The Grey Warden dies here!"

It was a pretty brutal fight; we were vastly outnumbered. Thank the Maker we had Wynne with us, because I'm fairly sure her healing magic kept both Elissa and me from collapsing more than once. When the dust finally cleared, we had managed to vanquish our foes, but the elf was, somehow, still alive - unconscious, but alive. "Bind him," said Elissa. "When he wakes, I want answers."

Before I could find anything with which to bind him, however, he started to wake. He groaned, staring up at us, and mostly he just seemed surprised to find himself alive. "I rather thought I would wake up dead," he admitted. (How does one 'wake up dead,' I wonder?) "But I see you haven't killed me yet." He was studying Elissa. "You're rather an aggressive little minx, aren't you? Lovely, too."

I don't believe I have ever in my life been so close to growling. It only got worse.

The elf knew he was about to be interrogated, so he offered to save us the trouble of questioning him by volunteering the answers. "My name is Zevran - Zev to my friends - and I am a member of the Antivan Crows, brought here for the sole purpose of slaying any surviving Grey Wardens. Which I have failed at, sadly."

"I'm rather happy you failed," Elissa said flatly.

"As would I be in your shoes." Zevran spent a few minutes lamenting his fate, saying something about how being captured by the target would put a crimp in his assassin's career. He then explained, at her request, that the Crows are an order of assassins in Antiva who are renowned for getting the job done. They're apparently rather expensive to hire. Unsurprisingly, Zevran's employer is  _Loghain_. Well, who else in Ferelden (or anywhere else) has reason to want to kill Grey Wardens?

Except... while he was continuing to explain things to Elissa and answer her questions, I realized something. Zevran hadn't said "The Grey Wardens die here." He said "The Grey Warden  _dies_  here." He was speaking only of one. He wasn't hired to kill us both - he was hired to kill  _her_. Up until that point, I was sure I'd been doing the right thing by letting Elissa be the mouthpiece of the group. We're surely doing better under her leadership than we would be under mine, right? She's courageous and intelligent and, as I said to Duncan after her Joining, she seems born to lead. But now I can't help wondering if I've made a mistake. Maybe, by keeping quiet, I've inadvertently placed the woman I love in danger. I'll need to think about this some more.

I sort of came back to the conversation when Zevran started making an offer. "Here's the thing. I failed to kill you, so my life is forfeit," he said. "If you don't kill me, the Crows will. I  _like_  living, and you obviously are the sort to give the Crows pause, so let me serve you instead."

She looked surprised, and understandably suspicious. "How do I know you won't stab me in my sleep or something?"

"I happen to be a very loyal person," he protested. "Well, until the point where someone expects me to die for failing. That's not really a fault, is it?" He explained that he hadn't really had a choice about joining the Crows, who bought him as a child from some slave market. Charming place, Antiva. "The only way to get out of the Crows is to sign up with someone they can't touch," he said, gesturing toward her. "Even if I were to kill you now, they might just kill me on principle. Honestly, I'd rather take my chances with you."

She was still frowning. "You must think I'm royally stupid."

"I think you're royally hard to kill. And  _utterly_  gorgeous," he added. "Not that I think you'll respond to simple flattery. But there are worse things in life than serving the whims of a deadly sex goddess."

I nearly took his head off for that comment. In fact, I guess I made some move to draw my sword, because Wynne put a hand on my arm to stop me. "Don't," she murmured.

The negotiation carried on for a few more minutes. All Zevran requested was that he be allowed to live and that, if at some point Elissa decided she had no more use for him, she let him go his own way. "Until then, I am yours. Is that fair?"

She asked what benefits she would derive from the arrangement. He cited various rogue-like skills - picking locks, stealth, stabbing people in the back, being able to stand around and look pretty (wait, that's not a skill...) - and pointed out that since he knows how the Crows operate, he would be able to protect himself as well as Elissa. "Not that you seem to need much help in that regard." Oh, he also offered to help warm her bed or fend off unwanted suitors, and Wynne had to take a firmer grip on my arm.

"I don't need assistance with those things," Elissa replied calmly. Thank the Maker for her good sense. "But for the rest... very well. I will accept your offer."

"Does that really seem like a good idea?" I blurted. I was honestly concerned, it wasn't all jealousy. Okay, there was a lot of jealousy. But I was also worried he might betray us. Her.

"Don't worry about it," she said gently. "We could use him."

"All right," I grumbled, "I see your point. Still, if there was a sign that we were desperate, I think it just knocked on the door and said hello."

She gave me a quick smile, then helped Zevran to his feet. "I hereby pledge my oath of loyalty to you, until such time as you choose to release me from it," he said formally. "I am your man, without reservation. This I swear." And he bowed. Well, maybe it'll be all right. I hope.

"My name is Elissa," she told him. "You may call me that. This is Wynne, a senior enchanter of the Fereldan Circle of Magi, and Alistair, my fellow Grey Warden."

"So there  _are_  more than one of you. I wasn't sure. Loghain's man was mostly intent on having me rid him of you, lady."

"Loghain's man?" she repeated. "You mean Arl Howe?"

"I believe that was the name, yes."

"That explains a great deal." She scowled.

"I am surprised to find your entourage so small," he said as we started to return to the path.

"We three are handling a few minor errands. The rest of our party is back at Soldier's Peak - we'll be returning there once we take a look at the situation in the village of Honnleath."

Elissa and Wynne fell in step beside each other, conversing quietly, so I dropped back to chat with Zevran. "I just thought that, since we'll be traveling together, I'd offer some advice," I said.

"Oh? And what advice might that be? I am open to suggestion."

"If there's ever a confrontation," I said, "always let Elissa do most of the talking. She's noble-born; she's been trained in diplomacy. Believe me, it's probably saved our lives a few times."

"That seems wise. Anything else?"

"Back in Soldier's Peak you'll meet a Qunari warrior called Sten. He doesn't like being asked questions. Also, he doesn't seem to want to play  _I Spy_ , but that's probably just me."

"Interesting."

"And don't ever let anyone hear you offer to warm her bed again."

"Pardon?"

"Just trust me. If you persist in paying her attentions she doesn't want, it will end badly for you."

"...attentions that  _she_  doesn't want, or attentions that  _someone else_  doesn't want paid to her?"

"I'm going to pretend you didn't ask that, and just say that you haven't met Morrigan. Elissa is the only person in the world she seems to actually like. If she thinks you're pestering, you could wake up as a toad or worse."

"Ah. This is good advice, thank you."

* * *

I'm reading back over what I wrote. Well, I'm pretending to read. Mostly what I'm doing is watching Elissa being Elissa, and Zevran lapping it up like cream. She's doing the same thing she normally does when the rest of the group is with us - talking to him and getting to know him. And I wouldn't mind, except that he sort of tried to kill her and then unleashed all sorts of silver-tongued flattery on her.

She wants to befriend her would-be killer, fine. I suppose it's not the strangest thing she's done. But I don't think being  _friends_  is what he has in mind.

The rose. That settles it. I'm giving her the rose, as soon as I can get her alone.

* * *

When Elissa woke me for my turn at watch, I knew it was my only real chance. "Can you sit up with me for a few minutes?"

"Of course. What's on your mind?"

"Have a look at this." And I put the rose in her hands. It was snowing lightly again, flakes resting on the red petals. "Do you know what this is?"

"It's a rose." She looked confused by the stupid question. Then she smiled. "Is this your new weapon of choice?"

"Yes, that's right. Watch as I thrash our enemies with the mighty power of floral arrangements! Feel my thorns, darkspawn! I will overpower you with my rosy scent!" We both laughed quietly. "Or it could just be a rose," I continued. "I know it's pretty dull by comparison."

"Well, sentiment can be a pretty potent weapon." She brought it to her nose.

"Is it that easy to see right through me?" Of course it is. She's always been able to see right through me, almost from the very beginning. She understands me, somehow, in a way that no one else ever has, and she was the first person in my whole life to make me feel like she liked me for who I am. I never had a chance of  _not_  falling for her.

I explained how I had picked the rose in Lothering, how I had been surprised that something so beautiful had managed to exist in the midst of so much ugliness. How the idea of the darkspawn taint destroying it had been too painful, and I couldn't leave it.

"And I thought I might give it to you," I admitted. "In a lot of ways, I think the same thing when I look at you. Here I am sometimes, doing all this complaining, and you haven't exactly had an easy time of things yourself. You've had none of the good experiences of being a Grey Warden - not a word of thanks or congratulations. It's all been death and fighting and tragedy." I was trying to find the words. "I just wanted to say something. To let you know what a rare and wonderful thing you've been to find in the midst of all this darkness."

She seemed like she was trying to hide behind the rose, which was awkward and sweet because it was not nearly big enough. "That's probably the loveliest thing anyone's ever said to me." Playfully, she asked, "So, are we married now?"

 _Yes please_  didn't seem like the right answer. I coughed. "You won't land me that easily, woman! I know I'm quite the prize."

She chuckled. "Indeed. Thank you, Alistair."

"Sleep well, Elissa."


	14. Wilhelm's Special Brew

**Wilhelm's Special Brew**

_This dark-colored ale gives off a thick, oaky smell. Swirling it in the tankard, you notice it takes on an unexpected glow._

* * *

I've given Elissa the rose, and she seems pleased with it, but I'm not sure what that means for, well, us. Are we anything more to each other than what we were yesterday?

Well, if nothing's come of it by the time we get back to Soldier's Peak, I'll just have to find the courage to spit it out completely. For the moment, I'll try to focus on our mission to Honnleath.

* * *

I'm watching the interaction between Elissa and Zevran closely. Probably a little too closely; Wynne's having far too much fun smirking at me. But while I'm definitely seeing that he stares at her plenty, and makes subtle little suggestive comments, she doesn't seem to do anything to encourage it.

Actually, and I'm giving this maybe entirely too much thought, but I don't know that his interest is all that sincere either. I almost get the impression that he's flirting more out of force of habit than anything. He probably uses sweet talk and suggestion to get close to his marks.

Come to think of it, isn't that what Leliana did as a bard? I'm pretty sure I've heard that about Orlesian bards. And Elissa's not treating Zevran really any differently than she treats Leliana. Who knows, maybe I'll wake for my turn at watch one night and find them braiding each other's hair.

All right, that mental picture was more amusing than I want to admit.

* * *

So today we reached Honnleath.

The village is set on an elevated hillside plateau, and only one road leads in or out. We were just striking up the path when I felt it, and I could tell by the way she pulled Starfang that Elissa could too.  _Darkspawn_.

Even if we hadn't been able to sense them, the hanged bodies dangling over the road would have been a dead giveaway - darkspawn enjoy doing that, for whatever reason. A few escaping villagers rushed past us as they managed to flee the sight of the carnage, but although we very soon defeated every darkspawn warrior we found in the village proper, we arrived too late to save any of the residents who lay scattered on the ground.

"So this is what you do?" Zevran asked, once the fighting was over. (I will say that the elf might not have been a match for  _us_ , but he acquitted himself very well against the darkspawn.) "You go around killing these things in the hope of stopping them from killing others?"

"That's a very succinct way of putting it, but essentially, yes, that's what Grey Wardens do," Elissa replied.

"Two Grey Wardens against an entire army of these monsters?"

"There used to be more of us. We can tell you about it when we camp tonight, if you wish."

"I admit to being intrigued."

The golem in quest of which we had come stood in a little garden-y sort of patch in the center of the village, its arms reaching to the sky. Elissa pulled out the control rod and uttered the command phrase the merchant had given her, but nothing happened.

"Well, never mind this thing for now," she said. "We should look around to see if there are any other survivors, because there are definitely more darkspawn. You feel them too, don't you, Alistair?"

"Yes."

"You feel them?" Zevran repeated.

"It's a Grey Warden thing. Elissa and I can sense when there are darkspawn nearby." I guess I was trying to make it sound like this was something special she and I share. At least, I suppose that's how it sounded, because Wynne was smirking again.

After some poking about in corners, we found an open door leading into someone's very, very,  _very_  large basement. I've never seen a basement that large that wasn't in a castle. It seemed like there were layers and layers of basement. The darkspawn were collected in the rooms, and as we reached what seemed to be the final room, we figured out why. What surviving villagers remained were huddled behind a protective magic barrier. The darkspawn couldn't get to them, but they were in genuine danger of starving to death.

"Thank the Maker! We're saved!" one of them cried, once the darkspawn were all dead.

Elissa began to speak with the owner of the home, a man called Matthias. His father had been an apostate mage named Wilhelm, and he had taught his son to make use of the barrier. He asked if we'd been sent by the bann, and looked repulsed when she revealed that a merchant had told us about the village. "You came for Shale, didn't you?!"

"Is that the golem's name?"

"My mother must have sold the control rod years ago to prevent it from being revived."

Elissa apologized for asking, then explained that the activation phrase hadn't worked. He offered a trade - his daughter had fled into the lower recesses of the basement (like I said, layers!), and there were traps in there that he couldn't get past. The neighbor who had tried to go after her had been killed by them, but Matthias reasoned that a Grey Warden would have better luck. If we would bring out his little girl Amalia, he would give us the correct activation phrase and the golem was ours.

The traps weren't difficult, at least not compared to some of the stuff we've already seen. A walk in the park compared with the Fade, for example. In the very last room (for real this time) we found Amalia. She was kneeling and talking to a yellow cat, which she called "Kitty." Amalia said she and "Kitty" were playing a guessing game. Frankly, the child was more than a little creepy, insisting that the cat could talk. Of course, then it  _did_ talk, and its eyes glowed purple with every word.

"Demon?" I muttered to Wynne.

"Demon."

The demon was fairly straightforward with us. Wilhelm the apostate had trapped it there, penned in by a barrier across the door through which only mortals could pass. What the demon wanted was to take possession of Amalia's body and experience the outside world through her eyes. The only reason this hadn't yet happened was because there was a complicated puzzle set into the floor, which controlled the barrier, and Amalia could not solve it.

"I can't let you have the girl," said Elissa. "Let her go and I will solve the puzzle so you can be free."

Reluctantly, the demon agreed. What Elissa had to do, by all appearances, was connect a sequence of flaming squares so they created a path from one corner of the floor to another. She kept yelping in pain as she got burned, pushing the squares around.

Wynne was kept busy casting spells to cool her skin. "You're doing just fine, Elissa."

"Do you want help?" I asked. I felt awful. I'm not very good at puzzles like that, but knowing that she was hurting - I would rather have been the one getting burned than watching her go through it.

"It's all right, Alistair, I think I've almost got it." Finally, she was done, and I sort of caught her as she staggered away from the puzzle. She leaned against me for a minute, looking grateful, and behind us the weird yellow glow over the door faded.

"I can feel it!" the demon cried. "The barrier is dissolving!"

"Don't forget your promise," Elissa said sternly, standing on her own again.

"I have changed my mind," said the demon. "I like the girl. I do not think I will find another like her." A demon going back on its word - I was so surprised, truly.

Amalia, fortunately, finally decided that "Kitty" was frightening, and she ran out of the room. So then the demon took on its true shape - a desire demon by the look of things - and summoned some friends to help it attack us. I wonder what it says about our lives that this felt almost commonplace. It was new enough to Zevran, though, and he took a pretty heavy injury to one arm and had to be tended by Wynne as soon as the fighting was over.

"We'll need to get you some better armor when we get back to Soldier's Peak," Elissa commented. "Are you sure you'd rather take your chances with us than with the Crows?"

"Oh, no, this is very interesting," he replied lightly. "Besides, I made my oath."

We returned to Matthias, who was overjoyed to have his daughter back safely. As promised, he gave Elissa the correct phrase to activate the golem, and then he and Amalia (and, I'm guessing, the rest of their neighbors) fled. I can't blame them for wanting to get out of Honnleath, which probably holds too many bad memories to be endured any longer.

Back outside, we examined the statue once again, and Elissa spoke the activation phrase. This one worked - the statue's eyes and mouth began to glow, and its limbs began to move, and we all backed up. "Are you sure this was a good idea?" Wynne asked Elissa.

"It's too late now even if it wasn't."

The golem stretched, for lack of a better way to put it, and its arms and legs made cracking sounds. It looked at us and emitted a sigh. "I knew the day would come when someone would find the control rod." It sounded almost... bored, in a way. Its voice has a strange echo-y sort of quality; I know that's how I described Connor's voice when he was possessed by the demon, but this is different. Connor had sounded like two voices talking at once. Himself and the demon, I guess. The golem's voice sounds like it's echoing out of a stone chamber, which come to think of it does make a lot of sense. Anyway, it stared at Elissa for a moment. "And not even a mage this time. It stumbled across the rod by accident, I suppose."

I think Elissa was a bit taken aback at being called 'it.' She and the golem - Shale, Matthias had called it - began to speak. Shale revealed that it had been standing in one spot for a good thirty years, unable to move, absolutely harassed by birds. The villagers had even put baskets of birdseed near the golem (there was one right there as it spoke) to encourage the birds to 'visit.' Considering what the birds most likely  _did_  to Shale when they were there, what kind of a mess they must have made, I can't really fault it for not liking them. Also, it watched the villagers, who evidently had no idea they were being observed. Creepy. It clearly had no affection for the villagers (although, again, I guess I can't blame it) and seemed somewhat disappointed to learn that some of them had survived the darkspawn invasion.

A curious development occurred then, as we discovered the control rod was now useless. Shale could move without being ordered, and could in fact ignore any order Elissa gave. They tested this theory, with Elissa directing Shale to move to a specific spot and Shale surprised to find itself able to say no. "I feel nothing! I feel no compulsion to carry out its command!"

Elissa asked - warily - what the golem might do now. "I suppose, since the control rod is broken, that means I have free will," Shale mused. "What  _should_  I do? I have no memories, beyond watching this village for so long; I have no purpose. I find myself at a bit of a loss. What about it? It must have awoken me for some reason. What did it intend to do with me?"

"I thought you might be of help to us against the Blight," Elissa admitted.

"Might I ask what sort of things it gets up to?"

"Oh... killing darkspawn, mostly. A few other things too, but mostly that."

"Hmm. It speaks of the darkspawn - the very creatures that destroyed this village. Darkspawn are an evil that must be destroyed, it's true," Shale noted agreeably. "Though not as evil as the birds, damnable feathered fiends." It tilted its head, studying Elissa. "I suppose I have two options, do I not? Go with it, or go elsewhere. I do not even know what lies beyond this village."

"What do you want to do?"

"I have no idea." Shale said it had only vague memories at best of life before coming to the village, and spoke of its former master Wilhelm with distaste.

"If you wish, you're welcome to come with us," Elissa offered.

"Are you sure you want to bring that thing with us?" I asked her. "It could be dangerous. And large." I knew she was sure, of course. She is the way she is, and I wouldn't have her otherwise. But I thought it was a good idea to point out the potential for trouble.

She glanced at me, her lips quirked in a not-quite-smile. "Think of it as a portable battering ram."

"...all right, that  _could_  be useful. Better it than me, anyhow."

"I will follow it about, then," said Shale. "For now. I am called Shale."

Elissa introduced herself and the rest of us, but I don't think it mattered too much to Shale, really. It seems to prefer saddling each of us with nicknames. So far Wynne is simply 'the mage' (though I wonder if that will change when it meets Morrigan), and I'm 'the second Warden,' which I don't mind. Zevran is 'the painted elf.' I think he likes it, actually.

Elissa, on the other hand, is still 'it.'

* * *

We are headed north once again, and my bones are looking forward to sleeping in the cots of Soldier's Peak once more. Elissa has been amusing herself by describing the fortress to Zevran and Shale, although I'm not sure how much Shale actually listens. She's explained the Grey Wardens a bit better to Zevran as well; I don't know if they just don't have them in Antiva (I don't think they do but I could be wrong), or if he just never bothered to learn anything about them.

* * *

We expect to be back in Soldier's Peak within a few more days. I've lost exact count but I believe we've been away for roughly a fortnight.

I've been thinking, still, about what went through my mind after Zevran attacked us. It bothers me a lot. So while he and Elissa were both asleep, I got up to join Wynne on her watch. She's the only one I'd feel comfortable talking to about it, besides Elissa, and given the subject matter I'm not sure Elissa's the one to consult.

"You're not going to ask me to darn your socks again, are you?" Wynne asked as I approached her.

"No, no."

"Then sit down and tell me what's on your mind. I can see something's bothering you."

I obeyed. "I'm concerned about Zevran," I explained.

"I'm going to presume that you're not worried about him catching a cold."

"Er, no, hadn't crossed my mind, actually."

"I've seen how he is with Elissa. I can imagine that's not to your liking."

"It's not, but even that's not my point. If she starts encouraging him, though, I'll be back for more advice. Or I'll go get drunk."

She chuckled. "What is it, then?"

I told her my fears - that I had, by not acting the part of senior Grey Warden, placed Elissa in danger. "Morrigan teases me about preferring to follow, but it's  _Morrigan_. I don't generally put stock in anything she says to me," I said. "But I'm starting to worry she has a point. Zevran turned out to be halfway decent - you know, for an Antivan assassin whose eyes keep wandering to places they don't belong. We might not be so lucky next time."

"Next time? What do you mean?"

"It was Loghain who hired Zevran - well, really it was Arl Howe, acting on Loghain's behalf. He hired Zevran - well, contracted with the Crows, who sent Zevran. I'm digressing. My point is, sooner or later, Loghain's going to realize that Zevran failed. Don't you think he'll try again?"

"I see why you're worried." She was frowning deeply.

"Not that anything is ever going to be able to touch Elissa," I added. "I mean, I wouldn't let it. Even if I didn't... you know, feel like I do about her, she's still my friend and a Grey Warden. Not to mention you and the others - you'd protect her too, right?"

"Of course I would. Elissa is very dear to me, as she is to all of us. Whatever I can do to keep her safe, I will."

I smiled. "You know, of all the mages I've ever met, you're the first one I've ever really liked."

"Why, thank you, Alistair. I'm quite touched." She did look pleased. "I like you too. I imagine my son would have grown up to be someone like you."

"Your son?" I repeated. "I thought you said you were never married."

"That's true, I never have been."

"I - oh. Then this wasn't before you joined the Circle?"

"I joined the Circle at the age of nine," she pointed out. "So no. Do you still like me?"

"Why wouldn't I?"

"Good. It appears you got away from the Chantry just in time."

"You forget, my parents weren't exactly married either," I pointed out. "We seem to have gotten off topic."

"Very well. To come back to your point, then, try not to worry too much. We'll all just have to do our best to protect each other. All right?"

"All right. Thank you, Wynne."


	15. Antique Warden Crossbow

**Antique Warden Crossbow**

_Finely calibrated and balanced, this crossbow fires especially hard and true. It has weathered the years quite well._

* * *

And we are again come home to Soldier's Peak.

The shimmery purple barrier was still very much in place as we approached, which I took to mean that all within was well. Elissa reached out and touched it, smiling as it shattered. "Excellent, just as Morrigan promised. Well, Zevran, Shale - welcome to the home of the Grey Wardens."

"Incredible," Zevran said, gazing up at the citadel. "I admit, I was skeptical of your descriptions, but I see now that you quite possibly did not do it justice. It is a marvel."

Shale was much less impressed. "And there are more squishy companions found here? How exciting. But so long as it does not keep birds, I suppose it may be endured."

The barrier sprang back into place once we were all inside the curtain wall, and a familiar barking echoed through the courtyard. Elissa immediately dropped to one knee, and a few seconds later, Toby came barrelling into her outstretched arms. "Told you I'd be back, didn't I?" She rubbed his ears. "Has everyone been well?"

He barked, rolling onto his back for a moment, then righted himself again. "I see. Well, that's why I left you in charge," she told him. "Can you go get the others?" He barked again and took off.

"You have a mabari?" Zevran looked even more impressed. "We have few of them in Antiva, but I understand not just anyone is able to own one."

"They're special creatures," she agreed, rising. "Come, we'll introduce you two to the rest of our company."

The courtyard was bustling with activity; Teagan's refugees had evidently arrived in our absence. We were just greeting Bodhan Feddic when I heard footsteps on the stairs to the keep, and we turned to see Leliana, Morrigan, and Sten. "You seem to have picked up a few strays since you were with us last, Elissa," Morrigan drawled.

"You could say that, I suppose." Elissa looked amused. She made the introductions. "I want to speak to each of you in turn," she added, "about the tasks I set you before we left, but I think we could all do with some rest first. The barrier seems to have worked well, Morrigan, I thank you."

"Hang on," I said. "Didn't you tell me that the barrier was tied to the Warden's Oath?"

"Yes."

"Then how did the refugees get in?"

"I found a discarded Warden's Oath token in my quarters," Elissa explained. "Morrigan used it to create the spell, and to open the barrier as needed. It sounds like everyone's been busy," she added.

"I don't suppose the bath house is operable?" Wynne asked hopefully.

"It was the first thing they fixed," Leliana assured her. "Come, Zevran, I'll show you where you can sleep."

He followed her - rather eagerly by the look of things, actually, I wonder what he thought she meant - and Elissa turned to the others. "Sten, I will seek you out once I've had some sleep myself," she said, and I could see how tired she really was. "Morrigan, if you'll walk with me to my quarters, I'd like to talk to you privately. Shale, make yourself at home." She glanced at me and smiled, then the two women headed off together. I suppose she wanted to give Morrigan the grimoire away from anyone else's eyes. Wynne headed off to take a bath, and Shale followed her through the courtyard. It was kind of funny to watch people duck out of her way.

"The Warden looks weary," Sten commented. "As do you all. Was your venture to the ruins at Ostagar a successful one?" He eyed me and added, "Or was it a shopping trip?"

"What? Oh - the armor." I shook my head. "This is... well, it's a long story. Let's just say that yes, we succeeded in what we went there to do, and while we were out I came into possession of a family heirloom."

"Interesting. And the elf? The golem?"

"We took a side trip to Honnleath and made use of that control rod the merchant gave us," I explained. "None too soon, either, since the place was crawling with darkspawn - we were able to save some of the villagers at least. Zevran... I'm not sure how to explain Zevran."

"With words, I should think."

"Point taken. I'll be blunt - he tried to kill us."

"And he is not dead why?"

"Because our fearless leader is the queen of giving people second chances, I guess."

He groaned, and shook his head. "Her heart is mighty, but entirely too soft. It will be her downfall yet."

"Well, he's bound to her by oath." We turned to walk inside - I wanted food more than rest - and I described the situation. "So far he's been as good as his word. He could have easily escaped when we were in Honnleath, if at no other time, but he helped us with the fighting."

"We still must be vigilant."

"Don't I know it."

* * *

It's good to be back here, and I have to say I'm impressed with how much the refugees have accomplished since they arrived. A couple of them managed to bring livestock, so the stable is getting used for that rather than as the wood workshop Elissa had originally imagined. There's a cow - I'd sort of forgotten how nice fresh milk tastes - and a couple of sheep that are being sheared as we speak. There's also a few chickens, which everyone is doing their best to hide from Shale.

Mikhael Dryden is working on Cailan's armor for me. New padding, some slight adjustments to the sizing, and a good polish are really all it needs. He also sharpened Duncan's blade, and I had Sandal Feddic add a couple of runes.

Elissa's running herself ragged, I swear. She sticks her adorable little nose into everything. If she's not talking to Levi Dryden about his stewardship, then she's going over Sten's notes and drawings, or examining the storehouses, or getting Zevran fitted up with better armor, or talking to Wynne about how she's feeling.

Oh, right, I didn't mention that. See, Wynne  _collapsed_  shortly before we came back to Soldier's Peak, and Elissa's been beside herself about it. Apparently, Wynne's... well, I wouldn't call her an abomination, but it's something not entirely different. She died, back at the Circle of Magi, but a friendly spirit in the Fade brought her back to life and is sharing her body. It's a bit odd. She seems all right most of the time, but I know Elissa worries. I do too.

* * *

So it would seem there is a kitten.

One of the refugees brought a small cat. Useful, as far as that goes, for keeping mice out of the granary and whatnot. I like cats. Apparently, so does Sten.

We found this out tonight at dinner, when Leliana gave him that smirky sort of look that Wynne sometimes gives me if I look at Elissa for too long. "I saw what you were doing, Sten."

Everyone turned to look at him in confusion. He just paused in his eating and raised an eyebrow. "Oh?"

"Don't play innocent with me."

"What are you talking about?"

"You. Playing with that kitten."

Well, the whole table had gone quiet by this time. Sten put down his spoon and declared, "There was no kitten."

"Sten, I saw you," Leliana insisted. I saw Elissa trying not to smile. "You were dangling a piece of twine for it."

"I was helping it train," he replied.

"You're a big softie!"

"We will never speak of this again."

"Softie!"

"That's enough, Leli," said Elissa mildly. "Zevran, pass the bread, please. Wynne, how is your knitting coming along, do you have enough yarn?"

"Oh, yes, my dear, thank you."

"Knitting?" I repeated.

"She asked for some good wool yarn. Between Bodahn Feddic and the shearing, I got her as much as I could," Elissa told me. In a quieter voice, for my ears only, she added, "She wants to make Sten a cloak. None of the ones we have here are large enough."

Wynne's so nice, she really is. But I still can't get over the mental picture of  _Sten_ , of all people,  _playing with a kitten_.

* * *

Zevran seems to be settling in well with our company. I can't quite make him out. He's ready enough to like anybody, and to be perfectly honest, he flirts with everything that moves - even Shale. (Not Sten, though. Probably wise.) Shale is a lot harder to get to know, not least because it doesn't seem to want to know anyone. It tolerates Elissa well enough, and it  _seems_  to have taken a sort of liking to Sten, but I could be wrong.

We had snow in the night, but today was pretty nice, so we were all out in the courtyard enjoying some winter sunshine, except for Morrigan. I can't make her out either, and I've known her longer than anyone here other than Elissa. I think she only eats meals with us because Elissa asked her to, because she keeps to herself more often than not. I want to say she's just not capable of developing any attachments to anyone, but if that's true, then she's got Elissa completely fooled. Elissa thinks that Morrigan really is her friend - she told me that after she turned over the grimoire, Morrigan admitted that Elissa's the first friend she's ever had. I would certainly have no trouble believing  _that_. But I'm not convinced. I still think Morrigan, and her mother, have some sort of long-term plan, and we've become the pawns in it. I'm fairly sure she wouldn't do anything to hurt Elissa, but I still don't trust her.

Anyway, the rest of us were out in the courtyard. Sten was observing Elissa and Leliana, who were sparring. Leliana's coming along very well with her sword studies; she's apparently more used to a bow or a dagger, but she asked Elissa to show her how to swordfight. Zevran was observing them too, but in a very obviously different way than Sten was. Shale was just standing quietly in one corner, watching everyone. Wynne was sitting on a bench the Drydens had placed under one of the pine trees, knitting that cape for Sten, so I went and flopped down at her feet.

"It seems like we got back to Soldier's Peak just in time, with this snow," she said. "But I do love it. It makes everything sparkle."

"Winter was always my favorite season when I was young," I admitted. "Arl Eamon had some stable boys around my age, and we used to have the most wonderful snowball fights."

"Don't get any ideas," she advised me. "I think you'd have some volunteers, but with all the people Bann Teagan sent to help out here, there's really no room for it." She was right, no question. Between the Dryden relatives and the refugees, there are a good two dozen people in the fortress, and that's not even counting our party.

"That's all right. There's enough activity."

We both watched the swordplay for a little time. "Leliana really looks up to Elissa, I've noticed," Wynne remarked. "I get the feeling that trusting people isn't something that comes easily to her. Then again, I get the feeling that this is true of a number of our companions. It's remarkable how they've grown to put their trust in Elissa."

"She's something else," I agreed.

"You know, I asked her about something the other day," Wynne continued. "Do you remember when we held the funeral for your brother, and she cut off one of his braids? I asked her why, and she said she wanted to give it to Queen Anora if they ever met - that she thought the queen might like a token of remembrance."

"That's considerate."

"It is, but I was surprised to learn that she and the queen have never actually met. I honestly would have thought they could have been raised to be friends. They're close in age, both very intelligent women, fully equal in birth and beauty."

"I can't agree with that, Wynne, you know I can't," I objected. "Equal in birth, yes, but not in beauty. Anora can't hold a candle to Elissa."

"And you're so very unbiased on that subject."

"Well... all right, you have a point."

* * *

Morrigan just made me jump out of my skin a bit. I was walking through the hall to the room where I'm staying, and I came round a corner and she was...  _there_. Skulking in the shadows, as it were.

"What are you doing?"

"Looking for you." She fixed me with those creepy yellow eyes of hers. "I have a question for you, if you do o't mind."

"I do mind, but something tells me you don't care."

"You  _are_  observant. In truth, though, I do wonder. Is it permissible for two Grey Wardens to... oh, what is the word I search for..."

"Caboodle?"

"Fraternize. That was it." Her eyes were just a bit narrowed. "I have been watching you both, you know, ever since Mother sent me off with you. 'Tis growing more obvious by the day - by the hour, even."

I sighed. "What's wrong with fraternizing? Not that we've - you know. Done much of it."

"That was more than I needed to know. But it seems most undisciplined, for an organization that claims it will do whatever is necessary to end the darkspawn threat."

"One thing has nothing to do with the other." I really didn't understand what she meant.

"Oh, no?" She smirked. "What if a Grey Warden were forced to choose between the Warden he loved and ending the Blight? What should his choice be?"

I sputtered. She was comparing apples and oranges, wasn't she? How could I ever be forced to choose between my love for Elissa and my duty to the Wardens? In my mind, they've essentially become the same thing, since she  _is_  the only other Warden. "That is a ridiculous question," I finally managed.

"And I have my answer. Most kind of you." She folded her arms. "Having said that, I would say one thing more. I do not approve."

"Good thing I've never been concerned about that, or my feelings would be really hurt."

"Setting aside the whole issue of fraternization," she said, ignoring me, "my objection is a very basic one. It comes to this: you are not good enough for her."

I still don't trust her, but apparently I have to admit that she does have some genuine fondness for Elissa. "Well, for what it's worth, Morrigan," I said, "I agree with you."

"Impressive. Leliana spoke truly, then. You  _do_  have more sense than a stone."

* * *

Elissa's overdoing it, I think. She's a little too enthusiastic about our purpose here at the Peak.

When we're indoors, she's adopted the habit of not usually wearing her armor, a habit that most of us are slowly adopting as well. (Not Morrigan, of course; then again, she doesn't wear armor in the first place.) Levi Dryden managed to pick up some simple outfits, cotton and linen mostly, and it's become quite usual to see our commander walking around inside the keep wearing a white tunic and trousers. I have to admit that these clothes are a lot more comfortable for sitting, and they're rather nice for sleeping as well.

Tonight she was doing both. She disappeared after dinner, saying something about continuing reading some book she unearthed up in the library, and we didn't see her again for hours. I accepted Zevran's challenge for a game of backgammon, but by the time we were done I was a bit concerned about Elissa and went in search of her.

She had  _three_  books open on the table, and had apparently been taking notes about the history of the Grey Wardens. She was slumped across her papers, one arm curled under her head, making the funniest little snores I've ever heard in my life. Toby was sleeping under the table, but he - unlike his mistress - awoke when I came in. "Easy, boy," I said softly. "Let's get her to bed, shall we?"

He barked at that, apparently in approval, and watched me shake her gently. "Elissa. Wake up, sleeping beauty."

"Hm?" She raised her head and rubbed her eyes. "Ah...Ali...?" My name got cut off in the middle by a yawn; I don't think anyone's ever called me "Ali" before.

Once I'd gotten her to understand that it was late and she ought to be in bed, she let me help her up and I walked her to her room, Toby at our heels. As she opened the door, I held up my candle so she could see her way to the bed, and was pleased to see that the rose I gave her sits on the table next to it. She picked up her own candle and lit it off of mine, then tilted her head up so she could brush a kiss to my cheek. "Thank you, Alistair... I'll see you in the morning."

"R-right." It took every ounce of willpower I possess to make myself leave the room. This journal entry is a bit on the illegible side because Maker's breath, my hands are  _still_  a little shaky.


	16. Asturian's Might

**Asturian's Might**

_A powerful sword, forged for Warden Commander Asturian by dwarven smiths and presented to him upon the completion of Soldier's Peak._

* * *

The days feel like they're flying here, which is a shame because I would really like them to last. If I can be blunt, this is the happiest I've been since Ostagar. I wouldn't say that we're all becoming the best of friends, exactly, but we have more opportunity to get to know each other here than we did in camp and it's pretty nice. I enjoy spending time with Wynne, and Sten's really quite conversible when I can actually get him to talk, and Zevran's not really that bad at all when he's not staring where he shouldn't, and I'm getting to like Leliana even though I'm still not sure she's entirely sane. Levi Dryden's a good man, as is Mikhael, and the refugees all seem very pleasant and hardworking. Shale's all right, for the most part, and Morrigan... well, nothing's perfect.

And of course there's Elissa, and I don't really think I need to say much about that. She's happy here too, or at least as happy as I've ever seen her. She runs about all day long, making decisions and giving directions and advice and trying to make sure everyone's comfortable. I suspect that keeping so busy is actually just a way for her to distract herself - from grieving for her family, from thinking about what lies ahead of us, from everything that weighs on her shoulders. Rebuilding Soldier's Peak is cheerful work for her, unlike slaughtering darkspawn or hunting down Eamon's cure.

Wynne agrees with me about that, but she doesn't seem to think it's an entirely healthy thing for her to be doing. I asked her about it, and she said that she's worried that if Elissa keeps distracting herself, it's going to be that much harder to face the reality of things when she no longer has a choice about it. I guess that's true.

But it's so nice to see her like this. I hate to think that she's going to have it taken away again.

* * *

Spent the morning helping with more of the refurbishment of the archivist's rooms, and we've just finished the midday meal; I'm sitting in my room at the moment, enjoying a little quiet. We're all pretty busy, although nobody quite like Elissa. Each of us helps with making the keep a home, and we all spend time training and sparring and building up our strength and skills. It's not all work, of course. Sometimes we play games, or have long conversations. I like sitting with Wynne, helping to wind her yarn or just talking to her about things. She's told me a few stories from when my father was king, which are interesting.

Of course I like it best when I can be with Elissa. We aren't alone together much, and I wish that we could be. That might be for the best, in its way. It's getting harder and harder not to just come out and declare myself. I ought to do it sometime soon, really, but she's already got so much on her mind that I'm hesitant to add to it.

Hang on, someone's knocking on my door.

* * *

Speak - well, write - of the Warden and she appears.

"Am I disturbing you? This can wait if it's a bad time."

"No, no, not at all. Bad time? When could it ever be a bad time to see you?" Maker, I try so hard to be smooth and I swear I just sound like a moron.

She smiled, though. "Well, I have a favor to ask, if you're willing."

"Something you need, my dear?"

I  _think_  she turned a little pink at that, but the corridor's a bit dim so it was hard to tell. "I know you're not a full Templar," she said, "but I was thinking that it might be useful if I could learn at least some of what you know. Templars are so good on the battlefield, and you know spells that the rest of us don't, and I can't help thinking that it could help if I could share some of that knowledge."

"Ah." Not quite what I'd expected, certainly not what I'd have liked her to need from me, but an interesting proposition. "Well, first, I should explain that I  _don't_  know any spells. Templars... it's actually more like an anti-magic. In fact, one of the things I know how to do is to undo all magic in the area surrounding me - I don't do it often because I don't want to interfere with Wynne or Morrigan's spells, but I  _can_  do it. The other thing I should point out is that fully-fledged Templars have to swallow lyrium in order to do what they do. I don't do that, as you might have noticed, so I'm not as powerful as they are."

"That stands to reason, I suppose."

"Having said that, if you really want to learn, I'll teach you what I know."

"Wonderful! Thank you so much. I have a few other things to take care of today, but do you think we could work on it tomorrow? After lunch perhaps?"

I wonder if I'd ever be able to say no to those eyes. Anyway, we agreed on a time and she was on her way, and I sat down to think about the whole thing.

It's kind of funny that she asked, really. Women don't become Templars, at least not officially. It's one of those odd rules in the Chantry. Women become lay sisters, Chanters, priests, and eventually Revered Mothers if they devote themselves to Andraste enough. Men may be lay brothers or Chanters, but not priests, and more often they're Templars. It's just the way things are. I don't know why.

But it's not like she's going to become an official Templar from my teaching anyway. I mean, I'm not a Templar myself, so I can't very well make someone else a Templar. All she asked was that I teach her what I know. I can do that. Holy Smite in particular is great for knocking down groups of opponents - that's bound to come in handy when we're up against a whole lot of darkspawn, right? And she's a quick study, from what I've seen, so it's not going to take long.

* * *

So today we started Elissa's Templar training.

Cold as it was, we did the training in the outer bailey's sparring yard so as not to disturb anyone. As I expected, she's picking it up rapidly. I mean, she's only learning the combat aspects, not the other studies, so it won't take as long as it usually does, but still. If women could be Templars, they'd have been lucky to get her. But frankly, I don't even care. Because it's what happened  _after_  we finished for the day that I want to remember. I just hope I'm able to describe it well.

We sat down on a bench afterward, taking a rest and admiring the improvements being slowly made to Soldier's Keep. "It's really coming along, don't you think?" she asked. "A lot has been done in a relatively short time. I'm so pleased."

I glanced at her, and smiled. Her expression was serene; the winter sunlight shone on her hair, and for some reason I found myself admiring the smooth curve of her jaw, of all things. "You have a right to be proud," I said. "You've ordered things so well. You think of everything."

"Not everything," she replied, "but I try. At least Mother's lessons haven't been entirely wasted, even if they didn't achieve exactly what she had in mind."

That made me think of what Wynne had said, comparing Elissa to Anora -  _equal in birth and beauty_. I will never be able to agree with the second observation, but the first is true enough. "Can I ask you something about that? Something a bit personal?"

"If you like."

"Well, I just was wondering... why weren't you ever betrothed? I mean, most of the young noblewomen I ever met had marriages arranged for them early." Anora had been promised to Cailan practically from the cradle, according to Arl Eamon, so I had to wonder why Elissa hadn't had a similar fate. (Not that I'm complaining. It would have been torture to fall in love with her if she had.)

She turned to look at me, apparently thinking about it. "It's a fair question. I don't entirely know," she admitted. "From something my mother said once, though, she and Father were having a hard time finding a suitable husband for me. Fergus was easily arranged. I think I told you Oriana was from Antiva. Her father was what you'd call an impoverished noble; he still had his name and his bloodline, but his family had long since lost its lands. He was only too happy to think of his daughter becoming teyrna. And Oriana herself was lovely - kind, pious, affectionate. It didn't take long for my brother to grow to love her, or the rest of us either, for that matter. She and I were good friends."

"But they didn't have the same luck with you?"

She shook her head. "Truthfully? Mother thought it might be the swordplay. She always said that she was a decent warrior in her day - she still was, right up until the end - but that it was the 'softer arts' that let her find a good husband. I don't have any objections to the softer arts, but you might have noticed they're not what I do best."

"You do well enough with them from what I've seen."

"Thank you. But she was worried, and maybe rightfully so, that if I didn't pay more attention to them and less to my blade, I wouldn't marry well. Of course," she added, with a devious little smile, "that didn't suit me. I told my father once that I didn't want to marry a man who couldn't win my heart, and the only way to win my heart was to best me with the sword."

I laughed. "What did his lordship say to that?"

"I believe his exact words were, 'I look forward to your spinsterhood, pup.'"

"And is that still the only way to win your heart?"

I saw her glance at me out of the corner of her eye. "Well, I don't know," she said lightly. "I've never had anyone challenge me with that end in view."

My heart was trying to pound its way out of my chest. Except for the Joining, I don't think I've ever done anything so terrifying in my life as what I did next. "Shall I take off my gauntlet and throw it on the ground, or will a verbal challenge suffice?"

Watching her face get all pink was enjoyable. "No, I think the verbal is enough. Now?"

"I'm game if you are."

You know, I barely remember the actual 'duel,' to the extent that you can even call it a duel. I know it was difficult - I wanted to fight hard enough to win, almost as if my life depended on it, but I had to control my strikes enough that I wouldn't hurt the very woman I wanted to win. But what I remember most is the dawning comprehension that she wasn't trying very hard.

Our swords clashed together and fought for dominance between us, mere inches from our faces. Starfang's oddly-colored blade made her eyes look even bluer than usual, until I finally pushed her back. I reached up and pulled off my helmet, tossing it aside; despite the winter chill, it was absolutely boiling under the visor. Elissa hesitated, then removed hers too, and asked, "Should we continue?"

"I think we either have to continue or... or call it a draw."

"That does seem reasonable," she agreed, lowering her sword. "If we call it a draw, I suppose you could say that we both win."

"It's a compromise. You can still say that you haven't been bested in combat." I dared to move closer. "And I?"

"You can say that you have what you were trying to win." She spoke carefully, almost fearfully.

"I can say it. But is it true?"

"Well, remind me. What is it you were trying to win again?"

I had to laugh. "You're a terrible tease, you know." I brought my free hand to her jaw, tilted her face up a bit, and kissed her. She's the only woman I've ever kissed, and it's strange; the more I kiss her, the more I  _want_  to kiss her. I wonder if that's normal.

That was a few hours ago, and I'm still sitting here playing it over in my mind. I can call her mine now - I am hers, and she's mine. The Grey Warden, the rose of Highever, the light in Ferelden's darkness, savior of mages and Templars, friend of Qunari and Antivan Crows. Call her what you will, it's all the same. She's everything all in one. The most magnificent woman in the world, probably the most magnificent woman (except for Andraste) who has ever lived.

And she loves  _me_. I must be the luckiest man alive.

Though as I write that, it occurs to me that she never said as much. Come to think of it, I still haven't said it to her either. I think I need to go rectify this. Right now. She won't have gone to bed just yet.

* * *

I don't think that what happened is  _quite_  what I intended when I left my room, but I'd be an idiot to complain.

I managed to catch Elissa in the hall outside her quarters. She had come from the bath house, by the look of things; her hair was braided, but the braids were hanging loose and still a bit damp, and her skin had that just-scrubbed look to it. The sight of her set my pulse racing again, and I sort of started babbling. I seem to do that a lot with her, though maybe now that we've gotten this out of the way I'll be better. She didn't seem entirely flattered, at first, when I told her that whenever I'm around her I feel like my head's about to explode. Probably not the best choice of words, really.

"Here's the thing," I said. "Being near you makes me  _crazy_. But I can't imagine being without you. Not ever." She softened at that. And then - no, really, I didn't plan this, it just sort of came out. I asked to spend the night with her, in her room. To throw caution to the wind and just be with her. How did I put it? Oh, right. "I wanted to wait for the perfect time, the perfect place - but when will it be perfect? If things were perfect, we wouldn't even have met. We sort of stumbled into each other, and despite this being the least perfect time, I still found myself falling for you in between all the fighting and everything."

Truth is, I just didn't want to wait anymore, because if something happens - if one of us dies in this war, or both of us do, or something else goes wrong - I wanted to have had at least one perfect night with this woman I completely adore. Maybe it wasn't the right time, or maybe it was, or maybe there's no such thing as the right time.

I was fully expecting her to say no, or maybe to even slap me or something. Instead, she stared, and then she nodded, and I think she actually said the word yes but my heart was pounding in my ears and I couldn't exactly hear clearly. And then I was kissing her, and she was fumbling with the latch behind her, and the next thing I knew we were in her room and she locked the door.

I'm not going to describe what happened next. I'll never be able to do it justice. But it was  _glorious_.

Later, we were wrapped in her sleeping furs, Elissa curled against my side, and her braids trailed over my chest while I traced patterns on her shoulder. "You know, according to all the sisters at the monastery, I should have been struck by lightning by now."

"Mm. Not for that performance," she teased. Her voice was sweetly seductive, and I felt stupidly proud at her words.

"You do realize the rest of our little party is going to talk, right? They do that." I was pretty sure that we'd been fairly quiet, but I just had a feeling that at least a few of them would figure out what happened.

"Hmph. Let them talk," she said. "First one who makes a comment is getting tossed to the darkspawn."

I had to laugh. "See, this is why I love you. Did I mention that, by the way? That I love you? Because I do. It won't kill you to hear it again, will it? I love you."

"I love you too."

Maker, You have blessed me above every other man in Thedas.

We fell silent for a bit. I was playing with her hair, brushing her cheeks with the end of one of her braids, and I think she was almost asleep. "I've been thinking."

"About what?" She opened her eyes and looked at me.

"What we'll do after this is all over. You know. Once we stop the Blight."

"Oh, right. What do you want to do?"

"That's what I've been thinking about. If it all goes well, I want us to come back here, you and me. Back to Soldier's Peak. Finish overseeing its restoration, and contact the motherhouse at Weisshaupt for information about how to do the Joining and whatever else we need to know."

"I like this plan."

"And then we'll rebuild our ranks," I added softly. "You and I - we'll be mother and father, essentially, to a whole new generation of Fereldan Grey Wardens."

"Together?" She sounded drowsy. "Always?"

"Always."

"Yes. Let's do this."

We fell asleep not long after that, and it was very hard for me to leave her bed in the morning to come back to my own. I wish things could be different for us in so many ways. I wish I could give her a more normal life - a home, safety, peace.

But she loves me. She accepts my love and she returns it. That's more than I ever dared to hope for, and I'm grateful.


	17. Commoner Clothing

**Commoner Clothing**

_The practical Fereldans are partial to plain garments such as these. They are constructed of sturdy fabric and are trimmed with only the simplest of embellishments._

* * *

It has been several days since last I wrote. There are a few reasons for this. One is that a short time after my last post, the heaviest snow of the season fell on Soldier's Keep, and I've been helping with things here. We needed to clear paths from the main entrance to the exterior residences, so that the Drydens and the others living out there could get inside as needed, and also out to the stable so they could continue to take care of the animals. Food's at something of a premium right now too, unfortunately. I'm sure Bann Teagan was as generous with us as he could afford to be, but there's been no meat at all for days. In fact, if we didn't have milk from the cow and eggs from the chickens, we'd be a lot worse off than we are. At least the fortress has a nice supply of flour, since one of the refugees was a miller, so there's been plenty of bread.

Naturally, none of this is particularly interesting and worth recording, so I haven't seen much reason to note it down. It's been a struggle to keep the fires going too, since we don't dare send anyone out to add to our current supply of firewood. Our company is conserving as best we can; until things warm up, we're all spending almost all of our time here in the great hall, including for sleeping, so that we only need to have the fire lit in here and in the kitchen.

This is not, as you might expect, giving anyone any real sort of privacy. I've barely had any time alone with Elissa since we declared ourselves. That's the other reason I haven't written - I don't feel comfortable pulling this little manuscript out in front of most of our party. Elissa, of course, I wouldn't mind; I don't think Wynne would presume to ask questions either. But the others, I think I would feel a bit uneasy at best, and at worst (if it was Morrigan) like I'd just signed my own death warrant.

We have to find ways to keep ourselves amused, which is becoming more difficult by the day. There are only so many books in the library; some of us play backgammon, or chess, or cards. Wynne's just about done knitting that cape for Sten. Leliana is apparently writing about our adventures, according to what I overheard her saying to Toby about describing him as a lover of fine foods. Morrigan spends most of her time brooding in a corner and talking as little as possible; if she didn't occasionally have conversations with Elissa, I don't think she'd speak at all.

* * *

Snow. Yay. I used to like the stuff, too.

* * *

Finally, we've had enough of a break in the storms that we can venture out. Bodahn Feddic and his son have gone out into the world to refresh their supplies, something Levi seems equally itchy to do. Some of the refugees have made forays into the woodland again; one brought back a wild turkey, so we've got meat again for a time. They've also gathered more firewood, which means we can start sleeping in our own rooms again. Among other things.

She sleeps very deeply, my Elissa. I'm not really surprised. She's constantly on the go. Training, studying, meeting with Levi Dryden or one of the refugees, planning... once I even found her in the kitchens helping with the stew. She's certainly never bored; she never has the time. So when she goes to sleep, she goes to  _sleep_.

Our secret, meanwhile, has been blown wide open. To be fair, I'm not sure how much of it was a secret in the first place; I know most of our companions have had their suspicions to some extent. But our  _fraternization_ , to use Morrigan's word, is known to everyone now. It's my own fault, to be honest. I left Elissa's room this morning, thinking it was plenty early for me to go use the bath and then get back to my own quarters undetected.

Unfortunately, as it turned out, I had slept longer than I thought. When I opened the door, there was Leliana about to knock. She took a step backward in surprise. "Oh! I - _oh_. Sorry! I came to find out why Elissa wasn't at breakfast - we've already started eating."

Before I could think of anything to say, Zevran came into view. "I can't find Alistair - he didn't answer his door, and I'm not sure - oho." He came to a halt, taking in the scene, and this crazy smirk curled onto his lips. "Well. That, I think, answers every question. Leliana, we should return to the great hall and let the others know that... how shall we put it? Our Grey Wardens have already breakfasted?"

"Zevran!" she scolded, but she was clearly trying not to giggle. I glanced over my shoulder to see Elissa covering her eyes with one hand. Our morning visitors said nothing else, only walked away rather quickly. I'm not sure how much they actually told the others, but nobody was quite ready to look me in the eye when I arrived a short time later.

* * *

It's been another several days since my last update, but it does seem as though the worst of the winter is behind us. The Feddics returned, and Levi made a quick trip out to do his own merchant stuff; I wonder how he'll manage that when we're not in residence. I mean, Morrigan's going to be leaving with us, so I don't see how the barrier is going to remain in place without creating problems for those who remain behind. Maybe Elissa will work something out with Avernus, though, I hadn't considered that.

Speaking of my lady, she's up to something. I'm not quite sure why, but I'm almost positive I've seen her sneaking about with something under her cloak more than once. I asked her about it, and she told me not to worry about it. Her eyes were twinkling when she said it; I don't think I've ever seen her look mischievous before.

Mm, and I believe that's her at my door, so I'll leave this here.

* * *

The weather continues to improve, which is both good and not good. It's good, because it lets us resume what we need to do while we're here - training and all that - but it's not good because, and we all know it, it means that the time to leave is approaching. I don't want to leave; I don't think anyone else does either.

On the bright side, once this infernal Blight is defeated, Elissa and I get to come back. I'm really looking forward to that future we've got planned.

* * *

It's decided, then. We talked it all over at dinner tonight. Once we'd finished the majority of our eating, Elissa called everyone to order. Shale wasn't eating, of course, just sort of looming in the background, but it moved closer to the table so it could be part of the discussion.

"I want to thank you all," she began, "for your help in making Soldier's Peak what it is. It's so much closer to its former glory than it's been in a long time, and you each have had a hand in that. To be perfectly honest, this is the most at home I've felt since I left Highever." She glanced at me and gave me a tiny smile, and I remembered our conversation about home.

"But sadly, the Blight is still out there," she continued, "and with spring approaching, we need to get back to fighting it."

Sten gave her an approving sort of look. Wynne only nodded. "How shall we begin?"

"Unless we get another storm before then, I'd like to leave the mountain in ten days," she replied. "Our first objective will be to return to Denerim; I want to question Brother Genitivi's assistant as to why he sent us to that ambush at Lake Calenhad. From there, we'll do one of two things, depending on the answers he gives us."

"Meaning what exactly?" asked Morrigan.

"Well, if we can get proper information out of him, it might be in our best interest to head for Haven - assuming that Brother Genitivi did manage to locate it," she said. "I don't understand how the ashes can be hidden in a village that virtually no one has ever heard of and doesn't get put on maps, but on the other hand, it might be the safest possible place." She shrugged. "If things in Denerim don't go well, then my other plan is to head south to the Brecilian forest, to enlist the aid of the Dalish against the Archdemon."

"Here is a thought," said Sten. "You obviously insist that both of these objectives be completed before we confront the enemy. And I understand that it is necessary for a Grey Warden to oversee the delivery of the treaties. But we have two Grey Wardens in our party, so why do we not divide our energies? One of you could lead the expedition to Denerim and Haven, while the other leads the effort to rally the elves."

"You know, this is not a bad idea," said Zevran. "Divide and conquer is an ancient and widely respected war technique, after all. The Crows have made use of it many times. And would it not be an excellent way to throw your enemies off your scent?"

"I don't know," said Leliana. "It seems like a good plan on the surface. We could split up easily enough, two groups of four, and meet back in Redcliffe once we finish. But who would go where?"

Elissa looked at me again, and I think I understand what she was thinking. Setting aside the fact that I don't think either of us is eager to lose sight of the other, it  _is_  a sensible idea. Well, except for the part where I would have to lead one of the parties, and I'm not as good a leader as Elissa is on my best day. "The idea does have merit, Sten, and I thank you for it," she said. "I think Alistair and I should discuss the matter before we make a decision. But it's definitely worth considering."

* * *

Elissa and I had a long conversation about Sten's proposal this morning. It was funny in its way; the weather was decent, so we put on regular clothes (no armor) and our heavy cloaks and went outside, walking around the inner and outer baileys arm in arm. Almost like a normal couple. Of course, the conversation was a perfect example of how not normal we really are.

"I can't help thinking that it might be a good idea," she admitted. "The winter did cost us quite a bit of time, really, and even though I know the darkspawn can't have done much because of the weather, I still feel like we're behindhand somehow."

"I understand what you mean," I told her. "But it's just... well, to be honest, I'm worried that I won't be able to do as well in leading the second group as you would. You're the diplomat, you know."

"Oh, you're not that bad."

"Yes, I am, and you know I am. How many times have I put my feet into my mouth just in the time you've known me?" She looked pensive, like she was adding the examples in her head, so I added, "That was a rhetorical question, you know."

"I know." She smiled, briefly. "But I think you're a better leader than you think you are. Here's what I'm suggesting - we all go together to Denerim, and confront Weylon. From there, we split into groups of four. I'll lead the expedition into the forest, to meet with the elves, and you lead the group that goes to Haven."

"If you're sure it's wise." I sighed. "Who should go with whom?"

"Well, let's look at the strengths of our companions," she said. "We have two mages, two rogues - so to speak - and two very powerful warriors. We'll each take one of each."

"Please don't tell me I have to take Morrigan. I'm begging you."

"Of course not." Elissa chuckled. "I'll keep Morrigan with me and send Wynne with you. Actually, I'm thinking that it might be best to split along gender lines; the Dalish might find a party of women to be somewhat less threatening, given their general dislike of humans. Not that it's undeserved, from what I'm given to understand," she added, grimly. "We had a few elves among our kitchen staff in Highever, and it forever frustrated me to see how some of the other staff would treat them."

I thought about that. "So you'll take Morrigan, Leliana, and... what, Shale?"

"Funny, I know. But something about Shale's voice always makes me think of it as being female. I'm not sure why that is. Toby will come with me, too, of course. And you'll take Sten, Zevran, and Wynne. I'll be counting on Wynne to keep all of you in line," she joked.

"If anyone can, I imagine it's Wynne."

"Then we're agreed." She stopped our walk and turned to look at me, her face suddenly serious. "Just promise me, Alistair... promise me you'll be careful. I don't think I could bear it if I lost you now."

"Shh." I put my arms around her and pulled her to my chest; her head fits perfectly under my chin. "I'll promise that if you promise the same, for the same reason."

"That seems entirely fair."

* * *

That woman. Well, I was right when I wrote some days ago that I thought she was up to something.

We leave tomorrow, and at dinner tonight, Elissa told the other what we've decided about splitting up for the next phase of our adventures. Everyone seems mostly okay with the idea, with the possible exception of Leliana, who still strikes me as being a little uneasy.

And then she pulled out the presents.

That conniving little beauty was sneaking around getting gifts for everyone.

"Wintersend is still a few weeks off," she said, "and I doubt we'll be able to participate in the festivities when the time comes. But I wanted to get you each a token of my appreciation. You're..." She wavered, and swallowed. "You're my family, now, for all intents and purposes, and I wanted you each to have something. Bodahn Feddic helped me. They aren't large gifts, but I hope you like them."

She did really well, I think, judging by the reactions. For Wynne, who loves to read, she had found some slightly tawdry novel called  _The Rose of Orlais_. Morrigan, the magpie, received a gold rope-style necklace, and Bodahn had somehow dug up a bottle of Antivan brandy for our favorite would-be assassin. Sten is an art lover, so she gave him a small painting in a silver frame. Leliana, who adores pretty things, outright squealed at the blue satin shoes she received; apparently they were similar to a pair she had wanted back in Orlais, and Elissa had remembered her mentioning this. Even Shale got a gift, a piece of polished malachite. "I'm to keep this, am I?" it asked, but it seemed pleased all the same. And Toby lost no time settling down to gnaw on the big bone his mistress had bought him.

As for me, she knows I like weird little carvings and figures of creatures, so I wasn't too surprised by my gift. It was a runestone, white inlaid with gold, small enough for me to carry in my pouch. "I'm not sure what practical use it might have," she told me later when we were alone. "But you in particular I wanted to have something you could hold and think of me, like I have your rose."

"That rose is enchanted, did I ever tell you that? Wynne put a spell of some kind on it so it won't ever wilt."

"I suspected something like that, considering that it still looks the same as it ever did."

"I don't like being away from you."

"You haven't been away from me since we met, how do you know?" she teased.

"Call it a hunch."

* * *

Today we bade farewell to the Drydens and the others who have come to stay at Soldier's Peak. I was right; Elissa did work out some sort of arrangement with Avernus to protect the fortress in our absence. "Nothing painful," she assured us. "If anyone comes near the mountain who doesn't belong here, the woods will rearrange the paths to make them find their way out again. But anyone from our party, or a genuine ally such as Bann Teagan, would have no difficulty at all making their way here. I admit I don't understand how the magic can tell one from the other, but I'm no mage."

"It sounds much like the enchantments my mother used to disorient travelers in the Wilds," Morrigan commented. "Your beloved keep should be well protected until you return to it."

Mikhael has officially been made Levi's second, meaning that when our merchant friend goes traveling, someone will still be on hand to oversee the continued improvements. Bodahn and Sandal will continue to follow us as often as not, but Elissa promised to occasionally send supplies back to the keep on their wagon. I'm not entirely sure Bodahn is thrilled with this arrangement; on the other hand, he knows he gets the majority of his business from us, so I don't think he's eager to lose his best customers.

* * *

I truthfully expected it to take longer to get to Denerim than it did. But here we are.

We entered Brother Genitivi's house, opposite the Gnawed Noble Tavern, and as soon as we saw Weylon, Elissa came directly to the point. "You sent us into an ambush."

He tried to deny it for a few minutes, but something in her face really got to him. "If you're here, then my companions have failed. I can read their deaths in your eyes," he said. "Andraste forgive me! I do this in Your name!" And the idiot attacked us. Okay, so it turned out he was a mage with some decently powerful lightning spells, but we outnumbered him eight to one. You'd think he would have known better. Then again, maybe he wanted us to kill him; if he was, as he said, doing everything for Andraste, he might have thought he'd be rewarded.

In any case, I really shouldn't call him Weylon, since we pretty quickly determined that he wasn't. Once he was dead, Elissa opened the door to the second room, in order to search for Genitivi's research, and she found it - on the floor, next to the dead body of the real Weylon. Poor man. By the look of things, he'd been dead for some weeks. "They probably killed him right after Brother Genitivi left," said Wynne. "What I wonder now is whether he left on his own or if he was taken."

"Well, he definitely never made it to the inn at Lake Calenhad," said Elissa. "The innkeeper would have told me if he had. He might have started the journey under his own power, but he definitely didn't finish it that way. I just hope he's all right, wherever he is."

We couldn't leave Weylon there, of course, but there was no good way to bring him out the front door without attracting a lot of unwelcome attention. Luckily, Genitivi's house has a back door; we shrouded him in a sheet of linen we found in a cupboard, and smuggled him out that way. It wasn't easy to get him out of the market district to Bodahn Feddic's wagon, but having two mages in the party definitely helped. We found a suitable place, and Leliana performed the rites of the dead while I dug a hole, and we marked the spot with stones. If we ever find Genitivi, we can at least tell him where his assistant is at rest.


	18. Cultist Medallion

**Cultist Medallion**

_A very large bronze disk, bearing the symbol of Andraste._

* * *

We've branched off and gone our separate ways, now. Elissa and her group have begun their march south, to the Brecilian Forest, to seek the elves, while the rest of us head west in search of Haven. It's the first time since the day we met that Elissa and I have been separated, and I guess it's not hard to guess that I'm not enjoying it.

I watched the four of them (and Toby) until they were gone from my sight, and Wynne nudged me. "It's time to go," she said gently. "You're in charge now."

"And now you'll find out just why Elissa normally leads us," I retorted.

"It'll be fine, Alistair." Zevran and Sten were walking ahead of us, and as she fell in step beside me, I noticed that Wynne's expression was a little... guilty.

"Is something wrong?"

"Remind me that I owe Elissa an apology."

"An apology? You? Whatever for?"

"I said to her... well. The truth is, Alistair, I told her a few weeks ago that I wasn't sure it was a good idea for the two of you to become involved." She held up a hand before I could protest. "I was concerned that it would create problems. That you would become sidetracked from your duties, too invested in each other."

"I see. But you want to apologize?"

"I was wrong," she said simply. "I can see that now. She's very good for you - and you are very good for her. She carries so much on her shoulders, and you give her the strength to bear those burdens. And she gives you a kind of peace that I think you have been seeking for a long time. So I apologize to you, and I will apologize to her too."

I thought about that. "You're right," I said finally. "She does give me peace. There's a powerful reassurance that comes from knowing that somebody loves me for who I am, not what I am."

"I can imagine that must be true."

* * *

My turn at night watch. I don't think I ever realized just how  _far away_  the Frostbacks really are. This feels like we've been walking forever. I know it's not a greater distance than we've already traveled to get to other places, but I guess it feels like it is because it's so uphill.

"Do we even have any idea what we're going to find in this Haven?" Zevran asked tonight, over supper.

"Honestly? No. This place is strange - I've never heard of it, and I was forced to study the whole of Fereldan history and geography while growing up," I admitted. "If it weren't for Brother Genitivi, who knows how long it would have stayed a mystery."

"And who is this Brother Genitivi, exactly?" asked Sten.

"He's a lay brother of the Chantry, and an accomplished scholar," Wynne put in. "He's widely respected throughout Thedas for his work - he has spent his whole life studying the various cultures of the continent, the history, religious beliefs, everything. It's said that he is the only living man to have visited every corner of the country. I'm told he's even been permitted to spend time in Orzammar to study the culture of the Dwarves. He came to the Circle Tower some years ago; I met him, briefly. A very genteel, respectful person, as I recall; he has a soft voice and kind eyes."

"I just hope he's okay," I said. "Elissa was concerned he might be in danger. Considering what happened to us at the Spoiled Princess, she's probably right."

* * *

As usual, she was. It's only now that everything's over that I have the chance to update this journal on what happened. Shortest form, we've been to Haven and we miraculously survived. I'd truthfully be willing to believe that Andraste Herself got us through it.

We didn't realize we were approaching Haven until we were actually there, when a guard confronted us on the road. The fact that there  _was_  a guard was enough to make me pause. He regarded us suspiciously, and I immediately sensed that we shouldn't mention Genitivi or anything about why we were really there. We acted like we were just travelers passing through.

"You may trade for supplies at the shop," he said, pointing at a building. "Then I suggest you be on your way. Outsiders are not welcome in Haven. They bring change."

"Where is everyone?" asked Wynne, looking around. "The village is so quiet."

"Most of the residents are in the Chantry with Father Eirik."

"Father?" I repeated. "You have a male priest?"

"It has always been thus in Haven. We do not question tradition."

We all sort of looked at each other and shrugged. What do you say to something like that? So we trudged up into the village, which was just...  _creepy_  for how empty it was. Not completely empty, though. There was a little boy singing a weird song about 'Bonny Lynn,' who didn't seem to appreciate being questioned. He was playing with what looked horribly like a human finger, and knowing what I know now, it could well have been. He tipped us off to something, though; he said that he was too old for his mother to tell him what to do, and that soon he'd be old enough to go 'up the mountain.' When we asked him what that meant, he stopped talking.

We did trade for supplies in the shop, and the shopkeeper seemed relatively normal, but he was definitely giving off an aura of 'don't ask questions.' "I don't like this," I said when we were outside. "I think we need to go up to that Chantry and demand some answers."

"Do you hear it?" Zevran asked, as we mounted the second incline. "Singing from the Chantry. The whole town, by the sounds of it."

We entered, walking slowly toward the crowd of people clustered around a fur-clad man preaching. He broke off suddenly as he caught sight of us, and promptly ended the worship service in spite of his reproach to our manners. A woman tried to protest, but he waved her away, and the Chantry was shortly emptied of all but ourselves, this man, and a few guards.

"Father Eirik?" I guessed. "We're looking for a Brother Genitivi."

I don't remember exactly what he said. The rantings of a madman. I do remember him saying something about being a father 'wanting to protect his children,' or some such nonsense, and then he and his guards attacked us. Thank goodness for Wynne's healing magic, that's all I can say. Once they all lay dead, I looked in a chamber just off the main worship hall, but there was nothing of interest inside.

"Alistair!"

I came back out and saw Zevran contemplating a wall on the other side of the room. "There's something not right about this," he said as I joined him. "I think it's a false wall."

"Sten, give me a hand." Between ourselves, we managed to push the false wall out of the way, and sure enough, there was a man lying in the room on the other side. His monk's robe suggested that we'd found our target, and even better news, he was breathing. Wynne attended to his injuries as best she could, but she warned that he needed a proper doctor.

Brother Genitivi was a little surprised by our rescue, but very grateful. I wished Elissa was there; she would have known all the right things to say to reassure him and make him feel better about everything he'd been through. He took the news of Weylon's death sadly but in stride, and seemed very upset by the news of Arl Eamon's sickness. "I'm so close," he said. "The temple is just up the mountain. Father Eirik wears a medallion that unlocks the door - I've seen it. If you can get it, we can get in and find the Ashes."

We retrieved the medallion from the man's fallen body. We had to be careful, and stealthy, but Brother Genitivi directed us up the mountainside. I had to half carry him because he was so weak. "They've become a cult," he told me quietly. "The people of Haven - I think once upon a time they were good people, devoted to the protection of the Ashes. But somewhere along the way, they've been corrupted, and now they..." He shuddered. "Blood sacrifices," he managed. "I know that happened to one of the Redcliffe knights who came to save me."

Once we reached the massive door, it took a little puzzling on Genitivi's part to work out how to use the medallion to unlock it. It opened to reveal an absolutely gorgeous temple - well, it must have been at one time, but it's started to fall apart. There were holes in the ceiling where snow was drifting through. "By the shifting skies of the Fade," Wynne murmured. "This is magnificent."

Brother Genitivi begged us to leave him there in the entrance hall. There were a lot of inscribed columns that he wanted to study. "These could tell us things we don't know about Andraste's life! Besides, in my condition I'll only slow you down." He had a point, so we left him there, happily scribbling notes and muttering to himself.

It was a long fight. Rather, it was fight after fight after fight. I felt like an absolute heretic, spilling so much blood in a place that was consecrated to Andraste Herself, but they didn't exactly give us a choice. They rushed at us with madness in their eyes. Once we had cleared out the main temple, we walked around it for a little. There were so many books, some of them very old and filled with who knows what sort of wisdom... all I could think was how much Elissa would covet them for the library in Soldier's Peak. We didn't have much room in our packs, though, so taking any of them would have been difficult. Maybe sometime we can go back, or... or something. I don't know.

We passed through a series of rooms with statues depicting individuals from Andraste's story. "Is this a male or a female?" asked Sten, looking up at one. "I can hardly tell."

"That's Maferath, Andraste's mortal husband - and Her betrayer," Wynne explained. "And this is Archon Hessarian, who converted the Tevinter Imperium to the worship of the Maker."

Sten looked unimpressed. "Even in stone, Tevinter arrogance shows."

We entered a series of underground tunnels, mowing down even more crazy cultists. Also dragons. No, I'm not kidding - they had some kind of hatching ground in one of the larger chambers, and we had to kill all the drakes and dragonlings they'd managed to breed. That was bad, but not as bad as what was yet to come.

In the largest cavern, we were confronted by the cult leader. Father Kolgrim, he called himself. He was even crazier than Father Eirik had been, and that's saying something. He was so mad that I have a hard time remembering his words, but I do remember the part where he said that "Perhaps, through Andraste's mercy, Her greatest enemy will become Her greatest champion!"

I had to ask what he meant. He started babbling about how the Ashes were inside the chamber that lay ahead on the mountain path, and that Andraste had been reborn in the body of a dragon. But until the Ashes were destroyed by the addition of a vial of dragon blood, She couldn't return in her full glory. He wanted me to take this blood into the chamber and desecrate the Ashes. "Blood carries power, strength, knowledge. Through it, all the power that is held in the Ashes will be returned to our Lady." He added that there was a guardian inside the shrine who prevented the cult members from doing this themselves, but that this guardian wouldn't recognize us and so we could probably do it. If we did, we'd earn forgiveness for all the deaths we'd had to cause.

For a moment or two, I did consider it. Not actually defiling the Ashes, of course! But I considered playing along to make him think I'd do it, so that we wouldn't have to fight. And then I thought of Elissa, and what she would do. How strong her convictions always are, how great her faith is. And I told him no. Needless to say, that didn't go over well.

"You know nothing! Andraste revealed herself to us! We are her chosen! To arms, my brethren! Andraste shall grant us victory!"

So we had to kill all them, too, and it wasn't easy. He had some pretty strong mages backing him up, and Kolgrim himself was no slouch in battle. We took a good lengthy rest once they were all dead. "At the rate we are going," said Zevran, between gulps of healing potion, "we will have to kill the entire village in order to get back to Redcliffe alive."

"Let's hope it doesn't come to that," Wynne said.

After we felt strong enough, we made our way out onto the mountainside through a gaping hole in one wall. We'd barely started to walk across the bridge leading to the second chamber when a screech sent us all diving for cover. A  _high dragon_  soared overhead and landed on a nearby peak. "Now  _that_  is ataashi!" said Sten, in the most awed voice I've ever heard him use. I guess that word means 'impressive,' or something like it. Strangely, the dragon didn't seem remotely interested in us, and as far as I could tell it curled up and went to sleep.

"That must be the dragon they think is Andraste. Where did they ever get such an idea?" Wynne wondered.

We decided that running was the best course of action, in case the dragon decided to try for a little pre-nap snack, but it still paid us no mind. Once we were inside the chamber opposite, we found ourselves confronted by a knight. He introduced himself as the Guardian of the Ashes, the man - Havard was his name, if my memory serves me correctly - who after Andraste's death had gathered the Ashes and brought them into the Frostbacks so the Tevinters could not scatter them. I told him that the Imperium is not nearly as powerful as they used to be.

"Ah... is it not? Then perhaps this is the beginning of the end..."

"What can you tell us of this cult?"

The Guardian then talked about how he, and other followers of the living Andraste, had built the temple and the shrine in order to protect Her forever. They founded the village of Haven, so that descendants of the original followers could continue the upkeep of the buildings, but a few generations back, Kolgrim's great-grandfather or someone like that had gotten some delusions of grandeur. "Our Andraste has gone to the Maker's side; She will not return. The dragon is a fearsome creature, and they must have seen her as an alternative to the absent Maker and His silent Andraste. A true believer would not require such audacious displays of power."

After he explained all this, he looked at each of us. "There is suffering in your past; your suffering and the suffering of others. Alistair, Grey Warden," he said. "You regret the death of Duncan, and your brother Wardens. You feel that you should have died in Duncan's place."

What could I say? He was right. If I'd died instead of Duncan, he would be the one leading the quest, and everything would be better. At least, most things would be better.

"And you, Sten of the Beresaad... you murdered a family. Do you feel that you have failed the Qunari by allowing them to be seen in such a light?"

"I have never denied that I failed," he replied.

The Guardian started to ask Zevran about a particular assassination that he suspected Zevran regrets, but Zevran interrupted him. "Yes, I regret it, and no, I do not wish to discuss it." His tone was almost hostile, but not quite.

"Ask your question of me, Guardian. I have my answer ready," said Wynne.

He asked her about her faith. "You are the wisest of the group, and often provide advice to the younger," he said. "Do you really believe what you say? Or are you parroting what you learned in the Circle?"

"Of course I have doubts sometimes. Only a fool would be sure of themselves at all times. But yes, I do believe."

This accomplished, the Guardian said that we had a handful of trials to get through before we could be deemed worthy of the Ashes. He wouldn't elaborate on what those trials  _were_ , but we found out soon enough. He called it the Gauntlet. "The way is open. Good luck, and may you find what you seek."

* * *

Oi, hand cramp. Had to take a break.

Anyway, once we were ready to proceed, we entered the first room of the shrine. There were what looked like ghosts lining the sides of the room, eight in all, and they identified themselves as individuals from Andraste's life. Each asked a question that we had to answer about different virtues or thoughts. Andraste's mother spoke of dreams; her best friend spoke of singing; Archon Hessarian talked of mercy while his wife claimed vengeance; Maferath was jealousy, Havard was the mountains, the Dalish elf Shartan was home, and the disciple Cathaire was hunger. It was weird. Every time we correctly answered their riddles, the ghosts or whatever they were would turn into wisps of smoke and go hurtling at the locked door that was the only way forward. When the last one did this, the door opened itself.

It was the next room that made my heart stop. Because hovering in the air, looking down on me with the most kindly expression, was Duncan.

"Alistair," he greeted me.

"Duncan?!"

"Why do you blame yourself, Alistair? There was nothing you could have done. You were doing exactly what the king and I commissioned you to do on the morning of battle. You lit the signal fire."

"Not that it did any good..."

"It did. It was the last thing I saw before death claimed me. And I knew in my heart that you had succeeded, and that you and Elissa could survive. That hope was not lost, even though Loghain had betrayed us. You gave me hope. I could not ask for more than that."

"I would have protected you if I could," I told him.

"I know. But now... you have a different task. You and Elissa must stop the Blight. It's up to you. Here, take this." The ghost pressed an amulet into my hand. "Think of us, your brother Wardens, when you look into its reflection. Remember us, but free yourself from this burden of guilt. I am - I have always been - proud of you."

He faded from sight, and I fell to one knee. I could hardly breathe from the exertions of trying not to cry. Wynne came and put a hand on my bent head.

"I'm all right. I'm sorry."

"So that was the late Commander of the Grey. An excellent leader, from what I am told," said Zevran. "I know Elissa speaks highly of him."

"And with good reason." I forced myself to my feet. "Come on, let's see what's next."

Well, what was next was...  _us_. The third room contained spirit doppelgangers of the four of us, and as far as I could tell they had all the same spells and skills and whatever else we ourselves do. It was a hard fight, but at least it was just that - a fight. The puzzle beyond it, on the other hand, was confusing. As I said at the time, Andraste apparently favors the clever. We had to cross a seemingly bottomless chasm. There was a sort of bridge there, but it was as ghostlike as Duncan had been, and we had to move around and stand on specific trigger stones in the right order to make the parts of the bridge turn solid. "I'm sure there is a moral in here somewhere," said Zevran, "something about building bridges with friendship, and such. Something poetic."

The very last room, where we could see the statue of Andraste on the far side, was the most awkward. There was a lot of fire, and a pillar declaring that one had to purify themselves in the flame in order to be worthy of the Ashes. So I had to have the others help me remove all my armor down to the smallclothes, and then I walked through the flames. They didn't hurt; I guess it was a mirage. Once I had crossed, the fire disappeared and the others could join me and help me dress again.

The Guardian entered the room, and seemed quite pleased. "You have been through the trials of the Gauntlet. You have walked the path of Andraste, and like Her, you have been cleansed. You have proven yourself worthy, pilgrim."

With his blessing, then, we approached the statue - and the Urn at its feet. "I didn't think anyone could succeed in finding Andraste's final resting place," I admitted, "but here... here it is."

"Mother of Mercy! It is real!" said Zevran.

"I could not have asked for a greater honor than to be here. I will never forget this feeling," said Wynne, reverently. Sten was quiet, respectful despite his disbelief.

I almost felt wrong taking a pinch of the Ashes, but the Guardian had said it was all right, so I put some into a little pouch to keep safe. We bade farewell to the Guardian, and then we realized we had a fresh problem. How could we get ourselves, and Brother Genitivi, out of Haven before anyone realized the amount of sheer carnage we had unleashed?

We headed back to the temple, and showed the Ashes to Genitivi, who I could swear almost cried. He was about finished taking his notes, and I explained our predicament. "There is a dock," he said thoughtfully, "leading out onto Lake Calenhad. It is nearly sundown now. I think if we slip down there under cover of night, we can steal a boat and escape that way. I don't normally encourage theft," he added with a grim smile, "but under the circumstances, I think the Maker would overlook it."

It wasn't easy, but that's what we decided to do. We could hear shrieking as we passed the Chantry - they must have discovered the bodies - and I knew they'd be watching the roads. The guard, and the people who had been in the Chantry when we first arrived, would be looking for us. "Into the trees," said Wynne. "I can cloak us for a little while, but not long. We'll have to be fast."

There was a boat lying upside down at one side of the dock, and I hefted it into the water while Zevran hunted for the oars. I had Sten lift Genitivi into the boat, Wynne following. "Someone's coming," she hissed. "Hurry!"

Voices and torches were on the move in the distance. Though I had confidence in Wynne's cloak, she couldn't muffle our sounds, and we pushed off hurriedly. "Let's hope this thing is seaworthy," I muttered. "Come on - row. Redcliffe borders the lake at the southern shore; if we just keep heading in that direction, we should reach it around daybreak."

"Let's hope," said Genitivi. "It's a big lake."


	19. Redcliffe Elite Shield

**Redcliffe Elite Shield**

_Made for the men of Arl Eamon's personal guard, this is finely made, with the mark of a Redcliffe craft hall imprinted on the inside._

* * *

Judging by the way my ink smudged on those last few sentences, and the chuckling that woke me when one of the Redcliffe maids entered my room a little while ago, I fell asleep while writing in this journal. Having now washed the ink off my face and rewritten the words so I can actually read them again, I'll continue.

Whether the Havenites (or whatever they call themselves) figured out that we escaped via the dock, I'm not sure. I do know that the night seemed very long. Once the cloaking spell no longer seemed necessary, we lit a lamp and Zevran sat at the front of the boat to hold it so the light shone out over the water. Nobody said much; what was there to say? I know eventually Wynne parceled out some of our rations, and suggested that Brother Genitivi get some sleep if he could, but all I could think was how badly I wanted to get to Redcliffe. I just kept rowing, and rowing, and rowing, even when it felt like my arms might fall off.

Sten watched the sky. Apparently the Qunari know how to figure out their direction based on the position of the stars, and he was able to tell us if we were veering off course at all. Good thing, too. Lake Calenhad is, like Genitivi pointed out, really big. You really can't see all the way from one side to the other even by daylight, and it wouldn't have been difficult at all in the night for us to end up on the wrong shore. We were pretty confident that the people of Haven weren't about to actually  _leave_ Haven in search of us, but we could have encountered a bunch of other problems.

Eventually, the sky began to change colors, and as the first ray of sunlight shone on the water, I could see the towers of Redcliffe Castle in the distance. I really am pretty well convinced that Andraste, or the Maker, or both - well, some combination of divinity got us through the mission. Zevran put the lantern away, and Brother Genitivi woke Wynne (who had managed to doze off for a bit).

As our boat approached, guards on the castle's battlements caught sight of us. I guess we stuck out a little bit among the fishermen. I heard shouting, and could see people moving, but I couldn't make out anything distinct, so we just rowed closer to the castle. There is a gate, on the very lowest level, which opens directly onto the lake; there's sort of an underground river in the sub-basement of the castle. Someone hauled open this gate, and we rowed right into the castle. A few of Eamon's soldiers were there to meet us, probably to make sure we really were who they thought we were. One of them was Ser Donall - it was good to know that he was able to leave Lothering before it fell to the darkspawn.

"I'm glad to see you again, Alistair," he said. "We wondered when you would arrive. The rest of your party turned up two nights ago."

"They're here?" It occurred to me for the first time to wonder just how long we'd been gone. I had honestly lost track of the days, and even this journal wasn't of much help since I recorded so little of our march to Haven. (What can I say? It wasn't the most riveting journey.)

"They are indeed, and in greater number than when last you and I met. Lady Cousland has been extremely anxious for your arrival. I expect someone is notifying her as we speak."

"Are they all right?" asked Wynne. Someone else was tying up the boat, so I climbed out and offered her a hand. "Brother Genitivi here should be seen by the arl's physician as soon as possible."

"I believe they were all well; they made no indication otherwise. Lady Cousland's golem is in the courtyard, but the others were asleep to my knowledge. You'll likely find them upstairs. Lawrence, Garret, assist the brother," he said, turning to a couple of pages. "Take him to the infirmary, then ask the headwoman to send some breakfast up for him. You are an honored guest here, Brother Genitivi; let me bid you welcome on behalf of my lord."

Since Genitivi was thus taken care of, I lost no time getting upstairs myself. Sure enough, Elissa, Morrigan and Leliana were waiting for us in the main chamber. They had a few minor bumps and scrapes, but otherwise they seemed unharmed, and it was all I could do not to kiss Elissa. I haven't said much about it in my entries, but I missed her badly.

"How did it go? Were you able to secure the elves' assistance?" I asked instead.

"It took some doing," she replied. "We'll all trade stories later. Did you get the Ashes?"

I couldn't help feeling a little proud as I pulled out the pouch for her. Her blue eyes widened. "Sacred Lady of the Flame... you did it! I knew you would!" She turned toward the fireplace, and for the first time I noticed Bann Teagan. "They did it!"

"Wonderful!" he cried. "Let us go at once to Eamon's side and see if the Urn's healing powers live up to their reputation."

* * *

And he's awake.

It was interesting to watch. The pouch of ashes was placed on Eamon's chest, and there was a mage still on hand from after Connor was saved from the demon, who uttered some kind of a spell. Little beams of light came shooting out of Eamon's body; it was honestly rather beautiful, but then, the truth is that magic often is. The Chantry just doesn't like to admit it. And then he opened his eyes, and sat up. "Where am I?"

"Be calm, brother," Teagan said gently. "You have been deathly ill for a very long time. Do you remember nothing?"

"Teagan, what are you doing here? Where is Isolde?"

"I am here, my husband," she said, taking his hand. I've never heard her speak so warmly. I guess she really does love him. Then he asked about Connor, and she sighed. "He lives, though many others are dead. There is much to tell you, husband."

"Then... it wasn't a dream," he said heavily.

"Suppose we give you some privacy," Elissa suggested in her thoughtful way. "Our new arrivals need some breakfast, and we need to hear about their success in the Frostbacks. You can explain everything to His Grace, and we'll convene with you later today."

Teagan agreed, gratefully, and our group made its way to the dining hall for some food. Wynne and Sten and Zevran and I were all so tired that talking was something of a struggle (Morrigan found it funny that I was too tired to talk, but that's Morrigan for you), but I think we managed to get the most important points of our adventure across. I'll check with Elissa later and make sure she definitely knows everything that happened.

They also told us about their parley with the elves, but again, I was so tired that I'm not sure I've entirely got the straight of it. Apparently, the girls had to make a bargain with the Dalish Keeper, Zathrian, in order to get the elves to fulfill their treaty. He sent them on some harebrained quest in the forest for a werewolf heart. That's all I really remember; I came up here after we finished eating, started writing things down, and fell asleep. When Elissa and I can talk privately, I'll get the rest of the details.

Hm, I'm being summoned. Eamon's ready to talk to us all.

* * *

Oh,  _that_ was just fantastic.

It started off well enough. Eamon talked about how troubled he is by everything Teagan and Isolde told him, which is only natural. Then he thanked us all for what we did to save him and his family, not to mention Redcliffe itself, and of course he pledged his men to combat the Blight. And he declared every last one of us Champions of Redcliffe, and presented us with one of the shields he has made for his personal bodyguards. (I guess there was no way he could give one to everybody, and it's not like most of us even carry shields anyway. Come to think of it, only Elissa and I do.)

But then we started talking about Loghain, about how we're going to defeat him. "We can scarce afford to fight this war to its bitter end," Eamon said. "I could unite those opposing Loghain, but not all oppose him. He has some very powerful allies. Someone must surrender if Ferelden is to have any chance of fighting the darkspawn. I will spread word of Loghain's treachery, both here and against the king; it will give his allies pause, but we must combine it with a challenge Loghain cannot ignore.

"What do you suggest?" asked Elissa.

"We need a candidate for the throne, one with a stronger claim than Loghain's daughter the queen," Eamon continued, and he very deliberately did not look at me. "Teagan and I have a claim by marriage - our sister was Rowan, Maric's queen and Cailan's mother. But we would seem opportunists no better than Loghain. Alistair, however, has a stronger claim of blood."

I saw Elissa wince, and Wynne nodded gravely; everyone else just looked confused. "What claim do you mean?" asked Zevran.

"It is not commonly known," Eamon continued, "but Alistair's father was King Maric. By the laws of succession, he is the only remaining member of the Theirin line, the last known scion of Calenhad, and therefore is the rightful King of Ferelden."

You could have heard a pin drop with how quiet the room got. Even Toby was silent. "And... all this time... you never told us?" Leliana sounded shocked.

"Well, it's not like it's something that comes up in conversation," I retorted. "'Is there any stew left? Hmm, I should sharpen my blade tonight. By the way, I'm the bastard son of the dead king.' Doesn't really have any poetry to it, you know?"

Morrigan was eyeing Elissa. " _You_  were aware of it, however, were you not?"

"I was." She shrugged. "But it was not my secret to tell."

"Are you certain of this, brother?" asked Teagan.

"I would not propose such a thing if we had an alternative," Eamon replied, "but the unthinkable has occurred."

"And what about  _me_?" I blurted. "Does anyone care what  _I_  want?"

"You have a responsibility, Alistair," Eamon insisted. "Without you, Loghain wins. I would have to support him for the sake of Ferelden - is that what you want?"

"No, my lord," I grumbled. I couldn't take the way everyone except Elissa and Wynne was looking at me, like I'd suddenly grown a second head or something, but I stayed where I was.

"I see only one way to proceed," said Eamon. "I will call for a Landsmeet - a gathering of all of Ferelden's nobility in the city of Denerim. Ferelden will decide who will rule, one way or the other, and then the fight against our true enemy can begin." He turned to Elissa. "What say you, my lady? I do not wish to proceed without your blessing."

She looked a bit startled. "My blessing, my lord?"

"I'm told that you are now considered Commander of the Grey Wardens in Ferelden, which means that you are the one leading the war against the Archdemon," he replied. "The days are coming when the entire kingdom will look to you for guidance."

I don't think she entirely liked that, to be honest, but she kept her face neutral. If I didn't know her as well as I do, I'd probably have been fooled too. "If it's my blessing you need, Your Grace, you have it. Do you think the Landsmeet will work?"

"That depends," he admitted. "If we cannot get a consensus in the Landsmeet for Alistair, we cannot afford to oppose Loghain either. Does that mean Loghain could win? Perhaps - so we must see that he does not. Ferelden must stand united to defeat the darkspawn. A fractured country cannot win. So we must give it our best efforts. Have you delivered all of your treaties to your allies?"

"All but one," she said. "We must still go to Orzammar and speak with the dwarven king."

"And you will need time for that - time that we may not have in spades," he said grimly. "Very well. I will send word for the Landsmeet to convene in Denerim in exactly six weeks' time; some of the nobles will need time to make their way there from the more remote parts of Ferelden. Once you have conscripted aid from the dwarves, return here to Redcliffe, and we will make our way to Denerim together."

So now I'm sort of holed up in my room, since we're leaving at first light, and I suppose Elissa will be by sooner or later to talk to me. I'm not mad at her, I'm really not - I'm not even mad at Eamon, as far as that goes. I can see where neither of them felt like they had any choice. Maybe we don't.

I guess I'm mad at my father. That doesn't really make any sense, does it? I'm mad at him for being who he was, and creating me. I was brought kicking and screaming into a world that has told me all my life that it didn't want me. I've been abandoned and ignored and looked down on and pushed around. Except for that one shining blue-eyed light down the hall, I've never felt like anyone wanted me for me, for  _Alistair_. I mean, even Duncan did his best to protect me.

Come to think of it, so did Cailan. Duncan said that Elissa and I were hand-picked by Cailan to light the signal beacon, didn't he? Is this why you did that, brother? Were you trying to keep me out of the fighting just in case everything happened exactly the way it did - so that Ferelden would still have a Theirin king?

I can't be king.

Can I?

I'll mess it up. I mess  _everything_  up, sooner or later. I'm amazed that our half of the party came back from Haven in one piece. How can I run a country?

But if I don't... then Loghain wins.

Maker help me. I don't have a choice.

* * *

I was right, of course. Elissa came to my room at the first opportunity, to give me a hug and tell me she's sorry to have put me in this position.

"Love, it can't be helped," I said. "I'm not  _thrilled_ about it, obviously, but I guess it's better to put me on the throne than Loghain. Marginally, at least." _  
_

"A little more than marginally, I'd say, but I suppose I'm slightly biased." She smiled.

I wanted to change the subject, then, so I asked her to tell me again about her time in the Brecilian forest. It was even weirder than I first understood. I got the werewolf heart part right, but it was a little more complicated than that. The werewolf was named Witherfang, and it was the leader of all the werewolves in the forest - the werewolf curse originated from it. Zathrian claimed he needed Witherfang's heart in order to break the curse and save those of his clan who had been bitten by werewolves. Only that wasn't quite the truth. Witherfang was actually the Lady of the Forest, a woman who - well, not a woman exactly, but that's the form she took. It seems that Zathrian had two children, a century or two ago, who were attacked by humans and ended up dead. He cast the werewolf curse on them in retaliation, by creating Witherfang/the Lady of the Forest. He summoned the spirit of the forest itself and forced it into a physical body. So Elissa basically had to broker peace between the warring factions, convince Zathrian to undo the curse, and then both he and the Lady of the Forest died. The other werewolves all turned back into humans, the bitten elves got better, and the clan promised to send warriors to fight beside us.

I think I've got all that right. Close enough, anyway. While they were there, Elissa also helped the elves with one of their halla (it's a sort of deer that they use as a pack animal) and fixed a messy relationship between two young elves in love and ran around killing a few revenants in order to unearth a massive suit of armor. "I don't think it would properly fit anyone but Sten," she admitted. "They call it the Juggernaut armor, in the documents I found buried with one of the pieces. It belonged to some famous warrior in times past. I've sent it off with Bodahn Feddic to Soldier's Peak so Mikhael Dryden can clean it up a bit."

"That's something I've always wondered," I admitted. "Bodahn goes off periodically to get fresh supplies and the like, and he always manages to find us again. How do you suppose he does it? This isn't a tiny country."

"I've wondered that too," she said. "I think it must have something to do with Sandal's enchantments. He must have one that functions like a compass, or something along those lines. It's the only thing I can imagine that makes any sense at all."

"My dearest, since when does something have to  _make sense_  in our lives in order for it to be true?" I challenged, and she laughed and admitted I had a point.

"I missed you terribly, Alistair," she said. "I missed all of you, as far as that goes, but you most of all."

"I missed you too. More than I can say."

"I didn't get to mention it earlier, but you did so well on the quest for the Ashes. I knew you could do it. I'm so proud of you."

"That's what Duncan said too," I mumbled. She raised an eyebrow. "I didn't tell you that part, did I? I didn't want to talk about it in front of Morrigan." I told her about the Gauntlet, and meeting up with Duncan's ghost, and I showed her the talisman the spirit had pressed into my hands. "He said he's proud of me - of both of us."

"You got to say goodbye," she said softly. "I'm glad for you. I... I wish I could have gone. I wonder who I would have seen - my father, most likely. It must have been quite an experience, seeing Duncan and then actually standing in the presence of the Ashes. Maybe someday we can go back there."

"I'm sure Genitivi would like that - he said something about wanting to share it with the world - but I'm pretty sure the people of Haven will not be happy about it," I said grimly. "Well, we'll let the Chantry figure out what to do with them."

Elissa's gone back to her room, now. Like I wrote earlier, we're leaving at first light. Before we go to Orzammar, we're escorting Brother Genitivi back to Denerim so we can be sure he gets there safely.


	20. Battledress of the Provocateur

**Battledress of the Provocateur**

_This perfect suit embodies the paradox of the bardic spy. Intricate details yearn for an audience, but a worthy owner gives only a glimpse in the reflection of a blade drawn swiftly from the heart._

* * *

We've stopped for the night, and I'm taking a little time in my tent to write. My head feels crowded, somehow, like it has more thoughts than it should be able to properly hold, so I'm trying to get a few of them out on paper to clear up some space.

Brother Genitivi looked a lot better this morning. I can't imagine they were feeding him much up in Haven, considering the way his clothes sort of hang on him. Really, he's not a particularly strong guy, so I'm impressed he was able to hold out as well as he did against the treatment he received. But he's had a couple of good hot meals since we got to Redcliffe, and his color is much healthier. He joined us at breakfast in the main dining hall and seemed delighted to meet the rest of our party.

"I've read a number of your writings," Elissa told him. "My father and grandfather were both of a scholarly turn; I think the library in Castle Cousland must contain the majority of your books." Her face paled slightly, and I think I know what went through her mind. Maybe it did once, but who knows what it contains now?

"You probably don't remember it," Genitivi told her, "but I visited your family's castle many years ago. You were only a babe in arms; I don't think you could have been more than two at the time. Your parents showed me every courtesy. I am deeply sorry for your loss."

"Thank you. Well - if everyone is ready, we can start for Denerim once we finish eating. I imagine you're eager to get back to your researches."

"To some extent, though with the discovery of Andraste's blessed tomb I'd say I've probably achieved the glory of my career." He chuckled. "But I'm looking forward to organizing all of my findings and submitting them to the Chantry. I'm sure they'll want to make pilgrimages, if only to verify the truth of my words for themselves."

Genitivi still isn't walking quite right, so Arl Eamon presented him with the gift of a white donkey from the Redcliffe stables. It's making the trip back to Denerim easier on him. "I would offer horses to all of you," he said, "but I have none to spare at the moment - it seems most of them have been taken by the Knights who went in search of the Sacred Urn, and I can't say I know when to expect them back. I hope at least most of them are able to return."

The whole family came out to bid us farewell; it was the first I've seen of Connor since Wynne went into the Fade and killed the demon that was possessing him. He seems mostly all right, but very quiet. Eamon reminded us to come back to Redcliffe as soon as we've finished our talks with the dwarves, which will hopefully not take too long. I'm not eager for the Landsmeet, but the sooner we have an army assembled to take on the Archdemon, the sooner the Blight can be over.

I just realized something. Elissa and I planned to return to Soldier's Peak when the Blight ended, to create new Grey Wardens and rebuild. But now I'm going to be king, unless things go horribly wrong at the Landsmeet. Does that mean she'll be doing it alone? I can't be a king and a Grey Warden at the same time, can I? And what does that mean for  _us_? I need to talk to Wynne about this.

* * *

I almost started this entry by saying 'Well, that was unexpected,' but at this point I think it's fairly obvious that everything that happens to us is pretty unexpected.

We still don't dare take the Imperial Highway, of course, because we don't want to risk being spotted by Loghain's men. It's not exactly easy going through the woodlands and such with a party as large as ours, but at least there are marked paths; we do the best we can and it's usually okay. How anyone can find a way to track us is beyond me, but someone managed it. We had just stepped into this rather pretty clearing, with a little rushing river. Elissa had only just asked Zevran and Leliana to stop and refill our water skins when she was struck in the arm by an arrow. Of course, it just sort of bounced off of her armor, but it still caught us all by surprise. And then the whole group of them ambushed us.

"Protect Brother Genitivi!" Elissa shouted, drawing Starfang.

It was, at least, quick and relatively clean work. There were only a handful, and they weren't exactly the best. They all soon lay dead except for the apparent leader; Elissa wanted him alive for questioning. He lay on his side, clutching a wound and groaning. "Who are you working for?" she demanded, pushing him onto his back and resting the point of her blade near his throat. His skin looked weird under the glow of the weapon.

"My orders were... kill the little red-haired girl."

"The little... what?" Leliana pushed forward. "You were supposed to kill  _me_?"

"Orlesian woman..."

This was apparently all Leliana needed to hear. "Marjolaine," she hissed. She gave Elissa a pleading look. "It has to be."

"Tell me how to find this woman," Elissa said, her voice very cold, "and I will let you keep your life."

"Agreed! Agreed! Maker bless you for your mercy! Here - here's all the information I have."

"Good. Now start running." I haven't heard or seen her like that since she spared the blood mage back in the Circle so many weeks ago. It's a chilling thing when my Elissa gets truly angry, especially since it happens so rarely.

Leliana was looking at the paper he had surrendered. "She's in Denerim. It  _has_  to be her... no one else would go to this much effort to find me."

"Excuse the interruption," said Morrigan, dryly, "but who exactly is this person?" I saw Elissa hesitate. "They did just try to kill us all," the swamp witch continued. (That's what Shale calls her and she  _hates_  it, so I kind of like it.) "It seems to me that we have a right to know why."

"Fair enough," said Leliana. "Marjolaine was... well, you might call her my mentor, when I lived in Orlais. She taught me how to be a bard. I told Elissa all of this a while ago; the reason I came to Ferelden is because Marjolaine betrayed me. She framed me for treason and I was tortured, nearly executed. But I escaped and found my way to the Chantry, who accepted me among them and helped me get to Lothering. You know my story from there."

"And suddenly this woman seeks your death?" asked Sten. Everyone always looks just a little surprised when he says something. "That seems curious."

"She has wanted me dead for years. Maybe she couldn't find me while I was with the Chantry. Or maybe she's just been waiting for the perfect time." Leliana looked at Elissa. "We're going to Denerim anyway. I would very much like to confront her."

"And we will, Leli." Elissa's mouth was a grim line. "As soon as Brother Genitivi is safe and settled, we will confront her. I do not let people hurt my friends."

* * *

I woke early, before my turn at watch, and went out to sit with Wynne. "You look troubled, Alistair," she said. "Come and tell me what's on your mind."

So I did. I told her all my worries and my confusion and my anger about the whole prince situation. "I don't  _want_  to be king," I said finally, "but I know it's what Ferelden needs. I'm willing to put my country above myself. It's the fact that I have to stop being a Grey Warden that bothers me the most, really. We call it 'the duty that cannot be forsworn,' but here I am having to forswear it. Plus, that puts even more of a burden on Elissa's shoulders, and she already carries more than should even be humanly possible."

"Yes... I can see the problem." Wynne had been quiet the whole time I was speaking, just listening and occasionally nodding. "Elissa will be the Warden-Commander - in largest part, she already is - and you'll be the king. Two very demanding roles, to be sure, and probably two that won't allow you to be together much."

"If at all. Soldier's Peak is a long way from Denerim. There's an ache in my chest every time I think about it."

She smiled, a little sadly. "I'm not sure how to advise you, I'm afraid. There's quite possibly no good solution to any of it."

"I didn't really think you could advise me," I admitted. "I just really needed to talk to someone. I  _would_  talk to Elissa, but I don't want to add to her concerns. She's pretty worried about Leliana on top of everything else."

"Well, for the time being, I think you just need to focus on removing Loghain from power and quelling the Blight. A lot can happen between now and whenever this war will end."

"What do you mean?"

"Look at us right now, Alistair. A year ago, I was a mage in the Circle Tower and you were training to be a Templar and we probably never could have been friends. But here we are, close companions who journeyed together to find the Sacred Urn of Andraste. We've come closer than any other living Fereldans to standing in Her holy presence."

"Well, that's true."

"So consider that perhaps this is all part of the Maker's design. He must have something in mind for all of us. I'm not sure I'd believe it's merely coincidence that has brought Elissa forward as the champion of the innocent, or the rest of us as her allies. Do you?"

"Probably not."

"Which means it's also not coincidence that the two of you have fallen in love. That, too, must be part of the Maker's plan. And that means that there must be a reason for it, which He has not yet chosen to reveal."

"So what you're saying is... He wouldn't have brought us together if He didn't mean for us to stay together?"

"That's just my opinion. But yes."

I don't know how to explain it, but Wynne is really good at making me feel better.

* * *

We've reached Denerim. I  _still_  don't know how he does it, but Bodahn Feddic was waiting for us at the gates of the market district, and his wagon contained everything the girls had brought with them from their visit to the elves. Elissa presented the Juggernaut armor to Sten, who seems pleased with it (to the extent that I can tell, anyway), and she also had a pair of Dalish gloves for Zevran. Apparently his mother was Dalish, and had owned a similar pair. He seemed really astonished that she had remembered him talking about them, much less thought to buy him some.

"No one has ever just... given me a gift before," he said. "I do not know what to say. Thank you."

We took a few rooms at the Gnawed Noble Tavern. Normally it's where the nobility of Ferelden stay if they don't have manors within the city limits; some of them do, but most of them, especially the ones from the more remote bannorns and arlings, just stay here. I imagine it'll be packed for the Landsmeet.

The main reason for this is that Brother Genitivi's house is directly across the road from the tavern, and Elissa wants to keep an eye on him for a couple of days. "There's simply no way to know for certain that he's safe," she explained to us over dinner. Genitivi himself wasn't with us; we left him at the doors of the Chantry, where he wanted to spend some time praying for those who lost their lives over his search for the Ashes. "I'm sure that by now, from what you've told me, those people in Haven know that you've fled and taken him with you. They know where he lives, so I just want to keep an eye on him to make sure no one comes and tries to hurt him again. He's been through enough."

"That seems reasonable," said Wynne. "So we'll take it in turns to watch his house?"

"If no one objects, yes. I already spoke to Shale about it," she added. "Shale's agreed to stand guard inside his house for the duration of our time here, and is there now. Meanwhile, we can use this time to examine our supplies, get a little extra rest, that kind of thing. All I ask is that if you go out into the city, you go in pairs and try to remain as inconspicuous as possible. Loghain is almost certainly in the palace; let's try not to attract his attention if we can help it."

Leliana gave her what I can only describe as a pleading sort of look. "And Marjolaine?"

"We will confront Marjolaine," Elissa agreed. "But I don't think we need all go. I'll go with you; anyone else?"

"I'll come, of course," I said.

After a bit more discourse, it was decided that Zevran and Wynne would come, Sten would keep watch over Brother Genitivi's place, and Morrigan would... well, whatever she does when we're not around. We'll be heading over to the house that Leliana's attacker identified first thing in the morning; it's here in the market district, so it should be easy to find.

* * *

Well, Marjolaine wasn't exactly unprepared for our arrival.

She was a beautiful woman, I give her that. Deep brown hair, elegant figure, sultry eyes. She also gave me the major creeps. She kept calling Leliana "my Leliana." I kind of get the impression that there was a little more between them than just a working relationship.

"So lovely to see you again, my dear," she said.

"Spare me the pleasantries."

Marjolaine went on a minor tirade about the stench of Ferelden, how the smell of wet dog gets into everything. I saw Elissa's eye twitch. "You tried to have Leliana - and all the rest of us - killed," she said.

"So businesslike, your companion," said Marjolaine. She gave Elissa a look of such disdain that I almost went for my sword. Zevran tensed beside me too.

"You framed me," said Leliana. "You had me caught and tortured. I thought here in Ferelden I'd be free of you. What happened to make you hate me so? Why do you want me dead so badly?" I felt sorry for her; she was trying to be strong, but there was a lot of pain in her voice.

"Dead? Nonsense! I know you, my Leliana; I know what you are capable of. Four, five men you can dispatch easily. They were sent to give you cause to come to me, and see? Here you are!"

Elissa was getting angry, I could see it. "You could have just sent her a letter," she said dryly.

"Ignore her. She's lying," said Leliana. "I know how she works. What are you up to, Marjolaine? Why are you in Ferelden?"

And suddenly all the fake sweetness was gone from Marjolaine's voice. "You have knowledge that you can use against me. For my own safety, I cannot let you be. Did you think I did not know where you were? Did you think I would not watch my Leliana?" she asked coolly. "'What is she up to?' I wondered. 'What is she doing?' The quiet life, the peasant clothes, hair ragged and messy like a boy's - I thought, this is not her. So I watched. But no letters were sent, no messages, you barely spoke to anyone." She folded her arms. "Very clever, Leliana. You almost had me fooled. And then suddenly you left the Chantry. What was I supposed to think?"

"You think I left because of  _you_?" Leliana looked stunned, and I really couldn't blame her. I've never known someone whose ego was so out of proportion, and I've known a lot of egotistical bastards.

"Leliana left the Chantry to help fight the Blight," said Elissa. "It's got nothing to do with you. The darkspawn are her concern now."

"Is that what you think? You wait. You look at her, you see a sweet girl who needs a protector and a friend. She will use you, turn on you."

"I am not like that," Leliana said hotly. "I am not like you."

"Oh, but my Leliana... you  _are_  me." Marjolaine, for all her beauty, had one ugly smirk.

"She is not," Elissa said shortly. "I believe in Leliana."

"Thank you."

"I will give you one chance," Elissa continued. "Leave. Get out of Ferelden. Never come back.  _Stay away from my friend._ "

They stared each other down for a long moment. Finally, Marjolaine nodded. "I will go... for now. But this is not over, Leliana. This is not over."

Only when her former friend had left the premises did Leliana break down, dropping to her knees and shaking. "Come on, Leli," Elissa said gently, trying to help her stand. "Let's go back to the tavern. You're safe now. It's all right." And we all walked out together. There was a small greyish dog sitting just outside the door; it cocked its head at us as we passed. I don't know why, but it felt familiar to me somehow.

Elissa and Leliana have been alone in Leliana's room ever since we got back. I don't know what they're talking about, but it's not the first time that I've thought that we're all lucky to have that woman in our lives. She'll get Leliana through this.

* * *

The girls came to dinner. I think Leliana may have been crying; her eyes looked a little puffy. But she held her head up, spoke nicely to everyone, and honestly seemed more or less like her usual self. Even Morrigan was pleasant to her. Well, pleasant for Morrigan, which means that she pretty much ignored Leliana, but that's nicer than she usually is to me.

"She'll need a little time to get past it all," Elissa told me quietly. "But I think it will pass. More than anything, she needed reassurance that she isn't like Marjolaine. I told her that her past isn't what defines her, it's what she chooses to make herself from this day forward. She's stronger than she realizes - she would have to be to have lived through so much."

"Did she tell you about... the torture?"

She nodded, eyes closed. "Don't ask. You don't want to know.  _I_ don't want to know, even though I already do."

"So, now that our most pressing task in Denerim is concluded," said Zevran, trying to sound jovial, "what shall we do tomorrow?"

"I think," said Morrigan, "that Elissa and Alistair might want to examine a notice I saw posted near the Alienage. 'Tis most intriguing - a rallying cry for supporters of the Grey Wardens."

"Supporters of the Grey Wardens?" I repeated. "You mean we  _have_ some? Present company aside, I mean."

"I thought t'was rather peculiar, myself," she admitted. "Those who would show their allegiance to your order are advised to visit the Pearl."

"What's the Pearl?" asked Elissa.

Zevran coughed. "This city boasts one of the most famous brothels outside of Antiva," he said. "They say whatever you desire, you can find it at the Pearl. I have heard of it, but never seen for myself - though I have seen the Blooming Rose in Kirkwall, which I am given to understand is comparable in, ah, scope."

"Oh, dear." Wynne looked torn between amusement and distaste.


	21. Ring of Ages

**Ring of Ages**

_The shopkeeper claims this artifact may be among the oldest magic items in all of Thedas, from an era before even the elves mastered the magical arts. Quite likely that is mere salesmanship, but the ring is certainly powerful and feels truly ancient._

* * *

Immediately after breakfast, Elissa and I followed Morrigan to where we could read the poster she had described at dinner last night. It was tacked to a wall near the entrance to the Alienage, which a guard told us is sealed off because of some sickness that's been plaguing the elves. (Why do I get the feeling that's something we're going to find ourselves investigating at some point? Probably because sooner or later, everything seems to fall into our jurisdiction...)

Anyway, the wording was pretty strange. " _Don't believe the lies! Friends of the Grey Wardens assemble. The hidden pearl holds the key to resistance. The griffons will rise again._ " I have to wonder how Morrigan worked out that the phrase 'hidden pearl' was a reference to the Pearl, but according to Zevran, its exact location  _is_ somewhat of a mystery. If you ask me, it's not so much that people don't know where it is - we were able to get directions easily enough - but rather that they do their very best to pretend it isn't there.

We're going to be heading over there shortly, but Elissa's off on some errand here in the market district. I think she's just stocking up on supplies, or maybe she's sending something back to Soldier's Peak with Bodahn Feddic again, or something like that. She didn't say much about it.

* * *

It turned out that Elissa had actually gone to the Chantry. Apparently she unearthed some document while rooting around in the Brecilian ruins that she thought they would want to have, so she went over there to give it to their archivist. I'm going to have to remind her that she told the rest of us not to go anywhere in the city alone, and she ought to follow her own rules.

On the way back she encountered a Sergeant Kylon, of the royal forces. This turned out to be an okay thing; he assured her that he doesn't believe a word of Loghain's lies about the Wardens, although he did warn her that keeping a low profile was in her own best interests, and said something about having his hands full with enough problems. Elissa, being Elissa, asked if there was anything she might do to assist, and he told her about some problems being reported at the Pearl. Some group of mercenaries called the White Falcons had more or less set up shop and were driving the proprietess batty. She promised to take care of it as peacefully as possible, and it's not like we weren't going there anyway.

So that was our first order of business, once we located the Pearl. We went in a small group - Elissa and I with Morrigan and Zevran. Wynne wanted to take a turn watching Brother Genitivi (actually, she went over and visited with him for a while), and Sten somewhat reluctantly accompanied Leliana to the Wonders of Thedas shop. I have to write down what he said because it was just so funny. "Wonders of Thedas? What does that mean? Do they sell geography questions?"

The White Falcons were easy enough to dispatch. Elissa confronted the leader, who mistook her for - of all things - one of  _Arl Howe's men_. I can only imagine what a terrible taste that left in her mouth, but she went along with the deception because it meant that the mercenaries left without a fight.

Zevran, meanwhile, had his attention caught by a woman in another part of the main room. At first I thought he was, um, partaking of the local custom, but he quickly explained that this was someone he knew - the pirate Isabela. He was willing enough to introduce us, but at the moment, the lady was otherwise occupied, by which I mean she was participating in a minor brawl.

Elissa asked the proprietess about where to find the 'friends of the Grey Wardens' that were mentioned on the poster. The woman immediately assumed an unpleasant expression, and directed us to a locked room toward the back of the building. Elissa knocked, and was prompted for the password.

"Um... the griffons will rise again?" she guessed.

"Enter."

The door opened, and we moved inside to find ourselves confronting a few soldiers. I guess I shouldn't really have been too surprised that it was a trap; it did seem too good to be true. One of the soldiers immediately began to exult that they'd captured more supporters of the Grey Wardens, but the lone female in the bunch advised him to take a better look. " _That's_  a Grey Warden," she said. "She's the one Arl Howe's been looking for!"

Well, that answered my question about how long it would take for Loghain to try again to kill us.

The soldier woman continued ranting about how they were in the employ of Howe and it was all perfectly legal for them to kill us and I don't remember everything she said. At this point, I think I've grown a little tired of describing fights. The fact that I'm updating this record in perfect calmness should be proof enough that we won, they're all dead, and Loghain and Howe will have to find some other tactic.

Truthfully, I was more interested by our interactions with Isabela, when we returned to the main room. Her fight was over, she was sitting calmly playing cards, and greeted Zevran like an old friend. Elissa complimented her on her fighting style and even sat down to play a few hands of her card game, though she lost every one. I kind of think Isabela may have cheated - she  _is_  a pirate - but Elissa took it in stride. She didn't even bat an eye when Isabela called her "sweet thing," although  _I_ certainly sat up a little straighter.

We left the Pearl some little while later and ran into a man whom Elissa introduced as Sergeant Kylon. He congratulated her on getting the White Falcons to leave the brothel without incident, but the friendly meeting was interrupted by the mercenaries' captain showing up and demanding an apology. "No one gives orders to my boys but me!" There was no avoiding that fight, which Kylon and his men joined as well, and we trounced them pretty handily between us all. Once it was over, Kylon gave Elissa an amused sort of look.

"And people actually attack you  _voluntarily_?" he asked.

She smiled, and shrugged modestly. "I suppose I don't look all that intimidating. But you'd think that my friends here would make people hesitate."

"Well, in any case, I'm grateful." He gave her a pouch of coins. "I may have another task for you, if you're willing."

"What's that?"

"There's a bunch of louts who've taken up space at the Gnawed Noble Tavern, and if you could dislodge them, I think the landlady would thank you."

"It's hardly out of our way - we're all staying there for at least another night," she replied. "We can take care of it on the way back to our rooms."

Pretty talking, but the truth was that when we got to the tavern, Elissa - for the first time in all the months I've known her - seemed to have absolutely no idea how to deal with the drunken sods who called themselves the Crimson Oars. Any attempt at persuasion was shot down by the leader, who just kept yelling for more ale. "We like it here! We've got good coin and we'll keep spending it!"

She looked at the rest of us, perplexed. "I don't know what to do," she admitted quietly. "I know Kylon said we could rough them up a bit if necessary, but I'd rather avoid that. But he's so drunk I don't think he's hearing much of anything I say."

I was at a loss myself, and Morrigan certainly wasn't offering any suggestions; she was being so quiet, in fact, that for a few minutes I forgot she was even there. I guess it's lucky that Zevran was with us. "My dear Warden," he said to Elissa, "would you permit me?"

"If you've got a plan, Zevran, be my guest."

He sidled up to the leader of the Oars. "Good fellow," he said in the silkiest voice I've heard him use yet, "why would you waste your time here when there are establishments near the docks that will better tend to your needs? Where the ale flows freely and the women are... shall we say... friendlier?"

Elissa looked like she wanted to crawl into a hole. The Oars leader, however, threw his head back and made a sound that was some sort of cross between a hearty laugh and a belch. "Aye! You make a good point, elf! Landlady, you and your maids are too old and cross! Come on, boys, to the docks - let's find us some wenches!"

They more or less poured themselves out of the tavern, and Zevran returned to us with a grin on his painted features. "Well?"

"I'm not sure I approve of your methods," Elissa said with a weak chuckle. "But I can't deny that they were effective. That was neatly done."

He offered a half-bow that was only slightly mocking. "I told you that I have my uses."

"I never doubted that for a moment."

* * *

Something's up.

Wynne came back from her visit with Genitivi, and I heard her remarking to Elissa that they'd had a very nice long conversation about different things. One of the subjects was apparently about their regrets, which I wouldn't have expected Wynne to really  _have_ , but it would seem that she does. The two of them were still sitting by the fire and talking in hushed voices when I came up to my room.

It's pretty late, who's that at the door?

* * *

Right, I guess I should have figured it would be Elissa. She looked very serious indeed, and for a moment, I was worried. "I need to talk to you."

"What's wrong, love?"

"Nothing, exactly, I just... would you do something for me?"

"Anything in the world. Though now I'm wondering if I should have asked you to be more specific before I answered you."

She smiled. "It's nothing very bad. I want to make a quick trip back to the Brecilian forest before we go to Orzammar, and I'd like you to come."

"The forest? Whatever for?"

"Well, it's Wynne." She explained that Wynne had told her about a student mage she'd had many years ago, when she was still pretty young herself. The mage was an elf - Aneirin was his name - and she'd been so hard on him that he'd ultimately run away from the Circle of Magi. I didn't quite get the straight of how he did that without them tracking him down through his phylactery, but apparently the Templars had gone hunting for him and refused to tell Wynne if they'd found him alive or not. "She seems pretty convinced that he's dead," Elissa concluded, "but I thought it would be nice to give her some closure, if we can."

"It's for you  _and_  Wynne? Of course I'll go."

"Thank you, dear. I think we can leave most of the rest of the group here," she continued. "It's only about a day's walk to the elven encampment, if we leave at first light, and we'll move faster with fewer numbers. I'll bring Toby along, and I'd like to invite Zevran to join us as well."

"How come?" That seemed a little strange to me.

"He told me his mother was Dalish - that was why I brought him the gloves when we were there the first time - and I think he might find it interesting to see how they live."

Makes sense, I guess. "Whatever you like. You'd better get some sleep then."

"I will, as soon as I speak to both of them."

She gave me a kiss and wished me pleasant dreams. "Promise me you'll be in them and they will be," I replied.

"Oh, you." Her eyes danced a bit. I'm still not very good with the whole wooing thing, but Maker knows I do try, and she loves me so I must be doing  _something_  right.


	22. Aneirin's Token

**Aneirin's Token**

_This teardrop-shaped pendant is a chunk of dried sap on a length of twine. It's warm to the touch, and the same pale gold as the rising moon. While equipped, it augments Wynne's Vessel of the Spirit spell._

* * *

That the others were surprised by our excursion, I don't doubt. What they actually said about it, however, I have no idea. I wasn't there when Elissa gave them the news that they could expect our return in roughly three days' time, and that they should wait for us at the tavern and continue to keep an eye on Brother Genitivi. Shale remains inside his house, and Elissa paid for the lodgings of Sten, Morrigan, and Leliana in advance just to be on the safe side. I guess that pouch of gold she got from Sergeant Kylon came in very handy.

The official reason she says she gave to everyone else is that she wanted to check on the elves and make sure they didn't need anything else from us for the fulfillment of their treaty, like weapons or supplies. I'm betting that she made up that story mostly to appease Sten. He doesn't ever contest her decisions, but he still looks grumpy whenever she wants to do something that doesn't directly impact our quest to stop the Blight.

What I did find kind of funny is that she also didn't tell  _Wynne_ the real reason for the trip down to see the Dalish. I didn't realize that, though, until we were actually in their camp. The guards at the entrance to their settlement let us pass with only a few words of greeting; usually, from what I hear, they're not at all welcoming to humans (and with pretty good reason) so this was encouraging. Elissa approached a female elf whom she identified as Lanaya, the clan's Keeper - their leader, that is - and they exchanged a few polite words.

Next, she directed us to what looked like an elven smithy. She greeted the proprietor, or what I assumed to be the proprietor, as Master Varathorn and spoke to him for several minutes about the clan's weaponry needs. I was only slightly paying attention, since I was pretty distracted by looking around, but I did hear him mention to her a substance called ironbark.

After Elissa had finished with the weapons master, she led our group to where several wooden benches encircled a campfire. A male elf was apparently telling stories to some of the children and a few others. He looked up in surprise at our approach. " _Ana tishan,_  Grey Warden," he said. (I have no idea if I spelled that right, that's just how it sounded.) "We did not expect to meet you again before the battle. Come and join us, if you will."

"Greetings to you, Hahren Sarel," she replied. She sat down on the bench beside him. Wynne and Zevran took seats on the bench next to hers, and Toby and I both flopped down at her feet. (My biggest problem with the Theirin armor is that it doesn't lend itself very well to sitting on furniture.) "Allow me to present some of my friends whom you did not meet on my earlier visit - this is Alistair, my fellow Grey Warden, and Zevran, and Wynne of the Circle of Magi. This is Sarel, the clan's _hahren_ , or lorekeeper."

"You are welcome, then, as friends of the Warden." His tone was very civil, but he didn't smile. He eyed Zevran. "You keep an elf in your company, do you?"

"Zevran came to us from Antiva," she explained. "But his mother was Dalish, so I thought he might like to visit your camp for a bit as we continue preparations."

"Very well. What may we do for you?"

"I mean to go into the forest to gather some ironbark for Master Varathorn. But before I do, I was wondering if you would be able to give us any information about an elf named Aneirin."

Wynne looked shocked. "Elissa - that's kind of you to ask, but I really don't think he can possibly still be alive."

"Do you mean Aneirin the healer?" asked another elf.

"Surely it must be another of the same name -"

"There is only one Aneirin that I know," the female insisted. She gave us some directions; Aneirin, she said, doesn't like to belong with a clan. He prefers to live in the wild among the trees and the animals. But he's also a gifted healer who would never deny anyone who came to him in pain, and he sometimes visits the different Dalish clans to help them when they need it. So off we went into the forest, to try to find him.

"Why didn't you tell me this was the reason you wanted to come?" Wynne asked, once we were out of the Dalish camp.

"Because I figured you would try to talk me out of it," Elissa replied sweetly. "It's not much, Wynne, but I can do this much for you."

"Not much, she says!"

Elissa just smiled, and we continued following the directions we'd been given. After maybe a quarter of an hour of hiking in relative silence - I can't speak for the others, but I was admiring the forest - she had us pause by a fallen tree near the stream that flows through the woods. "This is the ironbark that Master Varathorn mentioned."

"And what is ironbark?" Zevran wanted to know. He'd been pretty quiet up to that point, although I'm not entirely sure why.

"It's a special kind of wood that the elves use to make armor and shields," she said. "It's sort of petrified. I don't know too much more than that, but we'll take some back for him and let him know where he can send scouts to collect more."

She continued leading us through the woods, and considering the fact that she'd only been there once before (though I have to admit I don't know for how long), I was kind of amazed at how well she remembered the layout of the paths. She showed us the ruins where Zathrian and Witherfang had had their final confrontation, which I could recognize as being old Tevinter structures. Did they have some kind of city in the forest at one time? I should look that up, sometime. She also showed us some of the places where they'd acquired the pieces of armor they brought back for Sten. They'd had to fight four Revenants to get the whole set - four! Revenants are evil spirits bound to a particular object, and they can be nasty pieces of work. Fighting  _one_ can exhaust a seasoned warrior for hours.

As we stepped into a clearing, Wynne gave a little cry of recognition. An elf with facial markings, tattoos like Zevran's I guess, was gathering medicinal herbs. He stood up and turned around when he heard us approach.

"Aneirin?"

"Wynne?" He stared at her face. "It  _is_  you."

Elissa nudged Zevran and me, and we fell back a little in order to let the two of them converse more privately. Some of their words carried to us where we stood; Wynne apologized for having been such a bad teacher, and Aneirin assured her that he bore her no ill will and was even grateful for what she had taught him during his time in the Circle. He took some gold-colored pendant from around his neck and gave it to her, and although he advised us not to linger in the forest, he did send us off with some gifts of the herbs he'd been gathering.

* * *

Took a rest there. Hand cramp.

Anyway, we got back to camp and thanked Sarel and his friend for their help in finding Anerin. Elissa gave the ironbark to Master Varathorn, and told him where more could be found. He offered to construct a shield for her as a token of gratitude, but she shook her head. "Use it for the good of your clan."

"You are the most generous  _shemlen_  ever to cross my path, Grey Warden. May the Creators bless and guide you on your way."  _Shemlen_ , according to Elissa, is the Dalish word for a human. Apart from bidding farewell to some of the particular elves she'd met on her previous visit, she didn't say anything else until we were out of their encampment, and on our way back to Denerim.

"Well, Zevran, what did you think of the Dales?"

"They are much like what I had heard," he acknowledged. "Given the chance, I cannot say that I would mind spending a few days among them. It would be interesting to hear their history from their own point of view."

"I can assure you that it is - I heard much from Hahren Sarel on the subject. Perhaps when this is all over, we can arrange for you to spend some more time with them."

The two of them walked a little ahead, with Elissa telling Zevran some of the things she'd learned during her previous visit to the clan. I walked beside Wynne, who had a sort of relaxed, peaceful look on her face. "I never expected, when I told Elissa about Aneirin, that she would go to such lengths," she admitted. "I am deeply grateful."

"Was what you did so terrible, that you carried guilt all this time?"

"I blamed myself for his fate. I was hard on him - too hard. I was young and inexperienced at teaching, and when he left because of me, I realized just how badly I'd done. But he says he did learn a great deal from me, and he has good memories of his time in the tower. More than anything, I'm happy to know that he didn't die at the hands of the Templars, and that he's now leading a life where he feels content. That discovery has erased a great deal of pain for me." She sighed, and smiled. "Our fearless leader certainly is full of surprises."

"She is that."

"I think you make her very happy," Wynne added.

"Oh, no, not again." We'd had a conversation along those lines once before, in which she tried to explain to me where babies come from purely for the chance to make me blush. "I'm ready for you. Do your worst."

"What? You make her happy. This may not last, in the face of all that is to come; therefore, my advice to you is that you cherish every moment. That's all."

"That's all? No teasing? No pinching my cheeks?"

"No, that's all."

I hesitated. "Not even pinching my cheeks just a  _little_?"

She laughed. "Well, if you insist."

* * *

We returned to Denerim to find that all has been quiet in our absence, so at first light we will strike out for Orzammar. We bade farewell to Brother Genitivi this evening; he seems to be improving, though still saddened by the loss of his assistant. Understandable. He thanked us again and again for the rescue, and presented Elissa with a small pile of books to add to the library at Soldier's Peak.

She sent them off almost immediately with Bodahn Feddic, who will not be accompanying us to Orzammar. I was a little surprised by that, but apparently he, as a "surface dwarf," isn't really allowed in there anymore. That, and something to do with his having been accused of theft once upon a time. He told the whole story to Elissa one night, but in general he doesn't like to talk about it. So he and Sandal are on their way back to the fortress, and they'll await us outside of the gates of Orzammar. According to Bodahn, there are several surface dwarves who have little merchant stalls set up near the gates, and this is acceptable practice; they're allowed to trade with merchant dwarves inside Orzammar as well as with any humans (or elves, I assume) who make their way through the mountains.

Before he left, Elissa purchased a bunch of colorful rocks from him. I didn't understand what she was doing until she approached Shale, who has rejoined our company, and asked, "Can you tell me how to add them to you?"

"It has found some augmentation crystals!" Shale actually sounded pleased. "I am surprised it remembered our conversation about them. Well done." The golem directed Elissa in how to add the stones to its exterior.

"What  _are_  they?" I couldn't help asking.

"Augmentation crystals. They allow me to manipulate the flow of magic around me," Shale replied with a funny look of importance. "It does not need to know the details. Suffice it to say that the crystals will make me even more effective in battle, which is all it needs to understand. Well?" It turned this way and that for a few seconds. "They don't make me look wider, do they? I find I'm quite wide enough as it is."

"Oh, I think they're pretty," Elissa replied with a smile.

"I agree," Shale admitted. "I do so adore them!"

Maybe Elissa's right; maybe Shale  _is_  female. Deep down. Underneath all the rock. Somewhere. In any case, I had better get some sleep if I want to be able to get up at the appointed hour.


	23. Shield of Highever

**Shield of Highever**

_This shield was carried by Teyrn Ardal Cousland, who died defending King Vanedrin from the Orlesians at the Battle of Lothering. The face still bears the scars of Orlesian blades._

* * *

We are approaching Orzammar, and should be within it by midday tomorrow. I didn't bother to update my journal on the road because, strange as it seems, I didn't really have anything to report. The trip from Denerim to the Frostbacks was remarkably uneventful, a fact for which I think we're all grateful. We had one brief run-in with a small group of bandits, but they ran scared rather than attack a party of our size and, uh, assortment.

The only noteworthy thing I can even think to mention about the trek was something that happened when we stopped to make camp last night. I'm not sure this really qualifies as worth noting, but it caught my attention. See, I'm sort of amused by the way Leliana has taken to Elissa, and vice versa. They've been growing closer for some time, and ever since the run-in with Marjolaine it's gotten more pronounced. I think Leliana really looks up to Elissa. Anyway, I'm not sure where this particular aspect of their friendship started, although Elissa did mention offhandedly one night that Leliana said she liked her hair. But for whatever reason, sometimes they sit by the fire, and Elissa undoes her braids and Leliana combs out the hair for her. They talk quietly, and giggle. It's weird, but it's also really kind of - I don't know another word for it - cute.

Well, last night I happened to look around while this was going on, and I saw Morrigan watching. She still keeps to herself for the most part, with her own little campsite and fire completely separate from the rest of us, and only Elissa ever goes over to visit with her. I don't think she'd let anyone else near her. There was a strange expression on her face, and I kind of got the feeling that she wanted to be part of what she was watching but she didn't dare. Or maybe she just didn't know how.

* * *

We arrived at the gates of Orzammar a few hours after breakfast, snow crunching under our boots. I can't blame the surface dwarves for the disbelieving stares they cast in our direction as we trudged up to the heavy metal doors. But I didn't have much attention for them, because there was a row happening on the dwarves' very doorstep.

Some sort of chamberlain-type dwarf was exchanging heated words with - I'm still shaking my head over this one - messengers from Loghain. I could have vomited when I heard the leader of the group refer to him as "King Loghain."  _King Loghain_! I still can't believe it! Bad enough he declared himself regent over his daughter! I don't have anything against Anora; I've never really met her, but I know she's pretty and smart, and she at least has a reasonable claim to the throne as Queen Dowager. Her father's just an elevated farmer who happens to be good at warcraft. Like I said, naming himself regent was bad enough, but how dare he style himself King!

I'm still angry about that, I guess. Anyway, we walked up and heard the chamberlain or whatever he was telling the messengers that they could not enter Orzammar. Apparently, Loghain sent them to demand something from the dwarves - I didn't quite understand exactly  _what_  he wanted, to be honest. Tribute? Support? Whatever it was, he wasn't getting it, because the dwarf at the door said that Endrin, King of Orzammar, had died, and until their Assembly chose a new King, Loghain's men weren't getting inside.

Elissa stepped up and presented the treaty.  _That_  was different, the dwarf said. The Grey Wardens will always be welcome in Orzammar, no matter who's on the throne. Of course, that didn't go over well with Loghain's men for various reasons, and they started shouting that we had killed Cailan and betrayed the army and it gives me a headache just remembering it. So the door-dwarf said that if we wanted a fight, we needed to take it  _off_  the doorstep, and we did. It didn't last long. He even thanked us, when it was over, for relieving him of the nuisance. He gave us the same warning about their King being dead, and said that we were welcome to appeal to the Assembly for help but doubted that they would give any until the succession crisis got resolved.

We did a little exploring, once we got inside, and Orzammar is actually very pleasant... once you get used to the idea that there are miles of rock above your head, and not much room to escape if it decides to come crashing down on you. Zevran's still kind of twitchy about it. "I am - what is the word? Claustrophobic?" I myself am a little less worried about the rock and more unsettled by the rivers of  _molten lava_  that go coursing around everywhere; could be very nasty if they should happen to erupt. Anyway, we found the Diamond District, which is where the rich dwarves live, and the poor area called Dust Town. That's populated by what are known as the casteless dwarves, who for some reason are forbidden to take any kind of legal job - meaning they have to resort to either begging or  _il_ legal work. In between these two areas is the place known as the Orzammar Commons, which is mostly filled with merchant shops and the Proving Grounds, where they hold fighting competitions.

It's also where I am right now; we've taken a few rooms in Tapster's Tavern, which is the closest thing Orzammar has to an inn. They don't really get a lot of tourism down here, I guess. It was tricky getting them to rent us even enough space so we all have a place to sleep, and Shale couldn't even fit through the door. It doesn't seem to mind, though. It keeps looking around like being in Orzammar is bringing back long-forgotten memories, and a lot of the dwarves keep looking at it in awe.

Sounds like everyone's gotten settled, from what I'm hearing from the hallway, so we're going to go down and see what we can learn.

* * *

Once we were all downstairs, and found a table that could actually accommodate all of us, Elissa got the attention of a barmaid who introduced herself as Corra. My lady started to ask questions, but was cut off by a cheerfully wagging finger. "I can't keep this place running if I take too much time to answer you," said Corra. "Now, if you want to bring some coin into the matter, that's a different story."

"Oh, why not." Elissa sounded amused. "A round of ale, then - for the house."

"Generous, aren't you! I'll be back shortly." Corra pattered away and started directing other servers to hand out the pints. "Tell the boys to drink to the pretty human with the giant sword on her back!"

She returned to our table and squinted at the emblem on Elissa's armor. "Oh - a Grey Warden. Well, that's something we don't see everyday at Tapster's. Now, what can I do for you?"

Corra turned out to be a mine of information. She explained that Endrin died just a few weeks ago, of a long-standing illness and also something like heartbreak. Seems the King had three sons; his eldest, Trian, was murdered some months back, and his second son, Duran, was found guilty of the crime and exiled to the Deep Roads. That's basically a death sentence, what with the darkspawn and all. Duran had been his father's favorite child, and was possibly going to be chosen over his older brother to inherit the throne, which has led to a lot of speculation among the dwarves that the youngest of the three, Bhelen, actually framed Duran for Trian's murder so that his own way to the throne would be clear. King Endrin's closest advisor, Lord Harrowmont, claims that on his deathbed, Endrin named  _him_  successor instead. So now the Assembly, which is made up of representatives of all the noble houses, is deadlocked because they can't decide if Bhelen or Harrowmont should be the next King.

From everything we've been told, we're going to have to talk to these two in order to get an idea of what's going on. But we've also been made to understand that if we show anything remotely resembling loyalty to one, the other won't give us the time of day. So it looks like we're going to split up, much as we did for Haven and the Brecilian Forest, and in that way manage to talk to them both. First, though, we're going to try approaching the Assembly and also the Shaperate, where records and things like that are stored, to see if we can learn anything from them.

That's all planned for tomorrow, though. Elissa decided that for the rest of today, we should just have a good thorough look around, maybe visit some of the merchants and things, see if we can manage to overhear any useful gossip.

* * *

I'm a little flustered right now, and my hands are shaking a bit, so I hope that I'm going to be able to read these words later.

After we finished talking with Corra and then amongst ourselves in Tapster's, we headed out into the Commons. Since we feel reasonably sure that no agent of Loghain is going to spot us down  _here_ , none of us are too concerned about separating from the group for a little, and so I didn't worry at first when I realized Elissa and I had gone in different directions. I later had it from Leliana that she went into Dust Town, where she traded silver coins for information from a lame beggar woman.

I ended up walking with Zevran, idly browsing the wares of a few merchants; in addition to their excellent weapons and armor, the dwarves of Orzammar make very beautiful jewelry and I just thought maybe I'd find something to give to Elissa. To be perfectly truthful, I was looking at rings. I'm starting to accept the idea that I'm going to have to be king in order to stop Loghain, but there's no way I can do it without her at my side, so... I was hoping to find something appropriate for that next step in the proceedings. But I don't want to actually  _ask_  her until after the Landsmeet when I know for sure  _what_  I'm asking her, so when I didn't find anything I wasn't too worried.

Coming back to the point, we then went into the Diamond Quarter; both Prince Bhelen and Lord Harrowmont have hired professional criers to shout insults (probably lies) about each other, which was kind of pathetically amusing. We located both the Assembly and the Shaperate, so they'll be easier to visit tomorrow. I'd lost track of time, walking around and examining the place, but I didn't have any reason to think anything was particularly wrong.

When we got back to the Commons, though, it shortly became apparent that something was. I heard the sound of running feet - the dwarves in Orzammar don't generally _run_  so that was odd - and was half ready to draw my sword when I realized it was Leliana.

"Alistair! Thank the Maker - I've been looking all over for you!"

"What's the matter?"

"It's Elissa - you'd better come quickly. She's in a frightful state."

Zevran and I looked at each other, and then took off at a run after her. She led us through the Commons back to Tapster's. "We were browsing the merchants," she said, as we slowed down, "and she picked up a few little things. Nothing very noteworthy, I thought; a beautiful golden mirror, some gloves, and then a toy sword. That seemed strange."

"A toy sword? Whatever for?"

"That's what I asked. 'Oh,' said she, 'it's for my nephew, Oren. He's wanted his own sword for a while now, and I thought this would be a funny little present.' I didn't know what to say to that."

"She bought a... oh, dear Maker." We came to a halt on the steps leading to the tavern, and I actually grabbed the stair rail.

"What is wrong with this, exactly?" Zevran sounded confused. It took me a few seconds to remember - he didn't join our party until after Elissa told the others about her family's fate. It's probably never come up in conversation between the two of them.

"Elissa's nephew is  _dead_ ," I explained. I could hear my own voice crack a little. "Her entire family, except for her brother, was murdered. The only reason she escaped is because Duncan - the Warden-Commander - was visiting her family's castle at the time and he brought her away with him to Ostagar to become a Warden."

"Exactly." Leliana looked crushed. "So then Morrigan said, 'Elissa, you bought that for your nephew?' and... oh, it was awful. She suddenly remembered everything. I don't know how she could forget, but in some strange way I guess she did."

"She focuses on our tasks," I said. "Wynne said something to me a while back - that she thought Elissa uses our work as a distraction to keep herself from feeling the pain. She feels like she doesn't have time to grieve, so she buries it." Wynne is so much wiser than I gave her credit for being, but she was right. "Where is she now, Leliana?"

"In her room, with Wynne and Toby. When it all came back to her so suddenly, she virtually collapsed on the spot - Morrigan had Sten carry her upstairs and sent me to find you."

A few minutes later, I was knocking on Elissa's door, and then ventured to open it a few inches. Wynne, seeing that it was me, gave a nod. "Come in," she called softly. She was sitting on Elissa's bed, and had apparently persuaded Elissa to trade her armor for the soft linen garments she had favored in Soldier's Peak. My poor Elissa - she was curled on her side, her face buried in Wynne's lap.

"Elissa... Alistair's here."

Slowly, very slowly, she lifted her head. There was so much pain and agony in her face, my heart broke on the spot. Toby whined at me from the floor, and I knelt down beside him. "I'm here, love. It's all right."

"Alistair..." Her eyes filled with fresh tears, and her expression crumpled again. Wynne helped her to sit up, easing herself out of the comfort spot so I could take her place.

"I'll leave you two alone for a bit," she said. "Just shout if you need me."

"Thank you, Wynne."

It was a little awkward to hold her, since I was still in my armor, but I maneuvered myself onto the bed and she curled up in my arms. In a cracked voice, filled with hiccups, she basically related the same thing Leliana had already told me. "I  _know_  he's dead... I  _know_  I'll never see that sweet little boy again... but I let myself forget... I can't... I couldn't face it... they're all dead... I couldn't stop it... I should have tried to make my mother leave at least..."

"Sweetheart, you're too hard on yourself. You did the best you could, I don't doubt that for an instant."

"I keep thinking, sometimes, that maybe I'll wake up... and it will have all been a dream..." She snuffled, and Toby thrust his head into her hands. "But then - that means you're only a dream too - I don't want  _you_  to be a dream... I wish I could have them and you at the same time..."

"I know. I wish you could too."

"That's why... remember when M-Master Varathorn offered to make me a shield from the ironbark? And I said no? That's why. I have to carry  _my_  shield. It's... it's the closest I can come... to having them and you all at once. Does that make sense?"

"It makes sense," I assured her. At least, I think it does. If she meant what I think she means, then yes, it makes sense.

I stayed with her until she cried herself out and fell asleep, and carefully tucked her into the bed. "Keep an eye on her," I told the dog. "I'll be back." I had to go and let the others know what was happening, and judging from the looks on some of their faces, I don't think the majority of them really understood - until now - just how much and how  _continually_  she suffers.

And it all comes back to Loghain. Arl Howe is his right-hand man, isn't he? Which means that the siege at Castle Cousland had to have been done with Loghain's approval. He may not have been directly involved, but he allowed the slaughter of my Elissa's loved ones. Then her brother recruits died in the Joining, which I think is the only part of her pain that wasn't directly his fault. The Wardens all died because of him, and I can't help thinking that even if Jory and Daveth  _had_  survived the Joining, they still would have been killed. Then we were blamed for his treachery. Then the horrors of Redcliffe... and the purging of the mage tower, when she was trapped in the Fade... and both of those things turned out to be the work of Howe and Loghain too. I have  _never_ hated anyone so much. He's taken everything from me, and he's taken everything from Elissa, and the only saving grace that any of this has had is that at least we found each other in the process of losing everything else.

The others - they're important to her too, and also to me, but I don't take on their troubles as my own the way she does. Morrigan's issues (whatever they are), Leliana's sufferings, Wynne's health, Zevran's past, Sten's future - she bears the weight of each of these, trying to lessen their burdens. And mine as well.

"What can we do for her? Is there anything that  _can_ be done to help her?" Leliana asked.

"Right now I think she wants rest more than anything," I said. "We might need to delay our investigations here for a day or so, to give her time to process."

"After all this time," said Sten, "she suddenly loses her composure. This seems unlike her."

"It's hitting her hard  _because_  so much time has passed," Wynne explained. "She's had all of this pain and trouble weighing on her for months, and she's tried to shrug it off because she considers it more important to stop the Blight."

"A sensible attitude," Morrigan grumbled. "I expect that of her - not this. She is more sentimental than I realized, and she suffers for it. Most impractical."

"Practical or not, this is where we are. The best thing any of us can do for now is to get some supper and a good night's sleep," said Wynne. "We'll see how Elissa feels in the morning, and take it from there. Alistair, I think you should stay with her tonight, in case her dreams are difficult."

"My thoughts exactly."

I changed clothes and collected this journal, then returned here to Elissa's room to guard her while she sleeps. Occasionally her face twitches, but otherwise she's been quiet. I hope she's finding some kind of peace; I would give it to her if I could. I would give anything, if it meant she would never have to hurt like this again.


	24. Cute Nug

**Cute Nug**

_The nug's nose twitches as it stares at the world with clear inquisitive eyes. It seems to enjoy being stroked._

* * *

Elissa wants to be back to her usual self, and I'm not sure I would classify it as a good thing. I mean, on the one hand, certainly it's better than us delaying our work here; we don't have that much time to spare. Arl Eamon gave us only six weeks to deliver the treaty and return to Redcliffe, and one of those weeks is already gone. But on the other... I think she's still faking it. She's going to push herself and push herself until she goes mad or becomes ill, and I don't know how to stop her.

She was up before me, getting ready for the day. I pleaded with her to come back to bed, to rest more, but she was having none of it.

"We've too much to do, Alistair," she replied in this brisk sort of voice I've heard her use too many times. "I can rest when the Archdemon is dead and Loghain is out of power. There's no time to spare before that."

"Love, you're working yourself to death."

Her hands stilled. "What would you have me do, then?"

"Take a day. Please. One day won't hurt, surely. You need this."

"I  _can't_."

"Elissa, please." I went over and put my hands on her shoulders. "For  _my_  sake, if not your own. I need you. I am begging you to take this one day to rest and let yourself feel whatever you need to feel in order to get better. Please?"

I think she wanted to argue with me, but she just couldn't. She sighed, and tilted her head forward so it rested against my chest. "One day," she conceded. "Just one. For you."

* * *

Something interesting just happened. I'm not sure how much actual stock I put into it, but Elissa seems pleased and all things considered, I guess that's enough for me right now.

I had breakfast with the others, but I insisted Elissa stay in bed and get a little more rest. While the rest of us ate, I told them she was going to take a little break from her tasks just for the day, and they seemed to understand that. At least, I think they did. Sometimes it's hard to tell. Wynne took some food up to Elissa's room, and I made myself useful by going back to the market, where Leliana showed me the merchant from whom Elissa had bought the toy sword. He wasn't very happy about my returning it, even when I gave him a truncated explanation of the events.

"I don't even want the money back," I said finally. "I just want you to take this thing. Sell it to someone else. Twice the profit. I really don't care."

With this accomplished, we returned to Tapster's, and I headed upstairs to see how Elissa was faring. I nudged the door open and saw her speaking to Morrigan, who looked... strange. I don't know how to describe her face. Like she was happy and sad at the same time. She had a mirror in her hands, a small mirror in a decorative gold frame. I didn't want to interrupt whatever they were doing, so I went to my own room for a few minutes until I heard Morrigan's footsteps come out into the hall and head down the stairs.

I made my way back to Elissa, and this time I knocked before opening the door properly. "And how is  _the_  most beautiful woman in the world feeling, now that she's eaten?" I was trying to be playful.

She did smile, anyway. "I'll be fine, Alistair. Really, don't worry. I have you; I have the others; I'll get through this." She was lacing her boots. "Morrigan just told me something that honestly makes me feel better, somehow."

"I find that hard to believe, but do go on."

"I - well, never mind most of the details. She mentioned to me, some time ago, that she'd had a mirror as a child and wasn't able to keep it. I found one yesterday that reminded me of her description of it, so I gave it to her. She told me... she said I'm not just the first real friend she's ever had, but that she thinks of me almost as her sister."

I wasn't sure what to say to that. It obviously means a great deal to Elissa that Morrigan would think such a thing, but how much did  _Morrigan_ actually mean it? I still don't trust her, and it still worries me that Elissa does.

* * *

We've just returned from a wander through Dust Town, where Elissa managed to endear herself to some of the casteless dwarves by doling out silver pieces. As one of them put it, "When I go to bed tonight with a full stomach, I'll think of you." Anyway, she happened to talk to one casteless about the nugs, which are these... you know, I'm not sure how to describe them. Leliana calls them "subterranean bunny-pigs," which is probably the best any of us could do. The dwarves use them as a food source, but according to Elissa, Leliana was eyeing some in the streets and saying how cute they were and how she'd love to have one.

So she got to talking with this casteless fellow. I don't know how the subject came up, but she offered to pay him to catch one. "How does forty silver sound?"

His eyes about fell out of his head. "With that... I could buy a real blanket... some food... oh, I'll get you a real fat one! One of those healthy ones from the upper district, with a shiny coat!" I guess he thought she wanted to eat it. Anyway, he scurried off, and Elissa continued handing out coins. There was one woman there that I won't forget easily... the haunted look in her eyes. She didn't have the same sort of facial tattoo as the rest, because as she explained, she was actually born to one of the middle castes - merchant or smith, I forget which. But she'd gotten involved with a Dust Town drifter, and he'd fathered a child on her. A dwarf child takes the caste of its parent of the same gender, so if she'd had a daughter, all would have been well; but she had a son, meaning that the baby was casteless like his father. The father abandoned them, and the woman - Zerlinda - had been thrown out by her family. "They said they would only let me come home if I left my son in the Deep Roads."

Elissa looked queasy, and I couldn't blame her. "Wait here," she told me, "in case the other one comes back with the nug." She gathered some more information from Zerlinda, then headed back to Tapster's. Less than a quarter of an hour later, she was back - and smiling. "Your father says to get your son and come home," she told the woman.

"I don't know how you did it." Zerlinda looked ready to cry. "When my son is old enough, I will send him to you... to become a Grey Warden. I can think of no finer future to give him."

So we've got a potential recruit in fifteen years or so, that's encouraging. By the time this was all said and done, the other fellow came back with a big pink nug. Elissa paid him even a little more than she had promised, and I actually thought  _he_  might cry too. I can't imagine what it must be like to live in Dust Town and know that the circumstances of your birth mean that you're not allowed to do any better for yourself. It kind of puts the circumstances of  _my_  birth in a new perspective.

Anyway, Leliana was thrilled with the gift. But she's named the thing Schmooples -  _Schmooples_. Ugh. It makes my teeth hurt.

* * *

Elissa's feeling better, or at least she's putting on her brave face again, so we've gotten back to work.

We separated today and approached the two candidates for the throne. She, Leliana, Morrigan and Wynne headed off to speak with Prince Bhelen, while Sten, Zevran, Shale and I sought an audience with Lord Harrowmont. (Toby and Schmooples stayed in our rooms.) Of course, it couldn't be  _that_  easy. First we had to prove that we could be trusted, so I was entered in the Provings on Harrowmont's behalf. The Provings are this sort of tournament they have where people fight until someone gets knocked out. The dwarves don't worship the Maker, or any other gods; they worship their own ancestors, and the logic behind the Provings is that the ancestors give their favor to whoever is left standing at the end of the fight. If there's any truth to this, then the ancestors were willing to let their descendants crash and burn, because I won. Apparently, Bhelen's people had been intimidating Harrowmont's other fighters, so I got them to fight at my side to bolster their confidence.

What Elissa had to do to prove her worth to Bhelen, I don't know. After the Provings were done, we got to talk to Harrowmont, and by all appearances he's a decent and honorable sort. He was old King Endrin's best friend, and according to him, Endrin was really torn up about Duran's exile and presumed death. He basically died of a broken heart. Because Bhelen was behind the whole thing (or at least Endrin seemed to believe he was), Endrin didn't want him to become king. So now the deshyrs - the dwarven equivalent of our Landsmeet - are deadlocked in an argument over whether it should be Bhelen or Harrowmont.

Harrowmont then went on to explain that there's an individual in Dust Town who is a threat to any king's power. Jarvia is her name, and she's the head of the crime circuit. He wants us to eliminate her, to end her reign of terror, as the next step in proving ourselves to him. Now we've come back to Tapster's in order to compare notes with the ladies and see what's next.

One thing that I thought was curious, though, happened as we were leaving Harrowmont's estate. There was a redheaded dwarf with a long braided beard, arguing with some official. He was ranting about how it's coming up on the anniversary of Branka's disappearance and how nobody is willing to do anything about it. The official told him to go get drunk. I asked about it after the redhead wandered off, and apparently his name is Oghren; he's a disgraced former warrior. Branka is, or was, his wife - the most recently declared Paragon (a dwarf who has contributed in some especially meaningful way to their society). A couple years ago, she disappeared into the Deep Roads with her entire household  _except_  her husband, in search of some ancient artifact, and Oghren keeps trying to rustle up support to go in search of her. Poor bastard.


	25. Finger Bone Token

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case anyone was curious, I don't do the Brother Burkel sidequest when I play DA. I did on my first playthrough, and then I found out what happens to him, and I can't bear to do it again. So Alistair and his friends aren't going to do it either.
> 
> The 'time difference' I mention in this chapter is entirely my own invention, so please don't think I'm quoting (or rather, misquoting) the developers. It was just something I did to make my own story make more sense to me.

 

**Finger Bone Token**

_This finger bone token will open the door to Jarvia's Hideout._

* * *

Strange as it sounds, Bhelen and Harrowmont turned out to be somewhat on the same page. Prince Bhelen commissioned Elissa and the others to dispatch the Carta leader, Jarvia, just as Lord Harrowmont commissioned us. I'm curious as to how either one plans to claim responsibility for it, since our two teams worked together to bring it about.

It was a long day. First we had to work out how to get  _into_  her hideout, which is so well hidden in Dust Town that next to nobody understands how to find it. We did have some help, though, from a dwarf woman to whom Elissa had given money yesterday. She used to run with Jarvia's gang, but after some mishap, they brutalized her - broke her knees, then forced her to kneel in dung until she developed an infection from which she never recovered. At least, I'm pretty sure that's what she said. Anyway, she told us that the doors are hidden, and that there are multiple entrances. Whichever one is actively being used changes on a regular basis. She reported seeing some of the Carta thugs exit through one of the houses, and suggested we try there.

"That's worth something, right?" she asked hopefully.

"Of course. Here." Elissa gave her five silvers.

"You're as kind as you are beautiful," the woman declared solemnly. I don't think I'll ever forget her saying that - it's the most accurate description I've ever heard a stranger give of Elissa.

So we went into the house, where we surprised some of Jarvia's 'employees.' Unsurprisingly, there was a fight, which we won. One of the thugs offered a trade - in exchange for his life, he surrendered this weird token made from a finger bone, and explained how to use it to unlock the current door. We found the door, right where he said it was, and in we went.

Jarvia's hideout was kind of a maze, and it took us a while to work our way through the whole thing. There was a lot of fighting to be had; in a way it was a bit like the underground tunnels in Haven. One room was actually set up as a prison, and the dwarf locked in a cell begged us for his freedom when we'd dispatched the jailers. As we unlocked the door, he indicated the second cell, which housed the body of a dead dwarf. "He stopped eating a few days ago... all for a stupid bet," he said sadly as the door came open. "Thank you."

We decided to take a rest there, briefly, while the prisoner scuttled off to wherever he went, and between drinks of water we discussed the situation. "So how is it that dwarves have a king, anyway?" I asked. "I thought they voted on everything, or something like that?"

"Yes and no, from what I've read," said Wynne. "Brother Genitivi spent some time down here studying their culture, and I read some of his writings on the subject while we were in Denerim. Their system of government isn't too different from Ferelden's, really. The king, or queen, is the ruler of the kingdom and holds a great deal of power, but the deshyrs have the power of veto and are the ones who actually select the monarch. They're similar to our Landsmeet, only they convene more frequently and have a bit more of a say in what goes on."

"Something for you to keep in mind, Alistair," Leliana said teasingly. "After all..."

I groaned, feeling grateful that Morrigan didn't appear to be listening. She and Elissa were having their own conversation. "Must we discuss that?"

"There are many tales of lost kings who return to rule their lands in glory."

"I am not lost," I said shortly. "Nor, for that matter, a king. And there is  _nothing_  glorious about me."

"You are Maric's son, and the rightful king of Ferelden. And I think Elissa would argue that last part."

"I am the son of a star-struck maid and an indiscreet man who just happened to be king," I corrected. "Look, I can't be king. Some days I have trouble remembering which boot goes on which foot."

"Complete fools are made leaders of kingdoms all the time," she pointed out, "and you are not a complete fool."

"What an utter relief." I did appreciate the vote of confidence, if that's what it could be called, but I was only too glad to have Elissa interrupt and say that it was time to get moving again.

* * *

Put down this journal to join the others for dinner. Where was I?

Right, so we made our way through the rest of the hideout and confronted Jarvia herself. From what Harrowmont told me, she used to be the second-in-command to the previous crime boss, who died. She didn't seem particularly surprised that we were there, really. "So, the nobles realized we're taking over the city, and that the throne means nothing if they can't hold onto it," she said. "Yet they couldn't be bothered to send their own men? Well, you picked the wrong side, strangers! It doesn't matter who's king, as long as there's a  _queen_!"

"You are remarkably confident for someone whose entire Carta is dead," Zevran remarked.

"You'll pay for their lives a hundred times over."

Looking around, I realized we were actually outnumbered. I don't think we've had that happen since Haven. Morrigan and Wynne were already preparing their staves; Leliana was nocking an arrow to her bowstring; Zevran and Sten had their hands on the hilts of their blades. Jarvia smirked at all of us, then eyed Elissa for a moment. "Kill them!" she told her thugs. "But leave the pretty one alive. I have plans for her."

I don't know what that meant, exactly, and I don't think I want to know. It didn't matter anyway, since we all got out of there in one piece. I feel like I have to make note of Zevran's comment: "We are ridiculously awesome." We got out of Dust Town as quietly as a large group of humanoids could do in a settlement of dwarves, and after taking a short break at Tapster's, we went our separate ways - my group to notify Harrowmont, Elissa's to notify Bhelen.

Lord Harrowmont was deeply grateful for our efforts. Strangely, he already  _knew_  - word must really travel fast underground. "I suppose it was unrealistic to expect her to surrender," he mused. "You have done Orzammar - and me - a great service. I have no desire to go back on my word," he added, "but... when Bhelen heard the news about Jarvia... he raised the stakes. It seems he is attempting to claim credit for her defeat, and the fact that there are  _two_  Grey Wardens here does muddle the issue rather extensively."

I had sort of hoped he didn't know about that, but I should have known that would be asking too much. "Is there something else you need us to do to secure your claim to the throne?" I asked.

"Bhelen is forcing a vote in the next two days," he explained. "By law, that prevents the Assembly from hearing any other pleas, so in order to provide you with the troops you need, I will require your help one last time. Do you know anything of the Paragon Branka?"

"I've heard the name."

"Branka is a Paragon, the only one we have been blessed with in four generations. Two years ago, she took her entire House into the Deep Roads on a mad quest to uncover ancient secrets. No one has heard from her since. But if she were to return and endorse someone for the throne, the Assembly would be honor-bound to accept her wishes."

"I am finding this whole matter tedious," said Sten. "Have we not done enough for these people to earn their support?"

"Look on the bright side," I told him. "Finding Branka means entering the Deep Roads - that's where the darkspawn normally live. Searching for her would let us shrink their numbers somewhat."

"I suppose there is some merit to that."

"My men traced Branka's disappearance to an ancient crossroads known as Caridin's Cross," said Harrowmont. He handed me a scroll on which a map had been drawn. "It is many miles below where we normally venture, but this map should help you find it. Just enter the Deep Roads through the mines. May the ancestors guide your steps."

So we came back to Tapster's and waited for the girls. I updated this journal until Elissa came to tell me they were back, and we had dinner. Bhelen's men apparently did some searching for Branka too, and he gave her a similar map. Between the two, we have a decent chance of finding Branka, assuming she's still alive. Elissa also wants to make a stop in a place called Ortan Thaig, if it should turn out to be on the way; she met a young girl at the Shaperate who believes she's descended from the nobles of that house, and even though it's considered a dead Thaig - no one can live there because of the darkspawn - there should be a cache of documents that would prove the connection. If Elissa can recover them (and, being Elissa, she promised to try), this girl Orta and her family would be regarded as nobles again.

* * *

Over breakfast we formalized our plans. We don't want the full party entering the Deep Roads, because if anything goes wrong... well, let's just hope nothing goes wrong. It's plenty dangerous down there, though.

"The vote is in two days," Elissa said, "so we don't exactly have a lot of time. We  _do_  have more time than we'd have on the surface, but not much more."

"What do you mean, exactly?" asked Sten.

"Time is measured differently here in Orzammar," she explained. "It's taken me a little while to figure this out; it didn't even occur to me, at first. But yesterday, when we came back from Prince Bhelen's, we came across this girl Dagna - she wants to study magic, even though dwarves don't have magic, and she mentioned that she calculated exactly how long it takes to travel from Orzammar to the mage tower. Her numbers didn't sound right, so I did some calculating of my own and I realized why they seemed off." She chuckled. "An Orzammar day is actually almost twice as long as a day above ground."

"That's peculiar," I said.

"Well, think about it, dear. They never see the sun down here, so they really have no way to tell daytime from nighttime." She smiled briefly. "So that buys us a little more time to get things done... but only a little. I expect this place will get quite active when the Assembly makes their vote. If that should come to pass and we haven't returned from the Deep Roads, I think you should assume the worst about our party. Take the dwarven treaty to whichever candidate is crowned and remind him of his duty, then return to Redcliffe as fast as you can."

"But what about the Landsmeet?" asked Leliana. "Without Alistair..."

"I know. Without Alistair, Arl Eamon will probably have no choice but to support Loghain," Elissa said grimly. "We'll do everything in our power to return, I promise you that - but if we don't, stopping the Blight has to take priority. Once that's been handled, Eamon can figure out the next course of action to deal with the usurper."

"This being the case, perhaps Alistair should remain behind," said Wynne, hesitantly.

"I was debating that myself," Elissa admitted. "Ferelden only has two Grey Wardens, and it seems foolhardy to risk us both."

"Absolutely not," I said. "Royal blood be damned, I'm a Grey Warden. My place is with  _you_. Besides, you can't expect me to stay behind and wonder if you're all right."

"Which is about what I expected you to say, and that's why I didn't suggest it." She seemed amused. "We're a bit too much alike, I sometimes think."

So the plan is that Elissa, Wynne, Shale, and I will be the ones to enter the Deep Roads. Sten seemed very displeased that we weren't bringing him along, but Elissa apparently soothed that ruffle to his ego by making him the guardian of the Grey Warden treaties in our absence. Morrigan doesn't seem too happy either, but she wouldn't admit as much to me so I'm not sure what to make of it. Shale is oddly cheerful about the whole thing, maybe because it knows there aren't any birds in the Deep Roads. I'm not entirely convinced that this is a big enough group, to be honest, but it is a fair division.

Elissa's just having a few words with Toby before we go. From what I'm hearing, she's reconciling him to her departure by telling him to protect Leliana. I guess it's as good a line as any.

* * *

It's my turn at watch while the others sleep, and I probably won't update this journal again for some time so I wanted to take the chance now while I could.

I didn't expect to have anything to report so soon, but things started happening almost immediately. We were heading for the mine entrance to make our way to the Deep Roads when we were stopped by that dwarf I saw the other day - the one who was complaining that no one was looking for Branka. Oghren is his name, and I hope I've spelled it right.

"Have you seen a Grey Warden hereabouts?" he wanted to know. "I've been privy to the rumor that he - or was it she? - was going into the Deep Roads to search for Branka."

Elissa and I looked at each other. "Well, actually," she said, gesturing to me, "we're both Grey Wardens."

"Oh. No wonder the rumor mill couldn't keep it straight," he mused. "Some said he and some said she. Guess it makes sense if there's one of each. Anyway, could I ask you a favor?"

"Why not?" I heard Shale mutter. "Everyone else does." I think Shale's been spending too much time with Morrigan.

"Name's Oghren," he said, "and if you've ever heard of me before, it's probably all been about how I piss ale and kill little boys who look at me wrong." I must admit, I've never heard an introduction to match that one. "And that's mostly true. But the part they never say is how I'm the only one still trying to save our only Paragon. And if you're looking for Branka, I'm the only one who knows what she was looking for, which might be pretty sodding helpful in finding her."

"You have my attention," Elissa said. "What was she looking for?"

"The Anvil of the Void, the secret to building golems, which was lost centuries ago. The smith Caridin built it, and with it, Orzammar had a hundred years of peace, while it was protected by the golems forged on the Anvil."

Elissa paused. "Does any of that sound familiar, Shale?"

"It... does seem to ring some sort of distant bell," our golem admitted. "I am uncertain."

"Where is this Anvil, Oghren?"

"Well, as far as anyone knows, the Anvil was built in the old Ortan Thaig," he said. "Branka was planning to start looking there, if she could ever find it. All she knew was that it's past Caridin's Cross - no one's seen that Thaig for five hundred years."

"Caridin's Cross is our first destination," Elissa said. "Our maps can guide us that far. You'll come with us, then?"

"Right. Well, if we're going, then let's get going. Branka's not going to sodding find herself!"

So the dwarf is with us. I could be wrong, but I think our extended party now contains one of every single humanoid in the whole of Thedas. Thus far, Oghren's not really saying a whole lot, and when he does it's mostly rude. He drinks a lot, and I don't begin to know where he's hiding that much alcohol in his possessions. Elissa's doing her best to be sweet and patient with him, but I think he might be proving a challenge even for her, and considering who she's befriended up to this point, that really  _is_ saying something.


	26. Armor of the Legion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a scene in this chapter which is directly inspired by an art piece by the lovely and talented Aimo. I saw the picture and was immediately taken by it, and she graciously okayed my use of it for this story. (Aimo also did a sketch card for me of Alistair and Elissa after their duel at Soldier's Peak; you can see it if you go to the TV Tropes page for this story.)

 

**Armor of the Legion**

_Indicative of its namesake, this armor is finely crafted yet purposely unadorned. The hallmark of a shunned hero or a welcomed pariah, the Legion has borne this contradiction since its inception. When equipped in a set with the Legion gloves and boots, the character gains a bonus to damage and constitution._

* * *

Well, we're alive.

A lot of what went on in the Deep Roads... I really don't want to write in this journal. This is partly because it was very, very repetitive. We'd enter a new area, kill a bunch of darkspawn (or spiders, or these little lizard-y things Oghren called deepstalkers), look for signs of Branka, and then move on to the next new area. It's also partly because there's just so much that's kind of muddled in my head. But there were some points of interest that are worth noting.

One is that we did, indeed, make our way to Ortan Thaig. Elissa found the documents for the young dwarf Orta, we cleared out the darkspawn and giant spiders that had taken up residence there, and then we found a dwarf. Ruck was his name; Elissa said she'd encountered his mother, Filda, praying for his safe return, and had begged the Warden to bring her any news of him. He was beyond freaky - apparently he'd been lost in the Deep Roads for years and had taken to scavenging, as well as feeding on darkspawn flesh to survive. He was tainted in the extreme, and it's a wonder he hadn't already turned into a ghoul.

At first he wanted no part of us, and we had to follow him into his camp - a camp which, Oghren said, had certainly been occupied by Branka at one point. So we were on the right trail. Ruck kept saying things like "It's my claim! Crunch your bones!" and it took all of Elissa's persuasive power to get him to calm down enough to talk to us at all.

"Pretty lady," he said at length. "Pretty eyes... pretty hair... smells like the stream of burning water, blue as the deepest rock... Pretty lady won't take Ruck's shiny worms and pretty stones?"

"I just want to talk. I won't take anything."

"Oh. Ruck not mind that, maybe." He started ranting again when she mentioned his mother, saying he didn't deserve things like 'warm blanket and stew and soft words.' He said his mother didn't know what he'd done - he'd killed someone, if I understood his babblings correctly, and rather than be sentenced to work in the mines he had run away to the Deep Roads.

"Once you eat... once you takes in the darkness... you not miss the light so much," he said. His words were more than a little haunting to me, especially when he added, "You know, do you not? Ruck sees, yes. He sees the darkness inside you."

"I'm a Grey Warden," Elissa explained patiently. "It's not the same thing."

"Oh. Grey, like stone. Guardians against the darkness," he said, nodding fervently. "Beautiful like waterfalls under the lichen." He kept making reference to the 'dark ones,' meaning the darkspawn, so she asked if he knew where they went. This is where I got even more creeped out.

"I think they went south, pretty lady. Far, far to the south. That is where the dark master calls them with his beautiful voice. So much joy when he awoke!"

"He means the Archdemon," I said, more to our other companions than to Elissa. "They say the Archdemon 'sings' to the darkspawn, so that they won't stop until they find it."

"After the dark master awoke, he called his children and they all went. I wanted to go, too, and gaze upon his beauty..." Ruck continued to babble answers to Elissa's questions, noting that the spiders took "the shinies and the words" - Oghren thought that might be a reference to Branka's notes.

We left Ruck not long after that, Elissa promising to tell Filda that her son was dead so she wouldn't wait for him anymore. We crossed a bridge spanning an underground river, and after fighting the enemies we found there (which included dwarven ghosts, and I'm not even going to try to figure that out), we chased a bunch of giant spiders through a tunnel. This was strange, because they didn't attack, and it wasn't too hard to figure out they were leading us into a trap of sorts. The battle against all the corrupted spiders was pretty intense, and I think we would have fared badly without Wynne.

Once the battle was over, however, we came upon a book that had been written by Branka, and left for others to find. It was in bad shape, but still legible. Branka's notes announced that they had found evidence that the Anvil was not built in Ortan Thaig at all, and so they were headed south to the Dead Trenches. She wrote that her soldiers were persuaded they were all marching to their deaths, since the Dead Trenches were filled with darkspawn, so she was leaving the notes in case they were right and someone else could pick up the search where she left it.

Oghren was delighted that she mentioned him in her final lines. "They say the darkspawn nest in the Dead Trenches," he said. "But if that's where Branka went, then that's where I'm going."

* * *

I was never much of a storyteller, and yet here I am. This is taking a long time. I'm going to need a new journal at this rate, the pages in this one are nearly all filled.

When Oghren said that the darkspawn were found in the Dead Trenches in large numbers, he wasn't exaggerating. As we entered the outskirts of the area, we saw that the rock was blazing with light... from the torches being carried by the  _thousands_  of darkspawn marching through the narrow cavern below us. "By the ancestors!  _Look_ at them all!" Oghren said, dumbstruck, as we peered over the edge of the cliff. That was bad enough, but then...

We have seen the Archdemon.

One screech from the dragon's mouth sent us all ducking for cover, and we could only stare as it perched on a fissure and bellowed orders (or at least I assume they were orders) at the massing darkspawn. At least with so much taint in one place, there was no way in the world the Archdemon could sense Elissa and me. I looked over and saw her face contorting in pure terror as she stared at the beast. She met my eyes; she was so pale, so frightened. We were hidden close enough together that I could take her hand in mine, but the truth was that I was just as scared as she was. It was like seeing the Archdemon finally confirmed everything - this is indeed a Blight, and one of us will have to destroy that thing in order to save the country, if not the world.

Elissa shifted closer, and I put an arm around her as best I could; no easy feat when we're both wearing armor, but I did my best. She was shaking. The dragon flew away, then, and we got to our feet, still clinging to each other somewhat. "Alistair..."

"I know, love. I know."

After another minute of this, we pulled ourselves together. "I apologize for the, ah, lapse of courage," she muttered. "Let's go." She squared her shoulders and set off in the direction of the Dead Trenches. I exchanged a look with Wynne, but really, what could we have said? We just followed, Shale's footsteps tromping loudly behind us. The golem spoke so rarely that if it didn't make so much noise when it moved, I would have forgotten it was there half the time.

As we neared a bridge, a cluster of dwarven soldiers were preparing to do battle with some darkspawn who were rushing across it. "Who are they? I didn't expect to see any dwarves down here," said Wynne.

"The Legion of the Dead," Oghren explained. "Casteless dwarves - murderers, thieves, that sort of thing. Rather than continue to live the kind of life that Dust Town can give them, they sign on with the Legion and become living dead warriors. They have a funeral and everything, and then they come here to the Deep Roads to spend the rest of their lives fighting darkspawn. It gives them a purpose, and really, it's about the only  _honorable_  way a casteless can live. Poor blighters," he added.

As the darkspawn fell upon the black-clad warriors, we joined the fray and made quicker work of the matter than they could have done themselves. One of the dwarves, whom I took to be the leader, looked frankly baffled that anyone would have helped them - or, for that matter, been in the area to help them in the first place. " _Atrast vala_ , Grey Warden," he greeted Elissa. "I've never seen one of your kind in the Deep Roads." He introduced himself as Kardol of the Legion of the Dead. "The Blight is obvious to us," he added. "The surprise is not that you have come, but that you have come in so small a number. What do you want here?"

They conversed briefly about the situation in Orzammar. Kardol wasn't very concerned about the Blight, although he was polite enough in answering her questions. We crossed the bridge and took out more darkspawn, and the Legion followed us. Kardol thanked us for helping them to bring the line that they hold closer to the Dead Trenches. "I'll give you credit for backbone."

* * *

I needed to take a break from thinking about the Dead Trenches, so I could bring myself to write this next part. For the most part, the Dead Trenches were  _difficult_  - I mean, I would go so far as to say they were the most difficult thing we've done yet - but bearable. But then they just got creepy. For starters, we began seeing gobbets of flesh on the walls, much like on the higher levels of the mage's tower way back when that was our most difficult adventure. Maybe darkspawn and demons aren't that far apart, now that I think about it. I mean, they're both connected to the Fade; that's where demons live and that's where darkspawn were first created. That could be the reason. Doesn't make it any less disgusting, but it's a thought.

As we got in farther and farther, we started hearing a poem. Some disembodied voice was chanting about 'First day they come and catch everyone...' and it just got more revolting from there. "That's Hespith," Oghren said finally. "It took me a while to place the voice, but I'm positive that's her."

"Who's Hespith?" I asked.

"She was the head of Branka's household soldiers. Damn fine captain. I wonder what happened to her - she sounds half-dead. But if we can find her, she'll know what happened to Branka."

"That poem is horrid," Wynne observed, and Elissa nodded. "What in the Maker's name is it describing?"

"I think the better question is, do we want to know?"

We found this Hespith crouching in one of the rooms. How we were able to hear her voice through the corridors, I don't know and I don't want to know. She peered up at Elissa with sunken, tainted eyes. "What's this? A human? Bland and unlikely," she said. She decided we were nothing more than a dream.

"Is this darkspawn corruption?" Elissa asked me, and I shrugged. "It looks different."

"Corruption! The men did that!" Hespith wheezed. "Their wounds festered and their minds left. They are like dogs, marched ahead, the first to die. Not us. Not me, not Laryn..."

Well, rather than try to remember all of the ghastly commentary, let me break it down. What we pieced together from Hespith's ramblings is that Branka's household was captured by the darkspawn. The women were retained for - I'm gagging here - breeding purposes. They were forced to eat the men, their own relatives and friends. Hespith herself hadn't quite turned, but the other woman she mentioned, Laryn, had become what Hespith called a broodmother. Hespith, meanwhile, was forced to watch Laryn's transformation into this thing, and she couldn't understand how Branka was able to endure witnessing what happened to them all. Oh, she also mentioned that she was Branka's lover, which set Oghren reeling a bit.

She ran off after that, saying that she would not become what she had seen, and we all sort of looked at each other. What did any of this really mean? What were we supposed to think? Even now I don't know. We continued making our way through the Dead Trenches, with Hespith continuing to speak to us from a distance about Branka's obsession and how it led her to betray her entire house. We entered one part of the Trenches which Oghren called Bownammar.

"This... this is a holy place, is it not?" asked Shale, speaking for the first time in hours. "I... remember this. I think."

Oghren explained that the Paragon Caridin, who deeply admired the Legion of the Dead, had created Bownammar to serve as a mausoleum of sorts for them. So Shale was right, in a way. From there we kept going, kept listening to Hespith much as we didn't want to hear it anymore. At one point Elissa leaned against the wall and dry-heaved from what Hespith was describing; that should give any readers I ever have some idea of why I'm  _not_  writing these things down.

And then we rounded a corner and found out just what a broodmother  _is_. Even for a darkspawn, that thing was hideous. Multiple arms, multiple breasts... this was once a dwarven woman! She would  _vomit_ , and darkspawn would spring up from the ground! And the tentacles... sweet Andraste, the tentacles. It was easily the worst fight we'd had up to that point. It seemed to last for hours, and Wynne was exhausted from trying to keep us all healthy while defending herself.

The part that will haunt my nightmares, though, is that as we continued to fight so valiantly, the broodmother seized my Elissa in one of those wretched tentacles and - I cringe just at the memory - dashed her against a wall. Twice. Down she went, helmet askew, and she moved no more. Shale was fighting four darkspawn on its own; Oghren's axe was swinging wildly; and I guess you could say I just lost my mind a little. I launched myself at the thing, and with what I'm pretty sure was the last of my strength remaining, I drove my sword, Duncan's sword, down into the broodmother's face. She screamed, and convulsed, and seemed to sink in upon herself, and I tumbled to the ground. Oghren helped Shale finish off the darkspawn, and Wynne basically crawled over to where Elissa lay still.

I wanted to help, but I could barely move myself. Oghren all but collapsed next to me, panting, and I drank half a healing potion and pushed the rest at him. "Here... drink that."

"Aye. Wait, when'd she get here?"

I looked over where he was pointing, and you know, I'm still inclined to think I hit my head. Wynne was bathing Elissa in blue healing light, but Elissa was being propped up by Morrigan. Wynne looked concerned enough, but Morrigan... her expression... it's the first time in all the time I've known her that she's ever looked scared. No.  _Terrified_. "Breathe!" I heard her say. She was genuinely afraid that Elissa was going to die.

Once there was strength enough in my limbs, I stumbled over to join them as Elissa's eyes blinked open. "M-Morrigan? What are you - what are you doing here?"

"'Tis a curious thing, but I suspected you might find yourself in a difficult spot and I felt it would be best if I followed along at a distance," came the reply. "I have been crawling on the ceilings as a giant spider, and you have no idea how utterly distasteful it has been. Well, if you are healed enough to stand once more, I shall return you to the embrace of your doe-eyed fool, and perhaps t'would be wisest for us to leave this place. Whatever lies ahead, I daresay a rest is needed before it is to be faced."


	27. Anvil of the Void

**Anvil of the Void**

_Lines of lyrium run through the anvil._

* * *

I'm still having a hard time with what happened, even though Elissa's all right. Watching that thing pick her up and slam her against the rocky wall... well, at least it's dead, and she's not. We all took a rest right there, on the floor of the broodmother's cavern. I sat with my back to the cave wall, and Elissa sort of sat in my lap so I could keep a hold on her for a while.

"Don't ever do that again," I told her quietly.

"Do what?"

"Get that badly hurt. My heart can't take it."

"I didn't do it on purpose," she joked feebly. Still leaning on me, she looked over at Morrigan. "You still didn't tell us what you're doing here."

"Does it matter? I am here."

"No, I suppose it doesn't. Thank you." She turned her gaze to Oghren. "How are you, dwarf friend?"

"Itching to get going. The Anvil can't be too far now; I can practically smell Branka."

Hespith put in one more appearance before we left. She had some more creepy lines to mutter about "Branka, my love," and how the true horror wasn't that the members of Branka's house had fallen to the darkspawn - it was that Branka had allowed it. I wasn't sure, then, what that meant.

Found out a little farther on, though, once we got moving again. We rested maybe a quarter of an hour, then forged onward - and we'd barely gotten into the next chamber when there was a horrible crashing sound as several heavy rocks came tumbling down behind us. The way back was blocked.

"Now what?" Wynne asked, sounding more alarmed than I'd ever heard her.

"Let me be blunt with you," said a new voice. "After all this time, my tolerance for social graces is fairly limited. That doesn't bother you, I hope."

Oghren, for the first time since we'd met him, actually looked and sounded  _overjoyed_. "Shave my back and call me an elf! Branka? By the Stone, I barely recognized you!"

His wife, by comparison, sounded bored. "Oghren. It figures you'd eventually find your way here. Hopefully, you can find your way back more easily." She looked at Elissa, and managed to appear even more bored. "And how shall I address  _you_? Hired sword of the latest lordling to come looking for me? Or just the only one who didn't mind Oghren's ale-breath?"

To my surprise, Oghren growled, and moved slightly in front of Elissa. "Be respectful, woman! You're talking to a Grey Warden!"

"Ah, so an  _important_ errand boy, then. I suppose something serious has happened." She started pacing back and forth a bit. "Is Endrin dead? That seems most likely. He was on the old and wheezy side."

"Yes, he is dead, and the Assembly is deadlocked," Elissa replied gravely. "Orzammar needs a new king to defend against a Blight."

Branka snorted. "A king won't defeat a Blight. We've had forty generations of kings and lost  _everything_." Then she started talking about the Anvil of the Void, the means by which the ancient dwarves had forged golems, and how instead of being lost it should be used to protect them against the darkspawn. She scorned Elissa's offer of help, though. "The Anvil lies on the other side of a gauntlet of traps designed by Caridin himself. My people and I have given body and soul to unlocking its secrets."

"Yes, we've seen Hespith." Elissa's voice had gone cold. "We know what became of the others of your house. Is the Anvil worth that?"

"Enough questions! If you wish me to get involved with this imbecilic election, I must first have the Anvil." She and Elissa stared each other down for a moment. "There is only one way out, Warden - forward. Through Caridin's maze and out to where the Anvil waits." I'm not positive, but I think she collapsed the tunnel in order to trap us.

Oghren's joy had turned to outrage. "What has this place done to you?!" he demanded. "I remember marrying a girl you could talk to for one minute and see her brilliance!"

"I am your Paragon," she said simply, and walked away. With the tunnel blocked and the Assembly still deadlocked, we had no choice but to follow. As we did, she sort of hid from us, speaking to us from a distance rather like Hespith had done, and between our fights with the darkspawn she ranted about how no one in her house - "even my Hespith" - had understood why she'd done what she did. Essentially, she sacrificed her own household in order to create a broodmother, because the broodmother would be a limitless supply of darkspawn who could be used to trigger all the traps that Caridin had set.

I really don't want to write about this anymore. The traps were horrible. Much as I hate to admit it, I'm grateful Morrigan turned up in time for this second gauntlet because we needed the help. One room was a  _gas chamber_  - we were all in danger of suffocating on the deadly gas, and I really thought Oghren was going to succumb. Fortunately, we found the four spigots that shut off the gas before that could happen. Maker's breath, Branka was a monster, but the traps made me wonder if Caridin was really all that much better.

* * *

So finally we reached the last trap, which was a huge and complicated stone...  _thing_  that shot beams of energy and forced us to fight with ghosts and I'm really at a loss for how to describe it because I've never seen or even imagined anything like it in my life. Andraste's gauntlet in Haven was like a child's game compared to everything we encountered in Orzammar, and that really should tell you all you need to know.

We hadn't really been prepared for what awaited us beyond that final trap, though. I mean, we'd been hearing about the Paragon Caridin for a while up to that point, but to actually  _meet_  him... well, that was another thing altogether. This is someone who was born a couple thousand years ago, after all, so for him to be alive was bizarre. Except I guess you can't really call him alive, because he was a gigantic metal golem. Do they count as alive? Sentient, yes, but I don't know whether 'alive' is the right word.

We entered an absolutely massive chamber that was populated by a number of golems, and I never realized it before, but Shale is actually on the small side for a golem. (I asked Elissa about it later, and she said that Shale told her Wilhelm, the mage who used to own Shale, chiseled it down to size so it would fit through doorways. So apparently Shale was originally much more, well, golem-sized.)

The largest of the golems studied us as we approached. "My name is Caridin," he said. "Once, longer ago than I care to think, I was a Paragon to the dwarves of Orzammar."

"Caridin?" Shale repeated. " _The_  Caridin, of Caridin's Cross?"

"Ah, there is a voice I recognize! Shale of the House of Cadash, step forward!" The rest of us just sort of looked at each other in shock.

"You know my name? Is it you that forged me, then? Is it you that gave me my name?"

"Have you forgotten? Ah, it has been so long. I made you into the golem you are now, Shale, but before that you were a dwarf, just as I was - the finest warrior to serve King Valtor, and the only woman to volunteer." So Elissa was right when she said that she somehow thought of Shale as female.

Shale, for its - for her own part, seemed absolutely baffled. "The only  _woman_? I was a  _dwarf_?"

"I laid you on the Anvil of the Void in this very room," Caridin replied. "If you seek the Anvil, then you must care about my story, or prepare to relive it."

He told us, then, the sickening secret of making golems. He'd been a master smith all right, but the Anvil of the Void was what made him a Paragon. In order to make the golems, he'd had to take living dwarves and put them in giant suits of armor, then pour  _molten lyrium_  into the suits - into their mouths, their eyes, all that. I could have vomited. Who in the world comes up with something so horrible? Who could do that to their own people? But he'd done it. Initially Caridin only worked with volunteers - like Shale, apparently - but the king became greedy and began forcing people he didn't like to become golems. Caridin finally had enough, and put his foot down, and as punishment he was forced to become a golem himself.

"My apprentices knew enough to put me in this form, but I never taught them how to fashion a control rod, so I retained my mind." He looked at Shale. "You were amongst the most loyal, Shale. You remained at my side throughout, and at the end, I sent you away out of mercy."

"I... I do not remember." She sounded confused, even a little sad.

"We have remained entombed here ever since, and I have sought a way to destroy the Anvil. Alas, I cannot do it myself. No golem can touch it."

As if on cue, Branka came skidding into the chamber behind us, shrieking about how she wanted the Anvil. Caridin looked at Shale again, pleading. "Shale, you fought to destroy the Anvil once. Do not allow it to fall into unthinking hands again!"

She insisted she had no memory of this, and asked if he'd used control rods to force her and other golems to do this fighting. Caridin said that he'd destroyed their control rods, but maybe his apprentices had figured out how to replace them, and that if this was the case then they only lacked the Anvil itself to create an endless supply of slaves. He appealed to Elissa then. "You, stranger, please help me! Do not let the Anvil enslave more souls than it already has!"

"Don't listen to him!" Branka screeched. "He's been trapped in here for a thousand years, stewing in his own madness! Help  _me_  and you will have an army the likes of which you've never seen!"

"Branka, you mad, bleeding nug-tail! Does this thing mean so much to you that you can't even see what you've lost to get it?" That, of course, was Oghren. While he argued with his wife, I looked to Elissa, and I could see she was torn.

"The Anvil enslaves living souls," she said finally. "It must be destroyed."

"It fights with Caridin, then?" asked Shale. "Good. That seems right."

"Thank you, stranger," Caridin added. "Your compassion shames me."

"Branka, don't throw your life away for this!" Oghren yelled. He turned to Elissa. "Warden, please, just  _give_ her the blasted thing. She's confused! Maybe once she calms down we can talk to her!"

Elissa looked torn, and I thought I knew what she was thinking. On the one hand, she didn't want to be the cause of any more dwarves becoming golems. On the other, she didn't want to deprive Oghren of the wife he'd been seeking for two years. "I don't think that's a risk I'm willing to take, Oghren," she said at last. "I'm - I'm sorry, I am."

Branka snorted. "You are not the only master smith here, Caridin," she said, and for the first time she held up a golem control rod. "Golems, obey me! Attack!"

With her control rod, Branka was able to command roughly half of the golems around the room, and we had no choice but to fight for our lives. Worse, the control rod apparently kept Caridin from moving at all. "My friend, you must help me!" he begged. "I cannot stop her alone!"

It was a pretty brutal battle. Almost as bad as the broodmother - probably would have been worse, but we'd picked up an extra mage and Caridin's golem friends were helping us out. As it was it was bad, really bad. I felt sorry for Oghren, who made it a point not to watch as Branka was felled; at least it was one of Caridin's golems who took her down, so he didn't have to try to be friendly with her killer at any point.

"Another life lost because of my invention," Caridin said sadly, once the fighting was done. "I wish no mention of it had made it to history."

"Yeah. You ain't kidding," Oghren muttered. "Stupid woman. Always knew the Anvil would kill her."

"How is it that the woman was not able to disable me as she did you, Caridin?" Shale wanted to know.

They spoke for a few minutes of Wilhelm, and the alterations he had made to Shale during his ownership of her. Caridin decided that must have made the difference - that and Shale's naturally stubborn personality. He added that the paralysis Shale experienced in the village was normal for a golem whose master had died. Turning to Elissa, he said, "At least it ends here. The Anvil waits for you to destroy it. Is there any boon I can grant you as a final favor?"

She hesitated. "Oghren? You lost Branka to this... what do you want?"

He looked startled, and grateful. "I don't suppose you can bring Branka back? Maybe make her a golem like you?"

"I would not do such a thing to her, even if I could," Caridin said gently.

"Somehow, I didn't think so. Well, I don't want anything that would remind me of this - best it's just done." He walked away to be by himself for a few minutes.

"It was good to meet you, Paragon," Wynne said politely. I saw Morrigan roll her eyes, but she kept silent. "I intend to make sure your warnings about the golems are heard by the Circle of Magi."

Abruptly, Oghren came back before anyone could say anything else. "There is still the matter of the election," he said. "We still need a Paragon to get the Assembly's support, right?"

So, for our help with everything, Caridin agreed to forge one last item - a crown for the candidate of our choosing. And it was a great crown. Only problem was, he refused to cast a deciding vote. He didn't even want to know the names of the candidates. He told Elissa to give the crown to whichever one she felt was most worthy. Then he bade us farewell and dove into the lava. No, really.

"Now what do we do?" I asked.

"Now? I say we get  _out_  of here," said Oghren.

* * *

I feel like writing about all of this has taken almost as long as actually  _doing_  it.

So with the Anvil destroyed and the crown in our possession, we started through the tunnels back to Orzammar. Along the way, we made a small side trip; speaking with Caridin seemed to have unlocked more of Shale's memories, and she was able to actually locate Cadash Thaig, where she lived. There was a giant monument there which listed the names of all the dwarves who volunteered to become golems, and Shale found her name. It was spelled as Shayle, but there she was. She seemed very happy about it, in her way, and very grateful to Elissa for helping her to recover her lost history. So that was good.

Maker, I'm tired. Anyway, I hope this is all readable. I know I've skipped a lot of detail but there was just too much to remember. I'm actually impressed I've remembered as much as I have. Elissa's been talking to Oghren, trying to help him with what he's going through, and we're all trying to figure out just who to put on the throne once we get back to Orzammar. I kind of think Elissa's upset that it was put in her hands, since she's not even a dwarf, so if we can all come to an agreement that'll be best.


	28. Key to the City

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was initially intended to center around Shale's sidequest, but Alistair was so tired when I wrote this - seriously, his voice in my head sounded absolutely exhausted - that I thought it was actually more in-character to have him essentially gloss over the details and push ahead to get to their return to Ferelden proper.

 

**Key to the City**

_Key to the city of Orzammar: a traditional diplomatic boon granted by the Assembly, in acknowledgement of the bearer's understanding of the complex dwarven social weave._

* * *

I wonder if it will ever be possible to sleep enough to recover from everything that's happened in the last several months. Elissa should certainly sleep for a week at least, if she ever gets the chance; she has to be even more tired than I am, and believe me, that's saying something. And Wynne - I've been trying to convince Wynne to let me carry her sometimes, because in her condition she's got to be worn to the bone. She doesn't give in, though.

Anyway, we visited the place where Shale apparently lived back when she was a dwarf, and then we made our way back to Orzammar proper. I don't have a lot to say about that; we didn't encounter much in the way of obstacles or enemies, which felt almost like a vacation compared to what we had to deal with on the way  _to_ the Anvil.

When we stopped to rest, we did a lot of talking amongst ourselves. For one thing, we had to determine who was going to be named king, since Caridin had pretty much forced us - forced Elissa - into making that choice. She was relying a lot on Oghren, as a resident of Orzammar, and he was pretty forthcoming about the differences between our candidates.

"Bhelen's an ass, right enough," he confirmed. "Everybody's pretty well convinced that he killed Trian and framed Duran for it. Or maybe he conned Duran into actually doing it. Most people figure he poisoned old Endrin too."

"You say this so calmly," said Wynne.

"Dwarven politics." He shrugged. "It's just the way the game is played. You telling me it's not the same topside?"

"Not exactly, no... or at least, not usually," Elissa said with a frown. "Lately, though..."

"Well, in any case, he's an ass, like I say.  _But_ , to be fair to his High and Mightiness, he doesn't really  _act_  too high and mighty," Oghren noted. "He's actually pretty decent to the casteless, which doesn't win him any popularity points in the Assembly but it does make him better liked by the common folk. Harrowmont, on the other hand, would probably wipe the casteless out or seal off the entrance to Dust Town if he had half the chance."

"But he seems so reasonable - he's such a nice person," I said.

"Sure he is, if your station's high enough. Oh, don't get me wrong, he means well." Oghren took a swig from his apparently bottomless flask. "And I wouldn't be surprised if Endrin really did say he wanted Harrowmont to take over for him, since by the end there wasn't any love lost between father and son. But you asked my opinion about who's best for Orzammar, and if those are my only two options, I have to say, it's probably Bhelen."

* * *

Had to leave off writing for a minute - Leliana was looking for Elissa and thought she might be in here with me. We're back at Tapster's, expecting to leave tomorrow morning, so I'm trying to get this journal caught up to the present. There wasn't much time for writing in the Deep Roads, and even though the return trip was quiet, I wasn't about to pull out this journal where Morrigan might see it. As far as I know she's still unaware of its existence and I'd like it to stay that way.

If I had to guess, Elissa's probably still talking to Oghren. Whenever we weren't discussing things as a group on the way back, that's usually what she was doing. I know she feels guilty about the fact that we had to kill his wife, and she was trying to help him deal with that. They also spent a bit of time talking about what Oghren would do next. From what she told me when we were able to talk privately, Oghren's a disgraced warrior here in Orzammar; I mentioned that already, I think. It seems that he was pretty highly regarded until he accidentally lost control and killed someone in a Proving, and ever since then he's been forbidden to carry a weapon within the city. Elissa explained that Oghren is a berserker, which is someone who sort of lives for fighting, and so to be restricted that way was torture for him. Probably why he drinks so much, come to think about it. And then his wife up and left him on top of that... yeah, I'd turn to the bottle too.

Anyway, the long and short of  _that_  is that when we leave tomorrow and get back up to the fresh air and sunshine (which I never knew I could miss so much), Oghren's coming with us. I need to ask Elissa sometime if she used to feed a lot of Highever's cats when she was younger; adopting strays just seems to be something she does. She made the offer, and he says he's got nothing left for himself here in Orzammar, with Branka and their whole house dead and gone, so he might as well. She said he seemed grateful for the offer and even perked up when she asked if he'll teach her more about berserking when we're in open spaces again.

So we got back to city. Wynne, Morrigan and Shale headed back to Tapster's, to let the others know we'd returned in one piece, while Elissa, Oghren and I headed to the Assembly. As some attendant showed us in, Bhelen and Harrowmont were arguing and demanding a vote.

"Well, Warden," said Bhelen, "what news do you bring?" Both he and Harrowmont were studying us with sort of narrowed eyes; I think that might have been the first time they'd realized there were two of us, and that we'd - well, to them it probably didn't look very good, really.

"I bring a crown," she said, "forged by the Paragon Caridin on the Anvil of the Void."

"Caridin was trapped in the body of a golem," Oghren added. "These Wardens granted him the mercy he sought, releasing him and destroying the Anvil of the Void. Before he died, Caridin forged a crown for Orzammar's next king, chosen by the ancestors themselves!"

"I would like to believe Oghren's word," said Harrowmont, "but it's well known that the Grey Warden is Bhelen's hireling!"

"No more than this  _other_  Grey Warden is yours," Bhelen replied. "These topsiders have been playing both sides against the middle, Harrowmont, isn't that obvious?"

"We have done what we have done in the interest of remaining objective," said Elissa. "We are not natives of Orzammar; we had no way of knowing who could best be trusted. You both consented to an audience with a Grey Warden, and that is what you both received."

"Enough!" said the steward, Bandelor. He accepted the crown from Elissa and studied it closely. "This crown  _is_  of Paragon make," he confirmed, "and bears House Ortan's ancient seal. Tell us, Warden, whom did Caridin choose?"

"The Paragon chose Prince Bhelen," she replied. Not exactly truthful, but it's what we agreed she would say - Oghren said that if the candidates knew the choice had been left to an outsider, it would spark an outrage that might never be controlled.

Harrowmont looked grave; Bhelen, delighted. "At last, this farce is ended," he said. "I can take my rightful place on my father's throne!"

The coronation was held immediately, with all the deshyrs pounding their staves on the stone floor in what I guessed was some kind of traditional rhythm. Bhelen came down the stairs from where he stood, and knelt before Bandelor so he could be crowned. "Let the Memories find you worthy," said Bandelor, "first amidst the lords of the houses, the King of Orzammar."

Bhelen's first act as king was to turn and ask Harrowmont if he acknowledged him as king, which Harrowmont did. To our horror, his  _second_  act as king was to order Harrowmont's arrest, pending execution! "Your Majesty, please," said Elissa. "Harrowmont is an honorable dwarf and your father's friend. Please don't do this. Let him retire in peace."

"You know better than anyone the war facing us, Warden," Bhelen told her. "Orzammar cannot afford to be divided. Anyone undermining my reign is serving only the darkspawn."

"Then let him be exiled," she begged. "On the surface he can surely do you no harm."

"I thank you, Warden," said Harrowmont heavily, "for you mean this kindly. But I would prefer death to exile. At least I can face my ancestors, knowing that I did my best, and the Stone will receive me."

Harrowmont was taken away, and Bhelen informed us that he was returning to the palace to gather his generals and prepare for the surface. He told us to come and see him there in the morning, so that he can thank us properly for his throne, and then he left.

It was late and we were exhausted, so we headed back here to Tapster's, but Elissa insisted on stopping to see Ruck's mother before we entered. Filda wasn't far away, and Elissa didn't want her to endure another moment of wondering what had become of her son. It was a painful lie to tell, but it's what Ruck had requested, and it gave Filda peace.

* * *

Oghren got his proper introduction to the group over breakfast. He's about as cheerfully lecherous as Zevran, judging by the way he leers at Morrigan and Leliana. He and Zevran are actually pretty funny together, to be honest. They sort of sized each other up for a minute, and then Zevran said, "Hello, my stocky little friend!"

"Huh. You got small breasts for a gal," said Oghren.

"Ah. This is where we begin the typical dwarven/elven rivalry, is it?"

"Nahhh."

Oghren's tolerably respectful of Elissa and also of Sten, probably because he only comes up to about Sten's knees and doesn't want to get kicked across the country. Of me, not so much. "So. You and the boss, huh?" Whereupon he launched into a litany of the strangest euphemisms I've ever heard. That he figured out Elissa and I are a couple doesn't bother me, but his choice of words is colorful, to say the least.

"Are you just making these up right now?" I asked finally.

"Nope. Been saving 'em." And he laughed.

Most of the group stayed behind at Tapster's to pack up our gear, and Oghren went back to wherever he's been living to get his things. But Toby (who is apparently starting to grow annoyed at being left behind so much, according to his mistress) and I went with Elissa to finish up some things here in Orzammar. First and foremost, of course, we had to drop in on King Bhelen and accept his thanks for getting him on the throne. He presented Elissa with a warhammer that he said had belonged to his eldest brother, and promised to send as many troops as possible to aid with the Blight.

"I would also ask a boon," she said. "Oghren was of great help in our search for the Paragon, and if I may be blunt, Your Majesty, he's rather miserable here in Orzammar. With your permission, he has expressed an interest in joining my group and living on the surface."

"Oh, by all means, take him. He'll do you more good than he can do here."

"Thank you." I know my Elissa; she doesn't like Bhelen. But she's a royalist, even if he's not her king, and she kept a civil tongue in her head.

From there we went to the Shaperate, where we had the more pleasant task of delivering the lost Ortan documents into Orta's hands. She was thrilled - they were exactly the proof she had been seeking, and she could petition for the return of her noble house's place in the Assembly. She pressed some gold into Elissa's hands and tried to promise more, but Elissa shook her head. "Your happiness is thanks enough."

While we were in the Shaperate, the Shaper himself came to thank us for restoring some kind of order to Orzammar. She gave him a tracing she had taken of the monument where we found Shale's name in the old Cadash Thaig. In return, he presented Elissa with a ring he called the Key to the City, saying it was an honor reserved for outsiders who had come to grasp a firm understanding of Orzammar's culture. "The only other recipient of this in living memory is your scholar, Brother Genitivi. You are a rare topsider, Warden, and Orzammar is in your debt. You will always be welcome here; the Memories ensure that you will never be forgotten."

Once we were all together again, the nine of us - nine companions, and we started as just two (plus the dog) so long ago - made our way back through the city, through the big entrance hall, and outside. We stood there for a few minutes, blinking at the brightness of the sunshine and just smelling the air. "Are you all right, Oghren?" Elissa asked.

"Give me a moment," he mumbled.

"Of course. Take your time."

"By the Stone, I feel like I'm about to fall off the world with all that sky up there." He squinted up at it. "All right. I'll get used to it; let's go."


	29. Garbolg's Backcountry Reserve

**Garbolg's Backcountry Reserve**

_Likely dropped to avoid seizure by authorities, or because of seizure due to drinking it. Garbolg only brewed from 8:74 to 8:92 Blessed, killed when the vapors in his beard spontaneously combusted._

* * *

Elissa made good on her promise to Oghren, letting him teach her some of his berserking skills. I found the whole thing rather funny to watch, to tell you the truth. She's just... I'm not sure how to say it. I hesitate to call her small, especially compared to Oghren, and even for a normal Fereldan woman she's of average height. But she always strikes me as so delicate and regal, and her fighting style normally reflects this. There is something about the way she wields a sword that's very elegant. That's not me being partial, either, or at least not entirely; Leliana once described Elissa's style of swordplay as "battle dance." She actually twirls sometimes, even with the armor.

Anyway, to come back to my point, it was incredibly funny to see Elissa trying to berserk. She was  _really_  trying, though, which is the part that made it sort of impressive too. Oghren told her that berserking requires a warrior to find a raw, deep rage inside themselves, and release it through their weapon. That much I could see her mastering. All things considered about what's happened to her in the past year, I imagine my sweet girl has plenty of inspiration for rage.

It's been maybe two days since we left Orzammar at this point, and I don't think she'll ever fully grasp berserking, but I get the impression it means a lot to Oghren that she's trying. If nothing else, maybe it's helping to take his mind off the possibility of floating away into the sky.

* * *

We're making our way around Lake Calenhad, and as we're passing through the area, we've decided to make a brief visit to the Circle Tower. Wynne's anxious to see how Irving is recovering from his ordeal with Uldred. We should be there this afternoon, and since we're right there anyway, we'll spend the night at the Spoiled Princess. I think it'll do us all some good.

Funny thing, though, Elissa's not coming to see the mages. She pulled me aside after we finished breakfast and said that Oghren's asked a favor of her. "It seems he's got some sort of former lady friend who is now on the surface just like him, and she works at the Spoiled Princess," she explained. "And he... wants to reconnect. But the part I don't understand is why he wants me to go with him."

"Maybe it's so you can back up whatever story he's offering her," I mused. "I don't know, love. He must trust you, though, if he's asked you something like this."

"I suppose he must at that." She smiled. "So if you'll direct the others over to the tower to visit Irving, I'll help Oghren with his love life. Toby can stay with me."

"Your desire is still my command."

Morrigan, unsurprisingly, had no interest in going back to the tower, so we left her on the opposite shore to wait with Shale, who probably wouldn't have fit through the tower door. Irving seemed glad to see us, and healthier than when we last saw him. The tower's a lot cleaner too. "You may encounter some of the students on the road," Irving noted. "I have been sending out small groups of the younger mages in the company of senior enchanters, to practice their spells on the roving darkspawn in preparation for the real battle. When the time comes, we'll be there."

After a nice, long-but-not-too-long visit, we made our way back across the water and joined the rest of the group at the Spoiled Princess. Oghren's flush with his triumph at having successfully gotten Felsi, the barmaid, to call him a son of a nug-humper or something equally horrid. This is apparently how they relate to each other. She's quite pretty for a dwarf.

* * *

I don't think I'm getting back to sleep any time soon after what just happened, so I'm going to try writing it all down. I don't know how legible it's going to be in the morning, though, because my hands are still shaking.

We left the Spoiled Princess after breakfast, and had a fairly uneventful day on the whole. We made camp for the night, and it wasn't my turn at watch for some time, so I went to my bedroll. I don't know how long I was asleep before it started... it was probably the worst nightmare I've had in a good long while. The Archdemon was screaming - as they do. That part isn't unusual. But then at the end, it turned its head and it stared straight at me and screamed again. Like it could  _see_ me watching it.

I woke up to find everyone in the party, except for Elissa, staring at me. "You were thrashing in your sleep," said Wynne. "Another moment of that and we were going to wake you. Are you all right?"

"I think so." Elissa was still asleep, sprawled on a blanket by the fire, and as I watched she started to convulse too. Abruptly she woke and sat up, looking about wildly. She was panting, and her eyes were wild with terror, like she was still seeing the dream.

"Sweetheart." I pushed myself up and moved over to her side. "You're awake. You saw it too, didn't you? The Archdemon," I added. "It was like it saw us.  _Saw_ us! What do you think it means?"

She started to answer me, but I lifted a hand. "Shh. Did you hear that?" I could sense, and I know she could too, that darkspawn were not far.

For a few seconds, all was silent. And then, without any further warning, a pack of shrieks descended upon the camp. There weren't too many of them, so we destroyed them fairly quickly, but that almost makes it more terrifying. Like it was a warning from the Archdemon -  _I know you're there._

I think Elissa was still exhausted. Maybe she still is even now. She's been through too much in the past year, and I don't feel she sleeps enough. Worries too much about the rest of us, I think. Once the fight was over she turned, and sort of stumbled toward me, and I caught her before she could collapse. She just held onto me for a few minutes, shaking in my arms.

"I guess it's like Duncan told us," I said. "We can sense the darkspawn... and they can sense us." She didn't say anything, but I felt her nod.

"It's not going to be easy to sleep here, now," said Wynne.

"The camp is no longer safe. We should have defensive structures around it," Sten suggested.

"I wish we could have just stayed at Soldier's Peak," Elissa murmured. "We were safer there."

"We'll be in Redcliffe again tomorrow," I told her. "We'll all sleep better with castle walls around us once more."

* * *

Eamon welcomed us back to his castle late this afternoon. We would have been there earlier in the day, but with the poor night we passed, none of us were exactly moving very quickly. We were in time to share the evening meal with the family, in any case, and he gave us the same rooms we had the last time we were here. It's always nice when we don't have to keep watch.

It was a pretty gloomy day, both in terms of the weather and how we were all feeling. I mean, I can't speak for everyone, but the group as a whole seemed fairly subdued. Maybe that's why Zevran did what he did when we stopped along the shore of the lake to eat our lunch.

It was Shale, of all people, who started the whole thing. She didn't seem to enjoy the direction the conversation took, but I think most of us found it fairly entertaining. "I am curious," she said as she watched us eat. "Will the painted elf answer a question?"

"Why not? I appear to have all day."

"The painted elf attacked the Grey Warden," she noted solemnly. At least she didn't call Elissa 'it,' for a change. "And yet it still lives. Had the decision been mine, its skull would be so much pulp right now."

"Oh, I don't know. Could you destroy something as pretty as I am, hmm?" He smirked at her.

"Easily. I fail to see how any measure of attractiveness would make one difficult to crush."

"Perhaps you do not know how to look." He put down his bread, and started to point at the rest of us in turn. "Look at the witch. Dark hair, heaving chest, quivering lips. How could one kill such a creature without bedding it first?"

 _Easily_ , I thought. Morrigan rolled her eyes. "How relieved I am."

"Here, take that Templar fellow," Zevran continued. My turn! "Rugged good looks, quick wit, manly shoulders. Just getting him to hop borders is a challenge worthy of the great heroes."

"A challenge? I'd happily hop borders, given the chance. I've never even been close to leaving Ferelden!"

Oghren laughed so hard at this that he fell off the fallen tree where he was sitting. Leliana had to explain to me later what Zevran had actually meant. I had no idea. Anyway, he went around the whole group of us, except for Toby, noting different things which made us each attractive. It was variously comical, offensive, or just strange. But he saved Elissa for last.

"Take a long look at our Grey Warden, my good friend," he said, gesturing to where she was sitting on a stump. "Right there we have an object worthy of worship, no?"

"Oh, Zev." She smiled and shook her head.

Shale was unimpressed. "Perhaps there are definitions of 'blind' I have yet to understand," she declared finally, and suddenly, most of us just cracked up laughing. I don't know why, it wasn't even that funny. But after last night, I think we all just needed the laugh, and it made the day a little brighter. Zevran's really okay, maybe.

* * *

This should be interesting. Over breakfast this morning, Eamon outlined his plan for our trip to Denerim for the Landsmeet.

"Normally I would arrange a caravan and follow the Imperial Highway," he said. "But as you yourselves know from your months of travel, that's hardly the safest road these days. So I've prepared another means of transport. Tomorrow morning we will board my private vessel, the  _Queen Rowan_ , and make our way to the capital by sailing on the Drakon River."

I'd forgotten about the boat. It had been a wedding gift to Eamon and Isolde from Maric. I only ever saw it once before I was shipped off to the Chantry, so I hadn't really thought much about it. It's a nice-sized little ship, shaped a little differently from the typical Redcliffe fishing boats. If memory serves, it was specifically designed to travel well on the river. There's room enough on board for all of us, and according to Eamon, it functions almost like a floating house. It's also a faster way to get to Redcliffe than taking the roads, since the river is more of a direct route, and we should sail into Denerim's harbor within three days of our departure. Plus, we don't need to worry about encountering any of Loghain's soldiers on the river.

He's invited us to just enjoy our day in Redcliffe, so I think I'll see about doing just that. I'm sure Elissa will want to walk down to the village and see how they're getting on since the unpleasantness of a few months ago, and I'm going to go join her.


	30. The Felon's Coat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few people have asked me whether any of the exciting new information that's been released for DA:I will affect this story as I have it planned. The answer is no. This story and its sequel are intended to go literally to the epilogue slides of the Awakening DLC for the original game; I'm not even really going to touch on DA2, except for perhaps a few of Alistair's random thoughts about refugees and suchlike. However, I am nevertheless doing my best to avoid too many Inquisition spoilers, just so they don't interfere with my headcanon in any way.
> 
> That said, what I have seen of it looks simply amazing. I'm going to do my best to have Alistair's diary all wrapped up before the release in October, so that I'm not distracted.

 

**Chapter Thirty: The Felon's Coat**

_Origins unknown, this cuirass fits like a second skin. It is ideal for a bard, spy, or assassin - making it unlikely that the previous owner parted with it willingly._

* * *

We left Redcliffe yesterday morning and are chugging along the Drakon River. It's just past midday, and we expect to be in Denerim around this time tomorrow. Everyone's settled in decently on the ship, for the short period that we'll be living on it, although I've noticed Elissa is spending a lot of time with Arl Eamon since we boarded. I suppose they're discussing strategies for the Landsmeet, if not the battle.

I'm fairly certain that what happened last night, just before dinner, wouldn't have been allowed to happen if she'd been in the group when it began. I'm writing it down as accurately as I can, but I probably haven't quite got all the words just right. Close enough, anyway. Personally, I think it's hilarious, and if you ask me, Morrigan got exactly what she deserved. After all, she started it. She was needling Zevran about whether he still intends to kill Elissa, and congratulating him on getting into her good graces, and then asked him questions about the Crows that he flatly said he wasn't interested in answering. "You get the most delightful wrinkle in your forehead when you are curious."

"I see!" She didn't like that at all. "You are impossibly frustrating, you know this?"

"I do." He laughed. "It is part of my charm, or so I am told. Come, my dear, why must we fuss at one another? Such sinister glares do you a disservice; yours should be a face that smiles."

"Do tell," she said dryly. I didn't quite know what he was on about, but I did notice both Oghren and Leliana listening a bit more closely; the five of us were all out on the front deck of the ship, the bow or whatever it's called, and I wondered just what mischief the elf was making.

"Has no one ever told you of your beauty?" he continued. "Perhaps it is not surprising, considering you have lived such a sheltered life; were you a woman of the city, you would be accustomed to men showering you with praise and gifts."

"I know as much of men as I need to," she returned. "I know when one is indulging in pointless flattery, for instance."

"It is flattery only if I exaggerate the truth to please you! I am but stating a simple fact!"

"Tell me," she said, and she sounded genuinely curious, "does this  _work_  on other women?"

"Most women are pleased to be told the truth of their beauty. Has anyone ever told you what marvelous eyes you possess?"

She rolled said eyes. "Do you not tire from these pointless exercises?"

"In Antiva, women are accustomed to being showered with the praise they deserve. Men should worship you at your feet as you pass."

"They don't find that incredibly annoying?"

"They are goddesses, receiving their subjects, just as you should be!" he exclaimed. I was beginning to feel rather nauseated, but I kept listening.

"I have no wish to be placed upon a pedestal," she retorted.

"But you deserve no less," he insisted. "You should be admired by painters, copied by sculptors, exalted by poets. Surely you know that yours is a beauty so exotic, it would turn the eye of the Maker Himself?"

That's when I saw it - there was actually a tiny flush in Morrigan's pale cheeks. "Well - I suppose I -"

"And there we are," said Zevran triumphantly. He turned to Leliana and Oghren with an expectant look on his face. "Well?"

"Fine," Oghren said with a sigh, "I owe you a flagon. Bastard."

"You are a master indeed, Zevran," Leliana said admiringly. "You win the bet fair and square."

"Much obliged, ser and madam." He looked so insufferably smug that I doubled over laughing.

"I hate you all," Morrigan declared through gritted teeth.

Elissa chose that moment to appear, to say that it was time to eat, but she paused as she took in everyone's expressions. "Er... did I miss something?"

"Nothing at all, my dear Warden," Zevran replied. As I passed him, he muttered, "Don't tell her."

* * *

Denerim is within our sights, which is almost disappointing in its way. I rather like the boat ride. I'm just packing up all my things now. Elissa's still secluded with Eamon, and I can't understand why they're not including me in this discussion if it's about the Landsmeet; I mean, shouldn't I be involved? But I trust her, and him too - though maybe not as much as I once did. I've had way too much time to think about things, and while yes, he was decent to me because I was Maric's... he wasn't really a father to me. Not that it was his duty to be, but who makes their ward sleep in the stables? I'm starting to think that my entire value to Eamon has been solely the possibility of my becoming king someday. And that makes me uncomfortable. Duncan, at least, valued me as an individual person; even Bann Teagan did.

I think that if I do become king, I'm going to invite Teagan to be part of my council. I've heard how he stood up to Loghain, and I saw firsthand what he did in Redcliffe during his brother's illness, and I just think he's the sort of man I'd like to have at my right hand. Eamon can go back to Redcliffe and be with his wife - still a respected courtier, still an honorable citizen of Ferelden, but nowhere near enough to hold my strings and make me dance.

* * *

Well, we've arrived at Eamon's Denerim estate, and we were welcomed at the gates by Loghain himself, along with Ser Cauthrien and Arl Howe. I can only imagine what went through Elissa's mind when she saw  _him_. They had a spat almost immediately about the fact that she's the rightful Teryna of Highever, and Cauthrien told her to be quiet when her betters are speaking, which is absurd because Elissa has no betters. But I digress. Loghain and Eamon quarrelled about the necessity of the Landsmeet and the intention to put me forward as candidate for the throne instead of Anora. Then they left, and we got back to the business of settling into the estate. I don't have a word contemptuous enough for the three of them.

From there, the day became infinitely more pleasant.

I admit it would be fun to know just what went through the minds of Arl Eamon's servants when he told them what to expect. The comments of the headwoman indicate that he didn't give them very  _much_  notice, but he must have given at least some warning about the kind of guests they'd be entertaining. Five humans and a dog may be welcomed anywhere without so much as a raised eyebrow, even if one of them is an apostate mage. An elf and a dwarf aren't too unusual by themselves, although together they're a little stranger, and added to the five humans they're even moreso. Then you throw in the Qunari warrior, and the stone golem, and - well, it's hard to blame people for the peculiar looks they give us.

But Eamon must have warned his staff pretty well about that subject, if nothing else, because no one batted an eyelash at our arrival. There were rooms prepared for everyone (except Shale), and even though we all have to share, they're very comfortable. Sten and I aren't far from the room where Elissa, Morrigan and Toby sleep. I wonder how Eamon figured out that Morrigan would almost definitely object to sharing her quarters with anyone but Elissa; maybe Elissa mentioned something to him about it during the journey, when they were having so many private discussions.

The headwoman who showed everyone to their rooms advised us that it was two hours until dinner, and we were welcome to relax however we liked until then. "There's plenty of guards about, so none of you need come to table in your armor," she scolded. "The arl would rather you didn't, I think, and he says the arlessa troubled herself to send some fresh garments along for each of you. I'll have the pages bring them up to your rooms with the rest of your things."

I have to say, it was nice of Arlessa Isolde to send us clean clothing; it's a refreshing change from wearing armor almost all the time, and our plain clothes from Soldier's Peak don't feel quite appropriate to the setting. She sent a black velvet doublet for me that I like more than I want to admit. She turned out to be a pretty good judge of sizes, too, although Sten's outfit is a little too big. I guess that's better than too small, though.

"Is this an affectation of your culture, Warden?" he asked me, tugging at his sleeve.

"Of our nobility, I guess it is."

"Your country continues to perplex me in myriad ways."

"That's all right. It perplexes me too."

"And yet you intend to rule it."

"I don't  _intend_  anything. But I guess it would be better for me to do it than Loghain."

"Why you and not she who already leads?"

"Good question." I assume he meant Elissa, although now that I think about it, the phrase could just as easily have applied to Anora. Either way, I suspect that the woman in question would do a better job than I would, but I think I'd better keep that to myself.

I could hear some giggling as I stepped into the hall, and saw Morrigan exiting her room. I guess I wasn't too surprised that she was wearing the same clothes as when we first met her in the Wilds, instead of whatever Isolde sent for her to wear. "You clean up decently," she said, sizing me up.

"That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me."

"Do not grow accustomed to the phenomenon."

"What's with all the laughter?"

"Leliana is teasing your beloved about how you will react to the sight of her in a dress." She looked back into the room and called, "Prince Charmless is waiting, if you're ready."

"Almost," Elissa called back.

Leliana emerged first, still smirking a little. "Being here makes me feel almost like I'm back in Orlais," she admitted. "This is such a lovely estate."

I chuckled and turned to look at a painting hanging on the wall opposite - a portrait of my grandmother, Moira the Rebel Queen. I think I have her nose. But I was distracted almost immediately by Elissa's voice behind me. "I hope someone warned the cook about the appetites she has to contend with while we're here. Especially mine!"

I turned around to watch her walk out of the room. Well. I didn't know what to expect, but I always think she's beautiful. Always have. Lady Isolde had found a gown in the same shade of blue as Elissa's eyes, so they were brighter than usual. She had washed her hair in the bath, and left it hanging loose down her back instead of braiding it again, and there were coppery lights shining in the brown. She looked every bit the teyrn's daughter; but for the Warden's Oath pendant still hanging round her throat, no one could have imagined her for a warrior, much less such a formidable one.

"Love," she greeted me, "close your mouth before you catch flies."

"Sorry. Just thinking what a lucky man I am." She smiled, evidently pleased, and took the arm I offered her. Morrigan rolled her eyes, but didn't say anything. We followed her and Leliana down to the dining hall, where the others had already assembled, and when Elissa and I stepped into the room, the conversation quite simply stopped. Abruptly, they all stood up (except for Shale, who was already standing off to one side), and none of them could stop looking at us for some reason.

I walked Elissa to her place at Eamon's right hand, before taking my own seat opposite her. Dinner itself was uneventful, except that I found myself occasionally missing my mouth with my spoon while I was watching Elissa. After the plates were cleared, Eamon indicated that everyone should rise, and some of his servants came and moved the table and chairs to the edges of the room. "I have a surprise - a gift for all of you," he said, smiling. "I know that the past several months have been full of work and heartache. You have saved many lives, including mine, and at great personal expense. So I took the liberty of arranging an evening of pleasantry for you."

Once the furnishings were moved, a small cluster of musicians filed into the room and settled in a corner with their instruments. "A revel?" Leliana sounded excited. "I don't think I've been to a revel since before I went to Lothering!"

"What sort of music will they play?" Zevran asked. "Do you suppose they might know any of the tunes of Antiva?"

As it turned out, the musicians knew several songs from Antiva, Orlais, and even Orzammar as well as Ferelden, which makes me think that Eamon hired them specifically to cater to the backgrounds of our group. Zevran was thrilled to find out that they could perform something called the mirella.

"I know that one!" said Elissa, and everyone looked at her. "My brother's wife Oriana was from Antiva," she explained, seeing the surprise on our faces. "Whenever we had a revel in Highever, my father employed musicians who knew how to play some Antivan dances. She taught us all to do the mirella."

"Well, then, my fair lady, will you do me the honor?" Zevran bowed low.

"Gladly."

The mirella turned out to be a complicated thing that I don't think I'd ever even  _attempt_. Zevran and Elissa stood side by side, hand in hand but both facing forward, and with every drum beat they made a different step. It was sort of like they were skipping in place, but the skips were a bit odd, and then in between some of the skips there was spinning. I know I'm not describing it very well but I just don't know the words to do it justice. I loved watching her, though. She had a sort of happy glow about her; maybe the whole thing reminded her of good times in Highever.

Leliana begged next for a dance from Orlais, and persuaded Elissa and also Wynne to do it alongside her. What did she call it... the rosenant, or something like that. She tried to get Morrigan to do it too, but Morrigan refused. Shocking, that. Anyway, Leliana was in the middle, so the other two could copy her movements. This dance was slow and involved a lot of sweeping arm movements and delicate posturings. They looked very elegant while they did it. "Usually," said Leliana, "while this is happening, the men who are partnering the women are doing their own half just opposite us. But I do not think any of you know how it would be done, and it has been so long that I doubt my own ability to teach you."

We did some Ferelden dancing, mostly group circle dances. I've never been very good at dancing in the first instance, and Zevran really put me to shame. But I tried. Sten and Oghren chiefly watched; I don't think the players knew any Qunari music, and although they did play a piece Oghren identified as being from Orzammar, he didn't seem to want to dance. "I'd rather watch," he said in a gleefully irreverent voice, his eyes more or less glued to Leliana's hips.

Sten was also watching, but not in the leering way that we've more or less come to expect from Oghren. "Your celebrations are not like ours," he remarked thoughtfully.

"Do you dance, in Par Vollen?" I asked.

"Occasionally. But not like this, with no purpose to the dance at all. This is mere trifling amusement," he said. "Our dancing is done for particular occasions. And the movements all have meaning. I suppose it would be easiest to say that our manner of dancing tells a story."

Wynne chose that moment to pull me away from the conversation. "Can I offer you a suggestion, Alistair?"

"Of course."

"Well, I've been in the world a lot longer than you, you know, so I sometimes observe things that you might miss," she said sweetly. "What I happen to have noticed tonight is that there is a very lovely Grey Warden who I think would be extremely happy if you asked her to dance."

"I'm not good at this, if you haven't noticed. Dancing, I mean."

"You just haven't had as much practice as some - I don't imagine they do a lot of dancing in the Templars." She chuckled. "Probably not in the Grey Wardens, either."

"Considering that Elissa's the first female Warden in Ferelden since I don't know how long? No, not much at all." I had to smile.

"Well, even if you don't do it perfectly, I think she'd like to dance with you all the same. Are there any dances that you know?"

"Um." I scratched my head. "There's that one - where you do a lot of circling, and the partners hold each other by the waists - do you know the one I mean?"

"It's called the marlen, if I remember correctly." She nodded. "I'll ask them to play it, and we'll get Zevran to dance it with Leliana so you're not alone out there."

I was a bit surprised, but Wynne was right. Elissa  _did_  look really happy when I asked her to dance with me. "Of course I will."

"I want to apologize in advance if I step on you."

I didn't, amazingly enough. Maybe it's because I was more focused on watching her, looking into her eyes. I just sort of did what she guided me to do (a bit like every other day, really) and it worked. I don't think I've ever seen her look like she did tonight. More beautiful than ever, happier than ever. I really have got to be the luckiest man in the world.


	31. The Summer Sword

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This, of course, is the infamous "Rescue the Queen" quest chapter, and I've taken a few small liberties with the plotline in order to make it run smoothly for me. There's also a rather humorous personal reason why Elissa takes only the women of the party to conduct the rescue - on my very first playthrough, I misunderstood something that was said, and I thought that you had to take the women instead of the men. I know better now, but it amuses me that I made such a peculiar mistake so I decided to include it in the fic.

 

**The Summer Sword**

_The hilt of this immense sword bears the mark of Vercenne of Halamshiral, believed to be the greatest smith in the history of the Orlesian Empire._

* * *

Last night felt like a dream, in some respects, but of course today it's back to work. Eamon has recommended that we try to ingratiate ourselves somewhat with the nobles who are beginning to arrive for the Landsmeet, but he doesn't want me going anywhere by myself and I don't actually know where Elissa is at the moment. We had just finished lunch (they've changed the dining room since I was here last) and we both went into the library with the dog, but one of the pages came and said the Arl was looking for Lady Cousland and off she went. That was more than an hour ago. Toby followed me back here to my room, but Sten says he hasn't seen her.

Odd, none of the women of our party seem to be in the vicinity. Perhaps they've all gone into the market district together - women like shopping, don't they? Maybe that's all it is.

Hang on, I don't recognize that voice. It sounds... Orlesian, actually.

* * *

Things have just gotten very, very bad.

It seems that Elissa and I are  _not_ , in fact, the only Grey Wardens in Ferelden just at the moment. He was in Eamon's study, and they were speaking just loud enough that I could overhear.

"Alistair," said Eamon as I walked in, "good. I was going to send someone to find you. This is Riordan, your fellow Grey Warden. Riordan, allow me to introduce Alistair, who - Maker willing - is to be our next king."

I recognized his name, although I'd never before seen his face. Duncan spoke often of his old friend Riordan, with whom he'd gone through the Joining. "It's an honor to meet you," I said, "but how did you get here?"

"We were expecting a summons from King Cailan to have our forces come and assist with the Blight," he explained, "but the call never came. It was decided that one man might slip into the country undetected and find out what was happening. Of course, since my arrival I have learned of what befell those at Ostagar, and you have my deep sympathies for your many losses. Regrettably, I was taken prisoner before I could send for any further assistance from my own countrymen; your regent Loghain, it seems, has a special loathing for Orlesians, although from what I understand it is not entirely without cause."

"But how did you get  _here_?"

"As I was just telling the good arl," he continued, "your lady Warden - Elissa, was it? She found me in the dungeon at the Arl of Denerim's estate, and helped me to escape. She also found a cache of important documents hidden in the mansion, which I have with me; they contain many of our secrets, including the exact details of the Joining ritual. You will need the information they contain in order to rebuild the order here in Ferelden."

"I'm sorry," I interrupted, "but you said Elissa found you in the estate?" I looked at Eamon. "What in the Maker's name is Elissa doing there?"

He looked a bit guilty. "Just after the noon meal, we were visited by Erlina, Queen Anora's personal handmaiden," he explained. "It seems that Anora went to visit Arl Howe, to try to talk to him about stopping some of her father's more extreme measures to maintain his hold, and Howe responded by imprisoning her. Both Anora and Erlina were very well convinced that Howe would have no scruples about killing her to improve Loghain's position, and I'm not sure I disagree."

"And this involves Elissa... how?"

"When the situation was explained to Lady Cousland, she agreed that it was necessary to rescue the queen, and she took the other ladies with her to assist in the endeavor."

"From what I understand," Riordan added, "there was a mage in Arl Howe's employ who had cast a magical seal on the queen's door. In order to free her, the ladies had to first defeat the mage and acquire the key."

So far this didn't sound too terrible. I could see Elissa as being a match for anyone in Howe's estate, especially with two mages and a trained assassin helping her. But a few minutes later, we heard the sounds of feet running through the halls of the estate, and a familiar voice calling out to Eamon. I was not exactly prepared for Queen Anora to suddenly rush into the arl's study. "Eamon - I may have made a terrible mistake!"

" _May_  have?" Morrigan repeated. She, Wynne and Leliana came hurrying in behind Anora in time to hear the remark. Morrigan looked livid, Wynne grave, Leliana on the verge of tears.

"What in Andraste's name has happened? Are you all right?" asked the arl.

"Lady Cousland has been captured," Anora confessed.

I have never in my life, except during my Joining, known how it felt to be on the verge of fainting. However, when I heard this news, I suddenly had some idea of what it must be like, and I had to grab the back of a chair. My Elissa, captured? "What?" I demanded. "And this  _may_  be your fault?  _Maybe_?  _ **Perhaps**_?"

"We went to rescue Her Highness, as requested," Morrigan said, in the most poisonous tone I've heard her use yet. Our other companions, having heard the commotion, were filing into the room as she started her explanation. "Loghain's commander - what is her name?"

"Ser Cauthrien?"

"Indeed. She and a contingent of armed men confronted us as we made to escape the Arl of Denerim's estate. She recognized the queen - who promptly accused us of kidnapping her."

"I panicked!" Anora protested. "She's my father's closest supporter - I thought she would kill me! I never meant for this to happen!"

"What's this?" asked Zevran dryly. "She throws her savior to the wolves, and now she has second thoughts?"

"No honor, no gratitude," Sten grumbled, "and a slight grasp of the obvious. Fine ruler you have here."

"Ser Cauthrien's men almost attacked after the queen said what she did," said Leliana, finding her voice at last. "But Elissa called for them to hold, and they actually obeyed. Then she said, 'You don't know the whole story. I will come quietly, if you let my friends go free and unharmed.' You know how she is. Ser Cauthrien said she was the only one Loghain wants, so they left the rest of us alone and marched her off to Fort Drakon. They took the queen with them."

"I managed to escape and make my way back here," Anora explained. "I wasn't sure what Cauthrien would do once we reached the palace - if she turned me over to my father, he might have had me executed. I swear, I never meant for any harm to come to the Warden."

"Are all of your companions here?" Eamon asked me, and I nodded. He looked out into the hall and, spotting a page, sent him to collect the headwoman to escort Anora to a guest room. We could hear the headwoman fussing all the way through the corridor about someone needing to fetch the queen some clean linens. I slammed the door, my blood boiling.

"Yes, Eamon, we're all here. Let's figure this out."

"This situation is grievous indeed. Apart from anything else, Lady Cousland's testimony at the Landsmeet is vital to our defeat of Loghain."

"Which is likely the true reason for her incarceration," said Sten. "What steps do we take?"

"We have to mount a rescue," Zevran growled, "and quickly. If half the stories I have heard of this Fort Drakon contain a grain of truth, it is not a place any of us would wish to imagine our beloved Warden."

That Elissa is strong enough to withstand anything that Loghain's men might do to her, I have no doubt. But Zevran's right, I  _don't_  want to imagine it. My rose of Highever, the light in my darkness - all I could think was that I had to get her back. "I'll go," I said. "I'll tear the place apart with my bare hands if that's what it takes."

"Alistair, no." Eamon shook his head. "I think that a pair of you could infiltrate the defenses, using the right subterfuge - but not you. You're the last known descendant of Calenhad, and Loghain knows we're trying to place you on the throne. He could have you killed on sight to strengthen his own claims."

"I can't leave her there!" Loghain... that bastard has taken everything from me.  _Everything_. Cailan and I barely spoke to one another in our whole lives, but he was still my brother and, maybe more to the point, he was my king. My fellow Grey Wardens, who were my real family - gone. Duncan, the closest thing to a father I've ever had - gone. Then he took my honor by claiming that the Grey Wardens were to blame for the defeat at Ostagar. He's tried more than once to take my life. And now this. My hope, my heart, at the mercy of the Drakon guards.

One way or another, Loghain is going to pay.

"No one said anything about leaving her there," Wynne assured me. "This arrest was unjust."

"What was the formal charge?" asked Eamon.

"She killed Arl Howe." Morrigan sounded almost proud.

"That was her right!" I exploded. "That monster ordered the murder of Elissa's entire family - she'd be dead too if Duncan hadn't been there. Blood vengeance was rightfully hers!"

"Am I understanding the second Warden correctly?" asked Shale. "It killed a man because that man had its family killed, and now it is being punished for doing so?"

"That's an accurate summation, yes."

"That seems illogical to me."

"Yeah, good catch," Oghren said dryly. "What were you all doing there anyway?"

"Rescuing the queen," Leliana explained. "Arl Howe had her locked up."

"Kind of a stupid thing to do. All you ended up doing was trading one prisoner for another."

"Well, that wasn't the plan!"

"Why didn't you tell us you were going?" asked Zevran. "You four ladies went off by yourselves? We would have helped. Maybe we could have prevented this."

"Anora sent her handmaiden Erlina to ask for Lady Cousland's assistance, and it was specifically suggested that the women be the ones to do this," Eamon explained. "They went in the guise of Howe's soldiers, but the only spare armor Erlina could find was too small for any of you gentlemen. There wasn't much time to confer about the matter; the queen's life was potentially in danger."

"That sounds even more illogical," said Shale. "I would almost be inclined to say that the squishy companions were lured into a trap."

They were all starting to quarrel - who was at fault, who should have gone. Precious minutes were being wasted, minutes in which Elissa might be getting tortured or worse. But before I could call them to order, Leliana beat me to it.

"Stop it, all of you!" She looked around the room, her expression almost defiant. "We are allies, even those of us who do not call one another friend. We are on the same side. The bonds between us are perhaps a little frail, but look at us now! Elissa is gone from our company less than an hour and already we begin to fall apart! Alistair and Morrigan, you have never been on good terms, even before I met you. Sten and Zevran and I all hail from cultures and countries which you Fereldans have good reasons not to trust. Shale is... a rock. Oghren drinks too much."

"You say that like it's a bad thing."

She ignored him and continued. "We may not always get along, but that's all right, because - well, families are like that. And whether any of you want to admit it or not, that's really what we are." She choked a little as she went on, "We are the only family Elissa has anymore, and even if we don't all like each other, we all love  _her_. Don't we? I challenge any one of you to look me in the eye and tell me she's not dearer to you than you know how to say. She found us. She befriended us, helped us grow, forgave us when we couldn't forgive ourselves. She made us her own, and now she is lost to us, so we must work together if we are to get her back."

There was a small pause. "You're right, Leliana," Wynne said finally. "Well said."

"Sentiment." Morrigan huffed a bit, folding her arms and looking at no one.

"Our dear Chantry sister speaks the truth," said Zevran with an approving sort of nod. "And I have a suggestion. Ever since the arl said that two of us might infiltrate the fort, I have been contemplating which two should go. I would like to suggest that Oghren and myself be the ones. We can pass for performers sent to bolster the troops' morale."

"Performers?!" Oghren grunted disbelievingly. "What kind of 'performing' do you see us doing, kid?"

"Do you have a better idea?"

"Sure. Just break everyone's skull and let that Maker of yours sort 'em out."

"That might work for a backup plan," Zevran admitted. "But I think the arl is right that subterfuge is the best way to get in the door. And I do have plenty of experience in pretending to be something I am not, yes?"

I had to admit he had a point. They're preparing to leave - probably already have left - as I write this. Like Eamon said, the girls had all been disguised in armor belonging to Arl Howe's men when they infiltrated the estate, and it's quite likely that Elissa's was taken from her. Wynne had the bright idea to have Zevran take along a plain dress for her to change into, if she has nothing else to wear, since it would be too hard for him to carry her armor or anything of the sort. From what I've heard of Fort Drakon, they often strip prisoners down to their smallclothes. I don't even want to  _think_  about it.

* * *

I couldn't stay in my room and watch the minutes tick by on the clock. So I wandered down to Eamon's private chapel, since appealing to the Maker and Andraste is pretty much the only thing I  _can_  do to contribute to bringing Elissa back safely.

Leliana was already there. I waited in the doorway until she finished whatever devotions she was performing (I'm honestly not sure and I didn't feel comfortable asking), then went to sit beside her on the pew. "I have to compliment you," I said. "That speech was worthy of Elissa herself."

"Perhaps she inspires me more than even I realize," she replied, smiling. It faded into a look of concern. "Are you all right? As hard as this is for the rest of us, I can only imagine how difficult it must be for you."

"I'm as all right as I can be without her here," I replied honestly.

"She will be back." Her smile returned, impish. "So? Are you going to marry her?"

"Well, first we have to survive all this," I said with a sigh. "But if we do, and if she'll have me... yes."

"She will," she assured me. "She is very much in love with you, you know."

"And I with her."

How long we sat there, I don't know. The minutes stretched into hours, and the rescue party still hasn't returned. All I've been able to think about, the whole time, is her. I'm filling in the details of our conversation in this journal purely to kill time.

"Did she ever tell you about the first time we met?" I asked, abruptly.

"Well, I know you met on her first day in the Grey Warden camp at Ostagar." Leliana glanced at me. "But I don't think she's ever mentioned the details. Tell me."

"I'd been sent by the Revered Mother to give a message to one of the mages. He and I were arguing, and he was just stalking away when this... this woman in armor walked into my line of sight."

She smiled. "I imagine you weren't expecting her."

"Not really, no. I don't know why I said it, but I told her that the thing I love most about the Blight is the way it brings people together, and she replied, 'You are a strange man.' She still insists she was right, you know."

Leliana chuckled. "That's adorable. Was it love at first meeting?"

"I don't know," I admitted. "I wondered that later, once I knew for sure how I felt. I mean, you're a bard - isn't that what they say in the songs? I was hers from the moment we met?"

"Something like that," she agreed. "And of all the men I've ever known, Alistair, you might be the only one about whom I'd believe it. You're going to be a very lucky king, having a queen that you love so much."

"If they insist on making me king, so be it. Maybe I can do it, but only as long as she's with me."

So now I've come back to my rooms, to update this journal and then to prepare for dinner. It's going to be an awkward meal with three empty chairs. Andraste's grace, fill them again soon or I may go mad.

* * *

Merciful Maker.

I had just about finished dressing for dinner when there was a knock on my door. When I opened it, I saw one of Arl Eamon's pages, looking a bit breathless.

"Beg pardon, ser, but the arl wanted you to know straightaway," he said eagerly. "He said to tell you the rescue party is back and they await you in the dining hall."

I pushed past him, thanking him over my shoulder. Never realized how big this estate was until that moment, as I ran through the entire building. I could hear a very well-loved voice as I approached the door, and I checked on the threshold. There was Elissa - exhausted, and disheveled, but alive and reasonably unharmed. She was being embraced in turn by Wynne and Leliana, and everyone seemed to be trying to talk over one another to tell her how glad they were to see her, how worried they'd been, and to congratulate Oghren and Zevran on the successful mission. Morrigan alone was silent, leaning against a wall with her arms folded, but when Elissa glanced her way she did offer a small smile. Even Shale looked happy, or at least as happy as an emotionless walking boulder can look.

"I missed you all too," Elissa said, her voice weary and grateful. Eamon coughed, and glanced meaningfully at me, and she turned until our eyes met. "Alistair."

"Thank the Maker you're all right." It was like I was being pulled across the room by some irresistible force, and she was pulled toward me likewise. I couldn't stop until she was in my arms, her own arms tight around my neck, my face pressed into her shoulder and breathing her scent.

"You didn't think you'd get rid of me that easily, did you?" she murmured.

I loosened my grip enough that I could look at Zevran and Oghren. "Well done. And... thank you."

"We'll send you an invoice for services rendered," Zevran assured me. Knowing him, I'm not entirely sure he was joking.

Anora put in an appearance to express her relief at Elissa's safe return. None of us said anything, but I think we were all pretty well united in how we felt about her daring to even  _look_  at Elissa after what she did. She retreated to her room almost immediately afterward, though she asked Elissa to come and speak to her privately when she has a chance.

Well, Anora just has to wait, because I am  _not_  letting this woman out of my sight any time soon. Right now she's getting some much needed rest; Sten actually has a fairly delicate sense of propriety, all things considered, and was kind enough to occupy himself in the library so we could have some privacy. I'm sitting on my bed, and Elissa is asleep with her head in my lap. I'll need to move her eventually so I can get some sleep myself, but right now she's comfortable and I don't want to disturb her.


	32. Spirit Ward

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're wondering about the title of this chapter, the Spirit Ward is the token which Bann Alfstanna gives to the Warden once the Warden delivers the signet ring belonging to Alfstanna's brother. As to the matter of Cailan, Anora, and the Empress Celene, I'm going by what's been confirmed as canon.

 

**Spirit Ward**

_Seven gold disks, each bearing a star sapphire, make up this necklace. The clasp bears the mark of the Formari. Shifting figures can be seen dimly in the depths of the gem stones._

* * *

I eventually carried Elissa back to her own room last night, where a rather impatient Toby was waiting to guard his mistress. Morrigan, perhaps in the spirit of the occasion, had no unpleasant words for me. And yes, I am specifically writing that in this journal because it's the first time that's ever happened.

Anyway, after breakfast this morning, my lady and I walked around Eamon's courtyard for a little while. It's not a very big courtyard; all we basically did was pace a wide loop around the central well. But it let us talk privately. She said she was feeling a little stronger this morning, so she wanted to tell me what happened in Fort Drakon. "I wasn't tortured," she said.

"Really?" I'd been worried about that, of course.

"Well, not the way you're thinking." Her face grew haunted. "They had something special for me - probably something Howe himself dreamed up before I killed him. I wouldn't be surprised. All they did was take my armor and throw me in a prison cell, but they chose a specific one. It was overlooking some of the torture devices."

"Oh, that sounds very scenic."

"You don't know the half of it, love. Some of the bodies of other prisoners were still on the rack... and I  _knew_ them." She shuddered. "Ser Gilmore - my father's most trusted captain, the one who taught me to swordfight when I was a girl. He was there. And Mother Mallol, our Chantry priestess. I knew they were dead, of course, I've known that for months... but I had no idea they'd been taken prisoner and brought to Denerim for torturing."

"Oh, my dearest... I'm so sorry." I felt like an ass, then, for having made the joke.

She gave herself a shake, and gripped my arm a little tighter. "There was an older man in the cell next to mine. We fell to talking, in hushed voices when the guards weren't nearby. He'd been in there a lot longer than I had been, and had the bruises to prove it. He never told me his name or why he was in there - I didn't quite feel right asking, to be honest. I think now that maybe he thought we'd be safer knowing as little about each other as possible. I told him my friends would come for me, and he didn't believe me... but then in came Zevran and Oghren, not two hours later." She smiled, though I could still see the flickers of pain in her lovely eyes.

"Did they tell you they were pretending to be performers?"

"Oh, yes. The famous Broma brothers from Antiva, they said - Oghren said he told the guards he was the pretty one." We both laughed. "They unlocked my door, and Zevran gave me that dress you saw me wearing last night, and he picked open the lock on the chest where they'd put my sword while I let my neighbor out of his cell. We gave him some dagger the boys had picked up along the way, and he thanked us and ran off... I do hope he was able to escape. Anyway, we made our way back to the entrance, and got back here as fast as possible." She looked up at me, smiling wanly. "I was so worried for you."

"I was pretty desolate without you, I don't mind saying." I leaned over to kiss her forehead.

A door opened from the kitchen, then, and Oghren stumbled out. "Hey, Princess, don't go wandering off without telling anyone, all right? Don't want a repeat of yesterday." He folded his arms and gave her a grumpy sort of look.

"I promise," she said mildly.

"Good." He relented just faintly. "Keep an eye on her, boy." And apparently this was all he'd wanted to say to us, because he turned right around and went back inside.

"Why exactly is Oghren calling you 'Princess'?" I asked.

Elissa rolled her eyes, smiling. "Usually he calls me 'Warden'," she clarified. "But when I was talking to him that night at the Spoiled Princess, he wanted to know - how did he put it? Where does something like me grow in a place like this? He was drunk, of course."

"Well, he was conscious, so that's to be expected."

She chuckled. "I told him that I come from Highever, in the north country. I don't know how I ended up explaining things to him, and between ourselves I'm even less certain how he  _remembered_  it. But I told him that Highever is considered a principality of Ferelden, on account of how powerful my family was when your ancestor Calenhad made his bid for the throne and the arrangements he made with them for their support of his claim. Then, of course, I had to explain what a principality is. It was rather late and most of you were already in bed, but I couldn't sleep, so I think I was honestly just trying to lull myself with the history lessons. He surprised me by asking if the one who governs a principality is a prince, and I said that if you want to speak with absolute precision, then yes. 'My father's title was Teyrn,' I said, 'which is highest in precedence in Ferelden next to the King and Queen. But in other countries, you're right; they would have called him a Prince.' And he just sort of snickered and, a minute later, he passed out cold. Felsi said I could leave him where he was, she'd take care of him."

"But he remembered this?"

"Somehow! Ever since the next morning, he has occasionally called me  _Princess_ instead of  _Warden_. Maybe it's because there are two Wardens but only one of me. I'm not sure."

"I wonder," I said. "I mean, he usually calls me 'boy', and you're certainly not that."

"You would know."

* * *

We had a pleasantly uneventful morning, but after lunch, Elissa wanted to go into town - specifically, to the Gnawed Noble Tavern. Eamon didn't seem to think there'd be any particular danger to me in that part of Denerim, so I went with her. As we walked, she explained that during the ladies' explorations of the Arl of Denerim's estate, she'd encountered a few other nobles who were being held there on odd pretexts. One was the son of Bann Sighard, of Dragon's Peak, who I'd heard from Eamon had gone mysteriously missing one night; she said she found him strapped to some wretched device. Another was Irminric, the brother of Bann Alfstanna of Waking Sea. Apparently, he was one of the templars who caught that runaway mage who poisoned Eamon, and Loghain's men took the mage from Irminric's custody and then threw him in prison - so he couldn't talk, I suppose. She said she also released an elf from the Alienage, who seemed to be starving, and some old soldier who the Chantry's been trying to find for a while; she already had Eamon send a messenger to the Chantry with the news of his whereabouts.

We found Bann Sighard first. He recognized Elissa as the daughter of Teyrn Cousland, offering his sympathies. He assured her that his son had made it back safely, thanks to her, and is under a doctor's care for his injuries. He said that not only will he give us his support at the Landsmeet, but he'll also pass the word to a few other nobles about Howe's activities.

Bann Alfstanna initially tried to wave us away when we approached her, but then she too recognized Elissa. Elissa told me that the Eremon family have been friends of the Couslands for at least a few generations. She handed over Irminric's ring, explaining where she had found him and that he was safe now, and would probably contact his sister himself soon. In return, Bann Alfstanna promised her support at the Landsmeet and gave Elissa a beautiful necklace of gold and sapphires. "Let it be a sign of the friendship between Highever and Waking Sea," she said, "and let me know when you decide to take back your family's lands."

There was another noble - I think his name was Wulf - who also recognized Elissa but didn't have much to say to her. Seems his sons have been killed in all the fighting between Loghain's men and the Bannorn, and he's a bit too bound up in his grief to pay attention to anything else. I guess I can't blame him. All in all, though, it was a profitable trip. Before we came back to Eamon's, we dropped in on Brother Genitivi since we were in the neighborhood. He's probably never going to walk quite right again, but he's looking much better than last time, and says he's had no troublesome visitors.

"I would hope not. I asked my friend Sergeant Kylon to keep an eye on you," Elissa admitted.

"Why am I not surprised?" I asked.

* * *

Elissa's just come from her private conference with Anora. She seemed a little troubled by some of what Anora said. "Oh, she was pleasant enough," she said, "and she appreciated the thought behind my gesture of giving her one of Cailan's braids. But it seems their marriage wasn't the idyll that they tried to present to the people. Cailan had... other women. He was discreet, but by no means faithful. And there was a lot of suspicion that, since he and Anora hadn't produced an heir during their five years of marriage, he was planning to set her aside to marry the Empress of Orlais."

"You're joking."

She shook her head. "I had another look at the documents he left for the Grey Wardens," she said. "The letters between himself and Empress Celene. It's not...  _quite_ spelled out, but if you read between the lines, there's definitely some merit to Anora's concerns. The most recent letter from the Empress basically indicates that she's accepted his offer."

"Wow." I had a hard time getting my head around that. But I trust Elissa's judgment and if she thinks that's what was going on, well... it's unsettling but it's also in the past.

"She also asked me to support her claim at the Landsmeet instead of yours," she added idly.

"To which I'm sure you agreed, eh?"

"I did consider it," she admitted, eyes twinkling. "If we let her keep the throne, I can have you all to myself and not have to share you with Ferelden."

"Mmm. Tempting."

"Of more immediate concern," she went on, more seriously, "is some intelligence Anora was able to provide about the Alienage. Apparently it's been closed off because of some plague that's affecting the residents, but they've opened it up again. She recommended that we look into the matter, because it seemed odd to her and the way she described it, it seems odd to me too."

I had to page back through this journal to be sure, but I actually predicted this. Back on one of our earliest visits to Denerim, I noticed the closed-off Alienage and I wrote that I suspected we would be the ones who eventually had to deal with it. Elissa's gone off to ask a few of the others to come with us, but I think I hear her voice so she must be ready to go.

* * *

It was worse than we thought. Turns out that the "plague" was really slavers from Tevinter. They set up shop, claiming to be a hospital of sorts, but in reality any elves who came in for treatment were locked in cages and sent away on slaving ships. Horrible. I don't even know how many elves have already been lost in this way, but we were able to interrupt the proceedings in time to save Valendrian, the elder of the Alienage, and several others. I very much wanted to laugh at one point, when the main slaver's assistant understood who Elissa was and said, "Oh, no! I've  _heard of you_!" Oghren, who accompanied us as well as Wynne, didn't even try to hide his laughter. And then the slaver tried to buy his way out of things, insisting that he be allowed to take the slaves with him, but... well, I don't think I need to describe just how well that didn't go for him.

We  _did_  let him go, just to be clear. But he had to leave behind the elves he'd caged, the money he'd received, and evidence that - here's a surprise - Loghain was the one who arranged for him to come and set up the racket in the first place. It'll come in handy at the Landsmeet, to be sure, but honestly - selling off elves as slaves? That seems low even for him.

It was interesting to visit the Alienage, in a sad sort of way. Some of the buildings are so run down, and a lot of the elves just look sort of hopeless. If I do become king, I want to do something to make it a better place for them. They're citizens of Ferelden, after all, and they deserve better than what they've got.

On our way in, Elissa encountered Soris, whom she introduced as the elf she'd rescued from prison when she was helping Anora. He'd apparently recounted the story to his cousin Shianni, who was among the elves protesting outside of the fake hospital. She's a spunky thing. Once she realized Elissa was the human who had helped her kinsman, she warmed up considerably. She's definitely got a mouth on her, though, and I mean that as a compliment. She's a leader among her people.

As if all this wasn't fantastic enough, we bumped into a blind Templar, Ser Otto, who was trying to investigate some goings-on in the orphanage. Apparently, some months back, there was an incident with elves wreaking havoc at the Arl of Denerim's estate, which is how that elf Soris ended up in the dungeon. From what Elissa learned from Shianni, they had another cousin who was betrothed, but some young nobles broke up the wedding, kidnapped the women, and... well, best not think about that too much. What became of this cousin, I'm not quite sure, but it can't have been good. Anyway, the Alienage suffered some kind of purging as a result of all that, and the orphanage was hit very hard. None of the children survived, poor things. Worse, all the violence seems to have caused a few tears in the Veil, resulting in demons overrunning the empty building. We cleared them out, but Ser Otto didn't make it... poor man. He was one of the Templars who was really a credit to the order. I didn't know him long, but I liked him a lot and I think Elissa did too. Another death on her shoulders, as if she needs any more.

I would have devoted more details to this, but Maker, I'm exhausted. Tomorrow is the Landsmeet; Eamon says he believes the last of the nobles have arrived. I can't wait for this to be over. The waiting is terrible.

* * *

We've just finished breakfast, and I've come to my room to put on my armor. Eamon seems to think that it's best if Elissa and I go to the Landsmeet as if we were entering a battle. We probably are.

Before the pages help me with that, though, I wanted to write down the conversation I just had with Oghren. It's strange, but also kind of sweet, and I want to remember to tell it to Elissa later in case she doesn't already know. I mentioned it briefly when I wrote about our revel, but Oghren, like Zevran, enjoys watching women. The main difference between them is that if Elissa walks into Oghren's line of sight while he's doing that, he immediately turns his head. He did it again at breakfast and I decided to say something.

"Can I ask you something, Oghren?"

"You just did, but go ahead."

"Well, I just... I know you... enjoy  _looking_. At the women in our party, I mean."

"So what's wrong with that?"

"Nothing, exactly. I just wondered - I've noticed that you  _don't_  look at Elissa the same way you look at, say, Morrigan."

He snorted. "Not exactly the best comparison you could make, boy. They're about as far apart as you can get."

"No argument, but that's not my point."

"I get what you're asking. You want to know why I don't have an interest in rutting your woman. Well, if you were wondering, it's not because of  _you_. Least not all the way." He took another drink. "It's been a long time - a really long time - since anybody was to me what she is. I'm older than you think, boy. Dwarves live longer than you humans do; I reckon it's the Stone in our blood, keeps us strong. I'm about twice your age, believe it or not."

"Really? I wouldn't have guessed that."

"Truth is, I owe her a lot," he continued. "I was pretty much nothing in Orzammar, just a drunken disgrace. People laughed at me, sodding Oghren and his bloodlust, not man enough for a Paragon. The princess was the first person in forever to give me any kind of a chance; more than that, even, she helped me become better than I was. And don't you ever repeat this to anybody or I'll gut you... but I  _can't_ look at her that way. She's - I guess she's almost like my daughter." He drained his tankard. "Which also means that if you ever do her wrong, I will cut you in half, king or no king."

I put up my hands. "Understood. I think you'd be in good company, as far as that went."

"Probably." He belched. "Enough of this feelings garbage. Let's go find something to kill."


	33. Map of the Ancient Imperium

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All that remains before they challenge the Archdemon is to claim victory in the Landsmeet. Oh, sure, that'll go well...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alistair returns for your reading enjoyment. Welcome to all my new followers! I really did intend to have this finished by the time Inquisition was released, but it's been a rocky year in ways I won't even try to explain. On the plus side, I did complete my playthrough of Inquisition, and I'm glad I did because I can add more details to this story's later chapters that will enrich the setting. This first story will then be succeeded by a sequel, "Crown and Rose," which will cover the Awakening expansion. I already have quite a bit of that planned. Quite possibly I will be doing an Inquisition story set in the same continuity, but that won't be for quite some time.

**Ancient Map of the Imperium**

_An antique, wine-stained map showing the boundaries of the ancient Tevinter Imperium._

* * *

  
So the Landsmeet has Landsmet. It's over; the nobles are either returning themselves to their home regions, or else sending word for their troops to march to Redcliffe. But I'm getting ahead of myself, and I suppose I should explain everything in detail.

We decided it would be best to send a relatively small party to the castle, so Elissa and I were joined by Zevran and Sten. Apparently the rest of our companions held a discussion amongst themselves and they were elected. I don't know why, really, but it didn't honestly matter to me too much who came, as long as I had Elissa with me (though I was privately glad Morrigan wasn't coming along).

The Landsmeet convened in the throne room, which I hadn't seen since I was very small. I'd been there exactly once, because Eamon was invited for some ceremony for Cailan - his formal appointment as Crown Prince, or something like that - and he brought me along. At the time he said it was because he thought it would be educational, but I don't remember enough of it for it to have educated me too much. Maybe my father just wanted to see me. I can pretend he cared, right?

Anyway, we arrived and were met just outside by Ser Cauthrien. She was absolutely livid that Elissa had escaped her imprisonment, and tried to challenge her to battle for a second time. But Elissa wouldn't yield. Instead, she started pointing out all the terrible things Loghain has done, like selling the elves into slavery and condoning Howe's horror show in the basement, and the longer she went on, the more Cauthrien was left without anything to say in his defense. I kind of felt sorry for her, in a way; I don't and never will accept what Loghain did, but I think I can understand _her_ position. She was loyal to a man who had always rewarded her loyalty, whatever his other faults. Finally she sank to one knee. "Save him, my lady," she begged, quietly. "Save him from himself."

I'm glossing over a lot of the details, because to be very honest, a lot of what happened was a complete blur. As we entered the throne room proper, Loghain and Eamon were in a terrific shouting match, with the other nobles occasionally interjecting and the grand cleric hovering in the background like she had a chance of stopping them if they decided to casually kill each other.

"You would put a puppet on the throne," said Loghain, meaning me, "and everyone here knows it. The better question is, who will pull the strings? Ah, and here we have the puppeteer herself!" he added, as he spotted Elissa. "Tell us, Warden, how will the Orlesians take our nation from us?" Maker, but his paranoia was galling!

She was so calm. You wouldn't in a million years have guessed that the fate of Ferelden - and me personally - was riding on every word that came out of her sweet little mouth. I heard one of the nobles say later that she was so clearly her father's daughter in that moment; apparently Teyrn Cousland was well known for maintaining a veneer of calm in difficult situations. "The Blight is the threat here - not Orlais," she reminded him.

"There are enough refugees in my bannorn now to make that abundantly clear," said Bann Elfstanna. She was up in the balcony with Eamon and a few others, a number of whom were nodding. I guess the refugees are all over the place. Another noble asked Loghain if he'd let the whole of the country collapse to the darkspawn out of his fear of Orlais.

Loghain conceded that the Blight is a problem, but then switched tactics, asking why the Grey Wardens were so necessary to stop it. He called us failures at Ostagar, neatly skirting the fact that he left the entire order to _die_. Elissa held her ground, pointing out the torture Howe inflicted on others (the father of that one young man said his son will never be fully healed), and again bringing up the selling of the Alienage elves to Tevinter slavers.

"Enough of this," said Loghain. "I have a question for you, Warden. What have you done with my daughter?"

Elissa looked mildly surprised at the question, but before she could answer it, a voice piped up from the doorway. "I believe I can speak for myself." Anora came sweeping forward, and Elissa gestured at her vaguely as if to say 'Here she is.' And of course Anora stuck by her father, telling everyone in the room that Elissa had slandered Loghain in her efforts to put an imposter (me) on my father's throne. She also called Elissa the true threat to Ferelden, which would have made me laugh if it hadn't made me so angry. There was a strange cackling sound at that, and we looked up to see a crow sitting on a windowsill, like it was watching the proceedings.

"Who here can say that Anora is not fit to rule this land?" Loghain added. "And who can say that this Alistair is? We know nothing of him, save that he _may_ have royal blood." My father's best friend, ladies and gentlemen. He grandstanded for a few minutes longer, finally urging all the nobles to stand with him to defeat the Blight. I didn't know what to expect.

And then a voice came out of the balcony.

"The Warden! I'm with the Wardens!"

It was like a dam broke. "Waking Seas stands with the Grey Wardens!" "The Warden helped me personally in a family matter!" "Dragon's Peak supports the Warden!" Around and around the room. It wasn't quite unanimous - but it was so close that there could be no denying it. Elissa looked from one face to the next as though memorizing them, her expression almost serene.

"The Landsmeet is against you, Loghain," she said gently.

"Traitors!" he snarled. "Which of you stood against the Orlesian emperor when his troops flattened your fields and raped your wives? None of you deserve a say in what happens here!" Yes, the man was a hero once, but he wasn't that man anymore, and he was wild, almost insane. He turned on Elissa, with a few of his troops flanking him.

"Call off your men," she said, a little wary, "and we'll settle this honorably."

"Then let us end this!" Suddenly he just looked sort of... sad. "A man is made by the quality of his enemies. Maric told me that once," he said. "I wonder if it's more of a compliment to you or to me. Let the Landsmeet declare the terms of the duel."

A trial by combat was declared, and it was agreed that everyone present witnessing the traditional fight would abide by the result. In other words... whoever still lived at the end of it would win. Loghain nodded. "Will you face me yourself?" he asked Elissa. "Or have you a champion?"

She hesitated only slightly, and glanced at me. I thought I knew what she was thinking, so I nodded. "I will accept the challenge," she said, gravely, "but I would have Alistair stand as my champion."

"Gladly," I muttered. Facing Loghain myself _and_ doing so on behalf of my lady? It could hardly have been a more suitable arrangement as far as I was concerned.

We were given a few moments to prepare, mostly to give the nobles on the floor a chance to climb up to the safety of the balconies. I stood to the side with Elissa and our companions, who offered me their good wishes. Elissa looked calm enough, but I could see the fear in her eyes.

"I avenged my family when I killed Arl Howe," she said. "Now it's your turn to avenge yours. The Grey Wardens were your family; this is your right."

"Thank you, my love."

"Just... be at your best," she added quietly. "I've lost everyone else I've ever loved. I don't think I could bear it if I lost you too."

"You won't. I promise." I wanted to kiss her, but in present company it didn't seem like a good idea, and I had to settle for touching her cheek briefly before putting on my helmet. I guess I don't really need to get into the details of the duel, which is just as well since I can't remember half of them. Like I said, a blur. Lots of clashing of steel, lots of grunting. At one point Loghain made a crack about me having some of Maric in me after all, and I remember replying, "Forget Maric - this is for Duncan!"

The fact that I lived to tell the story should be enough to prove that I won. I didn't even really wait for him to concede or for the grand cleric to make a formal declaration of my victory - I just killed him. It was like all of my anger, all of my pain for the loss of the Wardens, dripped with the blood off the edge of Duncan's sword. I felt sort of free. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Elissa almost stagger, Zevran catching her gently by the arm; her relief that I survived was so strong she actually swooned a bit. Anora, meanwhile, actually _did_ collapse, dropping to her knees by her father's body. I did pity her, and would have pitied her more if she hadn't turned on Elissa so rapidly.

Now, I may have fuzzy memories of the stuff which happened before the duel, but everything that happened after it ended is very clear in my mind. Some of Loghain's men took care of removing the body, and once that was done everyone sort of clustered around a bit. "So it is decided," said Eamon, since (with both of Ferelden's teyrns dead) he was the highest-ranking noble in the room. "Alistair will take his father's throne."

"Wait, what?" I asked, startled. "No! No one's decided that! Have they?"

"He refuses the throne! Everyone here has heard him!" said Anora, triumphant. "I think it's clear, then. He abdicates in favor of me!"

"I hardly think you're the appropriate person to mediate this, Anora," said Eamon. "Warden, will you help us?"

Elissa looked uncomfortable. I have to admit, I was sort of puzzled that the Landsmeet was willing to let her decide - but then, she _is_ the Warden-Commander, if unofficially. And when the nobles voted, they didn't say "We're for Alistair." They said "We're with the _Wardens_."  
"I want to speak with Alistair first," she said. To me, quietly, she said, "Are you ready to be king?"

"As ready as anyone ever is, I suppose. Which is to say - yes, I'm ready." And suddenly, after months of misgiving and years of hiding my parentage, I wanted this. I wanted the throne. I wanted to do what was best for my people. The only other option was Anora, and I don't trust her as far as I can throw her. I do trust myself, and I trust Elissa even more.

She exchanged a strange sort of look with Eamon, and cleared her throat.

"Alistair will rule," she said. "And..."

And what, I wondered. I wasn't prepared for the rest of the decision.

"...and I will rule with him."

"Really?" I asked. "I - really? This is usually the part where I wake up." After all, I've been considering asking her to marry me almost since they first told me that they wanted to make me king. But I wasn't expecting her to announce it _before_ I could ask the question.

Eamon then told Anora she had to swear fealty to me, and renounce her claim to the throne both for herself and her heirs, which I guess was in case she might be pregnant with Cailan's child - though I'm sure if that were the case she'd be showing by now. She refused, of course, not that I was surprised. But Eamon said that if she didn't, she remained a threat because she could still cause civil war.

"Put her in the tower, for now," I said. He seemed like he wanted to execute her, and while I don't trust or particularly like Anora, she doesn't deserve that. "If I fall against the Blight, then she can have her throne." Whatever else she is, she's my sister-in-law, and the only heir I've got at present. She was shocked that I would see things in such a light, calling it uncharacteristically wise of me. I told the guards, quietly, to treat her gently; she is still Queen Dowager, after all. Once we settle with the Archdemon, I'll let a wiser head than mine resolve her fate, and by that I mean Elissa's.

Elissa, who is to be my queen. Maker's breath.

* * *

Had to take a break. My hand was cramping something fierce from all that writing. It's quite late and I had to get a second candle, too, because the one I was using was melting fast.

Anyway, Anora was herded off to the nicest cell in the tower, the various nobles offered their congratulations, I made a little speech about never knowing my father, and that was pretty much that. It's going to take a while to get used to people calling me "Your Highness" instead of 'hey you.' There was a lot of applauding and some cheering, which made me feel a little better about things. The nobles approve, I guess. I saw Elissa slip out of the room with Sten and Zevran, heading back to Arl Eamon's estate to break the news to the rest of our friends. I started to follow her, but Eamon detained me.

"Alistair, a word?"

I doubled back. "That was a bit unexpected," I said.

"I hope you aren't angry with her."

"Not exactly, but..."

"The fault is mine."

Again with the unexpected. "How?"

He looked just the littlest bit guilty. "I told Lady Cousland, in confidence, that I wasn't entirely sure the nobles would accept you as king uncontested. Perhaps I should have had more faith that they would support the bloodline of Calenhad, but you were kept such a secret for so long. Even though you bear resemblance to Cailan - even though Anora knows your parentage - I feared they might think we invented the story just to displace Loghain."

"I don't understand, how does that make her decision your fault?"

He gestured for me to walk with him. We made our way out of the palace to join his guards, and began the trip back to his estate. As we traveled, he continued to explain. "I felt that your ruling alone would be unwise. But uniting Calenhad's bloodline to a strong queen, a queen of well-known noble parentage with proven skills of leadership and governance, would be sure to ease any misgivings."

I felt like he'd punched me in the stomach, I really did. "Are you telling me," I managed after a moment, "that the woman I love only decided to marry me because _she felt sorry for me_?!"

He shook his head. "No, no, you misunderstand me. When I approached her with my concerns, it was with the intent that she persuade you to wed _Anora_. I thought that would be the simplest way to settle the matter. You both had reasonable claims to the throne, and to unite the claims would remove the conflict as well as removing any doubts about the future of Ferelden."

"Did you actually think I'd go along with such a plan? She's the daughter of Loghain, Eamon! Even if I could set aside my other feelings, I'd see _his_ face whenever I looked at _her_!" I could hardly believe Eamon would try to do such a thing. Not to mention, he was the one who persuaded Cailan to divorce Anora because they didn't have children, so why would he want me to marry the same woman and possibly face the same problem? (I'm facing the same problem anyway, but that's beside the point.) "And how did Elissa respond?"

"She essentially pointed out exactly what you just said - that you would almost certainly never agree to it." Eamon smiled wryly. "I urged her to consider persuading you otherwise. We had this conversation during the trip here from Redcliffe. I hadn't realized, by that point, how you and Elissa feel about one another. I only understood that later, when you danced in my hall here in Denerim - and if that had not opened my eyes to the situation, I would certainly have realized it when she was imprisoned. You were..." He chuckled a little. "In all of your life, I have never seen you look so lost. I knew, then, that you need her - as I need Isolde. And I deeply regretted ever suggesting to her that you make Anora your queen."

"But you never suggested that I make her my queen? Because I'll be honest, Eamon, that's been my intention ever since you put this whole king idea into my head."

"I never did, no. I considered it. A union between the lines of Theirin and Cousland was a reasonable possibility; her recorded bloodline is even more ancient than yours, her family at least as respected. But I hesitated to propose it. You are both Grey Wardens, almost the _only_ Grey Wardens we have just now, and while your duties as king must supercede those of your position as Warden, Elissa has no such divided loyalties. She is, or will be, the Commander of the Grey; and while she will make an excellent queen without a doubt, I think that in truth she must always be a Grey Warden first, and a queen second."

"I don't mind that. I mean, we call it 'the duty that cannot be forsworn' for a reason. It's difficult enough to accept that I have to give up being a Warden. But if anyone can do both, I think it's her."

"Well, no matter which one she is at a given moment, Alistair, one thing is certain. She loves you." Eamon smiled. "When she put herself forward as your queen, it was not because of any suggestion she got from me, or from anyone else as far as I know. But if you're still not convinced, I suggest you ask the lady herself."

I decided to do that.

I found her in the dining hall at Eamon's estate, along with the rest of our companions. When I entered, most of them stood up if they weren't already standing, and I think at least a few of them wanted to bow but they weren't quite sure it was appropriate. After all, most of them knew me for several months before they found out I was a prince, and now they were seeing me for the first time as king-elect.

"So... strange story," I said. "Tell me if you've heard this one. This fellow gets made king and then gets engaged, all in the same minute."

"Yes, about that..." Elissa looked more than a little unnerved. Maybe she thought I'd come to call it off. "You're not angry, are you?"

"Oh, I'm actually fine with becoming king. I've had some time to come to terms with that. There might even be some good I can do. I suppose I'm more curious about, you know, the engagement. I like the idea," I added, and her expression cleared. "I just - are you sure?"

"Am I sure that I want to marry you?" She smiled. "Of course."

"Ah. Well. I guess that saves me having to ask, then. Whew." So she really did it because she loves me. If I still had any doubts, the truth was right there in those blue eyes. She couldn't give up what we have together, any more than I could. "They'll expect an heir, you know," I added, a bit more playfully. "With the Taint in our blood, it's hard enough for a Grey Warden to have a child on their own - but for two of them? Every Grey Warden I ever knew who had children had them before their Joining. Having an heir might not be possible." It was a sobering thought.

Elissa lifted her chin, eyes glinting. "It won't be for lack of trying," she teased me. Vixen. I saw Morrigan gag. Leliana stifled a giggle; Zevran and Oghren were both smirking. It occurs to me that the conversation might have been better _without_ an audience, but no matter, I suppose.

So now we're all getting some much needed rest. Eamon's traveling party has already set off for Redcliffe, where the elves, dwarves, mages, and assorted nobles are sending their troops; Riordan will accompany him. Our companions are planning to spend one last day in the city, to see to any final preparations, and then we'll make our way there to plan the offensive. Hopefully this will all be over soon.


	34. Duncan's Shield

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alistair receives the titular gift, and meanwhile, the Crows finally catch up with Zevran.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're coming down to the wire with the forty-chapter limit I've imposed, so it's probably safe to say that the remaining chapters are going to be on the long side. I trust that isn't a problem.

**Chapter Thirty-Four: Duncan's Shield**   
_The insignia of the Grey Wardens is emblazoned on this shield, which once belonged to Duncan. It was found in the Grey Warden cache in Denerim and was given to Alistair as a gift._

* * *

  
The future Queen of Ferelden was all smiles at the breakfast table today, with just a hint of mischief. As it turned out, she'd gotten up to a bit of something early. Oghren had accompanied her into the market district; before he left, Riordan had given her the location and necessary combination to access an old Grey Warden cache of supplies. It seems that when Maric first allowed the order back into the country, they had set up a base in Denerim, and Riordan had invited her to go and help herself to any remaining weapons or supplies that had been left there from his and Duncan's younger days.

"You once told me," she said, "that you wished you had something of Duncan's - something more personal than his sword, something that felt like his. So as soon as I found this, I knew you had to have it."

She gave me a beautiful shield. It's almost square, made of silverite and embossed with a variation of the griffon heraldry of the Grey Wardens, the variation which he'd used as a personal emblem. I recognized it right away. Even though he usually wielded sword and dagger, and didn't really use his shield much, I'd seen it many times and it hadn't even dawned on me that he might not have been carrying it when he fell. He'd had it for many years, since long before he became Ferelden's Warden-Commander.

I almost couldn't speak. "I'll treasure this," I managed. "Thank you, love. This - this means a great deal."

"Could you perhaps restrict yourselves somewhat to moments when the rest of us are not trying to eat a meal?" asked Morrigan. "'Tis most off-putting, watching you gaze into each other's eyes all the time. My appetite wanes at the very sight of it."

"Oh, hush, Morrigan, they're sweet," said Leliana. "Leave them be."

"So was it worth all the trouble?" Oghren grunted. "Queenie got me up at the ass-crack of dawn to go fetch that ruddy thing."

"Queenie?" I repeated. He just shrugged.

So everyone has split up for the day. It's safe for us to go most anywhere in Denerim now, with Loghain dead, and to be honest I'm not sure who's gone where. I know Wynne said something about visiting Brother Genitivi, and I believe Leliana went to the Chantry to do a little quiet meditation; beyond that, no idea. I'm just giving this book a quick scribble while Elissa drafts a letter to Levi Dryden - she's arranging for some supplies to be delivered to the keep - and then we're going for a walk together.

* * *

  
Funny story, this. The newly-elected King of Ferelden and his future Queen decided to go for a stroll through the streets of Denerim. Just the two of us, plus the dog. It might very well be the last time we have any sort of time alone together until after the final battle, so that factored into the idea. Elissa wanted to walk through the Alienage, to see how the residents there are getting on since the slavers were ousted, and it was cute the way some of the children ran up and presented her with flowers.

We were on our way back to Eamon's estate, just walking together and talking quietly. Toby was snuffling at the ground as he walked in front of us, and I don't even remember exactly what we were talking about, really. But suddenly, as we turned down a side street, Toby started growling. Elissa tried to ask him what was wrong, but she was interrupted by a voice from overhead.

"And so here is the mighty Grey Warden, at long last. The Crows send their greetings once again."

The man standing on the balustrade above us was a stranger to our eyes, but his mention of the Crows certainly got our attention. "How do you do," Elissa said coolly.

He smiled at her in an unfriendly way. He sort of reminded me of Daveth, I thought; same dark hair, same scruff, even the armor was similar. "And where is Zevran?" the man continued. "I don't see him with you - how very disappointing."

"I didn't bring him, obviously."

A large crow flapped down to the ground and started hopping around, apparently looking for food. It diverted us all for a few seconds, and then a new voice declared, "Here I am, Taliesen!"

"Zevran? What are you doing here?" Elissa looked anxious, and I got the feeling she was more worried about him than herself. Typical.

"With the greatest respect, my friends, I have been following at a distance ever since you left the Arl's estate. Grey Wardens or no, people of such high importance as yourselves should not wander about the city without a guard." He spoke calmly, but there was something hard and angry at the edge of his voice. He glared at the man he had called Taliesen. "So tell me. Were you sent, or did you volunteer for the job?"

"Oh ho, and he makes an appearance!" Taliesen smirked. "I volunteered, of course. When I heard that the _great_ Zevran had gone rogue, I simply had to see it for myself."

It didn't take me too long to put together what was happening. This was another of the Antivan Crows, come to take Zevran back and also to complete the contract that Zevran had left unfulfilled - in other words, to kill Elissa, and probably me too. That much was clear. What I was less sure of was how Zevran would respond. He finally had his best chance to betray the trust Elissa had placed in him all this time; I waited to see if he would take it.

"It's not too late, Zevran," Taliesen was saying. "I know why you did this, and I don't blame you. Come back with me and we'll make up a story. Anyone can make a mistake."

"Mm. Of course, I'd have to be dead first," Elissa pointed out dryly. 

"And I," said Zevran, his voice turning icy, " _am not about to let that happen_." 

Whether Elissa had any doubts about his loyalty, I'm not sure even now - but I did, and with that one sentence he wiped them clean. He placed her life above his allegiance to the Crows. What I felt, what I still feel, I can't describe; it's part gratitude for his choice, part remorse for my own uncertainty, and something else for which I don't know a word. Amazement, maybe. He loves her more than he fears them, and she was right all along to believe in him. Maybe I should have been less cynical, too, after the way he helped save her from Fort Drakon and everything.

Taliesen, for his part, was disgusted. "You've gone soft!"

"I'm sorry, my old friend, but the answer is no. I won't be coming back... and you should have stayed in Antiva."

Toby was growling, his head lowered, his hindquarters raised. Too late I realized that Taliesen was, of course, not alone, and we were almost _surrounded_ by his fellow assassins. I counted six or seven for sure. With Zevran's final declaration against the Crows, Taliesen made a hand gesture - much like the one Zevran himself once made, what feels now like a lifetime ago - and they launched the offensive. 

Taliesen himself was the last to fall. He managed to get a pretty good hit on me, right before Zevran sliced his throat from behind. The crow we'd seen earlier had remained present throughout the fighting (come to think of it, that seems a little strange) and it flew over and started pecking almost mindlessly at one of the shiny buckles on the dead man's armor.

"And there it is," said Zevran softly, sheathing his blade. "Taliesen is dead - and I am free of the Crows."

"Really?" Elissa had been cleaning the blood from her armor, with Toby's help. "So easily?"

"They will assume I am dead along with Taliesen. So long as I do not make my presence known, they will not seek me out."

"And that's a good thing, right?" I asked.

"A very good thing." He smiled, a little sadly. "It is, in fact, what I have hoped for, ever since your fair lady decided not to kill me so many months ago."

"So what will you do now?" Elissa moved to stand beside me, facing him.

"I suppose I would be free to leave now, if I wished," he mused. "Go someplace far away, where the Crows would never find me. I think, however, that I could also stay here - I made an oath to help you, after all, and saving the world seems a worthy task to see through to the end. Yes?"

"I would like you to stay," she said in her gentle voice. "If that is what _you_ wish, then stay with us. As a friend."

His smile became bigger. "Then I will stay. I am with you until the end."

Elissa gave a small laugh and, apparently seized by impulse, threw her arms around Zevran in a tight embrace. He looked very surprised, but lifted his own arms to return the hug, and laughed as well. Releasing her, he looked into her eyes and shook his head, smiling, and then turned to me. "Your Majesty -"

I raised a hand to stop him. "My friends call me Alistair."

He chuckled. "Alistair, then. I think you will be a great king, you know. Especially with a queen such as this one. And if my life or my death is serviceable to either of you, then you have it. After all, I have to secure my own place in your history books, do I not?"

* * *

We related the afternoon's adventure to the rest of our companions over supper. Zevran got a little extravagant in the telling; by the time he was finished, Taliesen's group had grown to twelve men, plus a pair of trained hawks who tried to pluck out my eyeballs. I don't think anyone was fooled, but it was too entertaining to bother correcting him anyway. Now for the last night's sleep we'll have in proper beds for some time.

* * *

One final meal at the Arl's estate, and we're back on the road. For their own safety, Elissa has sent Bodahn and Sandal along with the food supplies to Soldier's Peak, so we don't have them with us as we make our way back to Redcliffe. Considering what we're going to be doing once we arrive and muster the troops, the mood is oddly cheerful among our party.

It was Leliana who first raised the question. "So what is everyone going to do once this is all over?"

"Well, apparently, I'm going to be King," I said, which earned a few small chuckles. "I hope you'll all be sticking around to see this happen."

"Also the wedding," Elissa pointed out with a smile. "It won't be the same if you're not all there."

I could have predicted most of the responses. Leliana is considering making a visit to Val Royeaux, where she grew up. Wynne will most likely go back to the Circle, Sten to Par Vollen. Oghren's entire plan involves getting drunk and passing out for three days. Zevran thinks he might join him. Morrigan refused to speculate. But Shale's is by far the most memorable answer.

"I intend to launch an offensive," she told us. "I will single-handedly bring about the extinction of pigeons in this country. I will explore all the coastlines, and the forests, and I shall squish the feathered fiends wherever they hide."

"Well. It's... good to have goals," Leliana said finally.


	35. Kaddis of the King's Hounds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The companions travel from Denerim to Redcliffe for the final battle. What could possibly go wrong? Only everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know a couple people have said they were waiting for this particular chapter. I hope you won't be disappointed in how I chose to handle it. The conversation between Alistair and Morrigan in the hallway is taken from Dragon Age: The Revelation, an eight-page comic written by David Gaider (yes, that one) and illustrated by Aimo (yes, that one). It was supposed to have happened in the game itself but was cut for time, and if you haven't read it yet, you really should.

 

**Chapter Thirty-Five: Kaddis of the King's Hounds**

_Kaddis is a special "warpaint" that is used by mabari handlers so that the mabari can tell allies from enemies in the thick of battle. Different kinds of kaddis give different benefits to mabari. As with mabari collars, these benefits can be either offensive or defensive in nature._ _The designs of this particular kaddis date back to King Calenhad, and are often used by the royal army._

* * *

Everything's taken a turn for the terrible. I almost don't even know what I'm writing or how coherent it will be later, but I must write it all down while I can. With the threat of Loghain removed, we could use the remains of the Imperial Highway to travel from Denerim to Redcliffe, which allowed us to move much faster than usual. But we arrived to find things in an uproar.

One thing I don't think I explained previously is that we asked our allies to meet us here so we could then march together to battle. Riordan had been listening in on the Archdemon - some senior Grey Wardens can do that - and he was pretty certain he knew where we could meet the Blighted forces. Unfortunately, the Archdemon was apparently counting on that, and fed Riordan false information! He and his darkspawn are really assaulting Denerim! They've been spotted less than a day's march from the city gates, and while Eamon's sent messengers to warn the populace to evacuate, there's no telling whether they'll be able to outrun the darkspawn.

We're leaving at first light, of course. But it makes me sick to think of what we're going to find. All those people, including all the refugees who fled their homes for the safety of the city, and how many will die before we can get there? I keep thinking of the people we know who live there - the elves in the Alienage that we only just saved, and Brother Genitivi, and good Sergeant Kylon and his men, and even my sister and her family. It's more than I can stomach.

But wait, there's more.

Riordan asked for a private audience with Elissa and myself. I assumed he wanted to discuss strategy for the battle, which turned out to be kind of true, but not exactly what I envisioned. What he really wanted was to explain to us the secret of the Grey Wardens, why we and only we are capable of stopping an Archdemon. I'm not convinced I have the straight of it, but essentially, if an ordinary person lands the killing blow on the Archdemon, its soul will just hop into the body of the nearest darkspawn, turning it into a new Archdemon, and the cycle continues indefinitely. However, if a Warden gets in the fatal strike, the Archdemon's soul jumps into the Warden's body instead, because the Warden is the nearest tainted being. The difference is that darkspawn don't have souls of their own, but Wardens do, and so the two souls - the Warden's and the Archdemon's - more or less cancel each other out. And they both die.

To destroy the Archdemon, to vanquish the Blight, a Grey Warden must make the ultimate sacrifice. And there are only three of us in the first place.

We all stood in silence for a minute or two after Riordan finished speaking. Predictably, Elissa found her voice first. "I will be the one to take that blow," she said softly.

Riordan smiled. "It warms my heart to see such courage," he said. "But it need not come to that." He reminded us that he is the senior Warden here, and that his Calling is not far away - he's been sensing it approaching for a little while now. So if at all possible, he wants to be the one to give his life.

I bit down a scream at the idea of Elissa dying to kill the beast. I know what she was thinking - Ferelden needs its king, she wants to protect me, so forth and so on. But Ferelden's king needs his queen. I dont want to lose Riordan either, of course, but at least I can accept his rationale. He sent us off to our rooms after that, saying we needed to rest. I hardly think sleep is likely to find me anytime soon. Plus, something  _else_  happened and I don't know what to make of it.

I rounded a corner, brooding on the whole mess, and finally I just had to stop and try to take it all in. It's just too much. I'd die myself rather than let Elissa make the sacrifice, but I know her too well to think she'll give me the opportunity. I scrubbed at my face and then glanced up to see Morrigan, who was leaning against the wall. I was so startled by her sudden appearance that I asked, rather stupidly, "Don't you knock?!"

She gave me a look. "'Tis a  _hallway_."

"Yes... well... we march on Denerim tomorrow. Some sleep would be good," I told her. "If you witches even sleep. Or maybe you could turn into a cat and chase some mice, that might be fun." She didn't have a cutting retort for me, which is strange for Morrigan. She seemed distracted, almost sad.

I started to push past her and go up the stairs when her voice stopped me in my tracks. "Do you love her?"

I turned around, both irritated and baffled. After all these weeks of her talking about how nauseating we are together, why would she need to ask? "What kind of question is that?"

"A simple one."

"You wouldn't understand. You don't care about anyone." That was cruel of me, I know, especially since I know it's not true... but I'd just had too much emotional information stuffed into my brain.

"I care," she replied, in an unusually quiet voice. Then she asked, "We are not waiting for the Orlesian Wardens, are we? T'will be just the three of you, in Denerim?"

I couldn't figure out where she was going with this. "Riordan says we have a chance." And we do, provided we understand that only two of us - at most - will survive the battle.

"Alistair." I had turned away again, but her voice brought me back. "If asking a friend to do something terrible would help... would you do it?"

" _You_  want advice from  _me_?"

"'Tis come to that, yes."

"So... you have friends?"

"Only one." Elissa's name hung unspoken in the air between us.

Finally, after a moment of trying to guess her intentions and failing utterly, I said, "If it would help, absolutely. We need all the help we can get." I don't know what she wanted from me, but she looked like that wasn't quite it. She folded her arms and looked away, nodding curtly. Not knowing what else to say, I continued up the stairs, but I could have sworn I heard a faint sniff behind me.

So now I'm terrified, upset, confused, and shaken. I should definitely be able to sleep, right?

I hear footsteps outside my door. I'd wager anything Elissa can't sleep either.

* * *

Well, that much was true.

I'm not sure whether I ought to write down any of what came next. For one thing, I gather it's supposed to be a secret. Who knows whether this record might at some point fall into unfriendly hands? But even if it remains a private document for good and all, I just... I don't want to remember a lot of it.

I'll be brief in what I do say about it. Elissa was clearly distressed when she entered my room, and asked a ridiculous favor of me. It involved Morrigan, who - if I'm to believe what I'm told - is now pregnant. Assuming everything went as planned, when the Archdemon is killed, its soul will take up residence in the body of her unborn child, and be purified.

I never want to think about what was asked of me again. Truthfully, I'm amazed I was even able to do what was needed. But it's done.

One thing, however, is interesting enough and painless enough to record. After the ritual (as she calls it) was completed, Morrigan and I had what was undoubtedly the longest and most civil conversation we've ever had. She invited me to ask any questions I had, which she seemed to think was only fair. I satisfied my curiosity on a few points, none of them worth mentioning here, and then one more.

"There's something I've never understood," I said. "Elissa and I are only even alive today because of your mother."

"'Tis true enough. Mother always intended for this to happen, I expect."

"Right, that part I get. So of course she needed to save me. But did she ever explain why she saved Elissa?"

She paused. "In truth, I asked the same thing while you both lay unconscious in our hut," she replied. "Mother never was one to explain herself overmuch, though she appeared to deem it a reasonable inquiry. The only reason she gave, however, was to say that Elissa had impressed her favorably on your first visit to the Wilds. Courtesy, she said, is a rare currency in these troubled times, and it would have been wasteful to allow the senseless death of one who disperses it so generously." She shrugged. "Make of it what you will. I can offer no more meaningful explanation."

* * *

So with the ritual to exhaust me, I had an easier time falling asleep than I had expected. Elissa came to wake me in the cold gray of pre-dawn, setting some food on the table by my bed. "Are you all right, Alistair?"

I had never heard her speak so timidly. "I'll be better when this is all over," I admitted. "You?"

"The same, I suppose."

It took me a few minutes more, as I swallowed the dry crusty bread and chased it with some ale, to realize why she was looking at me like a frightened bunny. "It's all right," I told her. "I didn't expect things to go this way. But if what I did saves you, saves Riordan... then it was worth it."

She gave me a soft sort of look. "You're such a good man, you know. You're going to be a wonderful king. I'm so proud of you."

"Not as proud as I am of you," I told her. "Are you sure you still want to marry me when all this is over? You could probably do better."

"Hmm. Do you think so?"

"Hey!"

We both laughed, while we still could. "Let's get through this mess first," I suggested, "and afterward, if you change your mind, we can talk about it."

"Or maybe you'll change yours."

"Oh, no, I don't think that's likely."

We finished our breakfast, and I could hear the sounds of others rousing throughout the castle. It was the last moment we'd be alone together, possibly ever, so I pulled her to me and kissed her before letting her go. I just hope I'm not really letting her go. I can survive almost anything else, but not that.

* * *

So now we prepare to march. I don't expect to open this book again until the battle is won. If it isn't... well, then, I probably won't be opening it again at all.

_Let the blade pass through the flesh,_

_Let my blood touch the ground,_

_Let my cries touch their hearts. Let mine be the last sacrifice._

Andraste, guide us all; Maker, go with us.


	36. Dawn Ring

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many apologies for the delay in posting! It's all downhill from here, though, so quite possibly I'll finish in the next few days. Such is my hope, anyway. If you wondered about the chapter title, the Dawn Ring is given to the Warden by Shianni during the Battle of Denerim, as thanks for saving the alienage elves.

**Dawn Ring**

_Carved from a single, perfect topaz, this ring is the color of honey, and is warm, as if it has been left in the sun. When equipped in a set with the ring named Dusk, the character gains a bonus to armor._

* * *

It's been several days, but I'm finally able to pick up this book again. So! I guess the first thing you can assume from that fact is that I'm still alive. Good to know, right?

We had to march double time to Denerim, and frankly, I think everyone was exhausted before we ever got here. But when we got close to the city, and we could see the sky blazing red from the flare of all the buildings that had been put to the torch... well, it just got everyone's blood pumping and no one thought of their own need for rest anymore. We had to save whoever we could. Since it's kind of a tradition for Fereldan monarchs to stir the troops before a battle, though, I got up on a big rock and addressed everybody. Like Eamon said, we had gathered an army to replace the one we lost at Ostagar, and we just had to hope that it would be enough.

I hope someone else remembers what I said, because to be honest, I'm a little fuzzy on the details. I'm not used to making speeches. After the first couple lines, I had Elissa come up beside me and showed her off to the people as an example of how anyone can rise from being just a single person to being someone great. Then I said something about avenging the deaths of Cailan and the Grey Wardens, and the next thing I knew, everyone was running into the city and throwing themselves at the darkspawn. It was kind of terrifying and thrilling at the same time.

There was a lot of blood. A lot of screaming. A lot of fire. I'll remember those things in my dreams for years to come.

But there was a lot of hope, too. Humans and elves and dwarves, all fighting together as one army for probably the first time since the Fourth Blight. Plus a Qunari, probably for the first time ever. That's really something if you think about it. I'm not sure what, exactly, but it's definitely something. And I can only think of one person who could have ever brought it to be. (Not me, that's for sure.)

So we made our way through Denerim to the market district, which is where Riordan found us. I remember this part very clearly for some reason; it kind of felt almost like time slowed down long enough for this to happen. He gave us the very good news that we were making better progress than he could have anticipated, all things considered. Part of this, we later learned, is because Eamon's runners did actually make it to the city ahead of the horde - not by much, the people had maybe an hour's warning, but a lot of the common folk were able to escape into the countryside. Still others, we would find, had managed to barricade themselves inside some of the buildings; the Chantry, for instance, somehow came through the whole thing in halfway decent shape, and those who sheltered inside were spared. Maybe it was the Maker. I can't find a better explanation, that's for sure.

Anyway, I'm getting ahead of myself. After Riordan spoke to us about the dent we were making in the horde, he said that the Archdemon was circling around Fort Drakon, and that was where he intended to bring it down. He had made us promise that we would let him take the fatal blow, if circumstances didn't prevent it, and we were oathbound to hope that Morrigan's ritual (which even now is known only to her, me, and Elissa) would succeed and spare him. He needed us, meanwhile, to move through the city and secure certain key points which were being attacked by the Archdemon's two main generals. But he didn't want all of us to go. Since our ragtag bunch of misfits has more experience fighting darkspawn than anyone else in the entire country, he wanted a chunk of our group to remain at the city gate to cut off possible reinforcements.

"Now... who do you wish to take with you into the city?"

Up to this point, I don't think it had quite occurred to Elissa that we would not all go together. I know it hadn't crossed my mind. "Alistair," she said finally. "Wynne. And Shale."

"The rest of you will need to stay here at the gates of Denerim, to keep additional darkspawn forces from entering behind us," Riordan said. "Who will lead the forces here?"

"Morrigan - you have been at my side for a long time," she said. "Will you do it?"

"As you wish."

Riordan nodded. "Very good, that should be sufficient. Nothing you have done has prepared you for what you will face now. Maker watch over us all, my friends. I will leave you to say your farewells."

With Riordan gone, Elissa turned to the entire group. "I am... honestly not very good at speeches, if you haven't noticed," she said in a thick voice. "So I will say this quickly, to everyone together, and then I would say a few words to each of you before I go. You have been the best friends and the fiercest allies I could have ever imagined, and I am grateful to each of you for all that you've done in the last year." She blinked quickly. "I love all of you. All right, then, say what you must to one another - and then we need to go, before the fighting leaves us too far behind."

Everyone, it seemed, had a few last words to exchange with each other. While Elissa was busy with hers, I turned to Sten. "We've come a long way together," I said. "You're one of the finest warriors I've ever met. I'm glad you joined us."

"As am I... I think," he replied. "You have the makings of a good ruler. I expect you to nurture that seed and help it to grow, when this is all over."

"Indeed," said Zevran, stepping to my side. "We did not begin well, friend Alistair, and for that I am - I always will be - sorry. But you gave me a chance, and I am grateful."

"You're a pretty decent guy, you know," I told him. "Deep down. Under the tattoos."

"Well, don't say it too loudly. I do have a reputation to uphold."

"What's with all the mush?" Oghren grumbled. He sort of glared at me, then offered a hand to shake. "The drinks are on you when the fighting's done, I hope."

"Sure, why not?"

"Good. Keep an eye on Queenie there, since I can't." I had to smile, remembering what he told me about thinking of Elissa almost like his daughter.

"It _will_ try to get through the upcoming battle without too much whining or bad humor, I hope?" asked Shale.

"Be careful, Alistair," said Leliana, coming over to me. "This is the first time I've ever been invited to a royal wedding and I would hate to miss it." Her expression was mischievous, and only a little sad.

Toby butted his head against my thigh, and gave a bark. I knelt down and scratched his ear. "Don't you worry, boy," I told him. "I'll take care of her. I promise."

"You had better," drawled Morrigan's voice, and I looked up. There was an expression on her face not too far removed from the one she had worn during our conversation at Redcliffe Castle, when she had asked for my advice. "We will not meet again, you and I," she added in a tone that was for my ears only. "I expect you to do your best to at least _try_ to be worthy of my only friend."

"Look after yourself... and the... you know." It was the only thing I could think to say.

"This won't be anything close to easy," said Wynne with a sigh, when I approached her. "But I'm glad that I'll be accompanying you two to the end." She patted my cheek. "You really are like a son to me, Alistair. I'm so proud of the man you've become." I couldn't speak - my throat constricted when she said that - so I just took her hand and kissed it.

Finally, Elissa concluded her goodbyes and returned to my side. We looked at each other for a long moment. "This is it," I said. "Soon this will all be decided... one way or another."

Her big blue eyes glittered for an instant. "I love you, Alistair."

"And I love you. _Always_."

* * *

Had to leave off there. This king business is already getting a bit tiresome. Every time I'm out of sight for more than thirty seconds, someone comes looking for me. They _say_ they need my permission for things, but I think they're really just making sure I haven't slipped out the back and escaped.

Anyway, I should be safe for a little while, so let's get moving. We left the others at the gate, hoping they'd still be in one piece when we came back, and made our way to the alienage to take care of one of the generals. I don't know about Elissa, but I felt pretty sick seeing what had happened there. The elves there really aren't very well equipped for fighting, and Shianni came running as soon as she recognized us, pleading for aid.

"We'll take care of the darkspawn," Elissa told her. "Just get your people to safety." We had the backing of a contingent of the Dalish elves, a couple of mages, and some of Eamon's men, so we were certainly better equipped to handle the situation. I'm not sure exactly where Shianni took the city elves, to be honest, but I saw a number of them later so she must have found some escape route. Before she left, she gave Elissa a ring of some sort, for luck I guess.

Again, a lot of what happened next is a huge blur, but as we neared Fort Drakon to go to Riordan's aid, we discovered that we were too late. His broken body lay on the ground outside the building; he clearly fell from a tremendous height. We looked up and saw a lashing tail. "He's downed the beast," Wynne remarked, stooping and closing Riordan's eyes for him. "It's trapped on the roof of the tower. We must get up there, and soon, before it finds some means to heal itself."

Of course it wasn't that simple. Darkspawn had completely overtaken the fort, and I didn't want to think about what had become of any prisoners who had been held inside. Anora was in the tower of the castle, rather than Fort Drakon, and I was really glad I'd done that because the country was in a lot of trouble if she and I were both killed by darkspawn.

Finally we got to the second-highest level, to the area which led to the roof. We were very wary at this point, because I figured there must have been a good dozen or more darkspawn waiting to prevent us from reaching their boss. We froze in our tracks, just taking in the sheer carnage. I counted at least ten regular darkspawn, plus an ogre. All dead. And right in the middle of it all...

" _Sandal_?"

"Hello," he replied, smiling vaguely.

Wynne and Elissa immediately moved to check him over. "What are you doing here? Are you all right? Are you hurt at all?"

"I thought you sent him to Soldier's Peak with his father," I said.

"I did," Elissa said, peering into his face. "Sandal, what happened here?"

"Enchantment." He shrugged.

We all just sort of looked at each other. What could we say to that, really? "Well, you don't seem to be hurt," Elissa said finally. "Just... just stay here, okay? We'll come back for you soon."

I still to this day have no idea how in the Maker's name he got there, but there wasn't anything we could do about it at the moment. The Archdemon was waiting for us, and out we went onto the roof.

There he was, big as life and twice as ugly. Several of Eamon's best soldiers followed us, and a handful of the dwarves too, which was good because there were a lot of regular darkspawn up there trying to defend the bleeding thing. It could still fly, a little, but in a very limited capacity; mostly it just sort of flopped from one portion of the roof to another. There were ballistae up there, and I could see in Elissa's face she was calculating.

"Alistair - you take this one, I'll take that one," she said. "Keep firing on the Archdemon. We've got to weaken it as much as possible so it stops moving and one of us can take the final blow. Wynne, stay with our king and keep his health up. Shale, you protect Wynne."

"What about you?!"

"Never mind that! We don't have time!" And off she ran to the second ballista. Stubborn woman. I almost followed her, but she has the annoying habit of being right about these things, so I turned my attention to my weapon instead.

I couldn't afford the luxury of thinking. If I stopped to think, I'd stop, period. We had to keep whittling away at the Archdemon's health, had to keep realigning the ballistae every time it changed position, had to not notice the screams whenever one of our allies lost their fight. I really don't know how long we were up there - somewhere between five minutes and half of eternity, I guess.

What I do remember is the end of the fight.


	37. Starfang

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The conclusion of the Battle of Denerim, and its aftermath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It always annoyed me that my Wardens couldn't take Starfang with them when they were imported into Awakening. So I came up with an explanation for why. I also have a similar explanation, which will come later, for why Elissa doesn't have the Warden-Commander Armor she 'inherited' from Sophia Dryden. And damn it, she and Fergus deserved a better reunion scene than they got in the game, so...

**Starfang**

_The stoic blacksmith, Mikhael Dryden, crafted this peerless weapon out of a metal that fell from the heavens. The world has possibly never seen its like, or ever will again._

* * *

I suppose I should be grateful I was left alone for as long as I was, really. And this time I didn't mind the interruption - it was Wynne, wanting to see how I was feeling. I will never be too busy for Wynne, king or no king. She's the only mother I've ever had.

Right, so, the Archdemon. We had been firing on it, with the ballistae, and the dwarves were pelting it with axes and hammers and whatever else they were carrying, and Eamon's men were doing the same. One or two mages managed to get up to join us and were lobbing spells at the thing. Basically we were just wearing it down; all the noise was ringing in my ears, nothing felt entirely real. Suddenly it uttered a particularly horrendous shriek and sort of collapsed. I could see the sides of its body heaving as it tried to breathe. "Stay here," I told Wynne, "and protect Elissa." 

But she was too quick for me.

Almost before I had finished speaking to Wynne, Elissa was tearing toward the downed body of the Archdemon, Starfang gleaming in her hand. She leapt onto the creature's neck and slammed the blade downward into its skull. It screeched in pain and terror as she twisted the sword in her hands, and I heard her crying out likewise. I tried to run to her, to help, but there was a blinding light pouring off of the pair of them and I couldn't get near.

A rush of energy exploded across the entire fortress then, arcing out over the city in a white halo of power, and I knew that the Archdemon had breathed its last. Elissa wrenched the sword from the monster's head, but it shook in her hands and clattered to the rooftop as she stumbled away from the massive corpse. The blade actually shattered, apparently destroyed by the sheer amount of corruption it had encountered. After only a few steps, she collapsed.

The light had died, and below us I could hear the cheering of the fighters. It just barely registered with me why they were so ecstatic - that the Blight was well and truly halted. I was a little distracted, racing to Elissa's side. I pulled off her helmet and gathered her in my arms, bringing her lips to my ear. If Morrigan was wrong... I don't know how I could have borne it. But after a few seconds, I realized that she was breathing. The ritual had worked; she was alive. I crushed her to my chest, kissing her face in relief.

Alive she was, but bleeding and unconscious. "Wynne! Help me!"

"She survived?" Wynne hurried over and dropped to her knees beside me, looking incredulous. "Maker be praised. Here, hold her steady." Her staff glowed as she bathed Elissa in healing light. My lady gave the smallest groan, and slowly, those beautiful blue eyes opened and gazed up at me.

"Alistair... we did it."

"You did it," I told her, smiling. "You're the hero of Ferelden, love."

Shale lumbered over to us. "Is it all right?"

"Yes, Shale. How are you?" Elissa turned her head carefully to smile at both Shale and Wynne.

"I am well. It seems to have achieved victory, despite my initial belief that the odds were firmly stacked against it. Shall we vacate these premises?"

"I'm not sure I can walk just yet," Elissa admitted with a laugh. "Would you mind terribly, my dear king?"

Shale very cooperatively took Elissa's helmet and shield, and Wynne removed her gauntlets so she could put her arms more comfortably around my neck. With our friends preceding us, I carried her downstairs, stopping long enough to coax Sandal to follow us, and then through Fort Drakon and out of the main entrance. The crowd of fighters had apparently run toward the fort when they realized that victory was ours, and their shouts of triumph abruptly died when we emerged. They just stared at me, faces smudged and filled with a new fear, and I realized what was wrong.

"Love, you'd better lift up your head," I murmured. She was resting it against my neck. "I think they think you're... you know."

"Oh. Right." Slowly, she turned her head to look at the assembled, and lifted her hand in a small wave. The response was instantaneous - cheering and applauding and I even suspect some were sobbing.

"Three cheers for the Grey Warden!" someone yelled. "Maker bless you, Warden!" 

And then someone else took up another cry, and it was repeated, again and again as more people lent their voices to it. "Long live the king and queen! Long live the king and queen!"

"Well, you're in trouble," she murmured, for my ears only. "I think now you're going to have to marry me."

"That fits in very nicely with my plans."

* * *

Wow, this is really taking forever. And I'm looking back at what I wrote, and it almost doesn't sound like me, does it? I mean, I'm not usually eloquent, in any sense of the word. But I actually really like how I described all this stuff. 

The crowd parted as we moved forward, with the cheering fighters bowing as we passed them, and at the far end of the mass of people I could see our companions. They were okay, thank the Maker. Toby didn't wait for us to join them - he came bolting forward, and I carefully lowered Elissa to the ground so she could kneel and put her arms around him.

"Told you I'd be back, boy, didn't I? Oh, I'm so glad you're all right."

Not one of our companions was able to remain entirely stoic under the circumstances. Leliana was openly weeping; Zevran wasn't much better. Even Sten's expression softened into something gentler than usual. Elissa embraced anyone who was willing, and even bent at the waist to kiss Oghren's forehead, which made him laugh. I noticed, however, that Morrigan was absent - and that Elissa didn't seem surprised by it. I'll have to ask her about that.

Then again, maybe not. She did tell me we wouldn't meet again. She probably told Elissa something similar. I don't know where she's gone, and I don't especially care too much, but I think Elissa will miss her. I guess I will too, in a way... no, on second thought, I really won't. 

Anyway, after everyone had greeted everyone and talked about how happy they were that we all survived, a parade of sorts was formed to march back through the city of Denerim to the palace, which somehow came through the carnage relatively unscathed. I say 'relatively unscathed' meaning as compared to, say, the market district, which I think might actually still be on fire. Probably not, by now. One of the defensive towers has completely crumbled to dust, and some of the curtain walls will need repairing. On the whole, though, the castle's still in decent shape. 

A whole lot of people followed us into the great hall, where barely two weeks ago the Landsmeet declared me king. I realized that many of these people were probably going to need to sleep there, because their homes were destroyed by darkspawn. Bann Teagan joined us there, having sneaked along to help with the fight against his brother's orders, so I asked him to have some servants round up blankets and drinking water and things like that. "Eamon's not going to be happy with you, you know," I added.

"I know. It won't be the first time." He shrugged. "It probably won't be the last time either. What matters, Your Majesty, is that we won." And he smiled and went off to collect what I requested.

While that was going on, something rather unexpected happened - but I'm so glad it did. From the back of the hall, a warrior pushed his way up to where my friends and I were clustered near the dais. "Elissa! _Elissa_!"

She turned, looking quite honestly puzzled, and I couldn't blame her. I can't recall the last time anyone outside of our little group called her anything except "Warden" or "Lady Cousland." And then the man pulled off his helmet as he approached, and the most beautiful expression of pure joy came over her face. I've only seen her look that way a few times, and it always stops my heart.

_"Fergus?"_

Without another word she launched herself at the stranger, flinging her arms around his neck while he embraced her and swung her around a bit. The name registered in my mind and I had to smile. Fergus Cousland survived Ostagar, and Elissa finally has her brother back.

Our companions, however, were not quite sure what to make of the situation, which made me want to laugh. I'm guessing that none of them knew Elissa's brother's name, except maybe Wynne or Leliana, and they were probably too startled to think about it much. After a few emotional moments in which the brother and sister spoke rapidly and excitedly only to each other, Elissa drew back.

"I want you to meet my friends," she told him. "The ones who have accompanied me since Ostagar - I wouldn't have made it this far without them. This is Wynne, senior enchanter of the Circle of Magi; Leliana, formerly a sister of the Chantry in Lothering; Oghren, formerly of House Kondrat; Zevran Aranai of Antiva City; Sten of the Beresaad; and Shale of House Cadash. Everyone," she added, smiling at their puzzled frowns, "I don't have words for how happy I am to introduce you to Fergus... my brother."

Confusion rapidly changed to understanding, and he was greeted warmly. "Elissa has spoken of you often," Wynne told him. "It's wonderful to see that you have found her at last."

"When I heard of what happened in Highever, I hardly dared to hope that any of my family had survived," he said gravely. "Imagine my surprise when I learned that my little sister was not only alive and well, but she was the fabled Grey Warden leading the fight against the Archdemon! Our parents would be so proud of you, pup... I know I am."

She beamed up at him, then tugged on his arm. "There's someone else you need to meet," she said, pulling him over to me. "Your Majesty, allow me to present one of the throne's most ardent supporters, the rightful Teyrn of Highever. Fergus, this is Alistair Theirin, our new king... and my betrothed."

Fergus bowed deeply to me, although he looked up in surprise at that last bit. "I suppose I should formally ask for your blessing, my lord," I said. "Will you consent to your sister becoming my queen?"

"I - of course - really?" He straightened, and blinked. "You _have_ been busy, little sister." 

She just laughed. "You have no idea. I'll tell you everything, I promise."

* * *

Well, that more or less brings us up to now, in terms of the most important things. It's been about ten days since the Battle of Denerim, as it's apparently going to be remembered in the history books. Most of that time has been spent assessing damage - who died, who didn't, which buildings can be fixed, which are beyond repair, that sort of thing. The casualty numbers are pretty high, but not as high as they might have been, so we'll take what we can get.

Since the mess at the Circle of Magi has been sorted out, Knight-Commander Greagoir sent a contingent of his Templars to Denerim to help with stuff. Notably absent is that young man we found - what was his name? Cullen? - who had been tortured by the demons. Apparently his peace of mind's been so broken by his experience that he requested a transfer away from Ferelden. I guess I don't blame him. 

Having so many Templars here helped me with something that I wasn't really keen on doing, but Elissa talked me into it. (I think we all know already who's really going to be running the country.) One loose end which really needed to be tied up was Anora. Her tower came through the battle in decent shape, and as soon as we had a spare minute to think about it, we had her brought down.

"I feel like she's been through enough," said Elissa while we waited.

"She's a threat to my reign," I admitted. "I have a feeling the recommended course of action will be to have her beheaded. I know that if you'd put _her_ on the throne, that's what she would have probably done to _me_."

"You wouldn't."

"Well, I don't like the idea. Technically, she's my sister-in-law."

"And she endured several years of childless marriage to your brother, who cheated on her and almost left her for the Empress of Orlais," Elissa said. Her voice was harsher than usual. "And then her father had him killed, and then he more or less lost his mind and almost ran her country into the ground before being killed in combat right before her eyes. Not that I'm faulting you," she added quickly. "But in her own way, Alistair, Anora's been through as much pain in the last year as I have."

"I see your point. What do you suggest?"

"I think the kindest thing to do would be to send her home."

"Home?"

"Gwaren," she clarified. "Loghain was the Teyrn of Gwaren, and Anora is his only child. Let her inherit his land and titles, and go home. Maybe she'll remarry, in time. Maybe she won't. But hopefully she can be happy. Just make her first sign a document waiving any and all rights to the throne. I'm sure Teagan can draw up something that will serve the purpose."

Off I went to track him down, and he was pretty surprised, but he did it. Anora was surprised, too, and kind of suspicious. I guess I would be too. "So this is your idea of a compromise, I take it. I swear fealty to the new king, and I get to keep my head?"

"That's about the size of it," I told her. "We don't know each other well enough to like one another, Anora. But you were my brother's wife, and that makes you part of my family. And I don't agree with everything you've done, but you've always had Ferelden's best interests at heart. I don't want to have you killed."

"You're charitable. A fool, perhaps, but a charitable one."

"I've been called worse things. Will you agree to it?"

"To give you the throne, which the Landsmeet already gave you anyway, and go back to Gwaren?"

"As Teyrna," Elissa pointed out. "With you in Gwaren and my brother restored to Highever, we'll be well on our way to putting the country back to rights."

They just sort of looked at each other for a long moment. "Give me the document," Anora said finally. "How soon can I leave?"

"As soon as the Templars are ready. We can't send you home without an escort party, of course," I said. "They'll see you safely to Gwaren, and remain there with you to help you keep order, at least for a while."

"Ah, an honor guard." She signed her name with a flourish. "Are they protecting me from whatever lingering dangers Ferelden might offer? Or are they protecting Ferelden from whatever lingering danger I might be?"

"Let's just say I'm not willing to take chances in either direction."

She snorted, and glanced at Elissa. "You'll have your hands full, I suspect. I wish you luck."

"Thank you, Your Grace. I hope that you'll be settled in time that you can return to Denerim for the wedding; we'd be pleased to have you join us."

Anora actually almost smiled.


	38. Grandmaster Silverite Rune

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The coronation approaches, but there are a few wrinkles to be ironed out first...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can hardly believe we're so close to the end. Only two chapters to go, after this one! I am told that the inquest mentioned in this chapter comes up in the second volume of World of Thedas. I only have the first volume at the time of this writing, so I'm basing my mentions of it on what I've gleaned from the internet. (But let's face it, this story isn't 100% true to canon anyway - just as close as I can get it while still being as happy as I want it to be.)

**Grandmaster Silverite Rune**

_The emblem of Dumat, the first Archdemon, symbol of betrayal and the First Blight._

* * *

It's hard to find time to keep this little book updated, even without my favorite distraction... well, distracting me. Elissa's been spending the bulk of her time either catching up with her brother, which I can hardly resent, or else helping to direct the cleanup here in Denerim, which I also can't fault. We usually get a little bit of time together in the mornings and evenings, but not much else.

Let's see. It's been about a week since I last wrote. Anora set off the day before yesterday for Gwaren, with her 'honor guard.' (Oghren also went along, which I didn't anticipate. He's heading back to that inn at Lake Calenhad to see that girl of his, and it's more or less on the way, so he's traveling with them as far as the Spoiled Princess.) She doesn't expect to make it back for the wedding, which isn't too surprising given what a long way she has to travel, but we sent her off with a bunch of farewell tokens that I hope will ease whatever rift lingers between us. I mean, I did kill her father - in honorable combat, but still - so I doubt we'll ever be the best of friends. I'd like it if we developed something of an accord, though. So she's heading back with a cartload or two of her gowns, and a few jewels, and that sort of thing. It's my understanding that Gwaren didn't suffer too much from the darkspawn; Gwaren is situated in the southeast, beyond the Brecilian Forest, and the bastards didn't get that far.

In fact, all things considered, the country could be in a lot worse shape than it is. Between the civil war and the Blight, we've had a hell of a twelvemonth, but the four previous Blights lasted for _years_. We took care of this one in record time. Naturally, the Grand Cleric held a big service of thanksgiving as soon as decently possible.

Preparations are underway for the coronation, which - out of necessity - is going to be a very understated affair. In fact, it's going to be so simple that we've set the date for five days from now, which works out nicely. I'm more interested in them getting the wedding pulled together anyway. Elissa wants that to happen as soon as possible (and I'm certainly not arguing), mostly because of Sten. It seems he's itching to go back to Seheron and give his report to the Arishok; he told her he had booked passage on a ship for the day after the coronation, but she really wants him to be at the wedding so she talked him into staying a little bit longer. I could be wrong, but I'm almost positive that this will be the first Fereldan wedding in history whose honored guests will include a Qunari.

She herself is leaving the day after the coronation. She's going to accompany Fergus back to Highever - one of my first official acts as king will be to formally restore his teyrnir - and have a memorial for their parents and the others who died there. I'm a little unhappy about it, mostly because I can't go with her, but I really can't blame her either. From what she told me, the castle is a horrid mess; when she and the other women were on their mission to rescue Anora from the Arl of Denerim's estate, they overheard some soldiers talking about the fact that the bodies are still all there from the massacre. I don't want Elissa to have to see that, but she's sort of insistent. Wynne and Leliana are going to go with her, so that makes me feel a little better; they'll console her if she needs it. I thought Zevran was going to go too, but he's apparently staying behind to keep an eye on me. Her idea, probably. I'm not sure what the others will do, exactly, but they've all promised to be at the coronation.

And as she pointed out, the day after she comes back, we'll be getting married.

* * *

Oghren returned this afternoon, with his lady friend in tow; she was introduced to the rest of us as Felsi. More significantly, she was introduced to us as his wife. Felsi's started to swell, so before they came back to the palace, they got married. I guess their reunion before the Battle of Denerim was more successful than even Elissa realized.

"Sorry to beat you to the punch like that," said the father-to-be with a cheerful sort of grin, "but you know how it is."

"I'm not offended, I promise," I told him. "Congratulations."

"Heh. Thanks. Good to know there's one woman in the sodding world who can put up with me - well, two if you count Queenie. I'm gonna try to do it right this time. Make sure you do too."

* * *

Coronation is tomorrow. We had a little pre-ceremony banquet tonight, just for our friends - our entire group, plus Fergus, Felsi, Sandal, Teagan, Eamon, and Brother Genitivi. (We were so happy to learn he'd sheltered in the Chantry and wasn't hurt that we invited him to dinner.) Eamon had wanted to host it, but his estate suffered so much damage during the fighting - no surprise, given that it's just off the market district - that he's honestly considering just razing the whole thing to the ground and rebuilding. So we had it here instead.

The food was simple, which was Elissa's idea. "It won't do to have anyone think that we're eating better than they are," she explained to me, "not when we're all suffering so much. And I don't think we could get anything too fancy just now anyway." She was right, of course, and we made do with some well-prepared vegetables and a salted pork that had been stored as Cailan's welcome-home meal following Ostagar, which of course was never put to purpose. It's cured nicely in the intervening months. We toasted to his memory, and to Duncan's, and Riordan's, and all of the fallen.

Eamon will, of course, return to his family once the coronation is completed; they'll all be returning at the end of the month for the wedding. In fact, he says, once they come back to Denerim, they might not be leaving again. "Connor has to go to the Circle, of course," he said with a sigh. "My poor boy. And Isolde absolutely refuses to speak of what happened in Redcliffe - she says she never wants to go back." I didn't even realize it, but they weren't at Redcliffe Castle when we were all there the night before the battle. Once Eamon had left with our party to come to the Landsmeet, Isolde and Connor made their way to Teagan's bannorn. They're still there. Eamon was able to get permission to keep Connor out of the Circle until after my wedding, which I suppose he got away with since he's Queen Rowan's brother; I didn't ask. He and Isolde will take up residence in Denerim, probably here in the castle until his estate is repaired, and he's planning to cede the arling to Teagan.

So there went my plan to invite Teagan to stay on as my advisor, although he promised he'll stick around for a while and visit as frequently as he can. Brother Genitivi, meanwhile, accepted Elissa's invitation. She already sent a message to Soldier's Peak to reassure Bodahn that Sandal is okay, and they're going to stop there on the way to Highever to bring him back. She wants to show the place to Fergus anyway. Genitivi will go with them, and stay on as the head of the citadel's Chantry; he's going to bring his entire personal collection and set up shop in the library there, and continue his writing and research when he's not tending to the faithful. He seems pretty excited about it.

* * *

I knew this was too easy.

Eamon came to me this morning while I was getting dressed. There's no actual crown for this coronation, which starts in about an hour, but it was decided that I'd wear Cailan's armor. Since it's a Theirin heirloom, we all thought it might send the right message, so it's been polished up and I kind of look like a walking gold vault. I feel a little ridiculous to have it be this shiny, to be honest.

Anyway, to come back to the point, Eamon came in as I was finishing, and he sent the page away once he was done helping me. "You look a little worried," I told him. "Is something wrong?"

"Not exactly. But I do have news." He sighed. "I thought this might happen. The Landsmeet has declared you king, and no one will gainsay them. But there remains some lingering doubt as to whether you were truly fathered by King Maric - whether you are indeed a Theirin king."

"I was, though, right? I am, aren't I?"

"He never denied it."

"That's... not much of an answer, Eamon."

"I'm sorry." He sighed again. "Perhaps it's time you knew the truth."

"What _now_?"

"You grew up in my household, under the impression that your mother was a serving girl who died giving birth to you. That... is not quite right. And the truth will out, at the inquest, so it's best you know that now."

I sat down hard. "My mother didn't die?"

"No. She... left your father, for a time, and returned with you in her arms. She told him you were his son, she gave you your name, and she asked that you grow up believing her to be dead." His eyes were sad. "Such is how he explained it to me, at least, when he asked me to oversee your upbringing."

"Is she alive?" He didn't answer, so I stood up again. "Eamon, _is my mother alive_?"

"I don't know, my boy," he replied softly. Even now I'm not sure I believe him. "I don't know who she was. Your father never told me anything except that her name was Fiona. That much I told you was true. Duncan, however..."

"What about Duncan?"

"Duncan actually knew her. They were acquainted. He even named a weapon after her." He chuckled, briefly and faintly. "He stopped in Redcliffe when he journeyed to Highever, before the Battle of Ostagar. He told me he was thinking of telling you who she was, once the fighting was over. I urged him to reconsider - we had both promised your father we would not - but he was seriously contemplating it."

So apparently I have to endure this inquest thing, sometime soon. I don't even know when. But Loghain should just be grateful that he's dead, because the list of things he took away from me just got longer. If Duncan had survived Ostagar, I would know who my real mother is. I might even have gotten to meet her, if she's still alive. And now I never will. It's not like _Fiona_ is any kind of real clue; she might not even be in Ferelden. For all I know, she's from Orlais. The name does sound Orlesian, come to think of it, so that's no help at all. And that's assuming that Eamon's even telling me the truth.

This isn't exactly the most cheerful way to start my kingship, is it? I need to stop thinking about this and go smile for my people. And for my queen.


	39. Painting of the Rebel Queen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alistair gets "coronated," as he calls it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To those who have been asking about Alistair and his mother, this will eventually be resolved. However, it's not going to be for a while - down the road, after the Awakening story, I'm planning a third one set during Inquisition. That one will have a revolving point of view, rather than Alistair's narrative, but the subject of his parentage will be addressed.  
> I can't find any reference in any sources available to me which mention what became of the Arling of Denerim after the game, and I absolutely hate Bann Vaughan (don't we all?), so I went with something I thought was more appropriate than letting him live.
> 
> Many thanks to FFN user MajinBakaHentai, who corrected my geography error in the previous chapter!

**Painting of the Rebel Queen**

_This painting portrays a battle between Orlais and Ferelden. The Rebel Queen, with fiery red hair, has climbed atop a ruined chariot and is holding aloft her battle standard._

* * *

Just in case I didn't have enough problems, right after Eamon left, a page came to find me with a letter. We of course sent notice as soon as possible to the motherhouse at Weisshaupt, to let them know that the Blight was halted; well, more accurately, we sent the news to the Warden-Commander of Orlais, since Orlais's Wardens are the most nearby, with a request to pass the word. So the letter was from the First Warden - the First Warden himself, Maker help me - wanting to know, among other things, exactly how Elissa managed to slay the Archdemon without dying. How do I even begin to explain that?

I'll deal with it later. I have to go get coronated.

* * *

I wonder if I'll ever get used to people saying "Your Majesty" and meaning me.

The coronation was simple, like I said, but overall very nice. All the nobles and gentry who could be gathered on such relatively short notice crammed themselves into the throne room. Elissa and our companions got to stand at the front; I was pretty insistent on that. They made me sort of process from the back of the room, so I had to walk past everyone and try to look serious and not like I wanted to run screaming, which part of me did. I mean, I'm okay with being king (at least, I'm more okay with it than I used to be), but I feel weird constantly being on display.

They got the carpets pretty clean, considering how many people were sheltering in the throne room after the battle and how dirty it got as a result. I had to walk from the back of the room up to where the steps lead up to the dais, and there were soldiers standing on either side of each step. As I climbed the steps past them, they'd snap to attention, real official. The Grand Cleric - the same woman who hadn't wanted to release me to the Grey Wardens, all those months ago - was waiting by the throne.

My father's throne. _My_ throne. Maker's breath.

She gave me a funny sort of look when I got to her. I almost want to say she looked like she might be proud of me, but maybe that's wishful thinking. I knelt for her blessing, and she lifted her hand above my head.

"In the name of the Maker, and in the sight of Andraste, I name you, Alistair Theirin, King of Ferelden, sovereign lord of the lands east of the Frostbacks, protector of the people and aegis of the faith. May your days be long and blessed; may your courage never falter; may your wisdom never fail." And then I stood up, and she bowed to me, and I bowed back. I don't know if I was supposed to do that, really, but it seemed right at the time.

Incidentally, I only know what the Grand Cleric said because I asked Leliana about it later. She was nice enough to write it all down for me to copy. All I remember hearing at the time was "Blah blah blah Andraste, something something, don't screw this up." Wynne says that the 'aegis of the faith' bit of my title is in memory of Havard, Andraste's friend and disciple, who they say brought Her ashes back to Ferelden. She's not positive, but she thinks he was the Guardian we met at the Temple of Sacred Ashes, and I kind of like the idea of carrying a title in his honor. It's been part of the formal string of titles belonging to the King of Ferelden since Calenhad.

Anyway, once the Grand Cleric finished speaking and it was made all formal and real, I turned around and saw everybody cheering and waving at me. It's hard to believe that a little more than a year ago, I wasn't sure anybody would care if I even survived the Joining ritual, and now I'm the king. To some extent, it still doesn't feel real. I had to say something to them, of course, and I'd spent quite a bit of time practicing what was going to come out of my mouth. It does seem to get easier when I practice. The soldiers on the steps moved aside to wait more in the wings, and Eamon walked up to join me on the dais. It might be the last time he does anything particularly important at court, so I didn't comment. I suppose I owed him that much.

"Thank you all," I said. "You placed your trust in me at the Landsmeet, and I will do everything in my power to prove myself worthy of it. My friends, we are gathered to celebrate those responsible for our victory. Of those who stood against the darkspawn siege of Denerim, there is one in particular who deserves commendation. The one who led the final charge against the Archdemon remains with us still, an inspiration to all she saved that day." I could see Elissa turning a bit red, and I smiled and gestured for her to come and stand beside me. "Following her own painful losses, the daughter of the late Teyrn Cousland now leads the Grey Wardens of Ferelden. Ladies and gentlemen, may I formally present my betrothed, Lady Elissa Cousland of Highever, who will soon be your queen."  
There was more cheering at that. Fergus, who was standing with Wynne and Leliana, was particularly boisterous. I turned to Elissa once she had joined me. "It is hard to imagine how you could have aided Ferelden more. I think it only appropriate that I return the favor. As a reward - and as an engagement present," I added, since I'd never managed to find an appropriate token, "I offer you a boon of your choosing."

She looked thoughtful, as she so often does. "The sacrifices of the Wardens should not be forgotten again."

It was a very good point and I told her so. I announced my intention to construct a monument to all the Wardens who fell at Ostagar, plus Riordan. I also declared that the Arling of Amaranthine, which had belonged to the turncoat Howe, was to be ceded to the Wardens. Sure, we - or I guess I should say they - have Soldier's Peak, but Amaranthine has citizens whose tax money can help fund the order, and farmlands that can fill the granaries, and things like that. 

After that I had a few other official things to do. I declared Fergus Cousland the Teyrn of Highever (yes, it was supposed to be my first act as king, but he didn't seem to mind his sister taking precedence). There was also the matter of the Arling of Denerim, since Howe had usurped that as well; the old Arl died at Ostagar, and apparently his son was killed during the Alienage uprising. From what I hear, there was a good reason for his death. Anyway, Elissa and I had discussed it earlier, and it seemed to us that with Loghain dead, Ser Cauthrien needed some kind of new purpose. So she's now the Arlessa of Denerim, though I've impressed upon her strongly that the elves of the Alienage are very much _not_ for sale and are to be treated with the utmost dignity. There's a lot of rebuilding to do there.

I also wanted to pay some tribute to our various allies. For the Dalish, I announced that the Brecilian Forest is theirs - human may travel through it as needed, but I'm going to have some kind of formal guard rotation keep an eye on the situation. They're Fereldan citizens too, and deserve respect. The only concession I asked from them is that if any city elves would rather go to live with the Dalish than remain in the Alienages, they be allowed. I've even invited Keeper Lanaya to serve as a member of the council, to keep us informed of elven concerns, although I don't know yet if she'll accept. 

I wanted to declare the mage tower free of Chantry governance, but I had talked to Wynne about it beforehand and she told me that wouldn't go over well, so I decided against it. It's something they have to do for themselves. Elissa and I will be sending wedding invitations to First Enchanter Irving and Knight-Captain Greagoir, though, and we'll figure out some kind of boon for the mages and also the dwarves. King Bhelen already sent a message of congratulations and a proposal for increased trade, so there's that.

Once I got all that out of the way, Elissa had to go outside - a lot of the common folk had gathered for the coronation, but I knew perfectly well they were much more interested in seeing their hero. I can't blame them; I think she's a lot more interesting than me too. While she went out and let them have a look at her, the rest of us milled around and chatted and I got introduced to a lot of people that I can barely remember. I hope there won't be a test. Everything's pretty well calmed down now, and I'm expecting my queen-to-be to knock on my door any moment. As I told her earlier, I get to marry the woman I love; I couldn't ask for a better reward for my part in all this.

And I believe I hear her now.

* * *

It's been a long day.

Lots of departures this morning. Eamon's heading back to Redcliffe to collect his family, although Teagan's staying to keep me company for the time being. Good thing too, because Elissa also left, and I'm already missing her so badly I can't think straight. She and Fergus put together a nice little traveling party. Shale decided to go along as well, since it was preferable to remaining in the palace the whole time they're gone. They hired a wagon for the comfort of Wynne, Leliana, Sandal, and Brother Gentivi, not to mention to carry all of the good scholar's things. As I mentioned previously, he's very excited about settling in at Soldier's Peak. Elissa said the plan is to remain there for a day or so, see that all is in order, and then travel to Castle Cousland. Hopefully Highever is in halfway decent shape; who knows what Howe's been doing to it. While they're at Soldier's Peak, she's planning to collect the Cousland family blade that she left there, to have Fergus return to the family vault.

"I'm going to keep the shield, though," she said. "I already told him. It's been with me for so long that it feels like part of my arm. I really do miss Starfang - I don't know where I'll ever find a sword that strong again."

"Why not keep the Cousland blade until you get a replacement?"

"I considered it, but... I think it's time for that sword to go home. To sleep again, if that makes any sense."

"I think I know what you mean. Come back to me soon, all right? I'm sort of useless without you."

She laughed. "You are not. But I'll be back in about six weeks, and then we'll be married."

"I can't wait."

So they've gone, and I've got Teagan and Zevran and Sten more or less following me around to keep an eye on me. Oghren and Felsi are on some sort of honeymoon, the details of which I'm perfectly happy to remain uninformed. I have enough to worry about. Elissa and I decided that my response to the First Warden would be to plead ignorance of the whole thing; we have no idea how she's still alive. Of course we know, but it's not as though anyone can prove otherwise, since the details of Morrigan's ritual are only known to the three of us. 

That was the first letter I wrote. My second letter was to Empress Celene; I expected that by now she's been long since informed of Cailan's death, and the fact that she will not be making him her consort, but I thought it was reasonable that I more or less introduce myself to her. There was a formal invitation to my wedding included, which was really more to impress upon her that I have no intention of living up to Cailan's end of their bargain. He might have been willing to set Anora aside, but there's not a force in Thedas that can compel me to give up my Elissa.

Those were the hardest. I also had to send an acknowledgement of King Bhelen's letter, and get out the wedding invitations - I promised Elissa I'd handle that while she's away, and the better notice we can give the nobles, the more likely that they'll come. It can't be a really fancy royal wedding like she deserves, because Denerim is still recovering from everything, but Teagan promised that we'll set up something good. The whole city deserves a celebration after what it's endured, as far as that goes, and I'm going to give it to them if I can.


	40. Tiara

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alistair ends his journal's first volume by sharing the details of his long-awaited wedding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we are at the end of Origins! My thanks to all of you who have joined me for Alistair's journey. Special thanks to my friend Katie, who helped me figure out the wedding clothes. I hope you've enjoyed this as much as I have! (By the way, if you were wondering about the title of this chapter - the tiara is a gift item that can only be acquired by pickpocketing a specific noble in Denerim's market district. Since I never play rogues, I only discovered its existence while browsing the DA wikia.)
> 
> Update March 2017: There was to have been a sequel story which would cover the Awakening expansion, but there were so many other projects demanding my attention that I had to abandon the plan. It also just wasn't materializing properly - what little of it I did write pleased me, but I couldn't make the dots connect as well as I'd hoped. However, at the request of my best friend/self-appointed bodyguard, I did give Inquisition a run. It's called All This Sh*t is Twice as Weird and it's on its way to beating this story as the longest thing I've ever written. If you liked this, you'll probably like that too, so please do check it out!

**Tiara**  
_A golden tiara adorned with a single gem._

* * *

It's been a few days now since Elissa and her entourage left Denerim. I've got people out assessing the damage in the different parts of the city. The Chantry is the one building in the market district that's more or less pretty much intact, although the Gnawed Noble Tavern didn't fare too horribly. We've had some monstrously huge funeral pyres, and my arm about fell off from signing letters of condolence to the next of kin of every fallen person who could be identified (which is why I haven't written in this journal). But I felt it was important.

One person who survived, and I'm sure Elissa will be happy to hear it when she returns, is Sergeant Kylon. He took up a position near the Chantry with some of his more competent soldiers, and they were partly responsible for how well the darkspawn were kept clear of it. I've arranged for him to be promoted to lieutenant, as a reward for that. I also offered him a post, and he accepted it - to be in charge of security in the Alienage, because I want someone trustworthy there to keep order.

Speaking of the Alienage, I had an audience with Valendrian, who was an Elder we met when we were settling that mess with the slavers. From what I understand, he's more or less to the Alienage elves what a Keeper is to a Dalish clan. Anyway, he's going to be my main contact with his people in the city. He seemed pretty surprised that the new king of Ferelden would take a personal interest in their situation, although when he saw it was me and realized that I'd helped get him out of that cage, I guess it made more sense to him. I even invited him to the wedding as a gesture of good faith.

Elissa wants pretty nearly _everyone_ at the wedding. Brother Genitivi won't be there, of course, since he's at Soldier's Peak (or will be by that point), and probably Levi Dryden and Avernus won't be coming either. Obviously Morrigan is long gone. But our companions and all the nobility aside, we've sent invitations to Keeper Lanaya, First Enchanter Irving, Knight-Commander Greagoir, Sergeant Kylon, and - purely for the sake of formality - Empress Celene, King Bhelen, the kings of Antiva and Nevarra, Viscount Dumar of Kirkwall, the sovereign Prince of Starkhaven, and Divine Justinia. I don't really expect any of them to show; as you can see, I don't even remember all their names off the top of my head. Teagan did most of the addressing of the invitations for me, I just told him where they went.

The Grand Cleric will preside over the ceremony, of course. Leliana will serve as Elissa's bridal attendant, and Teagan will stand up with me. I offered the job to both Zevran and Sten, but they both declined; Sten was uncomfortable with the idea of being anything more than a guest, and Zevran didn't want to attract any undue attention that might still be lingering from the Crows. Oghren has a pregnant wife to look after, so I didn't even suggest it.

* * *

I feel like I'm constantly busy. It's helpful; I don't get bored and I don't have much time to mope about Elissa not being here. It's tiring, though. Interview this farmer, read a letter from that bann, figure out who gets how much money, so on and so forth. In between I've been trying to do some more reading. I had a letter from Anora saying she arrived safely in Gwaren with her escort, so I wrote back and asked her to recommend some books I could study on governance. I'm sure she'll fall over when she reads that, but hopefully she'll humor me.

Speaking of letters, it's been a little over a sevenday since Elissa left, and her first letter arrived this morning. It's short, so I'll copy it here.

_We've arrived at Soldier's Peak, and Fergus and Brother Genitivi are both in awe. Genitivi has made himself quite at home; this is one place he says he has often wished to study and was never able, for reasons I'm sure you understand. He's camped out in the library most of the time, only really leaving it to minister to those in need of guidance. He even takes most of his meals there. I can't blame him, though, as his leg has never properly healed and he doesn't like to walk any more than is necessary._

_I had a short meeting with Avernus; he seems to have made an interesting breakthrough since last we saw him. I'll tell you more about it when we can speak in person, as it's a bit much for a letter. Levi and his family are well and send you their felicitations. My only regretful piece of news is regarding Bodahn. He's overjoyed to have Sandal back, but informs me that with the dissolution of our party, he feels it necessary for them to seek their fortune elsewhere. He once told me that he was separated from his wife, who lived in Denerim, and he's sadly had word that she was killed in the darkspawn attack. So he feels there's no real reason to stay in Ferelden any longer. They're returning to the Deep Roads and in that manner traveling to the Free Marches. There are more surface dwarves there, and also plenty of adventurers, so he thinks they might be able to fall in with another company like ours. I wished them both well, of course, and urged him to send us a letter now and again with word of how they're faring._

_All these goodbyes are a bit of a strain. I'm so glad I'll be returning to you permanently. Wynne and Leliana both send their love. We'll stay here another day and then set out for Highever, which I'm sure will be only too glad to have its rightful Teyrn again._

_I love you, Alistair. I'll see you as soon as I can._

* * *

Eamon and his family arrived today. I didn't expect them so soon, to be honest, but maybe I should have. He'd sent word to Teagan's bannorn to have Isolde and Connor meet him in Redcliffe, rather than wait for him in Rainsfere, and the _Queen Rowan_ sailed into port bright and early this morning, carrying pretty nearly everything they own. Stonemasons are already at work tearing down his Denerim estate, so I've set them up in the east wing of the palace. There's a couple of templars on hand, just in case something goes wrong with Connor, but I hope it doesn't come to that. 

One thing they brought that took me by surprise was our wedding gift. A porter came down the wide gangplank of the boat leading two magnificent grey yearlings - two of the most beautiful horses I've ever seen. The Redcliffe horsemaster, Dennet, raises some of the finest horses to be found anywhere in Thedas, and these two are perfect examples. "They were too young to be sent with the knights searching for the Sacred Ashes of Andraste," Eamon said, "so they've been in Dennet's stable all this time. As soon as I saw them, I thought they were the perfect wedding present for Ferelden's Grey Warden king and queen."

"Elissa will love them," I said. She's fond of animals in general, and I know she's got a particular liking for horses. I've taken the liberty of naming hers, mostly because I know exactly what she would call it. Mine is Aegis; hers is Griffon. The Warden-Commander of Ferelden will ride a Griffon.

* * *

A special arrival today! I had no idea the weaver crafthall was capable of producing such things on so short a notice, but a representative came to the palace today with another wedding gift. I can hardly wait for Elissa to see it. It's a new heraldic banner for the throne room, designed specifically for the Hero of Ferelden. (I called her that on the roof of Fort Drakon, but I didn't expect it to stick. But apparently, this is the official title the Chantry has given her.) It's a beautiful combination of mabari hounds and Grey Warden griffons and the Cousland laurel leaves, all on a snow white backdrop with gold edging. I had it hung right away.

* * *

More gifts have been arriving, but what really needs to arrive is my bride.

King Bhelen had his forges craft a pair of crowns for us. Ferelden royals don't really wear crowns, unlike some countries; I guess we're just not that fancy, or something. But since he won't be coming himself, he sent us these. They're pretty, although not terribly useful in the way of hats. They're gold circles, inlaid with silverite, and have eight crenellations which are each tipped with a tiny diamond. They'll do for the ceremony itself, but I imagine we'll be leaving them at home most of the time.

There's a smithy here in Denerim which hasn't done too well since the battle. Wade's Emporium - it's near Goldanna's house. Anyway, the proprietor also came with a wedding gift, one of the few things which survived the destruction of his shop. What a diva he is - Zevran thought he was hilarious and they had a long conversation about leather. Wade said he heard that the queen-to-be lost her sword while slaying the Archdemon, so he wanted to gift her with a new one. "It's not nearly what it should have been," he wailed. (His partner Herren kept rolling his eyes.) "The haft is all wrong, and I wanted something more elaborate in the design of the blade. Please tell Her Highness that it's an absolute _travesty_ that I couldn't craft something more fitting to her station and her sacrifice, but I'm afraid it will have to do."

I don't know why he was upset. It's a spectacular sword, almost as impressive as Starfang was. "I'm sure she'll love it regardless."

"There, you see, Wade?" asked Herren. "The Queen will love your gift. Come on, we've got to get back to clearing out the rubble. Maybe we can find something else while we're searching."

"Oh, I hope so!"

They were barely out of sight before Zevran, Oghren and I all kind of fell over laughing. Even Sten seemed amused.

* * *

The inquest was today.

I won't say a whole lot about it, because to be honest I wasn't in the room for large parts of it. Eamon did most of the talking about my upbringing anyway, testifying that my father had brought me to him as a baby and told him my name and what my mother wanted in the way of hiding her identity. There really weren't too many people interested in arguing against my claimed ancestry, which was a plus. Apparently I bear a strong enough resemblance to Maric and his mother that those who can remember both of them find my claim believable. Eamon confessed to having the castle records doctored; it seems there really was a serving girl in the castle who had a baby and died in childbirth, and the child really did die. That was Goldanna's mother - but the records made it seem like it was my mother too. She's not my sister after all.

She was there, of course. She actually testified at the inquest, telling them how her mother had died along with her baby brother and how she'd been cut off with a coin when she tried to say that the baby was the king's. Whether it was or not, I don't know; Eamon didn't seem to think so, but I suppose it could have been. I felt sorrier for her, knowing that, because she's had a rough life. At least she and her family survived the battle - they were among those who managed to flee the city, it seems, and though their home was destroyed, they're alive.

She saw me after it was over. "So you're not my brother after all."

"It looks that way. I'm sorry I barged in on you, claiming that I was."

She sighed. "I just don't know what to do now."

"I have an idea," said Teagan. He'd come to the proceedings, naturally, as my companion, and we both looked at him. "If you're not opposed to going back to Redcliffe, my brother has asked me to take over as Arl. You could work in the castle, and have a home in the village."

"Best offer I'm likely to get," she mused. "I guess I'll go pack up my children - not much to pack." I gave her a few sovereigns, to pay for the hire of a wagon to take them to Redcliffe, and off she went. So that's one thing off my shoulders, I suppose; I haven't turned my back on a sister I don't have, and she hasn't turned hers on me.

* * *

My wedding day isn't getting here fast enough. I had another letter from Elissa, letting me know that they're in Highever now and all the funeral proceedings are complete. Things are quite a mess there and Fergus will have his hands full, but she's confident he can handle it. She's been immersed in the task of going through her mother's personal effects, such as weren't raked over by Howe's men, and was delighted to find that the dress she wore when she married Teyrn Cousland is still there and in one piece. She's going to wear it for our wedding, and Leliana's got something pretty to wear from Elissa's old wardrobe too. 

They're starting to get the Chantry ready for the ceremony. All the nobles who are planning to attend are slowly trickling back into the city, and those who aren't are sending gifts. The Divine sent a bottle of her favorite wine (I didn't know the Divine was allowed to have a favorite kind of wine) and a formal declaration of blessing. The market district has been cleaned up enough that the bulk of the festivities will be held there; the whole city will be encouraged to mingle and eat and dance and celebrate.

* * *

Haven't had much time to write. Between all those kingly duties, I've been getting fitted for a new doublet for the wedding, and still tackling my reading. Or I'm sleeping, since this is all pretty tiring.

I'm searching for an artist to make Elissa's wedding present for me. Just in case she would ever see this, I'm not writing what it is until it's ready.

* * *

They're back!

She's asleep or I wouldn't be bothering to write this, but my beloved is back in Denerim and I'm never going to let her out of my sight again, except when her Grey Wardening means I have no choice. Tomorrow is our day, and I finally get to call this woman my wife. I feel like I've been waiting forever - like my entire life has been leading up to this. I guess it has.

I've got to leave off here, because Teagan has decided I need a little party to celebrate the end of my bachelor life. He, Fergus, Oghren, Zevran, and even Sten are waiting for me in the wine cellar. This can only end badly but I'm too happy to care.

* * *

Well, that was one of the worst decisions I've ever made. Ugh, my head. Elissa's going to kill me if I don't get some sleep before the ceremony.

* * *

We set out this morning on a grand tour of Ferelden. We're going everywhere - we're escorting Fergus back to Highever, where I'm planning to set up a memorial for Duncan, and also escorting Teagan (who is now officially the Arl) back to Redcliffe. We also want to stop in a few other places from our travels, and let the people get a good look at their new king and, more importantly, their queen.

But I have to write down how my wedding went. What better way to finish this journal?

Teagan had me up at a horrible hour of the morning and poured some kind of medicine down my throat so I'd stop feeling so poorly from the wine. The wedding was set for ten, so that the people could have almost the whole day to celebrate, so he and my other friends hustled me over to the Chantry. I had my new crown on and Elissa's was brought along so she could be crowned as soon as we were married.

Here's what I remember: I remember standing up at the altar, with the big figure of Andraste looming over us and templars lining the walls, and all the wedding guests waiting for her to enter. And then in she came, with one hand on Fergus's arm. In the other hand was a bouquet that Keeper Lanaya brought from the Brecilian Forest as a gift from their clan, a huge collection of Andraste's grace and elfroot and a few other leaves and blossoms I didn't recognize. Her mother's gown was a dark ivory, almost a gold color, split open at the front to reveal an under-panel of lighter fabric adorned with dark grey pearls arranged in a pretty design. Her beautiful hair hung loose down her back, and her eyes... I spent the whole ceremony looking into her eyes, I barely remember saying the vows. Leliana walked behind her with another bouquet, wearing a simpler dress of silver-blue material, and as they came up the aisle, all the guests bowed for their queen for the first time. When they reached the altar, Elissa and Fergus and Leliana all bowed to me before Fergus put her hand into mine.

The Grand Cleric made some lengthy speeches about the sanctity of marriage, the blessing of the Maker in the form of children, may our reign be a golden time for Ferelden, blah blah blah. I don't know. I don't much care. I had Elissa - _have_ Elissa, for good and all. The most wonderful gift I have ever been given. And she promised to be mine, and I promised to be hers, and the next thing I remember hearing clearly was "You may kiss the bride." I most certainly did.

After the cheering died down, Elissa knelt for the Grand Cleric to crown her. The wording was similar to when I was crowned a few days ago, only this time there was an actual crown. It nestled snugly on her head, and then she stood up and took my arm, and we filed out of the Chantry with our friends behind us so everyone could see us. The sun was bright and it glared off of her crown, leaving me half blind even as I waved at the people.

Which is entirely appropriate, I think. I was, and am, completely dazzled by my queen.

By the Maker, I'll never let anything take her away from me again.


End file.
